If Men Ruled The World:

     Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as "I love you."

     Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

     When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
     she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen at half time.

     Birth control would come in ale or lager.

     The funniest guy in the office would become the manager.

     At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out
     your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into
     your car like Fred Flintstone.

     It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned
     helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

     Garbage would take itself out.

     Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

     Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
     wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're number 1!"

     Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur
     in leap years.

     Two words: Ally McNaked.

     The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night
     Football from a Different Camera Angle.

     Every man would get a yearly allocation of 4 Get Out of Jail Free
     cards.

     Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds.