Men-v-Woman one liners

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

What are a woman's four favourite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes

What did God say after creating man?
"I must be able to do better than that"

What did God say after creating Eve?
"Practice makes perfect."

How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or
extremely small.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A  widow.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says:  "So you would love her."
"But God"  man says  "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

Why did Moses wander the desert for 40 years? 
He wouldn't ask for directions.