It was as a crooner of 1970s classics, such as I Love the Nightlife, Boogie Wonderland, Kung Fu Fighting, and as the best retro-dressed Man About Town that Downe first made his mark on the Australian club cabaret circuit. His long-running daytime talk/variety show Good Morning Murwillumbah spread his reputation further afield, making him a household name in regional New South Wales. This year, a four-part series on Channel Ten, Fabulous, Famous and Forgotten, saw the master of the mincing four-step flash his famous grin as he presented clips of television moments those involved might prefer to forget: Angry Anderson performing a heartfelt rendition of Suddenly; Jason and Kylie's wedding; the original film clip for Herp Alpert's Tijuana Taxi, ponchos and all.

Now, through the miracle of technology and the desperation of pay TV for local content, Bob Downe has a 24-part television show on TV1 from which he can take a running jump at a national audience.

Speaking from Sydney, Downe says he had always dreamed of getting his own TV show. In pay TV he found an affinity and an opportunity: "I've wanted to have something on cable ever since I saw it for the first time. I thought: 'There's my medium: cheap and cheerful.' "

The odds from the start were that Downe - master of wit and repartee, fashion icon to the masses - would one day hit the big-time. But there was also the chance that his talent might be overlooked, that his prodigious potential might never have been tapped, that his blossoming entertainment profile might have withered on the vine of fame - that had The Bob Downe Show not turned up, Downe himself might have been relegated to a film clip in an episode of Fabulous, Famous and Forgotten. "Yes, I would have been fabulous, famous and forgotten and someone could have sneered at me 10 years down the track," he says with a melancholy that segues into a cheery afterthought: "Thank goodness that's not going to happen. I've only just squeaked out of that one!"

Word earlier this week suggested that TV1 was about to announce a second series of the show and an industry source whispers that Channel Ten is sniffing around.

Lifelong companion and manager-cum-alter ego Mark Trevorrow perhaps understands Downe better than anyone. They knew each other as children and the relationship has grown and, in a sense, become quite twisted: "It's an intense one-on-one sort of trainer/client sort of (relationship)," says Trevorrow. "I don't think he could get out of bed in the morning if it wasn't for me. If I don't get up, he doesn't get up.

"It's a strange, symbiotic love-hate. It's a George and Martha thing ... The problem is we fight over who will be George or Martha."

A country boy at heart, Downe still lives with his mother, Ida, in the Murwillumbah Now or Never Caravan Park where he grew up.

The suggestion that he comes from humble beginnings draws a candid and affecting response. "Looking back now I realise they were incredibly humble," he says softly, "but at the time it felt quite glamorous. It's not every kid who lived in a luxury L-shaped caravan."

Did he have a happy childhood on the NSW north coast? Downe sighs contentedly: "Extremely. I'd put on a show at the drop of a hat. I used to be in the scout gang show, I'd be Carmen Miranda. I was always wearing fruit; I was always very fruity."

Trevorrow, who lived in Melbourne at the time and remembers the Downe family visiting, confirms the recollection: "My earliest memory of Bob was probably when I was four or five. He put on a show in our backyard.

"I also remember he was obsessed with watching the television. Murwillumbah just had the ABC, and he couldn't believe that Melbourne had four TV channels. He was very excited by that. Bob was always very inspired by what he was seeing: In Melbourne Tonight, Funny Side Up and The Penthouse Club."

The fashion theme is one that runs in the family. His brother, Mark Downe, is in fashion retail: "He's got the local fashion boutique in Murwillumbah, called the Posh Shoppe. That's S-H-O-P-P-E, a classy place. It's only got imported brands: Trent Nathan, Prue Acton, Feathers. Only the top stuff.

"Mark and I always had a very strong fashion sense growing up in Murwillumbah. We were the first guys there to wear ponchos."

Downe's first performing gig was on a Tuesday night at Sydney's Harold Park Hotel in 1987. Since then, having spread his wings and chosen the life of the troubadour, Downe has rarely found himself wanting for work. "He never stopped," says Trevorrow of the early years. "If he wasn't doing the Mike Walsh Show he was playing at Twin Towns (Forster-Tuncurry). If it wasn't Twin Towns he was on the Fairstar. You never knew what he was doing; he might have been doing the northern club circuit in England or a rave on Ibiza - selling fresh orange juice and watermelons."

Downe is well known for his wit, and Trevorrow dismisses the notion that someone writes material for his friend: "There is no material, it's real. It's just Bob talking about life. It's his personality. Bob doesn't prepare anything. He's very spontaneous ... he never knows what's going to come out of his mouth until he's on stage. And if he gets stuck he just whacks on a backing tape with his foot - he operates the tapes with his foot - and he just sings I Will Survive and everything's all right. It gives him three minutes' thinking time to come up with something."

Filmed in The Classy Lady Bar and Grill, Murwillumbah's top nightclub, the show's format includes interviews, chat and the host's unmissable song-and-dance routines. With regular appearances by childhood sweetheart and Good Morning Murwillumbah co-host Coralee Hollows (who, he admits, looks a lot like Gina Riley, from The Games), and a special New Year's Eve slumber party, The Bob Downe Show captures the style and essence of Downe the performer.

An enigma wrapped in a riddle inside a canary yellow safari jacket and woollen plaid flares, Downe, like his act, almost defies pigeon-holing: Is his genre lounge act, cabaret vaudeville, fashion horror ... ?

"Yes, fashion horror," says Trevorrow. "And regional daytime legend in his own brunchtime. And finally he's got his own show on Australian television. Can you believe that!"

The Bob Downe Show screens on Sundays on Foxtel's TV1 at 7.30pm
Gordon Farrer

Uncle Bob (alias Mark Trevorrow), is popping back into town to bring us a spot of Christmas cheer, before winging his way to the UK in a DIY panto tour - Neighbours stars, watch your backs. With the sparkly Apple Fresh dancers in tow, expect some showstopping, tent-raising faves from the K-Tel record bin. Downe's last Sydney show was well received by the critics - they called his show pacy, sharp, entertaining and fun (not to mention tacky.) Cheese wouldn't melt in his mouth.
Zoe Allebone

The lovely Bob Downe's Xmas-edition of his show WHITER! BRIGHTER! plays the Enmore tonight and tomorrow (warning - contains seasonal fare).
Stephen Dunne

It's hard to credit it, but there are people out there who remain impervious to Bob Downe's manifest, manifold, and manufactured charms. "He's daggy," they say, gazing down the barrel at the point, yet missing it by several thousand kilometres.

The beauty of Bob Downe is that the character raises the essence of awfulness and Australian B-grade celebrity to an art form. Mark Trevorrow (Downe's creator) reclaims the cheesy tunes, the jazz ballet, the dance routines, the puns and the outfits fashioned from unnatural fibres, and pours in so much energy, commitment and obsessive attention to detail that his performance transforms into a celebration of 1970s Australian camp.

And, because Trevorrow takes it seriously as well as taking the piss, his audience enjoys an evening of old-fashioned, professional, upbeat fun and entertainment without feeling uncool.

Whiter! Brighter! Xmas!, which concluded its short four-show season on Sunday is similar to Downe's Melbourne Comedy Festival show, Whiter! Brighter!, with many of the same tunes and material, but it is important not to underestimate the transformative power of tinsel, hip-hugging santa pants and passing references to Uncle Bob's Grotto.

To be honest, I could watch Bob and the Tony Bartuccio-choreographed Apple Fresh Dancers sing and dance their way through I Love the Nightlife and Love Really Hurts Without You 100 times and still experience a frisson of genuine pleasure.

Gina Riley made a terrific guest appearance as Coralee, Downe's television co-host on "Good Morning Murwillumba". Their banter isn't quite there yet, but their Lucky Stars power ballad duet was a sensational example of two hams trying to outdo each other. And the finale added a lovely festive touch: Bob in a bright, ankle-length kaftan singing High Hopes with a gaggle of small children.

The Apple Fresh Dancers, Amber and Ashleigh, are more assured, gaining more confidence and personality since they performed with Downe in Melbourne in April. The three of them work together effortlessly on stage and it's difficult to imagine Bob without back-up dancers now.

Their presence has also forced Trevorrow to lift his dancing game so that he can credibly join in the routines; as a result Downe's dancing is one of the highlights of the show.

Downe has his own cable TV show on Foxtel's TV1 and recently hosted Ten's Fabulous, Famous, and Forgotten, and as a result he is more assured on stage than ever. He is a consummate live entertainer and keeps getting better and better.
Fiona Scott-Norman

He's the king of Polyester, the Queen of Cabaret and the jack of all trades: Bob Downe brings his own brand of retro-fueled fun to TV1.

That smile, that dress sense, that voice, it has to be Australia's very own Bob Downe. Murwillumbah's favorite son is poised to make his debut on TV1, fronting his very own show called, funny enough, 'The Bob Downe Show'.

"It's a bit of comedy, chat and variety. Simple as that. A sort of Friends meet Jerry Springer meets Ground Force, with a lot of Penthouse Club. It has that regional late night talk show feel," explained Bob. "And best of all, it's filmed at my local nightclub the Classy Lady Bar and Grill."

So why has it taken so long for Bob, who is undoubtedly one of this country's biggest talents, to get his own show?

"I've been too busy living with my mum Ida in the Caravan Park and travelling overseas. I've had lots of shows in England, which is very ironic. I'm like Lorrae Desmond, she had a show in England too."

Video clip shows, a big New Years' Eve special for TV1 and a show about Australia kept Bob busy. Until TV1 came knocking. Bob will bring family and friends to the show, to bask in the spotlight.

"Ida will make regular appearances by phone from Murwillumbah and occasionally she'll come down on the coach. She can't get away from the Caravan Park too often, she has responsibilities. She's got announcements to make at eight in the morning; she's got to get all the 10 cent pieces out of the shower blocks and she's got to lay down a fresh film of athlete's foot every morning."

Bob can't wait to start his show, which will screen Sunday nights in December. "On the first show, I'll have the gorgeous Marcia Hines and my childhood sweetheart Coralee Hollows."

Coralee, who looks a lot like Gina Riley, will make regular appearances, as will some of the biggest names about.

"Coming up are Paul McDermott and Richard Fidler, the Wiggles... and I get invested as Beige Wiggle! We're going to have a Christmas Eve special and a New Year's Eve slumber party. It's going to be just Choc-a-block."

As Bob so succulently summed it up: "At last, a reason to get cable!"

The Bob Files
Born: Murwillumbah, N.S.W.
Marriage status: confirmed bachelor
Family: Parents Ida and Neale, sister Di, Brother Mark, Auntie Bev.
First performed: Age 6
Greatest fear: Naked Flame
Car: Metallic blue Hillman Imp
Most embarrassing moment: Caught buying own album at HMV
Adam Perret

Growing up in Melbourne on a television diet of Sunnyside Up and Video Village, Mark Trevorrow created Bob Downe as both a parody and celebration of B grade cabaret and small town showmanship. As Australia soaks up the post-Olympics attention, Bob Downe is a reminder that entertainment for many Australians isn't about the Opera House or Bondi Beach. In every town and suburb there's a person like Bob Downe with a head full of dreams and a nasty side parting.

If you're stuck for something to do as the festive season gets close, this could be the thing to get you smiling. If you've got anything else planned, you're probably best off sticking with it.
Jeremy Norton

Together the duo has played havoc with the comedy circuits in Britain and Australia but now they are setting their sights on a fresh audience - pay TV viewers.

Although Trevorrow and his alter ego are no strangers to the medium, they are now planning a dramatic assault on the Australian airwaves in the form of a weekly variety chat show.

The Bob Downe Show will incorporate celebrity interviews, sketches and music and is designed to bring some fun back to television.

"Variety is a great form of television," Trevorrow said, speaking on behalf of Downe.

"It's like a kaleidoscope."

The show is being filmed live to tape before a studio audience and one of the first guests to confront Downe's unique sense of humour will be singer Marcia Hines.

A fan of the David Letterman Show, Trevorrow said pay TV was providing Australian performers with a broader arena and was a great breeding ground for new ideas.

This 30-minute show is intended to be fast and cheeky, carefully balancing comedy and chat against a backdrop of music from the 1960s to the 1990s.

Trevorrow said the show would be a good outlet for Downe's comic bent.

"I've been performing comedy for 20 years and for 13 years of that I've been doing Bob," he said.

"He's like an old gardening glove but he has changed over the years.

"He's much more outrageous than he used to be."

That could mean anything for fans watching him on television.

Trevorrow returned to Australia permanently 18 months ago after spending 10 years based in London and links the need for change to turning 40.

He's not planning on giving up his career though and will balance his television role with stage shows as well as bringing out a new compilation CD early next year.

The philosophy behind the work schedule is simple.

As Trevorrow puts it: "Variety is the spice of life".

The Bob Downe Show will premiere on TV1 on December 3 at 7.30pm.
Denise Everton

Also don't forget to check out our Racing Industry tipsters page.

We'll update these tips as more celebrities pass on their selections .. so keep checking back today for more celebrity tips!

Kim Beasley - Opposition Leader
Arctic Owl
Diatribe
Bohemiath

Bob Downe - Comedian/Entertainer
Coco Cabana
Diatribe
Bohemiath

Susie Maroney - Long Distance Swimmer
Diatribe
Lightning Arrow
Enzeli

James Morrison - Jazz Musician
Coco Cabana
Bohemiath
Diatribe

Dawn Fraser - Olympian
Diatribe
Arctic Owl
Freemason

Frank Farina - Australian Soccer Team Coach
Coco Cabana
Hill Of Grace
Arctic Owl

Brownwyn Mayer - Water Polo Gold Medallist
Diatribe
Far Cry
The Hind

Bernard King
Diatribe
Far Cry
The Hind

Tatiana Grigorieva - Olympic Pole Vaulter
Diatribe

"When in doubt, wear sports gear," he says. "Trackies of all hues and sizes. Baggy or tight depending on the condition of your thighs. The skate kids are doing it, the clubbers do it, I imagine Tracey and Stan still do it, Bernard King should add a cravat, I do it and so should you."

He also recommends staying awake to take advantage of everything on offer. "I say you should have popped some melatonin and hibernated through the first two weeks of September. Otherwise you're starting behind the eight ball." Downe himself made do with the next best thing before his personal Olympic marathon: "I went down to Melbourne."
Jenny Tabakoff

12pm-2pm: Carla Werner (FOLK).
5pm-7pm: Multiball (GROOVE).
9pm-11pm: Bob Downe (CABARET).
11pm-2am: DJ Richard Weiss (FUNK).

12pm-2pm: Floyd Vincent and The Childbrides (POP).
5pm-7pm: Four Play (CLASSICAL).
9pm-11pm: Bob Downe.
11pm-2am: Nightclub - DJ Scott Pullen (HOUSE).

Locals and visitors alike proved they were already in the mood to celebrate the Games with a huge music festival.

The biggest gathering was at the Domain's free torch night concert, where an estimated 100,000 people gathered to watch Christine Anu and Vanessa Amorosi. By the time most people made it to the site in the Domain from Town Hall, Amorosi was already rocking the crowd.

"Thank you so much," Amorosi shouted. "This is fantastic."

Against a backdrop of Sydney's skyline lit up by lasers and people hanging over the Parliament House balconies, the crowd was then entertained by Yothu Yindi.

MC Bob Downe provided light relief with a camp version of I Will Survive. At 10.30pm, it was the turn of young pop darlings Killing Heidi to entertain the crowd, a task made easy by the euphoric atmosphere.

Throughout the night, partygoers burst into spontaneous chants of "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie Oi-Oi-Oi!"

At Tumbalong Park at Darling Harbour, a glittering Marcia Hines also delighted crowds when she bounced on to stage and declared: "It's just so wonderful to be in Sydney. It's just a buzz and do we look good or what?"

An estimated 4000 people turned out to the free party venue, which will be a world music hub throughout the Games, featuring sounds from across the globe. Reggae, Maori, indigenous Australian, Latin and Afro hip-hop are on the diverse playlist for the next two weeks.

At Martin Place, popular Aussie rock group Mental as Anything kicked off their show with their old favourite Too Many Times.

The vast majority of reports about facilities were positive.

Kate Weyman, 36, of Newtown, was one of the first to jump up and dance in the front row when Marcia Hines came on.She said the venue was "fantastic".

At Martin Place, Sally Travis, 22 said: "If this is any indication, the Olympics are going to be one big party."

They were very significant crowds -- it kind of surprised everyone, even though we were anticipating it."

And despite so many people out to have a good time, there were no incidents reported.

At Martin Place, popular Aussie rock group Mental as Anything kicked off their show with their old favourite Too Many Times.

The crowd was packed inside the cordoned off licensed area but around that people moved easily, danced and soaked up the atmosphere.

Massive crowds also formed at Circular Quay, despite a lack of comfortable seating areas.

Bob Downe is confident: the gold medal for the 200 metre running-like-a-girl race is in the bag. He demonstrates his winning style, all flapping legs and arms and '70s hair.

Actually, Bob Downe (or rather his alter ego, comedian Mark Trevorrow) will be running hard these Olympics

- but between stages, rather than at Stadium Australia. The star of a recent sell-out Opera House season, he was the host of yesterday's Torch Night Concert at the Domain, and he'll be camping it up in Martin Place over the next couple of weeks as part of the huge season of free entertainment which the State Government, the City of Sydney and a raft of sponsors are turning on for the Olympic city.

Downe predicts that Martin Place, which will be transformed into a dance club every night from 11pm to 2am until October 1, will become "a cross between New Year's Eve and Groundhog Day."

The comedian is among about 220 performers appearing at six official Olympic "live sites" in the CBD. Others include Savage Garden, Neil Finn, Vanessa Amorosi, Killing Heidi, Yothu Yindi, the Sydney Symphony Orchestra, Lee Kernaghan, Gina Jeffreys, Paul Kelly and Leonardo's Bride.

Sydney is humming. The world is not just at our doorstep: it has moved in and is partying. And many locals, given a ticket-of-leave from work or school, are joining in.

The city has spent the past few years primping in front of the mirror and she knows she looks pretty darn good. The harbour has been polished to glittering perfection, the Bridge and Martin Place are wearing rings and, for the next fortnight at least, Sydney is the city that doesn't sleep.

There's the sport, too, of course. But after the athletics, the basketball and boxing, the swimming and showjumping, you can't just go home and turn on the telly. There's too much going on.

LIVE SITES

Huge screens will broadcast some of the sports action live, but the main attraction of the sites is that they'll be offering some of the best entertainment any Olympic city has ever turned on. Free. Each of the six live sites has a theme.

Circular Quay ("circus") will have trapeze artists and circus acts every hour from 11am to 11pm and Pyrmont Bay Park is the place for performance art (catch Strange Fruit, who will perform on four-metre high flexible poles, Mon-Fri 8pm-9pm). But music is the main feature of the live sites. Could it be that the music you'll hear, free, around town is a lot more exciting than Ric Birch's opening ceremony line-up? Perish the thought ...

Martin Place ("club") will have a stage at the Pitt Street end showcasing popular entertainers; the Phillip Street end turns into a dance club every night (11pm-2am), with DJs including Scott Pullen, Anabelle Gaspar and Kate Monroe. See Bob Downe (tomorrow, 9pm-11pm and September 28, 9pm-11pm), Leonardo's Bride (Mon 5pm-7pm), Jimmy Little and stand-up comedy (Tue 9pm-11pm), The Whitlams (September 24, 9pm-11pm) The Topp Twins (September 26, 5pm-7pm). Also, the Dendy Bar and Bistro in Martin Place is open 24 hours during the Olympics.
Jenny Tabakoff

Welcome the Torch Concert: Free and featuring Christine Anu, John Williamson, John Paul Young and Paul Kelly. On a stage adjacent to the Sydney Town Hall, from 6.10 tonight.

Live Sites

Torch Night Concert: Hosted by comic character Bob Downe, whose recent Opera House show satirised the Olympic city's narcissistic pride. Featuring Killing Heidi, Vanessa Amorosi, L'otel, Christine Anu, Yothu Yindi and Iva Davies. The Domain, 8.30-11pm. Free.
Catherine Keenan

Comedian Bob Downe hosts an evening featuring some of Australia's best contemporary artists. Olympic torch welcome telecast from 4pm.

(Presented by AMP)

The Brisbane pair are the biggest name among 222 acts, ranging from circus performers to rock bands, scheduled to appear at six venues around the city during the 18 days of competition.

Sydney Lord Mayor Frank Sartor said at the launch of the Olympics Live festival in Sydney yesterday that the city would be "grooving" for the duration of the event.

"The Olympics is not just about sport, it's about art and culture and entertainment," he said.

"This will be an experience everyone will talk about."

Visitors to Sydney can expect an assortment of entertainment to suit every taste.

In the Domain, stars from rock and pop, such as Vanessa Amorosi, Neil Finn, Paul Kelly and Killing Heidi will rub shoulders with comedians Mikey Robins and Bob Downe.

In the heart of the CBD, in Martin Place, the theme is Club, with the accent on cabaret, pop and dance music. Julie Anthony, The Whitlams and the Fabulous Singlettes are among the performers, as well as top DJs.

Circus performers such as Theatre Physical and Aerialise will adorn Circular Quay, while street performers can be seen throughout the CBD.

At Darling Harbour's Tumbalong Park, world music is the main feature and will include Latin, African and indigenous sounds. Pyrmont Bay Park will play host to performance art.

Seven network coverage of Olympic events will be broadcast on giant screens at each of the Olympics Live sites, as well as at venues in Brisbane and Canberra.

Olympic copyright rules mean the sites outside NSW cannot be officially called Olympic Live sites. The ACT Government, which is organising a five-week Olympic festival, is calling it Games Celebrations in Our National Capital and will show events each night from 7pm to 11pm.

The Brisbane event will be called Brisbane Alive and will feature a screen in the city's Botanic Gardens showing Olympic events from 10am to midnight each day.

The only official SOCOG live sites are in Sydney and the regional NSW cities of Wagga Wagga, Dubbo, Tamworth, Port Macquarie and Grafton.
Iain Shedden & Claire Harvey

Finn and Kelly will hold centre stage in The Domain on the evening of Super Saturday, September 23 about the same time as the running of the 100m track finals in Stadium Australia.

It is expected the 40,000 concert-goers in central Sydney will be able to view the races live on a 30sq m screen.

A few hours earlier Australians will have held their breath during the 1500m freestyle swimming final expected to feature Grant Hackett and Kieren Perkins.

About the same time on Super Saturday, Games events will be in full swing at Darling Harbour and at the Sydney Football Stadium (men's football quarter-final night).

With a month to go, Sydney Lord Mayor Frank Sartor and Games executive Bob Leece will announce at Martin Place today a star-studded line-up of entertainers for the free party sites.

More than 220 performers have signed on to appear at the six Olympic live sites headed by The Domain which will be themed Centre Stage.

For their 7pm-11pm concert on September 23, Kelly and Finn will be supported by Leonardo's Bride and Rumanastone. On the eve of the Olympics opening ceremony the Live Sites entertainment program will be launched with a concert in The Domain and a skyline lighting spectacular.

The concert, hosted by comedian Bob Downe, will feature Yothu Yindi, Vanessa Amorosi and Killing Heidi.

Further concerts headlining the Sydney Symphony Orchestra, country music stars, children's acts such as Bananas in Pyjamas and the Wiggles, and swing jazz exponents James and John Morrison are planned throughout the Games.

On October 1 -- closing ceremony day -- Sydney will bid farewell to the Olympics with a final concert following the Harbourside fireworks spectacular.

Martin Place, the dance club site, will be another major party spot during the Games.

Mr Leece said yesterday the entertainment would cater to every taste, age and nationality.

"Never before has an Olympic city organised such a comprehensive and diverse program for locals and visitors -- and it's all free," he said.

When the sport is over, the live festivities will take over at the six Olympics live sites which each have their own themes. The sites will be open from 8am until late at night.
Bruce McDougall

TEN will take you back to a world of bubble skirts, leg warmers, break-dancing and bad perms. Get ready to boogie as the sensational Bob Downe remembers the last decades in four fabulous, fun and frivilous half-hour episodes of Fabulous, Famous and Forgotten, premiering Sunday, 13 August at 8.00pm.

The fashion, the dance craze, the daggy movies, and the music of years past feature in this fun filled series. One hit wonders are out to the test, from high profile music dabblers to the great performers who just couldn't back up the first big one. There are songs about love, songs about sex, songs about just being alive. Join Bob as he digs out the clips you thought you would never see again.

Remember Angry Anderson's Suddenly, the theme to Jason and Kylie's Wedding? And what was Craig McLachlan's "Mona" all about? Or Mark Holden and those braces for that matter?

Fabulous, Famous and Forgotten will help you remember eveything you thought you never would... or never should!

Featuring the cheesy and slick Apple Fresh Dancers (Amber Field and Ashley Evans), it's also pacier and sharper as the disco crooner gets down and, well, almost squeaky clean.

Downe, aka Mark Trevorrow, has managed to outlast many a lounge act over the years - and while the fashions of Morrissey and Marcs have passed him by, not so the House of Merivale and John (circa 1975), nor the striped jumpsuit numbers favoured and knitted by his mum in Murwillumbah.

Downe has freshened up his act on a number of fronts, including his kitsch TV-land take on a beautiful laundrette complete with large, cartoon-style washing machine rimmed with lights and mirror balls dangling at the sides. The only thing missing is the detergent.

Adding to the spark is Tony Bartuccio's choreography - the flick-knife synchronised moves, the rapid thrusts of the hips, the outstretched hands and, best of all, the big sincere smiles which, funnily enough, vanish the moment the performer thinks he or she is safely out of view.

Downe's nostalgic parody and crooning (crucifying?) of tunes such as Neil Diamond's Cracklin' Rosie may suggest he's stuck in a retro groove and not especially relevant to the times. But his creator is too clever and across current affairs for that as he uses the perspective of an apparently uncomplicated yet wacky era to turn his astute eye to today's obsessions and follies, be it Seidler minimalism, drunken malevolence or newspaper redesign - yes, the Herald's.

More than his past couple of shows, Downe, who still sports his trademark Don Dunstan with side-part, bulletproof hair, is in thoughtful and spontaneous form. He engages more directly with his audience and keeps a close ear to judge how far his innuendos and gags - especially the one about Princess Diana - can go. "It's been three years," he hastens to add when the reaction is half-hearted.

Although Whiter! Brighter! could do with a splashier finale, it's entertaining and fun. Downe ranges widely through topical issues and family reminiscences, including those involving his mother, Ida, and retailer-brother, Mark. The only time he gets short of breath - alas, poor Bob admits to slowing down - is when he falls into formation with "Amber and Ash", who give the show its energy and spunk.

Honoured to be playing at the Opera House, he quips that the interior resembles the Chatswood Town Hall, then turns his sights to corporate customer service, the city's narcissistic displays and the jackhammer-led cosmetic makeover in the name of sport. He expresses delight that the Olympics will be hosting the 100-metre run-like-a-girl race and, with arms and legs flailing, he offers proof that he'll be hard to beat.

Having toured the show to Melberlin - "it's where you can now get a decaf skim soy latte in a terracotta pot" - and Brisvegas, Downe is in amusingly demented form. And more than happy to blow the lid on some of the Olympics opening ceremony spectacle.

"Our Olivia is going to sing Xanadu hanging off the Whitman's blimp ..."

If only it were Bob.
Bryce Hallett

THERE he is, Bob Downe, comedy's most famous overbite and helmet hair, posing in the door of a giant, front-loading Speed Queen he's got a bit of a laundromat thing going on in his new (to Sydney) show Whiter! Brighter!

How about we start with Downe's unerring eye for fashion? The safari suit/golfing pants combo is definitely the go, with white loafers, naturally, while "top spunks" Amber and Ashley, the Apple Fresh Dancers, are a double knockout in unisex crochet jumpsuits.

The music: with his trademark lockjaw delivery, Downe slaughters Cracklin' Rosie ("mmm ... mmm ... mmm, c'mon, you know the lyrics"), Love Really Hurts Without You and The Greatest Love Of All, which, of course, is exactly what they deserve.

The dance: choreographed by The Don Lane Show's Tony Bartuccio. No need to say more.

The gags: a good-natured rip through the millennium (hmm, didn't we do that already?), the Olympics (just in time), Downe's family, TV celebs, the satanic cult of home sewing (not sure I got that one) and Downe's family again (his mum and dad were in the audience). All washed, dried and folded in 90 minutes.

Whiter! Brighter! is tacky, cheesy, kitsch and so mercilessly and ingeniously parodic that it's sometimes indistinguishable from the real thing. The 70s are back and they're even funnier than they were the first time around.

Tickets: $25 to $35.

Bookings: 9250 7777.

Playing until August 26.
Colin Rose

It's a collaboration made in shiny polyester heaven. Bob Downe, the Murwillumbah crooner and poster boy for the orthodontic industry, has finally found a creative genius worthy of his unique talent. In Downe's new show, Whiter! Brighter!, the choreography is by Tony Bartuccio. Or, as Downe calls him, "the Channel 9 dancers, Don Lane Show legend Tony Bartuccio!"

This is Downe's first show with a choreographer other than himself; while he's enjoying that special Bartuccio magic, it hasn't all been easy.

"This is the first time that I've had to learn steps other than my own, which I normally make up as I go along. That's been a real challenge. Especially when you're in front of the routine, because you can't cheat! You can't look to the side like in your kindergarten concert to see what everyone else is doing."

Downe is calling from Perth, where this show has been whipping the locals into an artificial fibre frenzy. "I've just got the most stunning crit," he says. "It says I've 'arrived'.

I tell you what, it's been a long trip and the scenery's been beautiful.

"All I know is that I'm up there singing my little heart out. I'm not sure why people laugh so much. I think they're laughing with me. The kids certainly are; my gorgeous children, the lovely Amber and Ashe."

Children? Has Downe abandoned gay abandon? Fear not, it's merely shorthand for his back-up shakers, The Apple Fresh Dancers. "Amber Field, 20, and Ashley Evans, 19. A boy and a girl, and I'm older than their combined ages. I thought I'd better get a bit of spunk value in, now that I'm on the verge of having to whack on a cravat." A cravat being the international badge of the gracefully mature cabaret bloke.

"I'll be like Barry Creyton or Bernard King. One day I'll have a cooking show on regional television - God forbid!"

Downe describes this show as: "New costumes, new routines, new costumes, new dancers, same hair." His famed "Don Dunstan with side-part" is important to the stage persona.

"They've got to recognise you, I think that's important. They've got to know who it is who's come out on stage. I don't want them looking in their programs. Otherwise it'll be like a royal variety performance; I did that in 1995. I was the only one Channel 7 chose not to broadcast. I think the phrase in show business circles is, 'I was spewing!' All I saw was a sea of grey hair looking me up in the program trying to work out if I was from Birds of a Feather."

And what was Her Majesty's reaction?

"She loved it. She said, 'Are you working here or there?' So I said, 'Well, Your Majesty, I'm a bit one each way.'

"Phil was there in a badly darned tuxedo and I thought, 'That's pretty cute for the richest people on the planet.' He's got a shocking comb-over, too."

Whiter! Brighter! plays the Opera House Playhouse from Tuesday until August 26.

Cost $35-$28. Bookings, phone 9250 7777.
Stephen Dunne

Bob Downe : 'Lady in Red,' Chris De Burgh
Krista Vendy (Neighbours ): 'If I Could Turn Back Time,' Cher; 'Blue (Da Ba Dee),' Eiffel 65
Molly Meldrum : Any tune that is not the victory song of St Kilda Football Club or Melbourne Storm
Dave Graney : 'Brick,' Ben Folds Five; any Sister2Sister; any Blink 182
Catriona Rowntree : Any song by the mullet men, Billy Ray Cyrus, Kenny G and Michael Bolton

Your choices? E-mail us at Scoop@time.com.au

Bob Downe, the mother-loving Murwillumbah lad with a song in his heart and some very silly moves in his lower legs, doesn't write them. But when he's singing, the songs he chooses become . . . well, they become something almost scary.

I once sat in the front row centre for a Bob Downe show, and that was perhaps a little close for comfort. He's a masterful parodist, a niggling little irritant reminder that in bold new international Australia, we're still daggy suburbanites at heart.

In an aesthetic coup, for this show Downe has teamed up with the only fellow Oz Showbiz professional who comes close to him in the sashay stakes. That's right - the choreography's by Tony Bartuccio, the bloke behind the Channel 9 dancers.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. And remember to wear something nice.
Stephen Dunne

Mark Trevorrow is an ex-journalist who has reinvented himself as slick '70s, variety show star, Bob Downe.

He's coming to town with his "Whiter! Brighter!" new show; tumbling with old hits and spinning with new show biz whizzery.

"I was always going to be a journalist," says Bob's alter ego and 'manager' Mark.

"All the time I was performing and carrying on in the back garden for my friends as a kid, I was obsessed with the media."

Mark became a copy boy on the Sun News Pictorial, progressing to daily pop columnist.

In 1980 he and Wendy de Waal formed a cabaret comedy group, Gloria and the Go Go's which became the Globos until it disbanded four years later.

He ventured back into journalism in 1984 as a staff writer for Vogue Australia but only "because I was biding my time".

While Mark was biding his time he formed a comedy partnership with Cathy Armstrong and, in a sketch parodying the cult American television show Entertainment Tonight, Bob Downe was born.

Although Bob has no past to speak of, he was born, according to Mark, in the NSW town of Murwillumbah, "because I think it's just such a funny name", said Mark.

With the liberating forces of disco dancing and unisex hair salons, where men can have their blowdries alongside the women, Bob is the quintessential variety show performer.

He is locked in a time when everything went wide - flares, hair, smiles and opinions.

Mark grew up in Melbourne in the heyday of Graham Kennedy, Bert Newton, Don Lane, Bruce Mansfield, Denise Drysdale, Ernie Sigley, Barry Crocker - an endlessly talented group whose job it was to chat, entertain, do sketches, songs, dance and generally have a good time in front of live audiences.

These are all the things Bob Downe excels at.

Bob is now really in a spin.

"I've hit my stride," says Mark as he reels off the list of appearances planned for Bob's future.

Joining Bob are the Apple Fresh Dancers, hand picked and carefully choreographed by the king of TV dance Tony Bartuccio.

Bob Downe grooves his way on to His Majesty's stage from July 18 to 23.
Sarah McNeill

age as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth

famous for hosting the annual Mardi Gras telecasts, voted Best Cabaret Artiste 1999 (Green Room Awards) and regular on Network Ten's Good News Week

marital status who's asking?

lives at the Now or Never Caravan Park, Murwillumbah (for tax purposes)

favourite hangs either at the Classy Lady Bar & Grill, The Old Melbourne Motor Inn or The Gazebo

How do you keep your teeth so white?
Surf, with blue beads of bleach, gargled with peroxide. My breath smells like it's straight off the line.

What (or who) is your main fashion influence?
The greats: Prue Acton, Trent Nathan, Milton Bradley, Mattel.

Would you ever have your chest, back or legs shaved?
So, what are you saying? That I'm a baby gorilla? I just do my forehead every six months.

What kind of exercise routine do you have?
Very, very strict. Three hours each day of pilates, kickboxing, wallpapering. It's sooo strict, in fact, that I rarely adhere to it.

Are you health conscious when it comes to diet, and what foods do you indulge in?
I am what I eat: Tim Tams (for energy), strong cafe lattes (as a laxative), Callard & Bowser's dessert nougat with edible rice paper (for roughage).

How would it make you feel if you put on 10kg?
Very uncomfortable in my slinky, canary-yellow jumpsuit.

Is it true your manager, Mark Trevorrow, used to work at Vogue?
Very briefly, in the mail room, packing and sending jumpers back to Stuart Membery.

What was the last thing that made you laugh?
Being mistaken for Maynard at the Wharf 8 dance party.

Do you have a favourite place, and where is it?
New York City, for the vibe, the shows and those giant pretzels sold on street corners that suck all the moisture out of your body.

How do you keep your hair so neat?
I keep it in a hatbox while I sleep.

Do you think romance is alive or dead?
In my case, it's a bit like the Loch Ness monster - spotted occasionally, believed by a few.

What's your remedy after a big night out?
Don't go home. Just go straight to work: they'll think you've got the flu and send you home for a lovely long kip. They might wonder about the disco shorts and feather boa.

What, if anything, embarasses you?
Ostentatious displays of talent, wealth and beauty ... unless, of course, I'm the one doing it.

Who has inspired you most in your life?
Peter Allen, Liza, Judy, Barbra, Pauline and comedian Roy Rene.

What is great about your life right now?
Filling out this questionnaire with a cab waiting: the meter's running, but I have a Cabcharge. Bliss!
Bronwen Gora

"Oh, sun" he says with a sigh.

"I love to come home to Sydney - I've just spent two weeks in Perth and it's been two weeks of rain, which is very unusual in Perth."

Not that his time in Perth was spent preoccupied with the weather - Trevorrow finished off a sell-out season at His Majesty's Theatre and is headed for his second sell out season at the Sydney Opera House, more stints on Channel Nine's (sic) Good News Week and spots on almost every current affairs program in the country.

After ten years in London (not his favourite city, but where he is a major star: he was invited to perform at two Royal Variety Shows), he is hot property and glad to be home.

"Look around," he waves at the sparkling water, glistening skyline and blue, sunny sky.

"I'd much rather be here than London - it's a shithole, but that's where the work was," he says.

"London is such an unfair place on ordinary people - it's so hard to get ahead there because they are socially and financially really kept under the thumb," he says, although he admits the theatre and television scene there is "deeply brilliant" although not culturally so.

"Obviously, that's what kept me there - they make the best television in the world."

Bob Downe is just one of those characters Trevorrow presented in the early 80s as part of his Melbourne cabaret act The Globos, but his genesis came much earlier.

As a child, Trevorrow would make his schoolmates laugh with a character he referred to as "Junior Bob".

"The appeal is his childishness - he brings the audience back to their childhood and we can all be stupid for a while and not think about the other things that comedians make you think about," he says.

"He's like a combination of the Wiggles and Rodney Rude - any 'blue' content is by suggestions and innuendo...

"He's dirty by suggestion, which means you can bring the kids, but the grandparents find it funny too - in fact, they want him dirtier," Trevorrow says.

In the tradition of mime artists who are encouraged to discover their inner clown, Bob is truly Trevorrow's clown.

Bob was inspired by the 1960's television shows Trevorrow watched during his childhood, from Warner Bros cartoons to high-energy variety shows hosted by people like Graham Kennedy and Phil Brady.

"They were very hyper because they were going absolutely live and the host had to keep it happening," he says. "You mustn't stop - there can be no dead air, as they say in broadcasting."

His retro creation born of manic TV had finally come full circle as Trevorrow prepares to launch his own TV show, A Bob Each Way, for Foxtel's TV1. It will be a combination of interviews, songs and skits with special guests (Trevorrow wants the Wiggles on as regulars).

"It's going to be very 70s - very Hugh Heffner - with coins lined up behind me all with my profile on them."

After making a clean sweep of consecutive sellout seasons in Adelaide, Brisbane and Melbourne, Bob Downe returns to Sydney with his 100% Funnier new show, Whiter! Brighter! . The Opera House will soon be in the same dizzy spin it was last year, when Bob's previous show, Million Sellers completely sold out, to rave reviews.

Forget the Ring Cycle, this is the Spin Cycle! Bob tackles the big issues that even Wagner himself was too afraid to touch - how to get grease and oil out of dad's work pants, creasing and the simple pleasure of your first perfect load.

The old shows have been hung out to dry so that Whiter! Brighter! can bring your brand new "wash and wear" Bob Downe chat and a new catalogue of old hits to have you tumbling in the aisles. It's an all-new formula!

Bob has enlisted the counsel and assistance of the king of TV dance, Tony Bartuccio, to bring even more show biz to the Whiter! Brighter! experience care of the Apple Fresh Dancers, hand picked by La Bartuccio himself. It's about time Bob had his own dancers and the coupling with Mr Bartuccio is surely one made in heaven.

Bob and his alter-ego/"manager" Mark Trevorrow are no strangers to the limelight, with Mark's regular appearances on Good News Week Night Lite and Bob's hosting of the Sydney Mardi Gras telecasts for Network Ten. Bob was also recently announced Best Cabaret Artiste of 1999 at the prestigious Green Room Awards.

"...the scale, professionalism and gloss of Whiter! Brighter! suggests a performer in his prime..." The Age (Melbourne, April 2000)

" Bob Downe has yet another hit show in Whiter! Brighter! ... this is masterly parody" Herald Sun (Melbourne, April 2000)

Games organisers will select five major regional cities to host outdoor parties on October 1 with live, big-screen coverage of the closing ceremony.

They say Sydney's celebrations will rival the impromptu partying which marked the end of World War II.

Six inner-city sites have been set aside for music and theatre each afternoon and evening from September 14 to October 1.

They will also feature 30m screens showing a live feed of Channel 7's Games coverage.

The Liquor Administration Board is vetting licences for outdoor sales at Martin Place, Circular Quay, The Domain, Pyrmont Bay Park and Tumbalong Park in Darling Harbour.

The sixth site, Belmore Park, near Central Station, will be alcohol-free because it is the youth venue set aside for pop and rock groups and promoted by Triple J.

Under laws passed last December, hotels, restaurants and nightclubs in the city, Kings Cross, Darlinghurst and Oxford Street are automatically entitled to 24-hour licences to sell alcohol from September 2 to October 29 when the Paralympics conclude.

In greater metropolitan Sydney, Wollongong and Newcastle, licensed premises can trade 24 hours a day over the same period if they obtain council approval. ``Our best estimate is that six million people will come into central Sydney during the Games," an Olympics organiser said.

Five huge screens will be erected on both sides of the harbour to show the closing ceremony.

What's happening where

MARTIN PLACE

* Pop music, comedy and cabaret including Jimmy Little, Julie Anthony, Christine Anu and Bob Downe plus a dance club from 11pm to 2am with DJs.

CIRCULAR QUAY

* Contemporary street dancing and Legs On The Wall.

THE DOMAIN

* Seven big concerts, ranging from the Sydney Symphony Orchestra to country music (Troy Casser-Daly), pop/rock (Spiderbait) and jazz (James Morrison).

BELMORE PARK

* Triple J sponsors best young pop/rock bands.

TUMBALONG PARK

* Music from around the world.

PYRMONT BAY PARK

* Outdoor theatre including Strange Fruit and Stalker Theatre Company.
Alex Mitchell

There is a tangible sense of arrival about Bob Downe's latest show, Whiter! Brighter! Mark Trevorrow has been slapping on the wigs, pancake make-up and fawn safari suits for about 15 years now - and been bloody successful, too, as Australia's favorite confirmed-bachelor entertainer - but there is something about the scale, professionalism and gloss of Whiter! Brighter! that suggests a performer in his prime.

Downe is brilliantly entertaining. He is warm and witty, relaxed yet slick, fresh and energetic, as at home on stage as the variety stars he has been parodying for so long. He is backed by the Apple Fresh Dancers - Ashley Evans and Amber Field - who have been choreographed by dance legend Tony Bartuccio and clothed in camp-retro glory by Rose Chong. The entire show is tightly crafted, from Downe's many attention-seeking entrances and costume changes, to his dance turns with Ashley and Amber, his tart monologues, and his fabby disco-song medleys (Kung Fu Fighting, Disco Inferno, Cracklin' Rosie).

It is somewhat ironic, and yet perfectly apt and satisfying, that Downe has evolved into a highly skilled professional entertainer. The vibe around the Capitol Theatre on opening night could succinctly be expressed as, "Will somebody please give this man a television show". Please. Downe is achingly well-prepared for it, and could turn the fortunes of any ailing network around. Whiter! Brighter! is a show to delight the cynical and ingenuous alike, appealing across any demographic.
Fiona Scott-Norman

AN INTERVIEW WITH MARK TREVORROW

What inspirations did you draw on when you first began devising the character of Bob Downe? Was he intended as a parody or a celebration of those influences?

Bob is a response to my GTV9/HSV7 variety-soaked Melbourne childhood. IMT, Sunnyside Up, Video Village, Kommotion, The Go! Show... you name it, I watched it, and then me and my kid sister re-staged the numbers in the yard. So Bob is both a parody and a celebration.

Have you found, in the years you've been performing as Bob Downe, that the character has developed in surprising or unexpected directions? Has he taken on a life of his own?

He certainly has. "Out of control" might be the best way to describe it... with the accent these days on "Out"! Is it the Mardi Gras broadcast, or just all those months away from his Mum? Something has certainly unleashed the beast. Camper and camper, louder and wilder. And so much more fun.

Bob Downe elicits a warm and enthusiastic response from audiences here and in the UK. What about the character strikes a chord of recognition with people from such diverse backgrounds?

Well, every country has its own set of small-time, wannabe variety/TV/pop performers, the sort of people who'll never make it outside their own culture. I won't name names; we know who they are, even if they don't! On top of that, Australia and Britain share the same music hall, camp comedy tradition.

Bob Downe is pretty much a household name and face, through live performances, CDs, TV shows and guest spots. Do you have any ideas about creating a feature film or an ongoing TV show for him?

Lots and lots. Believe me, we've been knocking on as many doors as we can, for many years now. Perhaps the big media powers-that-be see us as annoying Mormons! That's not to say we're giving up; far from it. The old farts can't run things for too much longer, and the younger generation of execs and producers are hip and decidedly un-homophobic.

As an actor do you feel at times constrained by the character and the close identification people make between you and him? Do you have a desire, or plans, to create and perform other characters besides Bob Downe?

No, and, um, no! Just look at Barry Humphries - he took 45 years to get Edna to Broadway. I'm only 15 years in with Bob!


AN INTERVIEW WITH BOB DOWNE

You have a new show that you're bringing to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. What can your fans expect to see that they haven't seen before?

Brand new cossies, brand new routines, brand new (old) songs - same old hair!

Tell me about the Apple Fresh Dancers. Where did they come from? What do they do?

They're named Amber and Ash, they're total spunkrats, boy can they can move, and I'm older than their combined ages!

And I think they came from heaven.

How did you find working with choreographer Tony Bartuccio? What changes has his work made to your already highly polished performance style?

Afters years of taking the piss out of Tony, he's getting his own back: I can hardly walk! Seriously, it's all aboard the Funship Fairstar, and he made me look like I can dance. Properly.

"And-a-one-and-a-two-and-a...!"

Lily Savage, Pastel Vespa...where are they now?

Lily's a huge star in Britain who doesn't need to return my calls. Pastel's stuck in Vanuatu; she missed the Oriana.

What difference has your Best Cabaret Artiste prize at the Green Room Awards made to your life?

Well, it's a bit like The Wizard Of Oz, the effects are mainly psychosomatic; I've got a bronze medallion to pin to my chest on Anzac Day.

You've been a big star in the UK since your first appearance at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 1988. What keeps you coming back to Australia?

British Immigration. They're just so picky when you haven't got an EU passport!

You provided commentary again this year at the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras. What are your fondest memories of that?

The big smooch on the mouth from Sir Ian McKellen. That's "Serena" to his friends.

I've seen a picture of you holding a packet of Guarana. Is that what puts the zing in a Bob Downe show?

That, and my iron lung backstage.

How often do you get back to Murwillumbah these busy days? How are you regarded there in light of your success?

With great suspicion. They've asked me to appear at the 100th Tweed Show and Banana Festival later this year, but I think I can smell the tiniest whiff of tar and feather.

What next from Bob Downe?

The doll, the CD-ROM, the DVD, the line of clothes, the designer caravan, the DNA sample... any other ideas in an e-mail, please!

Vital Information:

Bob Downe is appearing with the Apple Fresh Dancers in Whiter! Brighter! at the Capitol Theatre, Swanston Street, Melbourne (opposite the Town Hall) Tuesday-Sunday from 5 - 23 April 2000. Bookings on 136100 or via Ticketmaster Online.
Aaron Jelbart

Bob Downe has a special aura about him. Just seeing the ad for his new show made me laugh. I was wondering though... Normally seen in the comfortable spaces of cabaret and bar lounges, how would the Boy from Murwillumbah manage on the larger and more demanding stage of the Capitol Theatre?

As it turns out, with no trouble at all.

From the opening notes of Kung Fu Fighting, before anyone appears on stage, the audience is laughing. Even the possibility we might see Bob dancing to this is funny.

Every year, Bob Downe does something a bit different to add variety and interest. Last year he did his show with Pastel Vespa. This year he fills the stage with the Apple Fresh Dancers and choreography by Tony Bartuccio.

The dancers, Ashley and Amber, are fresh indeed. Sweet, disingenuous, and tirelessly energetic. They are sex on legs, a kind of wicked cross between Young Talent Time and Hot Gossip. There's plenty of bare tanned flesh to distract the audience and, frequently, Bob.

This is a key to Bob's shows. He takes elements of the 1970s which we all remember as innocent and fun-loving, then adds an undercurrent of cynicism and sordidness. Amber and Ashley are all sweet and lovely onstage, but when they go off Bob shares his disgust that they are playing nude Mousetrap backstage. He does to the 70s what Dame Edna Everage does to the 1950s, and is spectacularly successful at it.

The show is the usual combination of commentary and songs. He recycles some material from old shows, but it's still so funny it hardly matters. There are new observations on the Mardi Gras, the Millennium Bug and, of course, the Olympics.

A special song this year is his own version of Where Do You Go To My Lovely, with Melbourne references added to the lyrics. I also got a kick out of The Greatest Love Of All with its line: "you can't take away my dignity". We can't take what you ain't got, Bob.

Mark Trevorrow has a superb singing voice, which he deliberately mangles in Bob's tunes. He also manages to dance very well while actually making Bob look awkward.

And there are, of course, frequent fabulous costume changes. What more could you ask for?
Narrelle Harris

Bob Downe, host of The Gay And Lesbian Mardi Gras 2000, has been taking dance lessons from the King of TV dance, Tony Bartuccio, so he's pulling all the best disco moves as part of his show Whiter Brighter.

Downe's been doing his thing for quite some time now and, maybe, Whiter Brighter is a show that recognises that it's time for Downe to have a bit of a wash and a bit of a facelift so, no doubt, there'll be a whole swag of new and old tunes as well. Get that polyester suit out and go nuts with the old showman.
Myfanwy Warhurst

Whiter Brighter is the Boy from Murwillimbah's latest show, featuring the nubile young back-up singers Amber and Ash (together they are the Apple Fresh Dancers), plenty of 70s disco and pop, and the same, pristine hair (courtesy of Toltoys). And after years of taking the piss out of Tony Bartuccio, the man himself is actually choreographing Bob's show. Tony has finally had the chance to get his own back - Bob says that he can hardly walk.

Or talk, it would seem. On the eve of a sold-out series of Adelaide shows, Bob Downe is laid up in bed, his velvet voice little more than a croak. Clearly, an interview is too much to ask of his vocal chords. He needs all the rest he can get. Luckily though, Bob is superhighway-savvy and a few exchanged emails later...

Inpress: Bob, you've started off the year with a bang: hosting the Sydney Mardi Gras and winning the Green Room Artiste Award. How much did both these honours mean to you?
Bob: "The Gras broadcast was danger, danger, warning for me, of course. There's always the chance of an incident, and this year Sir Ian McKellen truly caught me out with that kiss on the mouth. Mum was horrified. I didn't tell her he went for the tongue in the ad break! As for the Green Room award for Best Cabaret Artiste (love that 'e'), yes, I was truly thrilled, but not half as much as my dear old dad (Neale Downe), who came with me on the tram and then proceded to heckle me all the way through my acceptance speech. He then yelled 'Love ya, Mary!' at Mary Delahunty. I spoke to Arts Centre security and things were sorted out."

Barbara Streisand is currently in Australia. Has she had a chance to give you a call yet?
"We were working separate cruise ships off the Great Barrier Reef. I miss her. She's currently stuck in Vanuatu on the Fairstar. Bit of a problem with her re-entry visa. Can't say too much, but come on immigration, give a girl a break!"

You're something of a fashion leader. What's the score for winter fashions this year?
"Skirts are up. Trousers are down. Tops are off. And put some flowers and leaves in your undies. Allannah Hill told me that.

A new show called Starstruck begins pretty soon on Channel 9. What advice do you have for any youngsters thinking about trying out on the show?
"Don't. Just don't. Get a job at Westpac. There's more than enough of us scrambling for the entertainment dollar already. Just ask Bernard King.

Riverdance's Michael Flatly once said that after every show he always needed to unwind by having sex. How does Bob Downe relax or unwind after a performance?
"Having sex with Michael Flatly! Damn, it's out now, and there we were, telling New Idea that we're 'just good friends'."

Do you think your other good friend Mark Trevorrow will one day record an album under his own name?
"He'd better bloody not. I'm not happy about his emergence as a performer. Talk about mutton dressed up as mutton! He's much better employed behind the scenes, licking envelopes and running to the 7-Eleven, that sort of thing."

Bob, you've been in the business for close to a decade and a half. You've released books and CDs, you've worked in TV and theatre, you've even met the Queen. Is there anything you still want to achieve?
"Yes! Oh, yes. My own Australian TV show. Variety, music, sketches. That's not too much to ask for, is it? Alright then, I'll get a milk bar in Balaclava."
Michael Ward

Not even a "Who?" for God's sake!

But for the faithful, Bob offers 90 minutes of non-stop laughs, with his Whiter! Brighter! show combining '70s chart toppers, a stage setting with a disco-flavoured laundromat theme (a homage to his aunt who owns a chain of laundromats), and the Apple Fresh Dancers, Amber and Ashley.

The energetic dancers did high kicks, and shook their tooshies, courtesy of Tony Bartuccio's choreography, supporting Bob in some numbers, and filling in during his costume changes.

When Bob first came out on the stage, many of the audience, including myself and friend, spent most of the first song in tears of laughter just looking at him.

It's the incredibly daggy cut of the plaid pants that are a couple of inches too short and not quite fitting the crotch, it's the Ken doll wig, it's the toothy grin as he belts out the song like a cabaret crooner, it's the... well, you get the picture - it's the entire package.

Disco Inferno and Boogie Wonderland was the opening medley, then Bob launched into the Neil Diamond classic we all hoped we'd never hear again, Cracklin' Rosie.

Helen Reddy's Angie Baby was there too and Bob entertained with his spoken segments which included numerous local references to get the crowd on side and so that you really appreciated just how much homework this boy does.

And there were those tales about Bob's youth in Murwillumbah with his homesewing mum and his cheeky Aunty Bev - tales a lot of us can relate to, and all told with tongue firmly in cheek in Bob's unique way that acknowledges he's taking the piss but still staying in character.

Bob donned a lime green crimplene suit with white fringes to do his encores of Love Really Hurts Without You, Love is in the Air and Last Dance, and there was no doubt the crowd could have watched him for another hour.

It's so good just to be able to laugh so much your face starts to ache, and you have to hand it to any performer who can do that for you.

Mr Entertainment, I take off my hat to you.
Vicki Englund

Now, Bob Downe is about to take on his greatest challenge, and in this Olympic year, is ready to go for gold and become - the new 'Lord of the Dance'.

Rather than just grab another title, Bob Downe's latest show Whiter! Brighter! promises to be an 'all singing all dancing' spectacular like we've never seen Bob do before.

"We've opened the new show at the Adelaide Festival and it's beautiful," laughs Bob. "I've got these two gorgeous young dancers, Amber and Ash, and I'm older than their combined ages. I found them from the great Tony Bartuccio who's choreographing the show. Tony Bartuccio is the legendary choreographer who did all the dances on The Don Lane Show in the '70s and he's doing the most incredible job."

Fans of Bob Downe will know that he's long been obsessed with the famed dancer, and had often incorporated his famed moves into his shows. Now, Bob has snapped up Bartuccio who has him doing all the right moves along with his latest companions, the 'near-naked' Apple Fresh Dancers.

"I've known him for quite some time and he's been a bit of a fan for a while. When I was thinking of putting dancers in, he was the first person that we thought to approach. He has his own studio and teaches dance, and does a huge amount of corporate work and television work. Now I'm in all the numbers with the dancers and he's making me look like I can dance. I can't believe it."

Where Downe's last show was a celebration of easy listening's most hummable tunes, Whiter! Brighter! promises to be all-new, high-powered, high-energy and high-hair.

"It's a disco show, disco and pop, with songs like 'Love Really Hurts Without You', 'Disco Inferno', 'Last Dance', 'I Love the Nightlife'. It's all the biggies, and all the ones I've wanted to do."

After another winning spot as host on this year's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras telecast, Downe's alter-ego/manager Mark Trevorrow promises that we may even get to see another Bob Downe album this year, hectic scheduling permitting and tours of the UK and US pending.

Until then, there's Whiter! Brighter! to keep us dancing in the aisles.
Mook

Eight nights in a row at the Tivoli. Some of your issues: how to get the grease and oil out of your dad's work pants, creasing your slacks for optimal slicing power, and the simple pleasure of your first perfect load. A step up in the glamour stakes from his previous show ‘Million Sellers'. Bunch of new and old hits and plenty of chit-chat. Described as "cabaret at its best." Bob Downe's manager/alterego Mark Trevorrow is on hand. Let's see...

Scene: How's rehearsals?
Mark: "Ohh very well, but a bit under the weather. I've had this gastric virus thing that's been doing the rounds in Melbourne. Shocker. Absolute shocker. And I would've been over it except for a little matter of the Mardi Gras on top of rehearsing the show".

I'm picturing Bob, hand on head, bolting for the nearest VIP portaloo between commercials.
There's a thing in show business called Dr Greasepaint. Dr Greasepaint comes and visits you and makes you alright for the duration of the performance. As soon as the camera switches off you collapse. It's been pretty ugly, actually, but I'll be alright."

You're on tour soon.
We open in Adelaide. We did a preview last night. It's pretty stressful doing a brand new show, as you can imagine. In this one I‘m hurling myself around like I've never done before. ‘Choreographed'. I normally make it up as I go along. I've got two dancers in this show with me. A boy and a girl. They're beautiful. They wear virtually nothing and are as sexy as, there's something in this show pretty much for everyone. It's all aboard the Fairstar for a disco revue extravaganza.

I"m just trying to wrap my head around where you draw your cultural...
Are you old enough to remember the Don Lane Show? Well there you go. Look no further. I'm just paying homage to ‘60s and ‘70s and early ‘80s Australian TV Variety. Chelsea Brown, Bernard King, look no further. Also when I was a kid we were obsessed with old Hollywood musicals. The Andy Hardy ones with Judy and Mickey putting on a show in a barn and going to Broadway. And we'd put on shows in the back yard, and also shows like Donnie and Marie, Sonny and Cher. Those fantastic, spectacular late ‘60s.. Carol Burnett Show, shows which had a big variety thing. Any shows that were variety shows we just loved, me and my kid sister. Seriously loved them. My all time favourite form of entertainment, thank you very much, and I won't hear a word against them.

The kind of kitsch send-up seems to be sending up Australian...
Well, it's not really, you see, the Australian shows were desperately trying to recreate the slickness of the British and American variety shows, which we had on TV as well. Ed Sullivan and all those sorts of shows were shown on Aussie TV, they were obsessed with trying to do something that was as good as overseas. But, they were doing it on a tuppenny-halfpenny budget, which is what made them so funny here. So they're very familiar with the form over there, so in a way what we were trying to recreate what we were seeing in America and Britain. They've got their own set of entertainers like Brucie Forsythe and Des O'Connor, all those people, I totally fit into that tradition. So the act travels, trust me. The act travels.

You haven't built your overseas following as something specifically ‘Australian'.
No, I've never really gone that big on the Australian element of the act, I mean Bob's just a dag from Murwillumbah. It's the Peter Allen thing. Someone from a little town in the middle of nowhere who desperately wants to be a star.
Dermot Clarke

‘Whiter! Brighter!' is on at the Twelfth Night Theatre from March 23-April 1.

There are a lot of adjectives you could use to describe entertainer extraordinaire Bob Downe, but lazy isn't one of them. Brizzie audiences were treated to his hilariously funny Million Sellers show last September and now he's back with his Whiter! Brighter! show.

When I spoke on the phone to Bob, it was 10:30 on a Saturday morning and he'd just got out of bed after a long, hard night's rehearsal. When asked how it was going, the response was an enthusiastic, "Fantastic! My producer was jumping up and down and clapping his hands and counting his grosses."

Oh, so maybe the hard working part has something to do with all the cash that comes flowing in, seeing as Bob's unashamedly kitschy, daggy performances bring in fans in their thousands these days. But what about the constant need for new material?

Bob says that during the Million Sellers tour, which lasted for two years, he was already hatching Whiter! Brighter! in his mind.

"I wanted to do a disco show with dancers, that's something I've really wanted to do," he says. "This has got enough disco to dislodge a mirror ball. Million Sellers was more rock and pop. This one's got I Love The Nightlife, Last Dance, Boogie Wonderland, Disco Inferno... get the idea? Kung Fu Fighting, Car Wash - it's a really funky, goodtime show."

People who saw Million Sellers might've been amazed at the vast array of songs from the '70s which they recognised but had forgotten existed. I was curious if Bob had some sort of super-natural memory for such things?

"Yeah I do. And I had all those records as a kid. I was an obsessive record collector right from when I was a little boy in the '60s and I used to keep my own weekly charts. I loved all the music and they were my charts, what was number one. My all time longest running number one was for Bohemian Rhapsody for six weeks in 1976."

Well that explains it. But what might need some explaining to younger fans is the cultural significance of Bob using Tony Bartuccio as the choreographer for this show. If you weren't watching late night TV in the '70s, then you wouldn't have seen The Don Lane Show complete with the legendary Tony Bartuccio Dancers, the epitome of tack and vulgarity.

"Tony Bartuccio is an Australian legend," waxes Bob. "And the dancers were sexy, fast, furious, and that's what we are. Me and two beautiful dancers, Amber and Ashley. It's very risque, we get lots of flesh... After years of taking the piss out of Tony, I've got him to choreograph my show and he's getting his own back. I can hardly walk."

Bob is, of course, the creation of his alterego and manager, Mark Trevorrow, who sometimes appears as himself on shows like Good News Week Night Lite.

But with such a strong and popular character, it would be understandable if Mark sometimes felt that he was being swallowed up by Bob. But he insists that isn't the case.

"No, not at all," he says. "I love doing things as both. I'm always happy to do it as myself and as Bob. I mean you wouldn't have Mark doing the Mardi Gras - it's got to be Bob."

And the main differences between them? "Bob is just so much more stupid. Mark's a bit clever for his own good, but Bob's so stupid he doesn't even know it."

Stupid might be a bit harsh, but lovably silly is just the way audiences love Bob, and Mark is not even tempted to retire the character.

"Never. Never ever ever," he says emphatically. "What else would let me do what I do on stage - sing those ridiculous songs and dance those stupid steps, you know what I mean? And make up all those funny stories about the family."

"It's just a fantasy thing and you'd never let that go. Look at Barry Humphries, he's doing Dame Edna on Broadway 45 years after he invented the character. There's life in the old Bob yet, I can tell you now."

"And in the last years I'm only just hitting my stride, finding a national audience. We've sold out in Adelaide already and sold thousands of tickets in Brisbane. It's just going off. I'd hardly be likely to give up the character now. I've got a house to build anyway," he laughs.
Vicki Englund

Darling, and when WASN'T it? By the way, my bronze medallion spells it Artiste - like the song says, everything ends with an E! Yes, I really started something, didn't I? Just ask Mike Flowers, Austin Powers, Frank Bennett... and that geezer in the Kia commercial. What's his name again?

We know how much you love the tune I'll Tumble For Ya, but Bob, just who would you tumble for?

Hmm, let's see... Alex Dimitriades. Sir Ian Mckellen (What a good kisser!) Oh yes, and Human Nature - actually, I'd strap them on, all at once. My mum's not going to read this in Murwillumbah, is she? Good

The legendary Tony Bartuccio is your showbiz compatriot in your Comedy Festival show WHITER! BRIGHTER! What can we expect from this most stylish of TV dancers?

Who would have thunk it? After years of taking the piss out of Tony, running past every imaginary Channel 9 camera I could find, here we are - collaborating in the most stunningly successful kind of way... Even if I do say so myself, which I most certainly do. Tony is a genius of movement... Prahan's own Bob Fosse. For this show, he's dragged out some moves and steps that go back to the Palaeolithic era (That's BEFORE Don Lane). As for what you can expect - think Fairstar floor show, think Jupiter's Casino, and you're practically there.

What's your previous leading lady, Pastel Vespa, up to? Has she gone back to Brazil?

No, she's stuck in Vanuatu, a little spot of bother with those lovely folk down at Aussie Immigration. Can't say too much, but the Oriana won't wait for her FOREVER ...

Who are the Apple Fresh Dancers in your new show and just how fresh are they?

They are Amber and Ash, and boy, are they FRESH! They're shiny, kicky and new... GORGEOUS is the word. And young? I'm older than their combined ages... which isn't hard, as they've only just split into four cells each. They actually live on a petri dish backstage.

Will lounge music ever die?

No, it will simply fade away, like a long, languid evening at the Gin Palace. And CERTAINLY not while Burt Bacharach is still alive and cooking! I saw his concert at the Albert Hall in London - real strings, the LOT - and Swing Out Sister opened. And people were coming up to ME, getting my autograph. I still wonder - was I actually in heaven?

You recently did 60 shows throughout the UK. Whose audiences understand cabaret better: Australia or Britain?

Now, that's a toughie. Both lots are very appreciative, in their own ways. Australians do tend to go the toilet during the songs, though. Which is a MAJOR danger with me, especially when I've got a radio mike - I just go right on in after 'em!

What is the most stylish laundry product you own?

My original, pink 70s Cuddly bottle. "Nice, mummy".

You hosted Ten's Mardi Gras coverage - what did you think of this year's Mardi Gras fashion?

Can you really call teeny weeny sequin stretch shorts 'fashion'? In Sydney, I suppose you can. My fave float was the Happy Little Sodomites. Piers Akerman, naked, on a cross, was a bit spesh, too. And do you think Ewan McGregor might have had a Junior Disprin before our interview?

Finally Bob, can you supply the name and address of your hairdresser? Beat has been deluged with requests.

Now, I'd LIKE to help, really I would, but this really is a no-go, top secret area. Can't I keep something private? However, think Toys R Us and you're not too wide of the mark.
Ramon Lobato

Most of that, however, was due to the original concept show spinning off a hybrid, which did more to confuse fans than titilate them.

It also put a great strain on the core cast of Paul McDermott, Mikey Robins and McCrossin, who were stretched creatively and physically.

McCrossin told Insider she was so wired well into her Christmas holidays she found herself still buying and reading three or four daily papers.

But now Ten has cut back to the original one-show concept, returned the emphasis to the week's news, and slotted the show into Saturday night, it has given the GNW team renewed enthusiasm. "I feel we can add an explosive bacchanalian feel to the end of the week," she says.

Speaking of bacchanalian, McCrossin doubles up this week, as co-host with Amanda Keller of Ten's coverage of the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras.

McCrossin recently released a book, Love, Lust & Latex, on how to pursue a safe and happy sex life, which contains interviews and hints from celebrities such as Robyn Archer, Adam Spencer, Senator Natasha Stott-Despoja and Judith Lucy.

"It's really a thinly disguised sexual survival guide that I've put together in conjunction with a number of Government Family Services departments," she says. "I'm certainly not aware of another book where famous Australians are talking about their private sex lives."

One pealer from Love, Lust & Latex concerns ABC comedian and TV host Peter Berner relating how he thought he was the only kid in school who had not lost his virginity, so he went and paid for a prostitute, only to have the most awful experience.

Another "fabulous performer" who will be to the fore, and to the left and right, during the Sydney Mardi Gras, is that inimitable, and tasteless, song-and-dance man Bob Downe.

Downe is still gushing over his recent win at the theatrical Green Room Awards, where he picked up the gong for Best Cabaret Artiste in Australia.

The award adds enormous credibility to the Downe theatrical profile, of which he is acutely aware. "It puts me up there with Barry Crocker and Bernard King," he says.

There is a good chance Downe will upstage many of the gay costumes and performers during the Mardi Gras. He will be doing celebrity interviews down on the street, dressed in his trademark retro gaud.

"I've picked up some wonderful new outfits from a rather tasteless shop in New York," he says. "Lots of checks, denim and major tastelessness."

"He started it," Bob Downe, celebrity, gay icon, song and dance man claims.

"I was trapped like a rabbit in the spotlight. I saw it coming, and I thought I can't not do this, the tribe is watching. But I could hear $10 Target coffee mugs crashing from Rockie to Adelaide."

Bob Downe, alias Mark Trevorrow, is in town with his new show, Whiter! Brighter!

"The whole thing has a bit of a laundromat feel," he explains. "It is Bob, wilder, more stupid and 'camper' than ever, performing all his favourites, particularly his all-time favourite song Cracklin' Rosie, from his new album Cold August Night."

"There's brand new numbers, brand new costumes, beautiful young dancers choreographed by the wonderful Tony Bartuccio, who I've been taking the piss out of for years, and of course, I'll have the same hair."

Mark has made a very successful living playing 'campy' extrovert, Bob Downe.

"I've been doing this show all my life. My younger sister and two older brothers love it, but it is no surprise to them."

"Even Mum and Dad, who are based at East Gippsland, try to see the show as often as they can."

And speaking of his mother, does she help with those beautiful costumes?

"No Mum doesn't cook or sew to any great extent. It's a Germaine Greer sort of thing," he reflects.

But believe it or not, Mark has actually managed to buy the outfits he wears. Yes, someone is still selling those seventies outfits!

"I actually found these clothes in a shop in New York, which sells old clothing never worn, dirt cheap. I got my entire wardrobe for my new show for just $US460. Bargain!"

"Of course they have to be handled very carefully however, because they are old clothes despite the fact they are 'new' on the shelf! Everything gets dry cleaned, so there's no nasty surprises in the clothes line. Believe me, it's top security on wash day!"

As alter-ego/manager to his colourful character Bob Downe, it is great to know that Mark really loves Bob and loves playing Bob.

"I adore Bob, really, but Bob can't stand Mark. Bob thinks he is mutton dressed up as mutton! Truth be known, Bob thinks Mark is a failed Melbourne journalist whose life evolves around Mardi Gras."

They are a hardworking, um, duo who are not at all pretentious and have earned the dollars through years of clubs, pubs and character developments.

"Forget the $10 000 a day supermodel fee, Bob would get out of bed for 10 Mars Bars a day," Mark exclaims, "besides my mother doesn't let him sleep past 10. If he's away she rings him and says 'Are you up?"

We asked Mark and Bob how much they differ and it seems a lot. Even eating out can be a battle of wills.

"Bob's favourite dish is Vesta's Nasi Goreng, remember it? They don't make it any more and he is down to his last box left over from the 70's.

Mark's favourite dish, on the other hand, is anything pretentious and Italian. Let's just say Nouveau Italian."

For Mark, there is room for Bob and Bob only.

"There are no characters in the shadows," he said, "a case of no time and Bob would kill them."

"Sad but true, he would arrange for their assassination."

So Bob, like all good alter-egos continues to grow stronger, day by day, feeding on his idols - Bernard King, Graham Kennedy, Paul and Rhonda Sharratt, Jackie McDonald and Bert Newton - until he shines Whiter and Brighter than ever before!

Helen Kaye

Queensland Pride: Recently, in the QANTAS In-flight Magazine, I saw you in a pineapple coloured fright suit. What is your favourite colour?

Bob Downe: Oh, oh, it's probably a sky blue, a velour blue and banana yellow with burnt orange, oh and lime green.

QP: Why is that?

BOB: I'm a bit of a slut. I go with the flow.

QP: And who is you favourite choreographer nowadays?

BOB: Now let me think... oh, Tony Bartuccio, I'd have to say. Do you remember the fabulous halcyon days of the Channel Nine dancers? Tony is a legend. I have to say this because he's sitting next to me in a café in Melbourne.

QP: Will he be featuring in your next show?

BOB: He certainly is. Tony is choreographing my brand new seventy-five minute show, which is coming to Twelfth Night in Brisbane at the end of March.

QP: Are you coming up for the Mardi Gras recovery?

BOB: I think my actual recovery might be in bed because I'm in the middle of rehearsing this new stage show.

QP: Do you know who you'll be with?

BOB: Not at this stage, but I am hopeful. Who knows, it could be more than one.

QP: How many years have you done the Mardi Gras now?

BOB: I've done five broadcasts in a row and I've hosted the last three.

QP: What will you be wearing for that?

BOB: I don't want to say too much, but I've got some rather stunning new clothes that I picked up in New York. I go to New York because nobody does crappy old 70's gear like the Americans.

QP: I notice you've been doing really good work on Good News Week.

BOB: I've been really enjoying it... er... um... well, Mark's been doing that.

QP: Will we be seeing more of Mark in the shows?

BOB: You might, although Bob's coming back with a vengeance in the stage show Whiter! Brighter! It's advance formula Bob... 100 percent funnier! It's a seventy-five minute spectacular with two gorgeous dancers, the Apple Fresh dancers.

QP: Where are they from?

BOB: The Apple Fresh dancers are from Melbourne, the dance capital of the country.

QP: You know Queensland has a big contingent heading to Sydney for Mardi Gras.

BOB: Ooh I know. I'll be looking out for them. Of course we will, they are from Queensland after all.

QP: We'll have black and white Dalmatians as well.

BOB: They should yell, just in case I've got my back turned to them doing celebrity interviews.

QP: Have a latte for us.

BOB: Oh I am. I'm in Melbourne where it's so hip it hurts.

Forget the Ring Cycle, this is the Spin Cycle! Bob tackles the big issues - how to get grease and oil out of dad's work pants, creasing your slacks for optimal slicing power and the simple pleasure of your first perfect load.

Bob's shows have taken a step up in the glamour stakes since he last dazzled the city of churches in the '98 Fringe. For starters the Prince of Pastel is bringing The Apple Fresh Dancers along for the trip, injecting 20% more S-E-X to the Whiter! Brighter! package.

The old shows have been hung out to dry so that "Whiter! Brighter!" can bring you brand new "drip-dry" Bob Downe chat and new-old hits to have you tumbling in the aisles. It's an all-new formula!

Bob and his alter-ego/manager Mark Trevorrow are no strangers to the limelight, with Mark's regular appearances on Good News Week Night Lite and Bob's hosting of the Sydney Mardi Gras telecasts for Network Ten.

"Whiter! Brighter!" will be premiering in Adelaide before heading straight off on a national tour.

"Cabaret at its best with wonderful re-arrangements of classic tunes, a fair smattering of show-biz razzamatazz and good, honest fun." The Scotsman, 1998 Edinburgh Fringe

Football, meat pies, kangaroos - and Mardi Gras! Isn't it funny how times change?

When the Nissan Cedric was released in 1963, motoring journalists said it was a "poofy" name.

One of Nissan's Japanese executives asked what "poofy" was. It meant homosexual, he was told. He responded: "Are there many homosexuals in Australia?" The motoring writers said, "Yes".

"Then," he said, "we will sell plenty of cars."

They didn't, but they might today.

After years of flirting with pink power, the car makers are clambering over one another to try to cash in on the action.

They've finally discovered that there is about $10 billion in our collective slush funds.

But just because car makers are getting excited about gays and cars doesn't mean we need to.

We have been driving for some time, you know. It's not as if they've suddenly given us legs. "Oh, I can drive, I can drive!"

But what about this? Arguably the butchest brand of all, Ford, is now a major sponsor of the Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras. With Ford now officially "outed", ol' Henry must be spinning in his grave.

No doubt you've seen Ford's promotional fleet beeping through city streets over the past couple of weeks, like a particularly annoying flock of galahs.

And where the dickens did they dream up the name, Ka? Perhaps someone at Ford is a closet fan of the Dugites, an '80s Perth band who warbled "In my Ka, Ka, Ka..." on Countdown. No wonder the company started a competition to find it a decent name.

With gay culture increasingly invading the mainstream, things are confused. It's a minefield out there on Parramatta Road - today's butch choice is tomorrow's rainbow flag. Pet! You've got to be so careful.

So to help you out at the gayest old time on the Sydney calendar, I've extended my own gaydar to its fullest length to divine just what, exactly, your car is saying about you right now.

The gayest vehicle of the past few years has to be the Suzuki Vitara. A black one, top permanently down, driven with shirt permanently off. Just the thing to zip from beach to 191 Cafe, to the Stonewall, to ARQ and the recoveries beyond - Kylie dance mixes blaring all the way. Even if the cheap speakers can't handle the volume.

All the straight Vitara owners are taking a big breath right now to prepare for an outburst. They're worried that their mates are going to come up to them tomorrow and say "Hey, your car's gay, Bob Downe said so". Save it, fellas. Straight people are allowed to drive them, too.

The Daewoo Matiz (a tiny box on wheels from Korea) uses drag queens in its current promos. If you're a Taxi Club regular, you probably won't mind at all. The lines do get a little blurred after 4 am.

If ever there was a car in need of a sex change, though, this is it. Daewoo needs to lift the Matiz's skirt and give it some balls (car-speak for more power under the bonnet). At the moment it couldn't pull a paper parasol out of a cocktail.

Sydney's "feelin' kinda queer" Free FM radio recently ran dealer ads describing "hunks" in Land Rover Freelanders. You're not feeling like an optional extra, are you boys? Now you can appreciate how some chicks feel.

The Freelander is not a bad looking car (a Vitara with a body wax) and a good bloke magnet, but it too needs more squirt. Someone should tell Land Rover that you can't expect the engine from Rover's tiny but gorgeous MG-F roadster to satisfy the adventurous types. A bit too much cross- breeding here, chaps.

At least the English are better at naming their cars. Ford didn't sell too many Probes to women - I wonder why? - and its latest coupe, the Cougar, is named after a big, wild pussy. Memo Ford: keep trying.

The tennis mums might be shocked to learn (if they've read this far) that Mitsubishi's Pajero means "wanker" in Spanish. Probably not a good topic to bring up with the kids: "OK, meet you after school with the wanker."

Toyota's Starlet is nicknamed Harlot or Tartlet among the gay and lesbian community. So it's oK, pets, they're not yelling at you, they're heckling the car.

For the butch boys among us there's always an old country ute, with dirt up the sides and some hay to, er, make some hay in. But those mindful of reliability (and punctuality!) may prefer the likes of the more modern Toyota Hilux. Pity there's no vanity mirror. Bugger.

For the cute but cash-strapped, the Hyundai Excel is surely the Veedub of the noughties. (Except there is a Veedub for the noughties now, isn't there? But you know what I mean.)

Excels are favoured by swingin' young suburbanites, downwardly mobile financial traders and rock band promoters on the make. If my manager Mark Trevorrow could get a licence, this would be his car.

For those who can't afford a new car (or just don't want one) the Holden EJ, a chromed mini-Chev for neo-retro romantics, is another favourite. Very Newtown. The EJ is the perfect automotive accompaniment to any track by the Twilights or Sister Janet Meade. I'd buy an EJ - a bronze Premier, of course! - if the Marina wasn't humming. That's Mum's old Marina, which I'm driving at least while my P76 is up on blocks. Talk about a Bob each way!

For those on a budget, but with a hankering for solid European values, a pre-'80s Volvo is in vogue. It is also the car of choice of the tattooed, nose-pierced and dreadlocked alternatives. Rust and "Remember To Breathe" sticker de rigeur. Similarly, '70s Transit vans, with the addition of a small log of driftwood and an American Native dream-catcher dusting up the dashboard.

Likewise, a pre-'75 Mercedes is for those who like the feel of real leather against their skin, and don't give a hang about the cost - until the repair bills come in. Much loved by gourmet Euro car repair shops. A post-'85 Mercedes, however, is the ideal Double Bay runabout for resting models whose sugardaddies have given them everything but a credit card limit.

Jaguars are driven by middle-aged men who hide their neck wrinkles with a cravat and their baldness with a deerstalker. (See also Triumph Stag).

Oh, and did you know BMW is a charming acronym for Business Mad Wanker, though these days they're usually seen driven by their equally onanistic kids, tops off, top down. (A sort of straight Vitara equivalent.)

Probably the most puzzling gay choice of all is the Saab convertible. I mean, what is it with gays and bloody Saabs? Of course, you don't have to be, you know, that way. Even Jerry Seinfeld drives one. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

While I'm having a gripe, why is the world fascinated with 4WDs? I'm referring to those armoured personnel carriers of the suburbs, usually driven by men with that fixed look of the penile-challenged, or fragile bird-like women who can barely see over the wheel.

Surveys show that people who drive 4WDs are far more likely than others to vote Meg Lees Democrat, drink Kahlua and have a secret stash of George Michael CDs somewhere under the driver's seat. All of which also seems quite gay. Funny how the circle almost meets round the other way, isn't it?

You're on the safest ground in your Commodore/Falcon/Camry/Magna, of course. Or are you? Remember when you actually knew what a Falcon looked like - and could recite advertising copylines such as "Mustang-bred" and "trim, taut and terrific"? Those lines could now be in the window at City Gym!

Furthermore, these days Commodore/ Falcon/Camry/Magnas have interchangeable demographics, accessories and advertising agencies, driven by people with interchangeable personalities. They've become the great grey area of motoring, the great sweet spot of sales. Cheetahs of the open road in the ads - in reality, just another donkey wheezing in traffic.

Give me my maroon Marina any day. Look for it winding its way up Oxford Street in the parade tomorrow night. And that'll be my mad Aunt Bev behind me in the Hillman Imp. She's so camp she doesn't even know it. Are you?

Bob's Hot Six

Daewoo Matiz: Cross-dressing connotations, looks cute but needs some balls ... under the bonnet.

Ford Ka: The kay-ay (as it is pronounced) is okay but the name is gay (can I say that?).

Holden EJ Premier: For those who like a bit of tinsel and chrome and black and white movies. More Newtown than Oxford Street.

Hyundai Excel: For the techno types and dance party crowd. This is just transport to the next big gig.

Suzuki Vitara 4WD: The ultimate gay freedom machine, sitting above the rest of the traffic for the world to see.

Land Rover Freelander 4WD: A Vitara with a body wax.

AD HOC

A Sydney Toyota dealer pioneered advertising in the gay press more than 10 years ago with a magazine ad depicting two men, their dog and their Corolla with the line "the perfect family car". VW began dabbling with gay marketing about five years ago with a press ad for the Golf Cabriolet. The copyline, "Bar up", referred to the car's roll-over hoop.

GOLF SWING

Volkswagen has emerged as a strong gay brand. Anecdotal evidence from Sydney dealers suggests about 15 per cent of Golf buyers are gay, with slightly more women than men. The Golf Cabriolet, Polo and Beetle are the next most popular VWs among pink consumers, says VW.
Bob Downe

THERE'S a scene in American Beauty, the Sam Mendes film starring Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening, where the 42-year-old Spacey character is looking through his 18-year-old neighbour's CD collection. Suddenly he finds one, by Pink Floyd, and remarks: "Man, I haven't listened to this album in years." This scene is designed to set up the next, which has Spacey alone in his garage, lifting weights and listening to ... Bob Dylan.

Mendes has a simple explanation for why he eschewed the more obvious option of having Spacey listening to Pink Floyd. When the film's producers approached Pink Floyd to use a track from their album Dark Side of the Moon, the fee, says the director, was $US1 million ($1.6 million).

Even though the song wasn't used, this example gives some idea of the potential earnings for record companies, publishers and songwriters through copyright licensing, which grants the use of their material in movies and in advertising.

The power of pop songs to sell everything from film soundtracks to cars and air freshener has never been greater. The Rolling Stones are believed to have earned $US10 million when Microsoft launched its software campaign with the Stones' song Start Me Up. Qantas paid close to $1 million for the exclusive rights to Peter Allen's I Still Call Australia Home. Norman Cook, also known as dance guru Fatboy Slim, has raked in six-figure sums from his recent musical adornment of Adidas commercials.

To large publishers such as EMI and Warner Chappell, which have millions of songs in their catalogues, copyright licensing is second only in income to the mechanical royalties they collect on the sale of CDs. Business has grown during the past 15 years because the advertising industry has started using popular songs instead of commissioning jingles.

For Cook -- and others -- it's an incredible win-win situation. Not only does he profit directly from the ad campaign but he gets his latest song plugged by the advertiser on peak-time television on a regular basis. No wonder that, in a field where mainstream artists once shied away from the tackiness of selling deodorant with their artistic endeavours, they're queueing up for deals that can be worth more than they make through CD sales.

That's at the top end of the market, however, where agencies will fork out to the publisher, which owns the publishing copyright, and to the record company, which has copyright on the original recording. The phenomenon really took off 10 years ago when Levi's used a string of old soul hits, including I Heard It Through the Grapevine, to promote its jeans.

Often an agency, acting on behalf of its client, will buy only the publishing copyright -- for anything between a month to a year -- and then have the song or piece of music re-recorded using hired musicians. A recent example was Coke's use of the Paul Kelly song Dumb Things, which featured a close but discernibly different version to the original. But if an agency considers a song too expensive, it can simply commission a piece from a composer that is in the style of that song. It's common and if you were to watch commercial TV for a week there would be several instances where a piece of ad music reminded you of some current musical trend. It's one of these that has started a bitter dispute between two Australian publishers and a Melbourne advertising agency.

The question is: How close can you get with a piece of music that is in the style of something else without it infringing on copyright? Can an agency legitimately claim that a segment of music in an advert is entirely original when it bears some resemblance to something that is well known?

It's the same principle that applies to all songwriters, one highlighted by the famous court case involving former Beatle George Harrison in the 1970s when his hit My Sweet Lord was adjudged to have plagiarised (albeit unconsciously) the Chiffons 1963 song He's So Fine. Last December, advertising agency Cummins and Partners approached publishers Festival (owned by News Corporation Ltd) and Leosong, which each own 50 per cent of the Australian rights to Yeh Yeh, a 60s hit made famous by Georgie Fame and more recently revived by Australian comedian and cabaret star Mark Trevorrow, better known as Bob Downe. Yeh Yeh is now recognised as Downe's theme song.

Cummins was keen to use the song in a TV commercial for Kia cars, to run for the first three months of this year. It also approached and had discussions with Trevorrow about appearing in the ad. He turned it down. Cummins also decided not to use the song, which would have cost it about $30,000 to $50,000 because, according to creative director Sean Cummins, the client didn't like it. Two months later, the Kia commercial is running on TV and featur