Five columns using Tables

The One True Five-Column Layout

Primus

Secundus

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Tertius

Baalbek

This layout has (or should have) the following properties:

If the page is made narrow, the center column shrinks, but the second and fourth columns stay the same width, and the outermost columns shrink down to their minimum width.
No scroll bar appears until the center column is at its minimum width.
If the page is made wide, the center column never expands beyond a certain width (which is relative to the font size) and the table remains centered on the page.
If the default font size is changed, the widths of the second and third column change proportionally, but the third column stays at the same pixel width (unless the font size is made so large the text overflows), with the outermost columns changing width to fit.

We can't, as far as I can see, do this just with CSS, without using the display:table and display:table-cell properties.