Starring : the Wee Man, Habro, Habro Snr & Robj

Monday 22nd June 1998

Wee Man and Robj head out for breakfast at the local Salon de the. Cafe au lait, jus d'orange, croissants and omelette - splendid start to the day. Le garcon thinks we are anglais or allemande - we get used to saying, "Non, ecossais". Toddle back along to check out of Hotel de Jardins and then return to Habros Aunt Susans to rendezvous with the full team.

We are now four people. Audrey Buchan has been substituted by Habro Snr. We decide to head into the centre of Paris before heading south by car. Various decisions about various pieces of luggage are taken - the wisest one being Robjs decision to leave an entire holdall of non-essentials chez Spunds.
Another RER/Metro experience successfully negotiated finds us arriving at Charles de Gaulle Etoile.

The photographic memories start to be recorded from here on in - with a few intial shots of Arc de Triomphe, tomb of the unknown soldier and views up and down the Champs Elysses. By this stage Habro has taken on the cloaked, Batmanesque saltired look with the Wee Man going for the saltired Beckham sarong look - after all we are in the fashion capital of the world, so anything goes as they say.

Being cultured and swayed towards haute cuisine in one of the finest culinary capitals of the globe, we head for MacDonalds to gel with millions of other soccer tourists, mainly Austrians, who are playing Italy today in Paris. Some McNuggets meals are consumed after queueing beneath, somewhat appropriately, a Scotland scarf.

 

 

Wee Man, Habro & Robj displaying patriotic sentiments

 

We head down the Champs Elysses meandering through all the packed cafes with people having money to burn going for the "a la terasse" option. Every tree is bedecked with the French national flag and in turn with each of the competing Coupe du Monde nations, thus allowing us to try and name each and every flag - Habro Snr is the expert here. Robj has an interesting interlude in a multi-sex loo, where he is asked if he needs to "pissoir" - I guess "shitoir" must have been the other option available. At the end of Champs Elysses, Habro and Robj seize a photo opportunity viewing back up towards Arc de Triomphe, and have a fun-loving bus driver try to steal the show. On seeing the "homme vert" they get back to the pavement safely.

At the Place de la Concorde, we are challenged quite severely with the Green Cross Code, and ultimately we don't attempt to cross, instead opting for walking towards the building where the BBC Team coverage of the World Cup is based. We chat idly about the chance of meeting another celeb such as Alan Hansen.
Then there is a cry from the Wee Man "Hey, there's Des Lynam", "Hey Des" - to which the rather tall, and older looking in person, Des Lynam replies "Hi how are you doing" and kinda sheepishly shuffles by. Wee Man now leads 2-0-0 in the celeb spotting stakes.

"Hi, how are you doing?"

We walk along the Rue de Rivoli, before taking the Metropolitain at Les Tuileries toward gare de Lyon where we must collect the Hertz Car. Finding the Hertz Car rental office proves another challenge that we overcome without too much trouble. The Hertz guy is not a patch on Bent Tang, and is adamant we can only have two drivers. Habro is the main man, and the Wee Man, after some continental driving experience, occupies the named driver slot. After much paper work and identification we take the elevator down to where our car is located - a Turbo Diesel Fiat Marea - quite a pleasant driving experience it transpires.

… only wish we had Danny McGrain


Robj makes a vain attempt at navigation whilst Habro drives - the goal initially is to get out the car park !! - then towards the Peripherique via Rue de Daumesnil. Maybe one wrongish turn later, we get on the Peripherique and make for Auxerre/Lyon direction A6.

Robj then subjects the gasping (?) Link Tartan Army to his "World Cup 98 Pastiche tape", the opening line of which is "Masson to take it". He really scrapes the barrel with the 1978 BBC World Cup theme and the highlight is probably Ole Ola with the immortal line, we are "bound for Buenos Aires, we don't care what the fare is, only wish we had Danny McGrain". The connections on the tape are Scotland, France, World Cup, the World, travel, and terracing songs generally. It would appear the only overlaps are St.Etienne songs and "Nessun Dorma" from Italia '90.

We stop somewhere down the toll road for an ice-cream, and then the Wee Man takes over at the wheel after a practice drive around the car park and asking, somewhat peculiarly, if the clutch will be at his right foot. Oh god, what have we let ourselves in for. The driving is overall fine, we hear Habros World Cup tape opening with the Proclaimers classic "500 miles" as well as various James Bond/Sean Connery linked themes.

We head off the main road towards Saulieu and ultimately, Habros grans cottage at Montchallon. Near to Montchallon, we are subjected to the Wee Mans first bout of stalling (or was it sneezing ?) We reach the cottage, with somewhat overgrown grass and interesting 5-a-side goals with nets, around 3ish. Power on , shutters opened and bedrooms assigned, we head by car, eventually, after the Wee Mans failure to engage reverse gear !!, saved by Robj, to Avallon. (obvious, as we soon find out, Bryan Ferry linkage).

Robj starts what ultimately become, a series of rather turgid and obscure analogies about French people in Pitlochry heading towards Aberdeen to watch a match. We nearly have a nasty encounter with a BMW at a roundabout in the centre of town. We wander around what seems a pleasant, albeit quiet town centre and opt to eat in an open-terraced bar. Food is none too spectacular but filling - salads, sausages, croque monsieurs, frites etc. Habro Snr treats the Link team to tea !!

 


So good, they named a TV program after him!


We cross the road to watch the Romania/England game in another bar, live from Toulouse. More Kronenbourgs are consumed. There is a trio of teetotalish Norwegian bastards in the bar and all other clientele are mainly locals. Romanias opening goal from Moldovar causes us to shriek with delight and confuse the barman as he thinks we are English possibly. With Michael Owens equalizer we are distraught, but the end is a high with PetRescues stunning winner through Seamans legs. We are in high spirits and the songs "2-1 to Romania" and "Englands going home" are set in motion from this point forward. Little do we know what lies in store for us alas.



Drive back to the cottage, with much talk of dark rooms, mad chain-saw axe murderers and the "Evil Dead". We debate what time to leave on Day 3 - the Wee Man wants to arise and shine at some god awful hour and is out voted - we opt for an 8.30 a.m start.



And in the eerie setting of Montchallon, with many a duck quacking, we head to bed and zzzzs again.



The big day beckons, and we are getting euphoric.....

Next day of the trip...