Man United vs Spurs

Is This The Future Of Football???

Manchester United's march towards the 1999 double continued today after a stunning display at Old Trafford where it had been switched due to a request from referee Neil Dunn who said it was the only venue where he could ensure fairplay and get away with it.

United went ahead just before the kick-off when Gary Neville's through- ball sent the linesman away down the right flank. His cross was handled on the half-way line by a Spurs defender, and Teddy Sheringham stepped up to slot the ball home for his 65th penalty of the season, after hitting both posts and the bar. It was no more than United deserved.

The 15th minute saw the Super Reds go two up after Steve Carr was penalised for coughing just outside the area. David Beckham's free kick was handled by Clive Wilson , struck first time by Giggs, hit the back of a defender's boot, bounced up, struck the rim of a spectator's spectacles and floated, assisted by a freak wind, into the top corner of the Spurs net. It was no more than United deserved.

The 21st minute saw more trouble for Tottenham, when Gary Mabbutt was sent off for enquiring about referee Neil Dunn's red shirt. Two minutes before the interval Spurs struck back after an amazing piece of good fortune, Armstrong hitting home the rebound after a shot had been stopped on the line by the referee. Man U could scarcely believe their bad luck. Alex Ferguson threw down his programme and wouldn't talk to anyone for ten minutes. The restart saw unsportsmanlike David Ginola making ridiculous claims for a penalty after Gary Pallister had accidentally beaten up Alan Neilsen. The referee had missed the incident due to his red scarf flowing in his eyes. Ten minutes later Ferguson took off Andy Cole and replaced him with three other players.

Man Utd's third came after Calderwood had been caught offside in his own penalty area. Ryan Giggs took the free-kick, which bobbled home after hitting the underside of the floodlights. The referee claimed the final touch. It was no more than United deserved.

Super-marvel-wonder-Reds goal number four came after ninety-eight minutes after David Howells had conceded a penalty for blatantly glancing at the referee. It was no more than United deserved.

So 4-1 at full time, but referee Neil Dunn sportingly agreed to call it 7-1 after Ferguson threatened to cry and stamp his feet if he didn't. It was no more than United deserved....

Interpreters reported that most of Man United's fans said they had never seen United lose and so would seriously consider going to a second game as long as it was the FA Cup Final, held at Old Trafford and refereed by Neil Dunn, and they could get a better hotel room the next time they came to England..

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