The Match Reports 1998

MATCH ONE
HT: 0-0 FT: 0-0
Main Incidents: A match memorable for only one thing really, Carl's penalty fluff! Mark's shot rebounded off the keeper to a defender, and he panicked (when pressured by Morgan) and stepped into the area. The penalty was taken confidently by Carl, and he hit it high to the 'keeper's right. Unfortunately it was palmed away for the corner and Carl was left holding his head in disappointment.

MATCH TWO
HT: 0-0 FT:0-1
Main Incidents: A fantastic move was started by Morgan who took a roll-in to Carl, who had his back to goal and a defender on him tight. As Morgan ran down the line, Carl back-heeled it through the defender's legs and Morgan collected it with a clear sight of goal. Unfortunately the goalkepper made a good save to deny us what would have been the goal of the tournament.
0-1: 40 seconds left of the game and we get dealt a real sucker-punch. Carl loses the ball, a reverse pass wrongfoots Joseph and Raj, and the striker has all the time in the world to pick his spot and nutmeg Dave. A disaster for morale!

MATCH THREE
HT: 3-0 FT: 6-2
Main Incidents: The only non-goal related incident of this match was the farce at the start. SD had to wait on pitch for several minutes before their opponants finally turned up, meaning that they were even more nervous than before! While they waited, Janet Jackson's "Together Again" was blaring out of the PA system which may have helped ease their nerves, but by the time the game kicked off, the poor players were being well and truly tortured with "Stop" by the Spice Girls!
1-0: Joseph defends well before slotting a great pass through an opponant's legs, and setting Morgan clear. He takes one touch wide of the committed 'keeper, and slots cooly home.
2-0: Almost straight after Morgan's goal, Carl wins the ball well, plays a one-two with Morgan, and finds himself one-on-one with the keeper. Again the goalie goes to ground too early and Carl sidefoots it past him with ease. Natalie Imbruglia is "Torn" on the PA system as this goal is scored.
3-0: This goal comes so quickly that "Torn" is still playing! Joseph beats his man on the wing and slides to get in a cross to Morgan. Scarcely believing his luck, Morgan taps home for his second of the match.
N.B. It has to be said that either side of this goal came a dire miss by Carl! two shots high and wide resulted in Joseph suggesting "Sidefoot it Carl!" I think he listened in the second half!!!
4-0: Raj gets hassled off the ball, but Carl mops up and nutmegs his opponant. He flicks the ball past another before sliding it past the committed (again!) goalkeeper for a fine solo goal. And it was a side foot!
5-0: Direct from the dropball, Carl nutmegs two players and blasts it past the keeper who, surprise surprise, had committed himself too early. Cue the Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink cartwheel celebration!
6-0: Direct from the dropball, Carl nutmegs one man and beats another, but the keeper foils his attempt at a perfect carbon copy of the last goal with a block-save. The rebound rolls towards Joseph who waits agonisingly for the ball to exit the area before he strikes it. When it finally does, he thumps it through the goalkeeper's legs for our third goal within a minute.
6-1: A run across the face of goal sets up another player who blasts it past Dave. "Angels" by Robbie Williams is drowned out by some RnB rubbish.
6-2: Carl's loose clearance is collected by an opponant who runs and shoots past our complacent players. The goal is the last kick of the game.

MATCH FOUR
HT: 2-0 FT: 2-0
1-0: Carl sets up Morgan, whose shot is parried by the keeper. A gormless defender then enters the area to clear the loose ball! PENALTY!! Dave is determined to point out to the world that Carl doesn't want to take it. Carl's reply is the old Steffen Iversen gesture of "suck this". As this is going on, Morgan buries the penalty with the minimum of fuss.
2-0: No danger for the opposition as we waste a corner, yet another defender inexplicably enters his area! Joseph places it to the keeper's right, but the ref wants it retaken because he hadn't blown his whistle yet! Cool as an igloo, Joseph puts it in the same corner again.

MATCH FIVE
HT: 3-0 FT: 4-0
1-0: Joseph's roll-in goes across goal and a defender inadvertantly steps into his own area! Morgan drives the penalty straight down the middle to score our third successive penalty!
2-0: Dave makes a great save from a one-on-one shot, and the loose ball reaches Joseph who is clean through.His flick-shot with the outside of his right boot screams past the poorly positioned goalkeeper, and underlines the confidence now flowing through the team. "I Will Survive" Gloria Gaynor shrieks over the PA as Joseph accepts his teammates congratulations!
3-0: From the drop ball, Joseph tackles an opponant and it runs onto Carl. His first touch is poor and sends him wide of goal, but then he produces a fantastic finish from a tight angle! Cue Hasselbaink flip again!!
N.B. During this match Raj has two very bad misses when clean through. And I mean WOEFUL misses!! Sorry for mentioning that Raj!
4-0: The best goal of the lot. Joseph's roll-in finds Carl trapped on the sidelines by two defenders. Rolling his foot over the ball a la Sandeep (ME!), he heads one way, then the other, and back the first way. This gives him a tiny bit of space as the opponants are off-balance, and he somehow fires a shot in from the angle which goes in off the post. The adrenaline rush causes him to scream out "F**king Hell!!!!", which is soon drowned out by Joseph's "Oooaaahhh!". The keeper kicks his bar in anger which I thought was quite funny.

MATCH SIX - Quarter Final
HT: 1-0 FT: 2-1
Main Incidents: With the score at 2-1, Morgan's pass is left to Joseph by Carl. He beats his man and crashes a shot into the keeper's midriff. Joseph then volleys the rebound in with power and accuracy before proceeding to do the backstroke with his arms by way of a celebration (not quite as good as the "Sandeep Spin" TM celebration though!). However, the referee disallows the goal because the ball rebounded off the keeper over head height, and so SD get a freekick but no goal!
1-0: Within seconds of the start, Joseph's square pass is collected by Morgan, who cuts inside on his right-foot and buries the shot past the keeper! A great start!!
1-1: From a roll-in, the opponant turns Carl and thumps in a shot from a tight angle. "Sweaty Palms" time as SD lose a lead for the very first time.
2-1: Mark's line ball is picked up by Morgan, and he crosses first-time to Carl. his cutback is gratefully sidefooted home by Mark who has continued his run!
N.B. Mark was wearing my shinpads during the tournament so I take credit for this goal!!!

MATCH SEVEN - Semi Final
HT: 0-1 FT: 0-3
Main Incidents: Our match vs the Bunch Of Thugs!
0-1: Carl gets turned by his man, and the thug flashes a shot past Dave at his near post.
0-2: Fatigue sets in as Joseph cannot find the strength to challenge a thug who stumbles past him before sidefooting home.
0-3: Our misery is complete as a freekick by Mark is intercepted by a thug who plays it early to the one-footed black bloke (remember him from 1997?) who scores despite Dave getting a hand on it.