Joseph Quashie


Joseph (on right) with Morgan

Joseph is the man who made it all possible. He spotted the ad in the local paper that lead to our first entry in 1995, and he has played in every game (an honour shared only by Carl and myself). In our debut year, Joseph was the rock in the heart of our midfield, and it was he who kept the play flowing for us. Despite his affiliation with Liverpool, Joseph actually lived up to expectations (unlike certain players for England - Stand up John Barnes and Steve McBananaman), and he was solid in our team.

In 1997, Joseph scored our first ever goal and his reaction was explosive. After Carl hassled a defender into a sloppy pass, Joseph rocketed a drive past the poorly placed keeper without even thinking. He then proceeded to scream "GOAL! GOAL!" at the top of his voice in case someone in India wasn't clear on that fact. His teammates congratulated him (and rubbed their sore eardrums) in what was a very emotional moment for the team. It had taken two years, but our first goal had arrived!

During the tournament, Joseph kept a cool head and often marshalled the defence when I went a-wandering. His enthusiasm was in evidence again when I scored my first goal, and he cried out "YESSSS! COME ON! COME ON!" before racing off the pitch. For people watching the match on tape, it was rather confusing what had happened since he yelled and then disappeared from the shot and didn't return for a long while. Theories include: He went off to the funfair for some candyfloss; or he was actually yelling COME ON at some 5 yearold who had dared to walk past in a Man United kit.

There can be no doubting the importance of Joseph in the line-up since he scored one and had a hand in the other three goals. His quality in midfield stabilised the team, and he made several telling tackles when we could have been in trouble. Roll on 1998!

1999 Update
Joseph had a storming 1998 tournament and few felt he could surpass his exploits of the previous year. However, this year our captain led his troops all the way to the final (easily topping our group in the process), only to find himself the victim of a cruel deflection that resulted in our final defeat. This injustice is sure to be overturned next year however, as Joseph continues to improve with the team.
As well as scoring vital goals (memorably equalising in the dying moments of our final group game to send our opponants crashing out), Joseph was faced with wave upon wave of attack which he did well to suppress. Everyone's favourite mechanical engineer is now becoming a rock in the heart of our team (because he's solid! not because he has poor mobility!!), and he continues to show ability not just as a midfielder but also as a very competent defender!

2000 Update
Our intrepid captain found us a new tournament to enter at very short notice, after the Walpole Festival Competition was cancelled. Leading by example, Joseph proceeded to shine in every match, and finished joint second highest goalscorer on 3 goals with Sandeep. Joseph also adopted the mantle of penalty taker, after Kenny crashed our first one against the bar, and he emerged with a scored 1, missed 1 record which is a bit like Martine McCutcheon's music career!! However, Joseph also blemished his near flawless organisational reputation by tragically leaving half the SD kit behind at the tournament grounds, meaning that 2001 may well see the team with a brand new kit! Ultimately, it is pretty much certain that Joseph will be remembered in 2000 for his encouraging words to his colleagues when they squandered gilt-edged chances... "Mark, you punani!" and "Sandeep... you idiot!!" were just two such examples of this master of man-management at work!

If the subject of this page has any comments, queries, suggestions or complaints they should contact me and I will immediately rectify them. Nothing here is intended to cause offense, only comedy and opinion!
Copyright © 1998 S. C. Productions