1. Deon Burton (Jamaica) June 14 v Croatia A cross from the Jamaica left. Not a Croatian defender for miles. A gaping goal. And a Derby County reserve on the end of it. Cue the most feeble header in World Cup history. And a Calypso Catastrophe.
2. Raul (Spain) June 13 v Nigeria Raul had already scored a beauty when another opportunity easier than the one he scored from, if anything - came in an almost identical situation. This time though, the Real deal got it all wrong and spooned the ball hopelessly, embarrassingly wide.
3. Pierre Issa (South Africa) June 12 v France Poor Pierre Issa. Giving it the big one in the stadium of his club side. His first ever game in the World Cup Finals. And he has to score not one, but two own goals. But that humiliation wasn’t enough for the hapless South African. He also managed to skew a point blank header wide of the French goal to prove that bad luck really does come in threes.
4. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (Holland) June 13 v Belgium Leeds’ Eddie Murphy lookalike conspicuously failed to seize his big chance in the absence of Dennis Bergkamp. On five minutes, Belgian keeper De Wilde parried the game’s first corner straight into the striker’s path with Hasselbaink unmarked and no more than five yards out. He steadied himself and promptly fired straight across the face of the goal. For some reason, Marc Overmars appeared reluctant to pass to him for the rest of a largely forlorn appearance.
5. Luboslav Penev (Bulgaria) June 12 v Paraguay Bolshy Bulgar Hristo Stoichkov raced down the left hand flank to the by-line, glanced up and pulled back a dream pass to Luboslav Penev, rushing into the penalty area. Goal, surely?! Well, not exactly. The hapless Penev merely proceeded to blast over horribly from just six yards, then searched in vain for the taxi that would get him as far away from a clearly-rabid Stoichkov as quickly as possible.
6. Posh Spice (England) What do you think – is she the worst missus at the World Cup?!