The Andy Cole virus: makes all components in your PC work their nuts off trying to get PC back up but at the final stage fails to execute.
The Manchester United virus: Your PC develops a disorder whereby the memory forgets everything before 1993...
The Beckham virus: The lights on your PC are all on but nothing works...
The Roy Keane virus: Throws you out of Windows...
The Alex Ferguson virus: Continuous whining until your PC explodes leaving you with nothing...
The Sheringham virus: Jumps from one computer to the other, ensuring all award winning programs fail...
The Dwight Yorke virus: Everything in your computer goes goofy...
The Blue and White virus family (Mainly from Italy) look like they may cause you problems for 6 months, but then fade away
The Chelsea virus: Everything you print comes out in Italian and then you end up with fuck all...
The Graham Rix virus: Goes down for 6 months at a time but is always backed up...
The Dennis Wise virus: Gives up after two bytes...
The Gustavo Poyet virus: Your PC repeats this loop, it works brilliantly for 45 minutes, then breaks down for three months...
The Graham Le Saux virus: Picks up any passing mail...
The David Ginola virus: Computer pretends to go down, but then boots back up and is ok...
The Stan Collymore virus: Luckily this one doesn't actually work, but sometimes boots up some Swedish computers...
The Glenn Hoddle virus: Disables your PC, blames it all on its previous life as a calculator, and then takes the piss out of it...
The Ron Atkinson virus: Remains dormant for 6 months but then your computer goes down anyway...
The Gazza virus: Just as you think everything is ok, it all goes pear shaped...
The Jason Lee virus: same as the Gazza virus, but it all goes pineapple shaped...mmm...?
The Rio Ferdinand virus: All drive privileges lost...
The Brian Kidd virus: Your 100MB hard drive suddenly expands to 350 MB and then goes down...
Not that it is very likely but if you do encounter any problems, try the On Site Man United Fan's Technical Virus Support Hotline in London, they know sod all, they have different uniforms on every call out, it will take them 6 hours to get down the M1 and then they'll claim their Grandparent's have supported the software for years...
![[Sweet FA]](premier.gif)