JOURNEY’S END

by Morgan

Ares.

Time and again in her life it had come down to him. The darkly handsome, seductive God of War. When her home village was threatened he had given her strength…and then used her grief when Lyceus was killed to twist her heart and sword to his service. What a monster he had made in her! What an exquisite weapon.

Fed by bloodlust and hatred, the monster grew strong. Unstoppable, unbeatable. An encounter with a man even more dangerous than she almost cost Xena her life and robbed her of whatever gentleness she had left. Xena became the monster. And even Ares could not have controlled her. She pledged herself to vengeance, to death. In China a unique and powerful woman tried to purge Xena of the monster inside, but her hate was too strong to be cleansed by dreams of peace.

Back in Greece, leading an army, fuelled by desire, by madness, she conceived a simple plan to kill the demi-god whose life threatened her lust for power. Her failure drove her over the edge.

And then she came to know the man she had tried to kill. The mercy and courage and boundless compassion of Hercules broke the chains she had built around her heart, freed her to fight the monster inside…and to win. She had set herself on a new road, and although she had been tempted, although she'd made mistakes, Xena had believed that her monster was chained forever. Still there, deep inside, but chained, powerless.

Until now.

The Warrior Princess rode north from Athens, at a gallop, the racing rhythm of the horse's hooves beneath her matching her beating heart. A heart filled with fury, with grief, with a desperate need for revenge. Her eyes stared straight ahead as she rode. She saw nothing of the men and women who scattered from her path.

Her entire world was changed by the words she just heard. Gabrielle's tale, her song of mourning for a hero gone, told to an eager crowd. Gabrielle hadn't seen Xena there, waiting silently in the doorway while an audience sat spellbound with the bard's newest tale. But when the telling ended…oh, then their eyes had met, and the tears on Gabrielle's cheeks silently assured Xena that every word had been true.

Drowning in grief and shock, unable to speak, unable even to think, Xena had turned and walked away. Her fist was clenched so tightly that her nails drew blood from her palm. The pain, in her hand and in her heart, together with the familiar weight of her chakram at her side told her what to do. Ride. Ride for vengeance. Ride for Justice.

The sound of pursuit reached her ears: someone riding hard behind her. Xena reached for the chakram as she signalled her horse to slow, just a little. Enough for her pursuer to catch up with her, bringing his horse alongside. The chakram was in her hand. She prepared to throw…

"Xena! What are you doing?" The blond hunter drove his horse into hers, grabbing her reins and slowing them both down.

She had almost killed him. Chakram still in hand, Xena glared at the reckless man.

"What do you think you're doing?" Iolaus asked again.

As if he didn't know. "I'm going to find Ares," she hissed through clenched teeth, her piercing blue eyes filled with fire. "And I'm going to make him pay for what he's done." Oh, of course. Gabrielle had sent him. "Don't be a fool, Iolaus. Don't try to stop me."

The hunter's eyes narrowed. "You know I must."

Xena drew her sword. "I don't want to hurt you. But I will."

He was carrying his own sword. All in one motion, he drew the weapon from its sheath and jumped down from his horse, Xena's reins still griped in one hand. He looked up at her. "That might not be as easy as you think, Xena."

How dare he try to stop her? Xena somersaulted out of her saddle and landed, sword ready, less than two feet away from him. Grief and rage burned in her blood. She attacked.

Iolaus was skilled, but he was no match for Xena, not now. Twice he parried her blows, the clash of steel echoing through the pass. Then she darted toward him, kicking out. He ducked to avoid it, but not quite fast enough: Iolaus took the blow squarely in his chest. As he fell, Xena struck viciously upwards. The sword flew from Iolaus' hand. She stood over him, reversed her sword and raised it, ready to strike.

"Xena!"

She hesitated.

"Is this really what you want to do?" Iolaus looked up past the blade of the sword poised above his heart. His eyes met hers without fear.

Xena blinked. Iolaus wasn't her enemy. Silently, she sheathed her sword and stalked away, back to her horse. Iolaus scrambled to his feet, ignoring his fallen weapon, and followed her. Just before she reached the horse, he grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him.

"Let it go, Xena," Iolaus ordered.

Tense as a drawn bowstring, Xena let her hand move toward her chakram again. "I can't!"

"Let it go," he repeated, begging. He was holding her by both arms. "By the gods, Xena, do you think I don't know how you feel? I love him, too."

It was exactly the right thing to say. The fight went out of her. Xena dropped her hand.

"I loved him, too," Iolaus said again. He felt the tension drain out of Xena. Then she pulled away from him. More slowly, now, she turned to the horse, lifting one hand to the saddle as if preparing to mount. And just stood there, still, quiet.

Iolaus watched her for several seconds before he realised she was crying. Silently, he stepped toward her, knowing she would not lash out this time. Gently he reached for her and she stepped into his arms. Xena was shaking, tears pouring down her face. Iolaus held her, sharing her pain, empathy the only comfort he had to offer.

Eventually, Xena moved away from him, wiping her eyes. She offered a weak, and slightly embarrassed smile. "Y'know, I haven't cried like that since I was a little girl," she said.

Iolaus smiled back. "Sometimes the heart needs to be soft," he answered.

That fetched a wider smile. "You sound just like Gabrielle."

Iolaus allowed himself to laugh, a release of tension as much as amusement. "Well, I've been married to her for seventeen years. Something was bound to rub off." He met her eyes with a firm gaze. "Come home with me, Xena."

Slowly, she nodded. "Alright. But I haven't changed my mind."

Iolaus walked ahead of Xena as they left their horses in the barn, waving to Gabrielle when he saw her in the farmhouse doorway.

"Iolaus…" Xena caught his arm.

"What?"

She was looking at a stain of blood on his shirt. Frowning, she moved the material aside, snapping, "Let me see," when Iolaus drew back. There was a flesh wound just below his collar bone. "Did I do that?" Xena asked apologetically.

"You didn't get that close. I must have grazed it when you knocked me down." Iolaus tried to cover the injury before Gabrielle saw it. Too late.

"Were you two fighting?" Gabrielle asked, looking from one to the other incredulously.

Iolaus smiled ironically at Xena. "Yeah, I guess I got the warrior princess treatment." He was trying to make light of it, for Gabrielle's sake, but she knew Xena too well to be fooled. At his words she went white.

"It was pretty stupid: coming after me like that," Xena told him seriously.

No, he wasn't going to be allowed to laugh it off. As serious as Xena had been, Iolaus said, "Xena, I only know one way to deal with you when you're in that mood. We've been friends a long time…but I still remember the warrior princess."

The warrior princess…who had turned him against his best friend, who had plotted his death and broken his heart. A long time ago, but even now something neither of them was entirely comfortable remembering.

"Come on into the house," Gabrielle ordered. "I want to look at that wound."

Iolaus allowed her to lead him on, and Xena fell into step beside him. She was quiet, her eyebrows drawn together in a slight frown, her eyes distant, brooding.

"How did you get here so fast, Xena?" Iolaus asked her, another attempt to break her mood. "I didn't expect you'd have even got my message yet."

"You were looking in the wrong place," Xena told him. "I was on my way to Mycenae with my army. You missed me at Corinth by a day."

"You were going to Mycenae?" Iolaus repeated. "To fight on which side?"

Xena gave him a look. "Do you have to ask? If I'd been part of Ares' force, Iolaus, my army would have been at the battle. I tried, but we kept running into delays."

"Ares?"

"What else? Mostly it was the mess his armies left behind them: it made it difficult for my army to follow the same route. And we had to keep stopping to try and help the villages they raided."

Iolaus nodded understanding. He and Hercules had seen some of that destruction themselves.

Xena continued, "If we'd reached Mycenae before the battle…maybe…"

Iolaus stopped walking. "Xena." He waited until she looked at him. "Don't go there. I was at Mycenae. There was nothing even you could have done." Xena frowned, searching his face, looking, Iolaus guessed, for some sign he was lying, trying to pacify her.

"Believe me, Xena," Iolaus said firmly.

Iolaus would never have believed he'd make it as a farmer. When he'd made the decision, all those years ago, it had seemed like the only option he had, but he'd never expected to enjoy it. Over the years, he had found a peace in this life he would have thought impossible before: a home, a family. The simple joy of waking in the morning and knowing exactly where he was. Sure, it wasn't what you'd call exciting, and of course he missed his life of adventure with Hercules.

He had been forcibly reminded, though, several times, that he was by no means immortal. That his life of adventure was a shortcut to an early grave.

Iolaus and Gabrielle had made quite a success of their little farm. It wasn't wealthy, but it kept them fed and clothed. So if you added to that the occasional dinar brought in by Gabrielle's storytelling, they were more than comfortable.

Iolaus was forcing himself to think of the good in his life that night as he toured the farmstead before retiring for the night. It had been…gods, about two weeks since the battle of Mycenae. Was it really so long? Since everything in the world had been turned upside down by a single, impossible event: the death of Hercules.

Stop it! he told himself firmly. Thinking about it would change nothing. Doing something might, gods willing…

He closed the barn door and walked back to the house. A quick glance told him Gabrielle had stacked up the fire for him, enough to be sure it would burn all night. Making a final effort to shake off his depression, Iolaus joined his wife in their bedroom.

"What in Tartarus did you think you were doing?"

Neither the language nor the anger was typical of Gabrielle, and Iolaus stepped back in surprise as she rounded on him. "What did I do?" he asked her, honestly uncertain.

"I was trying to get Xena to give up this idea of getting revenge. Iolaus, what were you thinking to encourage her?"

Oh, that. Iolaus had been trying to stay out of the argument, well aware that Xena was not going to change her mind, and equally aware that Gabrielle wouldn't give up trying. Until something Xena said had caught his attention:

"You think this is about vengeance, Gabrielle? It's not. It's about Justice."

Justice. The single word had echoed through his mind until, following the train of thought, he had remembered that there was — just possibly — someone out there who could make what Xena wanted to do possible. An old…friend. It might well have been foolish of him to mention it, but he couldn't help himself: once there, the thought had to be voiced.

And now they were in private, Gabrielle was letting him know just how foolish she thought it was. Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

Iolaus sat down wearily on the bed, his back to Gabrielle. "You can't force Xena to change her mind, Gabrielle. She has to do it herself. Maybe, this way will give her space to think. To calm her down."

"Iolaus," Gabrielle snapped, "you can't manipulate Xena!"

"She agreed, didn't she?" He was being unusually evasive.

Gabrielle walked around the bed and knelt on the ground in front of him, forcing Iolaus to look at her. "Tell me the truth," she said softly.

That quiet, determined voice he had never been able to refuse. Iolaus took both of her hands in his and met her gaze directly. "Alright. I think Xena has a point."

Gabrielle's eyes opened in shock.

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle. It's true." Iolaus wanted her to say something, argue with him, whatever. She was silent. "Mycenae wasn't just a war, love. Ares wasn't just stirring up chaos, he was making a bid for power. Think about it: Hercules was working with Hera! Do you realise what that means?"

"I know how hard that must have been for him," she began.

Iolaus shook his head, interrupting. "Not for Herc. For Hera. Can you even imagine how serious it must have been for her to ask Hercules for help? I can't."

Gabrielle turned her head away. She hadn't thought of it in quite that way before.

"I keep thinking about something Herc said," Iolaus went on. "That if Ares could be defeated in Mycenae, he would lose forever. I think…" He stopped speaking, not trusting his voice. The pain was still too fresh. "I think," he repeated eventually, "that's why Ares killed him."

Not speaking, Gabrielle pulled Iolaus into her embrace. It was going to take a lot longer than a couple of weeks for him to recover from this loss. If he ever did. Gabrielle had done everything she could to help and comfort him, but she was acutely aware that nothing could take away his grief. Not even revenge.

"Do you think," she said hesitantly, breaking a long silence, "that revenge will make you feel any better?"

"Not revenge. Justice." Iolaus spoke with conviction.

Gabrielle shook her head sadly, stroking his hair as he rested his head on her shoulder, grateful he wouldn't see the tears that sprang into her eyes.

Tears he couldn't see, but did sense. Iolaus pulled away from her slightly, lifting her chin to look into her eyes. "Hey. What's wrong?"

"Did you get hit on the head at Mycenae, or something? You and your justice will get my best friend killed!"

The words hit Iolaus like a blow.

Gabrielle turned away as he let her go. She already regretted what she'd said. How could she? More softly, her own voice unsteady, Gabrielle finished what she'd been saying. "Leave justice to the gods, Iolaus."

"No." Iolaus turned her toward him, taking her face between his hands. "Listen to me. I went after Xena today because riding off the way she did, as angry as she was, she would have gotten killed, to no purpose. But if there's anyone on this earth who can deal with Ares, if there's anyone capable of finishing what Hercules started, it's Xena. Think about that before you tell me I'm wrong."

Gabrielle was a very good bard. She told a story so well you could see it, almost as if you'd been there. Xena should have been there. But she had travelled too slowly. Instead all she had was the story, Gabrielle's voice, strong and clear in the Athenian tavern.

The images…

A battle that lasted a whole day…a titanic clash between armies and gods. The dragon that appeared in the sky at the end. Hercules, who took on the dragon (just one more monster) and, with Iolaus' aid, he killed it, sealing Ares' defeat. The final act of the war, a poisoned arrow shot from an immortal's bow…

In her dreams, Xena saw that scene over and over again. She saw it as it happened, the images vivid from Gabrielle's tale. Sometimes, she was there, part of the battle with her army, a helpless witness to that last, fatal shot. And once, it was she who wielded the bow, with the god of war smiling beside her.

No!! Xena came awake suddenly, that last, terrible image still with her. Tartarus! What have I done? Xena sat up in bed, her heart still pounding. Just a dream, Xena, she told herself sternly. A dream. Not real.

There was the barest rustle of someone moving in the darkness. Instantly, Xena was alert, her hand on the chakram she had left beside the bed.

"Who's there?"

"Xena?"

It was Leipephile. Xena sat up in bed. "Come here if you want to." She shifted over to make room for the girl. Girl? Gabrielle's daughter was only sixteen but after Mycenae she would no longer be a child. Xena mentally shoved her own memories to one side. Leipephile, normally a cheerful girl, seemed to be in the same sort of mourning as her parents. Xena hadn't thought beyond that: she was in shock herself. Now she realised she should have given Leipephile more thought. "C'mon. What's the trouble?"

"I couldn't sleep." Leipephile sat down beside Xena.

Xena leaned over and struck a flint to light the candle at her bedside. In its orange light she could see Leipephile. Her eyes were hollow from lack of sleep, her blonde curls tangled, the cloak around her shoulders askew. "For how long?" Xena asked.

Leipephile looked up long enough to meet Xena's eyes, but said nothing.

"Since the battle." Xena answered for her. She watched the girl nod slowly. She was obviously expecting a telling off. Xena opened her arms and Leipephile lay beside her, allowing Xena to hold her, just as she had when Leipephile was a child. "Tell me about it," Xena said. Gods, she loved this girl, couldn't love her more if she was her own child. In a way, she was exactly that, the child of Xena's spirit if not of her body.

Slowly, nervously, Leipephile began to speak of the battle. Xena listened, not interrupting. Leipephile had her mother's way with a tale, but Xena could have told it almost as well. One battle was much like another: bloody, brutal and destructive. Except, in this case, for the way it ended. But Leipephile never reached that part. She talked about pushing her way to her father's side when the dragon appeared above the battlefield. And Xena stopped her. Leipephile couldn't have talked much longer in any case. Her voice was shaking, her eyes full of determinedly unshed tears.

"What have I told you about picking up a sword?" Xena asked her.

"You have to be prepared to kill." Leipephile answered by rote, blinking back the tears.

"Were you?"

The young warrior's eyes flashed defiantly. "I did it, didn't I?"

Xena wasn't fooled. "Iolaus might let you get away with that," she told her pupil sternly, "but I expect a straight answer, Leipephile. Were you prepared to kill?"

Her head bowed. "I wasn't sure," she admitted. "Not until I saw the Prince killed. Then I just got angry and…" her words were cut off by sobs. "Oh, Xena! What did I do? Was I so wrong?"

Xena held her tightly as she cried. "Leipe…have you told your parents how you're feeling?"

Leipephile shook her head, angrily wiping the tears away. "Of course not! How can I? Gabrielle will say it's my own fault…and…"

"No, she won't," Xena assured her. "Gabrielle knows that sometimes it's necessary to fight, Leipe. What about Iolaus? Can't you talk to him?"

She shook her head again. "I don't want to worry him. Xena, have you seen the state Dad's in? He just lost his best friend."

Iolaus lay awake, staring into the darkness.

When the battle was over, there had been a tiny movement seen out of the corner of his eye, a premonition of danger, a warning shouted too late…

Oh, gods, Hercules. What is the world going to do without you? What do I do without you?

Gabrielle's voice, sleepy but clear. "You remember. And you endure. Until you join him in the Elysian Fields."

She reached out toward him, Iolaus turned to face her. "Did I say that aloud?"

"I heard you. Iolaus, you'll see him again. But I don't want it to be soon. I need you here."

"I love you."

"I know."

A frown of concentration marred Gabrielle's features as she once more dipped her quill in ink and continued writing. She was almost at the end of this scroll. The images and sounds were so strong in her mind that they blocked out the real sounds around her. She didn't hear Xena quietly enter the room until she spoke.

"Always working on a new scroll?"

Gabrielle looked up sharply. She smiled. "Always." She dropped the quill and stood to greet Xena. "Sleep well?"

Xena shook her head. "No. Not really. Too many dreams, and then Leipephile woke me." Xena was dressed ready for travel, her sword and chakram carried in one hand.

"Leipe? Did she talk to you? I mean about Mycenae?"

"Yes, she did," Xena answered, her voice low. "Gabrielle, what was Iolaus thinking — to let her go into battle?"

Gabrielle shrugged. "That she'd take it even worse if she couldn't fight, I think. Xena, you know Leipe. Iolaus got her to promise to pull out if she was hurt. He thought that was the best he could do." She looked down, avoiding Xena's steady look. "I know what she must be feeling, Xena. I went through it all myself, remember? But Leipe won't talk to me."

"I know. She's not much of a talker, is she? That's one thing she didn't inherit from her parents."

Gabrielle smiled at that. "Did you help her, Xena?"

Xena nodded. "As far as I could. Gabrielle, it's going to take a long time. Would you mind some advice?"

Gabrielle spread her hands silently.

Xena took that as an invitation. "I think it might help her to spend some time with the Amazons. Leipe's got it into her head that she'd be asking too much to burden you with her problems, but she won't get over it until she can share it with someone. She needs to choose her own path. And you've both got to trust her to get it right without you."

"You want me to send her away?"

"Not send, allow. I dropped a hint to her last night. Let her think about it, and if she decides she wants to leave, don't try to stop her."

"Xena, it was trying to find her own path that took Leipe to Mycenae in the first place!"

"I know that." Xena could see Gabrielle was upset. Concerned, she sat herself down at the table, laying down her weapons and pulling out a chair to get Gabrielle to join her. She reached out to touch Gabrielle, gently on her arm. "Gabrielle, you can't protect Leipephile forever. If you try, you'll just end up hurting both of you." She spoke from experience.

Gabrielle stared at Xena for a few moments, the same memories on the minds of both women. Suddenly she reached for the scroll on the table, checking that the ink was dry and rolling it up. "I promised to make a copy for the academy," she muttered.

Xena knew she'd said the wrong thing. She let the silence drag out for a few moments, and adopted a much lighter tone. "So…do you know this mysterious person Iolaus thinks I should talk to?"

Gabrielle smiled, glad for the change of subject. "No, he didn't tell me. There's probably no mystery. Iolaus just likes to be the centre of attention."

Iolaus had made a mystery out of it simply because if he'd told Xena what he was thinking, she would have ridden off straight away, as she had from the tavern. Keeping the secret meant she had to take him along. Gabrielle knew he would have told her, had she asked, but she already had a good idea who Iolaus had been talking about. Someone he associated with justice, someone who knew the ways and the secrets of the gods… But for now, this was her last chance to talk Xena out of this destructive path.

"Xena," she began.

Xena shook her head, interrupting. "Don't say it, Gabrielle. You know I can't let this lie.

She wanted to argue. In bed at night she had thought of a thousand things she could say, surely one of them would turn Xena aside from this? But she didn't have time. Fighting back tears, again, Gabrielle looked straight into Xena's eyes. "I want you to promise me two things."

"Two? Getting greedy, aren't you?"

Gabrielle just looked at her steadily.

Xena sighed. "Alright. Let's hear it."

"Don't go back to your army. At least not until this is over, one way or another. Xena, I'm afraid that if you do — "

"I won't," Xena interrupted gently. "I promise. I never planned to. What I have to do, I'll do alone." She paused, aware that Gabrielle was hardly reassured by this. "What else?" she asked abruptly.

Gabrielle's answer was the last thing she expected.

The door was slightly open. Iolaus was just about to walk through it when he heard Gabrielle's voice.

"Promise me this won't be the last time I see you, Xena."

Silence. Then the sound of a chair being pushed back. Xena's measured steps across the tiles.

"Promise me, Xena," Gabrielle said firmly.

Iolaus pushed the door open. He knew Xena couldn't make that promise. Not if she was serious about going after Ares.

Ignoring, perhaps not even noticing, his presence, Gabrielle spoke again. "I love you, Xena. I can't stand to think of you dying for revenge. And don't give me that speech about justice. I know it's a lie, even if you don't." She had moved into Xena's path, forcing the warrior woman to look at her. "Now you promise me. Or I swear, Xena, I won't let you leave this house."

That should have been funny. The petite Gabrielle threatening Xena. But Gabrielle was very serious.

Xena stepped toward Gabrielle and gave her a big hug. "I promise, alright," she said softly. But as she spoke, she looked across the room and met Iolaus' eyes.

They both knew it was a promise she might not be able to keep.

"I promise I'll come home," Iolaus said, before Gabrielle could ask him. He kissed her, and felt her arms tight around him. She was really worried. Iolaus couldn't blame her. "I'll ride with Xena as far as Thebes, then I'll come home. I promise," he said again.

Gabrielle smiled mischievously. "I thought that was where you're going. Give Nemesis my regards."

Iolaus laughed. "I should have known you'd guess."

"I can read you like a scroll, Iolaus. Besides, when you seek the secrets of the gods, who better to ask than someone who used to be one of them?"