Misc Computer Jokes
"What's wrong with me Doctor?".."Wait, we'll see what the computer says".
McAuley's Axiom:
If a system is of sufficient complexity, it will be built before it is
designed, implemented before it is tested, and outdated before it is
debugged.
Utz's laws of Computer programming:
1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
2. Any given program takes more and costs longer.
3. If a program is useful it will have to be changed.
4. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
5. If a program is useless, it will be documented.
6. The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer
who must maintain it.
8. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you
will find that programmers cannot write in English.
The 90/90 Rule of Project Schedules:- The first 90 per cent of the tasks
takes 10 per cent of the time and the last 10 per cent takes the other 90
per cent.
A doggone computer is man's best friend.
To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.
All systems designed to be wonderfully efficient are hell for the people
who supply the input and use the output. (& answer the PROLIN calls ?)
Song for a computer program ?... "I/O, I/O, it's off to work we go..."
Shakespeare ??
All the world's an analog stage, and digital cicuits play only bit parts.
Featherstone's Accurate Steps to Systems Development:-
1. Wild enthusiasm.
2. Disillusionment.
3. Total confusion.
4. Search for the guilty.
5. Punishment of the innocent.
6. Promotion of nonparticipants.
Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and
picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively -
the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs between
the traffic light turning green, and the driver behind you honking his horn.
The Spare -Parts principle (or don't drop the screws/jumpers when building
a server):
Accessibility during recovery of small parts which fall from the work
bench varies directly with the size of the part and inversely with its
importance to the completion of work underway.
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool when dropped, will roll into the
least accessible corner. On it's way to the corner, any dropped tool will
always first strike your toes.