Edges Issue 14: I Never Thought This Would Happen

EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 14

Aug/Sept 1998

I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN

Where to start? The beginning, I suppose. Nothing in my upbringing prepared me for being homeless. I had a really lucky break as a child because my dad was in the Army. I was sent to private school. After school, I joined the Army myself. In some ways, I wish I hadn't left, but the military leads a very black-and-white life, and grey was the "in" colour.

In the end I left and went straight to University. I passed my degree, with flying colours, after four years. So far, so good. At this stage the plan was that I would rejoin the Army as an officer. That was the plan, but the Army didn't agree. I didn't have the right personality to be an officer. An ordinary soldier, yes, but officer material?

After that, my whole life went off the rails. My family has a very long military tradition, and they felt let down. I came home hoping for a rest and a bit of sympathy, neither of which I got. My parents made it very clear that I was to stay only as long as it took me to find a place of my own. My grandfathers stopped speaking to me, and I got the message that my family wasn't interested in a military failure. They were more embarrassed than sympathetic. I haven't spoken to any of my relatives, except my little sisters, for more than eighteen months.

I moved in with my best mate, but after six weeks he stole from me. I'd found a temporary job, and he borrowed my cheque book and bought himself a new Walkman and other pieces of really flash kit. I'd never felt so let down. Everybody I'd trusted wanted nothing more to do with me. So I stopped trusting people altogether.

I stuck it out for a while, and then, in an attempt to find a friend, I joined the Prince's Trust Volunteers. Almost immediately, my Giro and Housing Benefit were cancelled on a technicality so my landlady evicted me. Things were getting seriously pear shaped.

After staying at Nightsafe and with some friends for a couple of weeks, I asked my team leader for help. He put me in touch with Father Jim.

After getting used to not trusting people, I was shocked. I hadn't really expected my team leader to have any lasting success. Since then, I've acquired a flat, a few people I can trust not to let me down, become a volunteer at the Drop-in and am seriously thinking about becoming a Community Service Volunteer (CSV

It's a long way from feeling isolated and unable to trust anyone. I've had to change my plans a bit, but now, if things don't go the way I want them to, I just adjust my plan a bit more.

Father Jim and the crew of the Starship Drop-In haven't given me a new way of dealing with life, but they did help me get myself back on track. They gave me back my positive outlook on life. Now I have somewhere to go, a target to aim for, and a direction in life. It was the faith that other people had in me that gave me back a bit of faith in myself