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EDGES MAGAZINE Issue 18 |
Jul-Aug 1999 |
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IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS SNIFFING SOLVENTS I am now 27. I started sniffing solvents when I was younger. It just felt good to take them. It used to make me go into a world of dreams, but I'd still be awake. |
 When I
left school, I started work. I started to drink. Going out to
night-clubs and enjoying myself. That's when I started to take
cannabis, amphetamines, ecstasy and that. Then I stopped going out
for a bit, stayed around at my house smoking weed, having a few cans
of beer. My brother started coming back after the pub with his
friends and they used to take cocaine at first, but it was heroin
really but we didn't know this. After a bit, a few months and that,
we wanted to try some ourselves 'cos we thought it would be good and
cool. We tried some and it made us sick. The buzz was wicked. From there it was just a weekend thing, a Friday night. Then it started getting more. I used to take it on a Thursday, then a Saturday, then a Sunday. By this time I was taking loads, but our money started to run out. I lost my job. Started to look scruffy. Not clothes wise, but health wise, in my appearance. I started to sell all my clothes. Owt what I could get money for. I'd never admit to myself that I had a problem. I thought I'd have it under control. After a bit I had to do a bit of shoplifting and things got really bad. I did one or two burglaries as well. Even sold a bit of drugs in my time to pay for my habit, but that all went out of the window. And then I went to see my doctor and he referred me to a drugs counsellor who put me on methadone and really I only went for methadone 'cos when you're skint and have no money it's better than nowt, you can sell the methadone or you can save it if you really need it. 'Cos at this time I just wanted to buzz, so I used to take methadone to get a buzz. Eventually, we went down to my mum's. I lived with my brothers and they were addicts as well. Then we moved up to my dad's. I still had it at my dad's. We had a friend who lived across the road. He was an addict. One day he came across and said to me " I'm not taking this anymore, I'm just going to stick to my script now". So I decided to do that as well. And from that day I threw everything out and I stopped taking the gear and I started to just take my methadone. At first the methadone was just there to get me high. I just got it so I could get high. And this time I was into all the downers. I would take all the pills I could get and I'd only been on the script for a bit, sticking to my script and one of my friends from Little Harwood came up and he said that he was going into a treatment centre and I thought it was a laugh at first. I thought you don't have to go any place to get off the drugs. If you want to do it you can do it, you don't have to go away anywhere. After he got clean and that he used to come up and see me. Not that much, but he just called up to see how I was. But my friend and I were really close. We were like brothers really. It used to get me mad thinking how good he looked. He'd got a job and he was getting on with his family and mating round with old friends and that. One day I went back to the doctor and I went back to get my script and I mentioned, I asked about a treatment centre. The doctor sent me to a counsellor and the counsellor said "No problem, we'll see what we can do". But I used to go back a few times and see them and kept talking about this treatment centre. He came one day and said "I think we can get you in this place. You'll have to go for an appointment down to the CDT". So I went to see someone there. They let me know about this Gisburn Park. It seemed interesting. I said "Yeah I'll go for it". So he got me the funding and I was just like waiting for a bed, then I was still worried about going in the place. But I wanted to get clean. I was sick of relying on something everyday. I couldn't do nowt, I couldn't be bothered to do nowt. I just wanted to be in my house all the time. I used to lie to everybody. Do bad things to my family and lie to them and threaten them and it was not because I wanted money, but it was what it made me into, it was drugs that made me like this. I didn't realise this at the time, then one of my counsellors said I'd get a bed. It'll take about two months to get yourself right. So I stuck to it, but in my head I was still saying "you don't want to go in there, you don't need to go in there". My mum and dad and my family really wanted me to go in. They said that if you go in then you'll be really helping yourself. So the day came to go in. I was in two minds whether to go in or not. I got in the car and I'm asking myself all the way down "Should I turn back? Should I turn back? Have I done the right thing? What am I doing going to a place like this, I'm going to prison, it's going to be like a prison". But I got there and it was out of this world really. It was like a big beautiful hospital, like a big old mansion in the countryside. Luckily, when I got there one of my friends who I grew up with, he was there. He was just like two and a half weeks there, so that gave me a lot of hope. I thought "if this man can do it then I can". I got there on the Monday and then that week I went to my first N/A meeting. It was the first N/A meeting I'd ever been to. I saw one of my old friends again who I grew up with. He was getting a medal for being 6 months clean and I thought again "if this man can do it anyone can". So from that day on I've just wanted to stay clean. Now I'm clean and at the end of this month I'll be 6 months clean. I'm getting on with my family now and people are trusting me to look after things. I look after some of my mates kids but in the past people wouldn't trust me to look after children. But now they do. I'm just grateful to Gisburn Park Treatment Centre that's helped me. |
