DRUGS HAVE DESTROYED
MY LIFE

Oliver is a heroin addict undergoing rehabilitation.

I started using cannabis and drinking at an early age. From about thirteen onwards I was drinking alcohol on the streets. My mum and dad were hippies so they allowed me to smoke cannabis and take LSD in the house. I had a lot of friends coming to my house and using sociable drugs.

When I was fifteen I moved on to heroin. I found my drug of choice and it was good at the time. Eventually, I lost all of my friends. I had nothing. My mum found out and I ended up going on the streets.

I moved from Blackburn to Glasgow. I got a nice job and I thought I was going to do alright. Five months down the line I started working with a lad who was on heroin and then I got back on to it. I stayed there about a year and then moved on to Sunderland. I gave the gear up but I started drinking a lot and smoking a lot of cannabis. I would wake up thinking about drink. I had substituted my heroin problem basically. I stayed there for about a year. I came back to Blackburn and carried on using.

Then I went to America. I wanted to get away to sort my life out. I went to New York and started working over there. I was working on a camp in the kitchens. Whilst I was over there I was drinking during the day and night. I was suppressing my feelings all the time. I found an American guy over there and he sold cannabis. I got in with him and his mates and started smoking over there as well. It was to build my confidence. I needed it. I couldn’t live without it at the time. I had a girlfriend over in the States. We split up about four months later because I never told her how I felt towards her. I found it a struggle to give away my feelings.

I came back to England after spending eight months over in America. As soon as I got back I was on the gear again. I stopped here until March 97’ and then I went back to America to sort out my head again. I went working on another camp over there as an assistant chef. It was the same story again, I was having sessions with the head chef. I started buying pot again. Eventually, I got caught one night walking back to my bunker with a can. The next morning the boss called me in and told me I was out. He drove me to the station and I ended up spending a night on the streets in Manhattan. It was pretty scary. I bought a twelve pack of Budweiser just to keep my head straight. I was really worried in a big city like that. I put my bags in a locker in Grand Central Station and walked about with a carrier bag full of beer. I was looking for a quiet place to get my head down. I found this quiet place down a back alley and managed to get about three hours sleep. For the rest of the night I was drinking my beer. I was scared.

The next morning I phoned up Camp America and they got me on another camp. That was in Pennsylvania. I caught a bus from New York and went to this camp. I did the same thing there and drank. I finished the camp and met a friend from the first camp. I met him in Kentucky. I travelled with him from Kentucky to San Diego. I was drinking all the way and we had loads of cannabis. It was a good experience at the time. It was constant driving all the time. The Grand Canyon was nice. The experience of seeing America was alright but I was in a daze.

When I got to San Diego I spent a night on the beach with my mate. We then caught a bus up to San Francisco, which took a day and a half. I stayed with my sister in San Francisco, again drinking every night. As soon as I woke up I would be smoking pot. I stayed there a week and then went on to LA. I cut down on the drink in LA. We stayed with a couple of gay guys there, but they put us up and that was the main thing. My mate knew them through family. We stayed there a week and then drove back to New York. It was an adventure going back to New York.

When I got back to Blackburn, because I’d been drinking and smoking a lot of cannabis over there, I went back on to the gear again. I got my habit back and ended up going into treatment in 98’. I went into Pierpoint House for about ten months. I learned a lot in there. I found NA. They taught me how to express my feelings. When I got out I found a flat and went to NA. I was over a year clean. I still struggled with drink. I thought I didn’t have a problem with drink. I picked up the gear again and went right back down to the bottom. I sold everything in my flat.

I felt guilty so I ran away from St. Anne’s and down to the South Coast. I managed to stay six months clean down there. It was the same cycle again with the drink and cannabis. It was a case of fixing my feelings with drugs. Again, I sold everything to fund my habit. It was just me and my dog. There were some days when I had gone over and my dog would come up to me licking my face to keep me alive.

My mum came down one day and knocked on my window. She stayed for four days and we had a chat. The day before she left she was crying and I was crying.

I came back to Blackburn to do the NA and I thought that would be enough but I was obsessed with the drugs. I wanted to stay clean but I couldn’t get the days behind me. The obsession had a grip on me and I couldn’t stop using. I was sharing at meetings but I couldn’t get that one day clean behind me.

I went to the Jarman Centre to get some needles. I asked for help in there and they referred me to T.H.O.M.A.S.. Now I’m in here and I’m getting clean. It’s doing me the world of good. I’m looking at myself and I now know that I’m an addict through my experiences. I know that if I do have a drink it will take me back down. It leads on t

other things for me. I just need to keep focusing on myself and get stronger within. I’ll have the support of NA and I hope I can move on.