A man falls down into a deep dark hole. He's stuck. It's too high to climb and he's scared. Doesn't know what to do so he starts shouting, "Help! Can somebody help me please?" Soon enough. A Doctor is passing by, The man shouts up to him, "Hello, Doctor? Can you help me?" "What's wrong?" Asks the Doctor. "I'm stuck in this hole, I'm scared and I can't climb out. Please can you help me?" "Certainly" replies the Doctor, who scribbles down a prescription and throws it down to him. Which doesn't help the man at all. The man keeps shouting from the hole for help, and again, soon enough, a Priest passes by and looks into the hole, "Hello there my son. What seems to be the problem?" Asks the priest. "Father, please help me. I'm stuck in this hole and I'm scared. I can't get out. Can you help me?" "Of course I can my son. I'll go to my church now and I'll pray for you to be rescued!" Says the priest. Which of course doesn't help the man at all. Later that day. The man's best friend walks past and looks into the hole. The man sees the best friend and cries out. "Oh thank God it's you. I'm stuck in this hole and I'm frightened. Please can you help me?" "Of course I can!" Replies the best friend and immediately jumps down into the hole with the man. "What have you done that for?" Cries out the man. "Now were both stuck in the hole, and we're never gonna' get out!.." "Don't worry," Says the best friend reassuringly, I've been in this hole before... I know the way out..." Getting into the hole is easy. It’s a gradual descent into the bleak. Deceptively so. The days become somewhat blander, they feel altogether longer. For myself, my whole attitude changed. As the malaise seeped through me, I found myself less and less inclined to spend time with those who loved me most, preferring instead my own company where the darkness deepened. My day to day existence became a constant drain. Panic and fear replaced calm and certainty. A feeling of ‘lostness’ enveloped me. Anger and frustration, yearnings to stop still and scream. My very insides collapsing within, a parody of my once confident self. So the hole became my reality. The deeper I got, the further away I drifted from myself. People could see this happening. It must be painful to watch someone you love thrashing helplessly, full of despair and loneliness. And the people who love me reached out their arms to pull me back to shore, but I felt paralysed with fear. I felt unable to grasp those outstretched hands that I knew could pull me back to myself. My Doctor diagnosed me with depression. Something that she believes has been a pattern throughout my life, and she felt it was necessary to prescribe medication! It felt like the last straw for me. Here I was, a thirty-two year old burnout! Emotionally dyslexic, physically ill and mentally weak! I could no longer face work. I couldn’t be bothered eating, and I couldn’t begin to explain to others, or indeed myself what was wrong… Or why I felt this low. So empty, so lonely. And I found myself at night, in the dark crying out to God, for some strength, for some hope. Today, I’m coming to believe it when we’re in this state of being, that we are at our most human. When we can expose all of our frailties with in ourselves for all to see, that we are closest to God, to our spirituality, and finally, in accepting our human frailties and embracing them. Only then are we able to find the strength to take hold of the helping hand that can guide us back into the light. The Doctors prescription, the prayer, the friend in the hole who knows the way out… By themselves, useless, but combined together provide a powerful recipe of healing, which is making my journey back a little easier. |
