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| My name is Jamie and I’m 29 years old from the Chorley area. I’ve been taking drugs for about half of my life now. For 14 and half years, it was a steady progression from glue sniffing, gas sniffing, magic mushrooms, that went on until I was 17 . Then I started on cannabis I was working and spending the money on as much cannabis as I could get my hands on. Then I was old enough to go into the clubs, so I started there on amphetamines and ecstasy. That went on for about 5 or 6 years until I was ill, psychotic for a few days, but I felt the effects for a few months. I was paranoid, my self esteem and confidence went and it stopped the clubbing for me. I tried it again but it wasn’t the same. I left the area, got a job, in a hospital with nice people, but my reputation followed me, someone said that I was selling drugs in the hospital. So when I finished for the day I just left, never went back. I should have stood my ground but rather than face it, I just caved in, it wasn’t true, but I was embarrassed. Then I was unemployed, with too much time on my hands I started hanging around with people I wouldn’t normally hand around with out of sheer loneliness and boredom. They were smoking heroin and because I had accommodation and they hadn’t, they used to come to my flat in the afternoons and I used to smoke some of theirs. The feeling it gave me was the feeling that I had wanted all my life, I wished that I had found it a long time ago. One thing led to another, it was like I was living a double life. I would go out with some friends who weren’t into drugs, go to the pub, play snooker, watch football, drive around in a car. That soon stopped soon I was using more and more, until I woke up one morning wondering why I felt so ill. I told someone who came round and he gave me some heroin saying it would make me feel better. It seemed stupid, but it did make me feel better and that’s when I realised that I was addicted. The mad thing is, I enjoyed it and I had no intention of stopping it. I had no idea then the damage it would cause me later. I hadn’t realised that I would be serving one prison sentence after another, burglaring people’s houses, stealing from my family, all that they had. All the pain and heartache that I have caused was worse than stealing the material things from them. It affected my relationship with my parents and brother and sister, it nearly ruined my parents’ relationship because of the stresses and strains that I was putting on them; the demands financially and emotionally. The crime I committed to fund my addiction was always burglary. I used momentarily to hate myself for doing it, but once I got the heroin I forgot all that. It was an on going process until I got caught again. When I was in prison I used to think that I was okay not using, that I would never use again, but just before I was due for release I started thinking about it again. It was a constant battle with myself, but I knew deep down that as soon as I got out I would start again. That’s exactly what happened but I justified it by saying to myself that it was just a little treat. I knew that I would soon be addicted again. I was hurting, family, victims of burglary, it just went on. I didn’t want to do it but the addiction was stronger, it suppressed everything else. I got a 2 and half year sentence this time. I was lucky to get that short sentence. I was on bail for seven months and during that time I burgled a house and got caught by a group of men in there, they kicked me down stairs, took me outside and beat me up. I was scared and I thought that if this had happened a long time ago maybe I wouldn’t have been in this position. I decided enough was enough. I didn’t stay off the drugs, but I didn’t burgle anymore. I thought all that I needed then was to give up the drugs. It was a strange feeling knowing that I was going to get sent to prison in a few months from then. I told myself that this time when I went to prison I would get all the help and support I could. I want to change my life I’ve wasted half of my life to it I want the rest of my life for myself. I feel lucky that I was sent to Lancaster, I had never been there before and I was amazed at all the help and support that was on offer. The most important thing here is how much do I want it and I decided that I would take all that was offered to me. I want to make my future as good as it can be, the CARAT team in Lancaster is very supportive. I did courses to help myself, drug courses, R&R courses, I was a trained prison listener, I wanted to help people because I knew what it was like to be down, more importantly I wanted to keep busy. I wasn’t getting involved with drugs in jail, I wanted to stay clear of it. I thought if I can’t stay clear inside there is no hope for me on the outside. I did a lot of work on myself, I surrounded myself with people who didn’t use drugs and I decided when I saw the CARAT team that I wanted to do a rehab. I have tried a few times to do it myself but it’s never been enough and never worked before. So it was all set up Pam interviewed me and I was accepted at T.H.O.M.A.S. I thought it was going to be easy at first because I didn’t realise all the hard work that went into it. I remember someone once saying to me that if I wanted things out of life it wouldn’t be easy, but it’s an easier life than stealing morning noon and night to get money for drugs. Now at T.H.O.M.A.S. I’m learning things about myself that I didn’t know before. It’s made me realise what I can have. I’m hopeful for the future, I have to be. It will not be easy I know that, but I want a drug free lifestyle. I can’t look too far into the future that will put too much pressure on me and set me up for a fall like it has in the past. |
