 Speaking at the 10th anniversary of the International Year of the family, Archbishop Celestino Migliore Holy See observer to the United Nations, said " The family is a natural institution based on marriage …the intimate and complementary union of a man and women…..it is more than just a simple, judicial, sociological or economic unity. It is a community of love and solidarity…..Today’s world poses many threats to the family especially where there is conflict, inadequate parental control, drug abuse, etc. Research in Britain shows that dysfunctional family life is often at the root of bad discipline, which leads on to other behavioural problems. These problems are not exclusive to Britain of course, research shows that they exist in Europe and the USA. What constitutes a dysfunctional family? In my understanding it is one that for various reasons does not function in a normal, healthy way, and where the normal growth and emotional development of each individual member is inhibited, through unwise parenting. Most families experience periods of stress through sickness, bereavement, unemployment etc. and most families adjust to these situations, returning to normal when the problems are resolved. Not so for dysfunctional families. Negative attitudes seem to be part and parcel of everyday life, which only adds to the seemingly ever-present problems. In all families, even normal, happy, loving, healthy families there are upsets, tensions, occasional rows and anger, but in dysfunctional families these problems appear to be insurmountable. In healthy families (non-dysfunctional) each member is respected, his/her opinion is recognised as valid and he/she is free to make life choices. The self-worth of each individual is encouraged, with unconditional love, acceptance of short-comings, given a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. Parents who are over protective to the point of stifling the development and initiative of a child, and those who are not protective enough, who leave the child to fend for himself/ herself, create an atmosphere in which the child cannot develop a sense of identity, importance (or importance only in relation to its parents need) and self-worth. In both cases the child’s progression into a well balanced adult will be impaired and without help, the problems may be carried into succeeding generations. The child’s sense of its own importance will be measured by what it perceives as the parents’ measure of it. A healthy family will set codes of behaviour, discipline and boundaries, which allow for some flexibility, but are consistent and always recognise the individuality of its members. In families where one or both parents are an alcoholic or drug user, life can be very chaotic. Inconsistency in matters of discipline and accepted codes of behaviour, which vary according to the day and condition of the parents, is destructive. Added to the traumas already felt by the children there is the necessity of keeping the secret, so no one discusses the problems and the problems are exacerbated by these added tensions. Research shows that children of alcoholics are more likely to become alcoholics themselves. Over-critical and disciplinarian parents can do untold emotional damage to their children’s self esteem, inhibiting the full development of expression, imagination and trust. Physical and sexual abuse destroys a child’s perception of its own worth and the damage caused by what the child sees as his/her own guilt is often life threatening in adulthood. The parents who should be the protectors of the family become the destroyers. How much damage that causes can only be imagined. Children from dysfunctional families always believe that things will get better, that things won’t always be that bad. This must be true in alcoholic/drug user families, where each and every day is different and the atmosphere varies according to the sobriety of the parents. These children lack the stability found in healthy families where there is consistency. The Government is making an attempt to address these problems by initiatives such as Sure Start, with parenting skills and the Lifelong Learning programmes etc. Much still needs to be done. Archbishop Migliore stressed ‘the primordial role’ of the family in society, "it is the first place for social integration as it constitutes the primary cell of its society and its foundation…… defending the sovereignty of the family contributes to the sovereignty of nations." |
