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| I started using drugs when I was 14 years old. It started with
solvents and by the time I was 15 or 16 years old I was drinking alcohol with a
group of lads. We used to go to Disco’s on Monday night. I did ok at
school but I could have put more effort into my schoolwork. I didn’t
bother about college because by then I’d lost interest. I had no ambitions
so when I left I went straight into a factory making shoes. It was pretty
boring. I just lived to go out at week-ends and taking drugs. The first serious
drug I took was speed and I loved it. I thought it was great – going out
partying Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. And that’s how it was for a few
years. I used to go all around the north-west to house parties having a great
time. I loved it, it was great fun, but I was becoming disconnected from my
family, I wasn’t spending much time with them. I was just working and
waiting for the week-ends spending all my wages. Most of them I owed anyway.
After three years I was made redundant because part of the factory was being shut down; I went straight into another job. This was my life, getting up, going to work going out smoking pot. This was a big problem, I was smoking pot before work, at work and at night. I changed my circle of friends and we spent every night of the week smoking pot, doing magic mushrooms, LSD anything we could get. It seemed at the time good fun, great, just going into people’s houses, making a mess, misbehaving. Hanging around corners on council estates, going to friends, smoking pot all night, sometime exciting, sometime boring, getting up to go to work. But the party scene was dying now. I started ducking work, changing jobs, getting bored. Probably I stayed at a job for twelve months. I had periods of unemployment. By this time I was selling a bit of cannabis and doing a bit of shoplifting to get a bit of money. About six years ago I met someone who was selling heroin and I bought some but I didn’t even know what to do with it. I didn’t remember much about it and the second time I knew how to use it but I don’t remember much about that. At first it used to make me sick but after the sickness I liked the feeling, it made me feel relaxed or more confident. I was back in work at this time. I remember going to work, ducking off the machine, going to the toilet to be sick then smoking heroin again. This went on for quite a while but I must have used it for over a year before I developed a physical habit When I got paid, we used to go over to Manchester, score, get some crack, but I didn’t like that I was more into my downers, I used to get sleeping tablets. I heard on the grapevine that there was a doctor who prescribed methadone if you had a prescription from the drug team. This seemed like an easy touch so I went to get a script for methadone and this was the start of a long downward spiral that led to depression, despair, isolation and loss of family. I went to work on and off, I worked in a sweet factory and though I don’t remember, I was told by a lady that she pulled me out of the toilet one morning, I was asleep and I had been using methadone I think. At the moment my memory is blurred, I don’t remember lots of things. I do remember it being boring. I as just getting up, going to the chemists, sitting in my room, smoking weed. Sometimes I had a job, if I hadn’t I would do a bit of shoplifting, but I didn’t like that; I was scared of getting caught and going to jail. Any extra money I had I would buy sleeping tablets or extra methadone, this was my drug of choice. In 1999 my brother died, he had developed a heroin habit and had spent a lot of time in and out of prison. He had also become an alcoholic. We were both causing a lot of problems for our parents. My mum and dad weren’t sleeping at night, I was falling out with my friends. I didn’t have any relationships, the family seemed to be breaking down; I always thought that I was alright because I thought that I was the one who wasn’t as bad as my brother. I suppose that is what kept me carrying on using. My brother hanged himself and for a time after that my using escalated. I was working at the time and I received a phone call, I fell back in shock when I heard. They say you don’t feel anything when you’re using, but I felt something. Anyway I went to see my drug worker. She put me on vallium and methadone and this carried on for three years. I started drinking, smoking cannabis, sleeping tablets. Just before I came into T.H.O.M.A.S. for the first time last year I had started using crack, I didn’t like that very much the first time round but then I picked it up again and I loved it from the first time. But I think it was that, that brought me into rehab. I was on my knees, couldn’t get on with my friends, I was using people right left and centre. I was kicked out and stayed with friends. The place that I had was alright but the emotional and physical side of me had deteriorated to such a degree, that I had to go and find help. In December 2003 I went into a treatment centre but walked out in January. I had given up my flat, my mum told me not to go back until I had sorted myself out so that wasn’t an option. After being out 5 days I met someone who told me to come to T.H.O.M.A.S. I came down; I knew a couple of the staff from N.A. and Jim had conducted my brother’s funeral so I wasn’t walking into a strange place. I did three months and then went on ‘transitional period. I learnt quite a bit about myself, sometimes it was good, sometimes painful but I persevered. I got a house in Darwen and for a couple of months I did alright. But then I got into a relationship with a girl, and forgot all the things like using N.A. support and Floating Support (T.H.O.M.A.S.help in the community) and I relapsed. First it was alcohol then codeine and before I knew it, the relationship was going to pot. She was working and I was neglecting the house and even when I was struggling I didn’t ask for support. I was bored and I started smoking heroin. But now I am back in T.H.O.M.A.S. I’m listening more, I am taking more advice on board from the staff who have experience. I am learning what I need to know to cope with life outside, how to deal with responsibility, how to communicate with normal people and to be myself without the drugs. |
