I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been in prison, probably fifteen or twenty. I was brought up in children’s home, foster homes, boarding schools and jails since I was three years old. I had to grow up quickly to fit in with the others, to do the things they were doing. I started taking drugs when I was ten, sniffing solvents at first, then cannabis,magic mushrooms and progressed to ecstasy, heroin and crack cocaine. All this time I was breaking into machines, pubs and clubs for money to fund the drugs. I started selling drugs when I was nineteen. I was breaking into chemists getting barbiturates, uppers, downers, all kinds of stuff. I ended up on the streets, scrimping, shoplifting. These were bad times It’s a do or die life in prison. I had to put on a front, become somebody I wasn’t. all I ever did in there was the gym. I worked out, acted the big hard man that I wasn’t. I always knew that I had to change, always doing things I didn’t want to do. I was just a slave to the drugs. I was physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually broken. I had nothing in my life. The drugs, the crime stripped me of everything. I’d had family and friends who had died around me. I couldn’t take it any more. After a few times of trying I deliberately got myself put into prison; did a detox, spoke to a CARAT worker called Robbie from Blackburn and came into T.H.O.M.A.S. I listened to the people there, to their suggestions and slowly I started to turn my life around and to feel better. I was introduced to the 12 Steps and NA and I started living life on life’s terms which I’d never done before. It’s good and I have a lot of gratitude for that. I’ve come a long way; it’s early days but I just want to carry on working the 12 Steps, keep in contact with T.H.O.M.A.S. and maybe give something back in the future. I’m in Stage 2 now, I have my own bedsit and I’m getting all the help and support that I need. I’m looking at going to college in the future. Now I’m looking for a sponsor so that I can carry on with the 12 Steps. I’m being taught life skills, buying and cooking food, paying bills, education and helping myself back into society. Now I feel gratitude for the things I’ve been shown and given; I’ve got people around me who care, are interested in me; who listen, suggest things to me but also listen to my suggestions and they want nothing in return for that. They just want me to become a productive member of society and to live a clean life. |
