 Drugs Almost Destroyed Everything Matt aged 22 is currently in our Rehabilitation Programme. He came to us direct from HMP Preston |
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| I used to have a good life until I was thirteen, that’s
when it started. I started smoking weed just to fit in. I didn’t like it
but I still did it just to show that I was one of the boys and wasn’t a
Catholic. Taking and smoking weed and getting more and more stoned by each
blast up, until I was lying on the floor in my own sick,my head spinning but
I’m still up for more, till I’m dead to the world.
Then comes the acid. Starts on a Saturday then ends up every school day, laughing at the teachers,watching them turn into gremlins. Seeing all the different colours from pink to blue, blue to green and green to red. All these different chemicals mashing my head. Doing things I wouldn’t even have dreamed of doing at a straight level. Like playing chicken in stolen cars, head on collisions nearly killing ourselves. Then it’s over the tops for a race, the wind in our hair, the feel, the excitement, adrenalin rush in my heart. My head saying faster, faster hitting cars at the side of the road, the air. Then we catch the eye of the police so here it comes, the chase with the wind in our hair, the thrill, the excitement. I’m the big man in the car the car that I twanged, putting our lives at risk. But I’m not, I’m the little man and all the knobheads around me because I’m better than them. I’m only a fourteen year old kid whose on the road to death. Then I see my cousin smoking some brown treacle on a foil. He’s having a toot, I wondered what it was but I didn’t want to ask until I saw him do it again. Then I got the bottle to ask him. He told me it was Smack. Then I started to wonder what it was like,what he was feeling because he looked like he was in heaven. He was gouching . looking like he was in a different place. Then the day came Michael my cousin and me both fifteen years old, both babies at heart,we robbed the pub and got some whisky, took it to a local dealer on the estate who sold gear.We wanted to swop the whisky for some weed but he didn’t have any.Wounded! Then he turns up ‘I’ve got some gear if you want some’ and like scared little boys we didn’t know how to say no. There we both were with three bags of brown. Little did we know that we held our whole lives in our hands. Then came the hit wow1 what a buzz. Lady heroin had come round and put her arms around me and took me in like I was a lost boy. The feeling I got from her I would have taken on the world. The itchiness and the sickness, I used to itch me skin till it bled, I was sick until I could not be sick any more but it all felt great. Then came the grouch. I was in a different world, a peaceful world; then bang! I woke up as if it was all a dream. Then it started once a week maybe a Saturday, then a Tuesday, then a Thursday till before you know it she’s got you. Lady Heroin she’s gripped you so tight. I was sixteen when this happened. I didn’t know what had happened until I felt my first rattle. It started first with the cold sweats, then the eyes started watering, then the sneezes, then it comes – bang! The aches and pains all over the body, then to wrap it all up comes the sickness – yellow and green stuff coming out of you and whilst this is happening if you’re lucky you’ll make the loo on time but if you’re not horrible smelly mess down your legs. Then comes your next fix. It’s back to heaven, and the shop lifting, robbing meat, coffee or anything you can sell just for you next £10 fix. And the same hold day in and day out. My family didn’t even know what I was doing. My eyes glazed over,my pupils like holes in the snow. Then comes the weight loss, pound after pound, stone after stone, looking like skeletau. All my mates didn’t want to know me, but my using mates just wanting me for my money. I was using them for the same thing. Now here comes my first jail sentence. I was just sixteen and I was off to Lancaster Farms to do a term in a hell-hole. The aches and the pains I went through, the sickness stuck in my 8 x 4 cell. I would do anything just to feel my drug go into me and take me away from the pain. Praying to God for a good night’s sleep desperately on my hands and knees. Thinking I wanted to die, then my rattle’s over. So where do I go to get me through my term in jail? |
