  Every day was the same, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Day. It was just the same old routine. Get up in the morning go grafting to buy drugs. Christmas Day was no different. I had three daughters and I wasn’t there to see them open their presents. I was upstairs on my own with my drugs.My Christmas present to myself was getting my drugs.My eldest daughter is fourteen and I’ve only spent one Christmas with her in the last fourteen years. It was just another day to use and I didn’t see it as any different. I’m now thirty-four years old and I’ve come to realise that there is another way. I didn’t realise how big my problem was. I was in goal and I realized. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to try something. I didn’t know what I was going to try but it gave me encouragement to go and ask for help. I’ve served a couple of big sentences back to back and rehab has been mentioned to me, but I always thought that I could stop whenever I wanted to stop. But that wasn’t the case. I was in Haverigg and I realized the drugs weren’t working anymore. I wasn’t changing anything. I was in despair and I ended up in isolation. It was the first time I had felt that and I had to go and ask for help. I went into HMP Lancaster Castle. I had never heard of the Steps and I didn’t know what I was going into, but I had to sign something. I found it really difficult at first, I’m not a people person; being honest, talking about what I had done in the past telling people that there was no damage, which was a big lie; pretending to be something that I was not; pretending to be a ‘nice addict’which is impossible. It was hard to get my head round it but it was the best thing I have ever done. I didn’t realize how big the problem was. I’d never been able to take drugs successfully. When I graduated I realized there were a lot of things I hadn’t done in my life, like associating with people who don’t use drugs. I hadn’t done any of that and that’s why I’ve come into T.H.O.M.A.S. Lancaster Castle was a taster, a test. It’s given me a lot back; it’s given me a chance to be successful for a change. I feel comfortable around people and the future looks brighter. There are certain things I want to do. I’m going to see my family next week. The first time I’ve seen them for years. I’m looking forward to it. This is going to be the first time that I’ve been with my family for Christmas. I’m looking forward for the first time seeing my daughters open their presents, without having drugs in my system. It’s going to be strange, but it’s amazing. I would recommend anyone, who is serious about changing their lives and I have recommended a few who are coming, to come to T.H.O.M.A.S. this is the place to be. It’s the best opportunity you will ever get and those kinds of opportunity are few and far between in life. |
