 Drugs Destroyed Me Craig Speaks to Edges |
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I drove down to meet the drug dealer, I had no tax, no insurance, short on petrol, but I got the drugs and drove back. I would have been in trouble if the police had got me, but all I wanted was to get some drugs. Luckily I did. I was freezing when I got home but I was ok until Christmas Eve. Christmas after Christmas I was upstairs on my own, not with my daughter or anyone, as long as I had my drugs for Christmas that was me. All my nephews and nieces with my brothers and sisters would be downstairs getting their presents and I was stuck upstairs on my own. I just didn’t want to know. Drugs have taken me from being a decent lad who had a home and a daughter to nothing. For the first seven years of her life I brought her up. I would get up with her in the morning, take her to school, pick her up after school,make her tea, put her to bed. She was in my life every day, until I split with her mother. The split was amicable and even though my partner knew I was doing drugs she never stopped me from seeing my daughter. I have stolen the last eight years from my daughter. Even though I know her, I don’t really know her emotionally. Someone asked me a few days ago what was my daughter’s favourite colour, and I haven’t got a clue. She knows that I am in T.H.O.M.A.S. and she is happy for me.My partner’s mother said this is a chance to make things up for her, to build a new relationship with her and that’s what I need to do. My daughter is the most important thing in my life, I have stolen from her,mentally. She won’t remember much of those years, but she will remember the last eight years which have been pretty bad for her. I have gone so downhill, I have turned into something I never thought I could -I’m shocked. I have lost all my mates,well they weren’t really mates they were just drug associates pretending to be mates. My family relationships have gone downhill, the way I look has gone downhill, everything has gone downhill. Heroin has stripped me of everything big time. I had decided to change my life – and I needed help. I couldn’t do it on my own; it was horrible, it’s not a life for anyone. I just existed. I had no aspirations, no motivation to do anything. I had nothing, I might just as well have been in jail; I was in ‘jail’; I have never been in jail, but I was in a mental jail, twenty-two hours in a room waiting to score. I tried everything. The worst moment for me was when my daughter said she didn’t want to see me anymore. I had blagged her that I was clean and she found out that I wasn’t. Then she said she didn’t want to see me anymore until I sorted things out. That crippled me and I knew that I needed help. I tried everything myself, but you can’t do it. I’ve tried. So I came into T.H.O.M.A.S. I’ve been seven weeks clean,which is a miracle for me, unbelievable. As I look at the future – I want to rebuild my relationship with my daughter and my family,my mum maybe my dad,who knows. I just want to get back into society, because I’ve been out of it for a long time. |
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