My worst moment on drugs was about two years ago. I was in active addiction, I was engaging in large quantities of heroin each day and I was smoking large quantities of crack cocaine, taking benzoes and drinking alcohol, anything I could get my hands on. I found myself at rock bottom one morning. I had been up all night smoking crack cocaine, I had no heroine to come down on and my head was all over the place. I couldn't get any drugs from anywhere, I had no source of income; I tried taking my own life. I tried hanging myself in my flat; it didn't work because the rope snapped from above the door where I had hooked it up. After that moment I realised that I couldn't even do that properly and I decided that I needed to do something about my life. If I couldn't even end my own life by myself, I needed help and I needed to change. I wanted to change because I wasn't going to try ending my life again; it was scary enough thinking about it, let alone doing it. That was a 'rock bottom'. I sought help from prison, I had done so many bad things that I ended up in there and that's where I heard about this place called T.H.O.M.A.S. in Blackburn from a CARAT worker. It's probably one of the best moves I have ever made because I have more backbone in my life now, I'm clean and serene, I've been clean for sixteen and a half months and that's a big achievement for me. It's been thirteen years since I was clean and totally abstinent. I've got my life back today. I've been to many low places in my addiction and I don't want to go back there. I used to think that I was somebody when I was in addiction, but people probably thought that I was a nobody. Now looking back I was probably a nobody. Now my life is back on track I want my name to mean something, I want all the material things that normal people have, I want a job, I want a family of my own, I just want to start living life as best I can. Life is too short as it is.We've got to make something of our lives and I've now found the passion and the self-belief to do it. I seek the Higher Power and find myself praying every day. I've got a burning sensation driving me forward and I mean to beat this disease and have my friends and family back in my life. It's overwhelming at the moment, I want to build bridges back to them because I wrecked their lives as much as I wrecked my own. I am deeply remorseful. |
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