I've been involved since I was ten years old with drink. I didn't see it as a problem at the time or about missing school. It was accepted I think because my dad was an alcoholic. At fourteen I started using solvents. I left school at fifteen and didn't take any exams because I was messing around with the solvents and I preferred that. At sixteen I started taking other drugs. Anything I could get my hands on. It fit in with the rest of the crowd that I was hanging around with. Then I got a six year sentence and I had no job, also everything was done for you in prison. I came out and my mother died soon after and I didn't cope with that very well. Family life was hectic;my Dad was an alcoholic and my brother was an addict. I couldn't get a job and I just got money from my dad and he was concerned that I didn't have a job. I relied on my brother and my dad for clothes and stuff. I started committing crime. I was twenty-five years old. I was hiding from my feelings until in 1996 I got a court order for a rehab. In there I learned that I was hiding from my feelings of anger, frustration sadness and some joy I did have some of that, but I kept them inside and after six weeks of rehab I couldn't cope, it was all new to me. I ran away from that. I was sent to prison again; to Lancaster where I did the 12 Steps. I let a lot of stuff out in there and it was very emotional. I thought I was sorted and had more responsibility around my feelings. I got into a relationship bit it was hard and I know now that it is important to have a relationship with yourself first. Since I came into T.H.O.M.A.S. I've worked in the groups and we all share our feelings and experiences. Afterwards we can talk about the things we shared and about the feelings and it helps. It's a lot better; it's important to feel right within yourself. I feel that I am more assertive now and I have found peace. |
