Diary of Darren Ta’ler

9^th Taishan, 998

A lot’s happened since I last wrote. Two days ago we were in Caemlyn. We went to see the Queen. I know it sounds like a song, and goodness knows you’d think a Queen would deserve a longer sentence then that (Well, I suppose in one sense it’s life, but that’s just a bad joke…) but I can’t think of any other way to put it than that. She expressed an interest in what we were doing, but couldn’t help us much… I think she’s got her own problems, judging by the amount of people who support the Whitecloaks…

But that’s not the main event. Tarn disappeared. I knew he wasn’t too fond of us for what he saw as delaying, but just upping and leaving! Of course, we set out after him…

…and that’s when we ran into the Whitecloaks. Now, I’ve heard all about their reputation, and how they hate well, just about EVERYONE. But this lot didn’t seem too bad. A bit stiff maybe, but they honestly seemed sincere in their duty to route out Darkfriends. We passed by, of course, and headed on our way…

We caught up with Tarn, after almost killing our horses. Seonaid gave him a dressing down, so that should have sorted that out…

And that’s when we meet Noam. Fairly ordinary bloke, I thought. Until I saw his eyes. They were yellow. Poor fellow, I wonder what sort of abuse he got as a child. He seemed to want to come with us, and I think it was to help… but, well, after Joar we were a bit wary of any company. But, it was getting late, and he knew where we could camp that night…

And that’s where we met the Tinkers. They’re wanderers really, moving from one place to another, never staying anywhere too long. I think they’re looking for something called the Song or something… but they don’t seem to be in any hurry or anything. It looks like a grand life… just going where the wind takes you. It’d be fun…but I have other responsibilities. And I don’t think I could just hang about without doing anything. There’s too much to do.

But that’s why I think I…well, erm…made love, to Arani, a Tinker woman. She seemed so wild and free when she was dancing and…well, when we were together. It was like… not remembering the past, not looking to the future. Forgetting yourself in the spirit of the moment. It was wonderful. And she was very beautiful, she had…

…Uh oh. I just figured out who she looked like. She looked like Seonaid. And I never realised. What have I done?

…Although, thinking about it, I don’t think Arani would mind. She doesn’t seem to be the type who would hold a grudge. I think. 

Anyway, we should make it to Four Kings by tomorrow night. Hopefully, it should be a bit quieter the next time I write an entry…

11^th of Taishan, 998.

I wish I wouldn’t write things like that. I should know by now that it’s just asking for trouble…

It finally came to a head. Idrien crossed the line. He used his gift carelessly and for no good reason. So something had to be done. 

We had got to Four Kings fairly uneventfully (well, except we had to bring down some Ravens, just in case they were Darkfriends). We’d arranged to stay in the inn that night, and Cruinn was even going to put on a show…

…and that’s where it started to go wrong. A GREY MAN (I better add it to the list of shadowspawn that has attacked us. Right, I’ve had enough. It can’t just be coincidence…) attacked Cruinn. And that wasn’t the worst thing. I never even noticed. Someone could have been killed right next to me, and I would have never noticed!!!!

Fortunately, Seonaid did, and managed to stop it. And to top it off, we had to take out Myrddraal as well! 

As you might expect, Cruinn, who to be fair never got over Joar turning out to be who he was broke up at this point. Tarn tried to comfort her, but I think (I wasn’t paying attention) it got out of hand. Anyway… he SLAPPED HER!

And that’s when it went to Shayol Ghul. Both Seonaid and Idrien put a weave on him. I suspect that Seonaid just wanted to stop Tarn, but Idrien went further. I saw what he did.

He cast the Fire on Tarn. It was quite impressive really, but using that sort of thing against a fellow person… that’s just plain wrong. Tarn wasn’t hurt, except maybe his pride as his clothes caught fire. But we decided to confront Idrien.

What followed was one of the tensest half hours of my entire life. We confronted Idrien, and he went all cold on us (understandable, given he was touching Saidin) and was, well, threatening. I honestly think he was tempted to kill us, and he thought he had a chance. Hah! Even given he didn’t know what I can do, there were two of us onto one of him. Still, that’s not what I wanted.

We managed to get him to swear oaths. I know none of them are particularly binding, but the fact that they’re there is, at least, something. Like I’ve said before, I won’t damn a man just for the gift he was born with, but I will damn him if he uses it irresponsibly. I firmly believe we were given this gift to help, not to harm or use for our own selfish desires. 

And I’m filled with hope that Seonaid didn’t just order me to attack Idrien. I want to tell her my secret, I really do, but I can’t risk it… there’s too much to be done.

There was another worrying thing, though. Idrien gated out. Creator, I hope he learned that by watching Joar… I don’t even want to think about the alternative. 

And so I thought we had, at least for the moment, sorted things out.

And that’s when we found Tarn gone. AGAIN. Even when Seonaid told him not to. I…I… I’m too angry for words. I can understand how he feels, Blood and ashes I’d probably feel the same in the situation. But we have to obey the Aes Sedai. We must.

Mustn’t we? 

Hmm…maybe I should be honest with myself. Am I really angry at him? Or am I merely seeing what I could become? When I first went to the White Tower, I thought all Aes Sedai knew everything… but after what I’ve seen over the years, I’ve come to realise that they’re human, and flawed just like the rest of us.

And if that’s the case, should we obey unquestionably? 

But that’s a thought for another day. If we’re going to find Arilyn, then we need to find Tarn. The problem is, how can we find Tarn unless we know which direction Arilyn is?

I think I’m going to have to try something. Noam said if we needed his help then I could find him in the World of Dreams…

And I think we need his help. So I’ll have to go to the world of dreams. Not that I mind too much. I like it there. It’s so…unreal. It’s exciting.

Anyway, I need to get to sleep for that. So I’ll stop writing.