Joke Page
. . .
- How do hedgehogs make love?
- Very, very carefully.
- How do you get 2 whales in a mini?
- Down the M6, M5, and along the M50.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes?
- A fsh.
- What do you call a man who is covered in leaves?
- Russell.
- What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
- Doug.
- What do you call a boomerang that dosn't come back?
- A stick
- What's the difference between a frog?
- One of its legs are both the same.
- What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
- A carrot.
- What do you call a Reliant Robin with a football on the back shelf?
- A whistle.
- What do you call a Reliant Robin with twin exhausts?
- A wheelbarrow.
- How do you double the value of a Lada?
- Fill the tank with petrol.
- How do you stop a man being over amorous?
- Put a stone in his shoe. It makes him limp.
- What's the difference between a JCB and a giraffe?
- A JCB has got hydraulics ...
- How do you circumcise a whale?
- Send four skin divers down.
- Why did the football manager have the pitch flooded?
- He wanted to bring his sub on.
- Dad, where is the Taj Mahal?
- I don't know son. Ask your mother, she puts everything away.
- What do you call a blind stag?
- No idea.
- His mother made him a homosexual.
- If I give her the wool, will she make me one too?
- Necrophilia is dead boring.
- Be alert.
- Your country needs lerts.
- What's the difference between Robin Hood without his glasses
and a constipated owl?
- One shoots and can't hit ...
- The carpet layer was arrested for drug abuse ...
- He was caught using stair rods.
- Where do policemen live?
- Letsby Avenue.
- Why is it crap being an egg?
- Because you only get laid once
- It takes three minutes to get hard
- Only two minutes to be soft
- The only woman to sit on you was your mother
- Where do you weigh whales?
- At a wailway station.
- Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
- He worked it out with a pencil.
- Why do dogs lick their own balls?
- Because they can.
- Why do they make toasters with a setting that burns the toast?
- Why do world heavyweight boxing champions have bodyguards?
- If someone steals your car, make sure you get their registration number.
- Einstein's Theory of Relativity is like an erection -
- the more you think about it, the harder it gets.
- What's the difference between a hard-on and the light on?
- You can get to sleep with the light on.
- If you have a moth-ball in each hand, what have you got?
- A bloody great moth.
- How do you circumcise a whale?
- Send four skin divers down.
- What's wrong if your wife keeps coming from the kitchen to nag you?
- The chain is too long.
- Premature ejaculation - premature for who exactly?
- Shopkeeper do you keep stationary - Yes
- Well move about a bit then.
- What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
- Anyone can roast beef
- What is a zebra?
- It is 26 sizes larger than an 'A' bra.
- How do crazy people go through the forest?
- They take the psycho path.
- How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an orgasm?
- Call her and tell her where you are.
- What do call a Spanish streaker?
- Senior Willy.
- What's Australian for foreplay?
- Are you awake?
Mike Draper
3 September 1999
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