From: Confused Art, ksm3ba@sirius
To: "Milky milky. Lovely.", trudi.topham@net-tel.co.uk,
Where did you get those cheap Highlander effects?, ch4br@herts.ac.uk
Subject: "Those were the days..." (fwd)
X-Status:
Scarey thought.....
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: 12 FEB 1996 09:08:04 GMT
From: the Grand Clavister
Newgroups: talk.bizarre, alt.punk, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh,
alt.conspiracy, alt.discordia
Subject: "Those were the days..."
THOSE WERE THE DAYS
by the Grand Clavister
"Grandpa, tell us about the Innernet!"
"Ah, I've told you about it a hundred times already!"
"Tell us again... please!!!"
"Well, what do you want to know?"
"Is it true that you could see the human naked body?"
"Oh, you could see a lot of things in those days, kids. Why, when I
was a young man, if you, for instance, wanted a picture of a woman
covered in her own feces having sex with a giraffe, all you needed
was a computer and a telephone --"
"What's a telephone, Grandpa?"
"Now don't interrupt! You interrupt again and I won't tell you
anything!"
"I sorry."
"Now, as I was saying, if you wanted a picture of a woman covered in
her own feces having sex with a giraffe, all you needed was a
computer and a telephone. And wasn't no one's business no-how why you
wanted it!"
"Did you masturbate to the picture, Grandpa?"
"Well, now who says it was _me_ that wanted that picture? Anyhow,
just about anyone could get just about anything through their
computer system... it was all for the asking on the Internet... all
until the Telecommunications Restriction Act. And it got worse
the year they appointed President Chicken!"
"Was that the year the music died, Grandpa?"
"No, kids, that was 1999, when Michael Jackson bought the rights to
all music everywhere. I'm talking about 2001, the Millenium. That was
the year that President Gramm got shot, and his Vice President, a
chicken, got inagurated. Everyone thought it was really funny when
Gramm appointed a chicken to the position of Vice President, and
when he had Vice-President Chicken stand on a rotating turntable so
it looked like he was dancing, but it wasn't nearly so funny when the
chicken got made President. That was the year the Trust Legalization
Act got passed."
"But how could a chicken be President, Grandpa?"
"Read your history books, boy! They'd put a copy of the bill in front
of the chicken, and they'd cover the bill with feed, and if the
chicken pecked at the bottom where you're supposed to sign, then they
took that as his approval, and they made the bill a law! That's why
everything in this house, and this house, and the power that's
running our surveillance system, and the water substitute in the
sink, and the clothes some of you are wearing, and the clouds in the
sky and the clouds in the river and Fluffy and Conchita the maid are
all stamped with the OWC logo... because all is OWC."
"One World Corporation, right, Grandpa?"
"Not so loud, boy. They'll switch on the AI bugs."
"What's a turntable, Grandpa?"
"Never you mind, child. It's something from long ago."
"Is that all you know about the Innernet, Grandpa, or should be put
you back in the capsule?"
"Well, some people used it to trade ideas and thoughts --"
"I don't like ideas and thoughts, Grandpa: Teachoid says they lead to
indi.. individibal behavior! And that interferes with the efficiency
of the community and the corporation. Amen."
"They really teach you good down at the school, don't they?"
"I dunno, Grandpa. I just sleep for 8 hours, and then come home."
"Well, the Internet was a wonderful thing, back before they started
restricting it. It was a way for everyone to express themselves and
be individuals. It was a way that everyone could be free."
"But nothing is free, Grandpa, are they?"
"Not anymore, child. Not anymore."
--
---------------------------------------------------------------
THE GRAND CLAVISTER OF NYC (AND POINTS BEYOND) NEEDS YOUR KEYS!
SEND AN SASE, $1 OR [PREFERABLY] KEYS TO FIND OUT WHY! SEND ALL
THE STUFF TO: O.L.I.N.Y.K., PO BOX 2559, GRAND CENTRAL STATION,
NEW YORK, NY 10163-2559. THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD DEPENDS ON IT!