"Fiz! Fiz! Fiz!" Sonson exclaimed, running around the bedroom excitedly.
  "What?" Fizban asked. Well, it wasn't exactly what he said, but it was the closest approximation within the English language.
  "It's a beautiful day outside! The sun's shining!"
  Fizban grunted and pulled the duvet up over his head.
  "It's warm! It's bright! The flowers are blooming, the bees are buzzing, the sky is so blue even Channel Five wouldn't broadcast it!"
  "Oh," Fizban muttered without the slightest trace of enthusiasm, "Summer."
  "Fizban," Sonson said sternly, "it's hot enough for water guns out there. It's not much cooler in here."
  Fizban paused, thinking for a minute. He was sure there was a hidden meaning to Sonson's last comment but in his semi-wakeful state it took him a while to grasp it. "You wouldn't?" he asked, almost pleading.
  "Hahaha," chirped up the bonsai tree from the corner, "Sonson does water squirting to wake you up!"
  "What is this, a conspiracy?" Fizban asked, feeling a little put upon.
  "Conspiracy?" said the bonsai tree, "Like a grassy knoll?"
  "Something like that," Fizban said grumpily as he threw back the covers and got out of bed. "Don't see what's so special about summer. Summer means exams and hay fever. Not that I have to do exams any more, but still, its the thought that counts."
  "Hahaha that's bugger!" replied the bonsai tree happily.
  "You would say that."
  Suddenly, in the space of less than a second, the sky darkened and there were several flashes of lightning. Then the sky brightened up again, as quickly as it had got dark.
  "What the hell was that?" Sonson said shivering.
  "I must be shudder," the bonsai tree said, its leaves shaking with fright, "like a scared."
  "You're not the only one," Fizban muttered.
  "Magical events does always making me scared," the tree continued.
  "Magical?" Fizban and Sonson said together.
  "Yup," the tree said, cheering up a little as it realised it was the centre of attention, "I does sensing magical events, like a geiger counter click-click-click."
  "Sounds like Taly's area of expertise," Sonson said, "perhaps you should contact her, Fizban."
  "Taly?" the tree asked. "She does having big boobies?"
  "You know her then?" said Fizban.
  Sonson gave Fizban a stern look, then smiled. "Go and get on that computer of yours and contact her. That way we'll know if we need to worry about this or not."
  "Blimey," Fizban muttered, "it must be important if you're telling me to use the computer." He wandered into the study and booted up his computer. As soon as it was on an alert message started sounding. Someone was already trying to contact him.

  "Different," commented the mouse, who had been scuttling around at the back of the shed.
  "Seems a bit crowded to me," replied its mate. "Too many characters to keep track of. I prefer it simple."
  "Do you have to pick holes in everything? Can't you just sit back and enjoy it?"
  "Just my opinion, that's all."

  As soon as they materialised in Cambridge it became apparent that it was a lot darker there. A split second later, it also became a lot wetter. There was a loud splash as Taly, Sonson, Fizban and the tree fell into the River Cam. Splange hovered smugly above the water.
  Taly was the first to emerge spluttering from the river. "You stupid punt!" she exclaimed angrily at the flat boat that was drifting along just a few feet to the side of where they had landed.
  "I like it," Fizban said as he surfaced, just after Sonson. "This teleportation spell of yours. Very accurate."
  Splange snickered. "The old skewing-the-teleport-spell-two-feet-to-the-right gag!" he exclaimed. "Works every time."
  "That's not funny!" the three of them said angrily in unison.
  "I must soaking, like a bedraggled," the tree added.
  "Oh, very well," Splange said grumpily. He snapped his fingers, and the three companions were lifted out of the river by an invisible hand, and deposited gently on the bank. "There," he added.
  "Ahem," Taly said sternly.
  Splange just looked at her, as if to say "Yes, OK, I was just about to do that", and then gestured at them. Their clothes dried out instantly.
  "Now," Taly said impatiently, "perhaps we can actually go and do what we came here for. Where's Mnemosyne's college?"
  Fizban lead the way.

  "I hope you're right about this Mnem," Raine said nervously. "You're sure that my exam isn't really tomorrow?"
  "Not exactly," Mnemosyne replied.
  "What's that meant to mean? I'm the first faerie ever to take a computer science degree - if my exam is tomorrow and I don't revise tonight, I'll end up the first faerie ever to fail one."
  "All I know is that everywhere else in the country it's still May 1st, and it's-" she paused looking at her watch, "-about 11am."
  Raine sighed and beat her wings loudly, the faerie equivalent of pacing up and down.
  The others said nothing. Ariadne was the only person who Mnemosyne had been able to convince. Charmarl had brought its revision along, and was leaning up against the fountain leafing through its most hated text book, testing the theory that the less you liked a text book, the more you stood to learn from it. Abstract had made his own contingency plans. He'd re-written the software that would be used to collate the exam results, on the basis that even if he got caught, it was a complicated enough task to prove that he deserved the degree anyway.
  "Where's Nightwing?" Ariadne asked.
  "He said he had some stuff to bring," Abstract replied. Everyone else suddenly looked quite worried. "I expect he won't be too long," he continued.
  On cue, there was a loud explosion on the far side of the courtyard, and half of the wall along that edge collapsed, billowing out a huge cloud of dust. Nightwing walked through, a rocket launcher in his hands, and a dangerously equipped looking pack on his back. "Sorry I'm late."
  Mnemosyne sighed. "Can't you ever use doors like anyone else?"
  Nightwing shrugged apologetically. "Force of habit. Doors are for wusses."
  "Men!" the gathered females exclaimed.
  "Nightwing," Raine said quizzically, "We all know you keep your backpack and fragstick under your bed so why were you so late getting here?"
  "Erm," Nightwing said, looking down and shuffling his feet, "I was revising."
  "OK Mnem, I'm convinced this is all unnatural," Raine stated. "If Nightwing's revising the universe must've been turned on its head."
  "It was horrible," Nightwing said shaking, ignoring the faerie's jibe. "I was on my way over, just a minute or so behind Abs, and then I saw this weird figure on horseback. It pointed at me and said something, I didn't quite hear what it was. But the next thing I knew I'd run back to by room and had been reading about linked lists for ten minutes."
  "Feared," commented the other computer scientists present.
  The sound of approaching voices reached them, and they all turned to watch the figures picking their way through the rubble.
  "We got here as quick as we could," Fizban said as he walked over to join the crowd. "And we met up with someone else along the way."
  "Who?" Ariadne asked.
  "Ben," Fizban replied, moving aside so the others could see.
  "I would've got here sooner," Ben explained, "But one of my users was trying to hack the BatCave's main computer and I was having a hard time convincing him it didn't exist."
  "That's what you get for working as sysadmin at a primary school," Ariadne said chuckling.
  "Shall we get down to business?" Taly asked, stepping forward.
  "That all depends what business is." Mnemosyne replied.
  "Well, what I can tell you, as a wi-" Taly caught herself, "as an occult consultant, is that a number of entities have entered our dimension from another plane of existence. If you tell me what you know, we'll see if we can work out what they are and how to send them back."
  Between them, the students related the experiences in Cambridge over the past hour. Taly was particularly interested in the description of Nightwing's encounter. "OK," she said, "that narrows it down a bit. Splange, pass me 'Philbert's Not Quite Complete Folio of Non Life-Threatening but still Quite Nasty Manifestations'"
  "I humbly do your bidding, oh font of mystical knowledge," the genie replied as he popped out of nowhere holding a large wood-bound book.
  Raine stifled a giggle.
  "What's so funny?" Taly said crossly, "Haven't you ever seen a facetious genie take the piss before?"
  "Oh yes," replied Raine, bursting out laughing, "but I've never seen a facetious genie with reindeer antlers before."
  "They're moose antlers," Splange said touchily. "And I'll have you know that they're considered quite the rage in geniedom at the moment."
  "Don't rattle him, please," Taly pleaded. "I'm the one who'll have to put up with him sulking for weeks afterwards." She opened the book and started flicking through it. "Well, the 'night before exams' situation suggests we're looking at something from the realm of Academia, and Nightwing saw a figure on horseback, so we're talking about something that takes a humanoid form. I haven't yet met a demon with seventeen tentacles who could ride a horse."
  "What about him?" Ben said, pointing at a picture that caught his eye as Taly turned pages.
  "'The Marker of Doom'?" Taly asked. "No, he wouldn't turn up before exams. Besides, he doesn't ride a horse."
  Ben shrugged.
  "Ah, this looks promising," Taly said. "'Humphrey the Grumpy Invigilator.' Known to turn up before and during exams, has a penchant for stopping people from talking and snatching their work from them while they're still writing."
  "Let me see," Nightwing said. He pushed between Ben and Fizban to get a good view of the book. "That's him."
  "What?" Fizban asked incredulously, "A grumpy invigilator made you run off and revise?"
  "No," Nightwing said grimly. He pointed at a figure on the opposite page. "He made me run off and revise."
  Everyone gathered in closer and looked at the page heading, which read 'The Four Horsemen of the Examination Room'. The response was unanimous.
  "Oh shit."

  Five minutes later, Taly summarised the information in front of her. "The Four Horsemen, in ascending order of threat. 'Bladder Control' is nasty, but is the least dangerous. He affects concentration by, well, I guess that's obvious. Distinguishing feature is the smell - the odour of subways and staircases in multi-storey carparks."
  "Nice," commented Mnemosyne.
  "'Pens Running Out' is next. Creates disruptions by absorbing all free-running ink he can get close enough to, and has been known in some cases to absorb written words off paper. Distinguishing feature is his appearance, which is that of an apparition fading in and out."
  "He can't mess me about," Abstract stated confidently, "all my notes are on computer."
  "Third is 'The Last Minute Revision You Didn't Do.' Very powerful, mainly uses his power to make people run off and revise, usually making them read incredibly straightforward topics."
  "Linked lists," wailed Nightwing dejectedly.
  "Distinguishing feature is his haggard appearance, he looks like he's been up all night working."
  Raine moved over and put her arm round Nightwing comfortingly.
  "Finally," Taly continued, "We've got 'A Question You've Never Seen Before.' He's one evil bastard - he can ruin the hopes and dreams of even the most well prepared student. He's indistinct in appearance - appears as a black cloud that's vaguely humanoid in shape. Compared to him his companions are minor annoyances. He's the one we really need to worry about."
  "So," Mnemosyne asked, sounding rather subdued, "how do we send them back to where they came from and return Cambridge to normality?"
  Nightwing stroked his rocket launcher and grinned evilly. "We send them over a six-pack of woop-ass."
  Taly rolled her eyes. "Well, that'll hold them off, but it won't get rid of them. It says here that there are five talismans, 'Pass Mark', 'Third', '2.ii', '2.i' and 'First', which when brought together combine to form 'The Exam Result,' which alone holds the power to send them packing."
  "Oh for fuck's sake," moaned Nightwing, "that sounds far too much like Hexen. Give me a mindless Quake-style fragfest any day."
  "It says here that there are other ways of dispatching the lesser horsemen, but Question can only be defeated by the Exam Result," Taly read.
  "Where do we find these talismans?" Ben asked thoughtfully.
  "The talismans are drawn to the horsemen. They should've appeared in the area shortly after the horsemen arrived."
  "But let me guess, they won't all be in the same place?"
  "It doesn't say," Taly said, scanning the page carefully, "but I'd guess it won't be that easy, no."
  "Bugger," Ben said, summarising the thoughts of most of the others quite succintly.
  "But it's so clichéd," Nightwing said, "They'll be easy to find. I can tell you right now that there will be one at the top of the bell tower in Trinity, one embedded in the underside of one of the bridges, one at the bottom of a wishing well, and one in secret compartment behind a church altar. The fifth and final one is probably right under our noses. I mean," he continued, bending over to pick up a thin gold chain with a dark stone pendant hanging from it that was in the dirt at his feet, looking like a lost necklace, "this is probably the Talisman of Pass Mark." The stone glinted as he finished.
  Everyone except Taly and Splange looked at him in surprise. Taly merely nodded, being quite familiar with clichéd magical quests herself. Splange vanished in a splash of ectoplasm.
  "Hey," Nightwing said, feeling quite pleased with himself, "it is the Talisman of Pass Mark."
  "You mean you were just bullshitting?" Taly asked.
  "Not exactly." Nightwing shrugged. "I've played enough poorly thought out computer games to know where pieces of an artefact would be hidden, I just didn't expect to be right, that's all."
  "Eighty percent, not bad," Splange boomed as he popped back into existence, four gold chains draped over his fingers, each with a different coloured stone hanging on it. "The wishing well one was actually concealed in a box of Star Wars lego at Woolworths, but then you're only human." He wobbled slightly as he dropped the stones into Taly's hand.
  "You OK there?" Mnemosyne asked.
  "Me?" Splange replied, trying to sound surprised that anyone was interested. "Oh yes, I'm fine. Nevermind that I bashed my head on the bell in Trinity's tower. I'll pull through, eventually. I hope."
  Mnemosyne rolled her eyes, trying not to laugh when she noticed that everyone else was rolling theirs too.
  "Taly?" Sonson said nervously, "I can hear hooves in the distance. Perhaps we should put this thing together."
  "Er, right," Taly replied. "Splange, I'll need the Compendium of Do-It-Yourself Second Rate Magic Artefact Assembly."
  "It's OK Taly," Splange muttered, putting on his most wounded voice, "you needn't worry about my head injury, I'm still perfectly able to fetch and carry for you." He vanished again, and then reappeared with an overfull ring binder.
  "I thought genies were incorporeal," Fizban muttered to Ben. "Surely they can't sustain head injuries."
  Taly groaned, hoping Splange hadn't heard. It was a futile hope.
  "Oh silly me," he said loftily, "I bashed my head when I shouldn't be able to. Forgive me, I must have this genie lark all wrong. Perhaps you'd like to spend several centuries in a dark cramped lamp, and then we'll see if you don't attention-seek whenever you get out."
  "Shut up all of you," Taly snapped. "I'm trying to find out what to do with these bloody stones."
  No one spoke for a few minutes. This was all very well until everyone could hear the hoofprints in the distance, that were definitely getting closer.
  "Bollocks!" Taly exclaimed. "It's only if we combine the stones under a full moon that they get rid of the four horsemen instantly. We've missed it by a day. The full moon was yesterday."
  "Are you sure?" Nightwing asked.
  Splange shook his head in horror. Taly just turned to Nightwing and gave him a look that was so full of disdain it could've shamed a university rugby club into going teetotal for a week.
  "She's a witch," Splange said pointedly. "Of course she knows when it's a full moon."
  Taly's look was now directed at Splange.
  "OK, OK, you're an occult consultant. I know, I know."
  "Look!" Mnemosyne shouted, her patience suddenly running out, "Can you two cut the double act for just a few minutes and tell us what we need to do!"
  Taly actually looked meek as a result of the outburst. Splange was so surprised by this he popped out of existence for a while from the shock.
  "Well, it looks like we have to find ways of doing away with the three lesser horsemen, and then use the five stones on Question. Then everything should be alright, in theory."
  "In theory?" Mnemosyne asked, incredulous.
  "Well, the horsemen have never been to Earth before, so we can't be exactly sure how anything will work on them. On top of that, according to this no one in our group of dimensions has ever tried dispatching the horsemen in this manner. This is cutting-edge occultism, you know."
  "Wonderful. So, what're we going to do?"
  "I say we split up and do our best to take out the other three," Nightwing said, feeling that as the resident Quake-head it was about time he contributed to strategy. "Then we meet back here for the obligatory showdown with that Question guy."
  "Plan," Ben agreed.

  "OK," Nightwing recapped, opening his backpack. "The men will be running around with big guns and generally distracting the horsemen, on account of the fact that we've all played Quake far more than is generally considered healthy, and that it gives us an excellent chance to prove our masculinity. The women and Charmarl will be pairing off to hunt ways of taking the lesser horsemen out. Splange will be flitting around keeping everyone in touch, and will be carrying the stones so he can get them to whoever gets the first chance on Question once the others are down."
  "And I'll be getting the coffee and cake ready for afterwards," Splange added.
  Nightwing sighed.
  "Is there a problem with my coffee and cake? You can tell me, I can take it. Just say the word. You don't have to worry about my feelings."
  "Just be careful," Nightwing said to the genie, ignoring his melodrama. "You're going to be carrying the stones, so you're the most obvious target."
  "That's not necessarily true," Taly chipped in. "These are magical entities. While they're going to be taking most of their time to cause general mayhem amongst all the students, they're likely to be able to home in on any threat."
  "You mean that since you and I are going after Pens Running Out, with a view to taking him out, he's gonna come after us?" Mnemosyne asked.
  "Quite probably."
  "In that case," Fizban said, confused, "How come the four of them are still trotting around the campus rather than coming straight here after us?"
  "Because right now all we're doing is talking about it. Come on, we've been here over half an hour mainly just bickering," Taly said. "Would you feel threatened if you were them?"
  "No," said Nightwing, "but that's only cause right now they don't know what's in my backpack." He reached out and pulled out several mean looking weapons. "Fizban - plasma gun. Light but fast. Runs out quickly too, you'll need plenty of batteries."
  "Nightwing," Fizban replied drily, taking the gun, "We're making our stand in an all-girl college. I can't see batteries being a problem."
  Nightwing chuckled. "Ben - shotgun. Plenty of ammo to go with it too. Just mind the kick. Abs, you can take Nikita," he said, handing his friend the rocket launcher.
  Charmarl actually looked up from its revision for the first time. "You've given your fragstick a name?" it asked, laughing.
  "Perfectly normal," Nightwing said, trying not to blush. "Lots of people have names for their favourite tool."
  Everyone sniggered, feeling it would be rude not to.
  "Now," Nightwing said as he pulled an unpleasant looking weapon, the thunderbolt, from his pack, "we're tooled up, so you'd all better run. If what Taly says is right, they'll come for you once you leave. We'll try and hold them for a while here and then scatter."
  "Rightyho," said Charmarl, reluctantly putting down its book. "Come on girls, lets go. And boys, try to leave some of the college standing."
  "And so, it begins" Splange boomed.

  "How did we get lumbered with Bladder Control?" Ariadne asked Sonson as the two of them crept around the outside of the campus.
  "Haven't a clue. Perhaps we're most likely to think of a way to get rid of him before we have to run off to the loo."
  "I think it's more likely we just drew the short straw."
  There was a series of loud crashes and explosions from the direction of the courtyard. "Sounds like the horsemen just found the guys," Sonson said worriedly. "You think they'll be OK?"
  "I'm more worried about the college. With all those guns it's bound to come off worse than the men or the bad guys."
  "So what. You know what happens with these things. The minute everything is set right, any damage to buildings, cars, or people is instantly fixed. You know, the 'as if it never happened' type ending."
  A minature version of Splange popped into view in front of their faces. "The horsemen have scattered, for now. By the look of them it won't be long until they come back. Just wanted to warn you."
  "Thanks," Sonson said. "Are the guys OK?"
  "They're fine."
  "How much damage did they do?" Ariadne asked, fearing the worst. "To the surroundings, I mean."
  "Apart from Abstract scoring a direct hit on the dome by firing a rocket at Question and it passing straight through him, they didn't even touch it."
  "How badly hit is the dome? Just our luck, I guess. Dining hall would get hit first."
  "Well," Splange said smiling, "it's a wonderful piece of architecture. Could probably take five or six more hits like that and still be standing." There was a low rumbling crash in the background. Splange frowned. "Then again, it could just have been waiting to make me look stupid. I remember when they built domes to last, you know. Domes that would never have collapsed the first time they were hit by a rocket."
  "Were rocket launchers around that long ago?" Ariadne asked coldly.
  "No. Could have something to do with it, I suppose."
  "Shouldn't you be warning the others too?"
  "Oh yeah," Splange muttered, and vanished.
  The two women carried on, not sure what they were looking for.
  Sonson wrinkled her nose. "I think I can smell him. Bladder Control I mean. What should we do?"
  "Running features highly on my list of ideas, but that's not much help."
  The sound of hooves came to them, getting louder and louder.
  "Look!" Sonson shouted triumphantly, pointing at the road. "A Pampers lorry!"
  "And?" Ariadne asked. Her face suddenly lit up as she realised what her companion was getting at. "Nappies!"
  "Right. All we need to do is flag down that lorry and pinch some of the nappies out of the back."
  "How? Should we just ask the driver for some nappies to help us with our Bladder Control problem?"
  "Nah," Sonson said, reaching into her bag. "I pinched Nightwing's nail gun, we just shoot the tyres."
  "Cool."
  Sonson yanked the gun out of her bag and swung it round in the direction of the lorry. Grinning manically she pulled the trigger. After several loud bangs Ariadne put her hand on Sonson's arm. "I think you can stop now," she said reassuringly. "Unless you want to go and shoot all the tyres on the other side too."
  Sonson shrugged and ran up to the back of the lorry. "Hmmm," she said. "Perhaps we should've thought about how to get into it too."
  There was a loud bang from the front of the truck as the driver jumped out and slammed his door, before running off in the direction of the nearest public toilet.
  "I need the loo," Ariadne said.
  "Don't think about it."
  "No, you don't understand, I really need the loo."
  "Me too, but talking about it doesn't help."
  There was no mistaking the smell of Bladder Control as he slowly rode from the campus towards them. "Splange!" Sonson called desperately.
  "At your service, ma'am," the genie said as he appeared, trying to sound as disinterested as possible. Since he was actually finding all this popping about quite exciting, however, he failed miserably.
  "Open this door, will you? There's a good chap. And be quick about it, before we widdle ourselves."
  "Ah, dragged me over here to make full use of my genie faculties, I see."
  "Just open it, for fuck's sake!" Ariadne screamed, her legs tightly crossed.
  Splange reached out and stuck his hand through the door, then wrenched it open. Several boxes of nappies fell out of the lorry.
  Bladder Control halted his approach as Sonson and Ariadne tore at the boxes and the packs inside them, until each had two handfuls of brand new nappies. Splange grabbed the reins of Bladder Control's horse as the horseman tried to get it to turn and run back the other way. Unable to escape, the horseman directed all of his power at Sonson and Ariadne as they tried to approach him with the nappies, each waddling slowly with her legs pressed tightly together.
  "Allow me," Splange said chivalrously as he reached out and took a nappy from Sonson's hand. He turned to Bladder Control and slapped the horseman across the face with it. Bladder Control screamed.
  Sonson and Ariadne both suddenly felt a lot better and found it was safe to walk normally once more. They ran up to Bladder Control and bludgeoned him with the nappies as he writhed in agony. With a sudden loud squelching noise, the horseman vanished.
  "One down, three to go," Splange said merrily. "Well done ladies, I think you deserve a quick rest." So saying, he vanished again.
  "I don't know about a rest," Sonson said, "but I definitely need a wee."
  "Me too," Ariadne concurred.
  They didn't see the black cloud following them until it was too late.

  "You're very quiet, bonsai," Fizban said as he paced around the campus, watching for signs of the horsemen. "You haven't said a word since we got here. Are you OK?"
  "I must be very quiet," the tree whispered, "like a secret stealth bonsai tree."
  "Forget I asked."
  "You must not telling people about I am here."
  "OK, I won't. I think the big box I'm carrying you round in might be a bit of a giveaway though."
  "I must be bugger," the tree said dejectedly, its branches drooping. "Box does needing a cloaking device, like a hidden."
  Fizban spun round and primed the plasma gun as he heard footsteps approaching quickly.
  "You must not shooting!" yelled the tree. "Sonson must not be hit!"
  Fizban flipped the gun off again and caught Sonson in a hug as she ran up to him.
  "We took out Bladder Control," Sonson wheezed as she tried to get her breath back, "But then Question showed up. He got Ariadne."
  "How is she?" Fizban asked, concerned.
  "Working through a nasty recursive function problem. She ignored me when I tried speaking to her."
  "Pretty much the same as Abstract then. Question caught us out a few minutes ago, the rest of us managed to get away, but now Abs is trying to write a computer simulation of a nuclear blast at the atomic level."
  "I hope the others are getting on okay."

  "Where are we going?" Taly asked as Mnemosyne lead her through the college corridors.
  "My room. With all the junk I've got there must be something that will be of use."
  "Cool. I can't remember the last time a woman insisted I accompany her to her room," Taly replied slyly.
  "Oh give over," Mnemosyne said impatiently. "Aren't you even the slightest bit worried about all this?"
  "Of course I am. Doesn't stop me larking about though."
  "Great. I'm stuck with the Witty Wit- occult consultant of the West."
  "Just be grateful you're not lumbered with Splange all the time."
  "Well, maybe there is that."
  "What was that?" the genie said as he appeared in front of them. "A pin dropping? A field mouse farting? Or was it just the sound of my fragile, stunted ego straining under yet another unwarranted assault?"
  "Quit whinging and bring us up to date," Taly said in her best no-bullshit voice.
  Splange pouted. "Sonson and Ariadne just saw off Bladder Control, but Abstract and Ariadne have both been caught by Question. Pens Running Out is sniffing around outside at the moment, he's bound to find his way in and come for you pretty soon."
  "Oh, triffic." Mnemosyne said drily. "Make me feel better, why don't you?"
  Taly rolled her eyes at Mnemosyne. "Thanks for the warning, Splange. If Question's started taking us down you'd better go keep an eye on him."
  "Your wish," the genie replied, "is my command," He bowed. Mnemosyne was amazed, she'd never seen a sarcastic bow before.
  "Yeah, like that means squat, you're a genie, of course my wish is your command. Go!"
  Splange remained hanging in midair just long enough for his pout to have maximum effect, then popped out of existence.
  "Where did you find him?" Mnemosyne asked. "And don't even think of answering 'In a Lamp.'"
  "Family heirloom," Taly explained. "The lamp, that is, not him. My grandfather warned me not to rub the lamp, but, well, what can I say? I didn't listen."
  "Why does that not surprise me?"
  "Nice. How much further was it to your room?"
  "It's right here." Mnemosyne pulled a set of keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door they had stopped next to. When she turned the handle, the door would not move. "Bugger, the bloody thing's jammed again. Hold on."
  She backed across the corridor and then ran at the door. At the last minute, she leapt in the air and struck the door with a flying kick. There was a loud crash as the door came off its hinges and fell backwards into Mnemosyne's room. "I hate it when that happens."
  Taly merely shrugged and followed her into the room.
  "See anything that would help us against Pens Running Out?" Mnemosyne asked hopefully.
  "Your guess is as good as mine. All I can see is a tiny little room that we really don't want to get cornered in."
  Mnemosyne shrugged. "I can't help it if they expect us to live like sardines, can I?"
  "You're right about the junk though. Do you ever throw anything away?"
  "I try not to."
  "You like souvenirs too, don't you? Souvenir tea-towels, souvenir pencils - you know it's impossible to write with them big ones, don't you - souvenir egg cups. Why?"
  Mnemosyne shrugged. "Reminds me of home, all those souvenir shops."
  There came the sudden sound of ominous footsteps.
  "Well," Taly said, "I guess he didn't bring his horse in with him. I would suggest closing the door to slow him down, but somehow I think that might be a bit difficult."
  Mnemosyne hazarded a look down the corridor. "Urgh, he looks freaky. He keeps flickering. And all the posters are going blank as he walks past. Well, almost blank."
  "Only almost?" Taly asked, interested.
  "On some of them where people have written their names, you know, to volunteer for a place on a team or whatever, some of the names are still there."
  "Aha!" Taly said jubilantly, grabbing one of the souvenirs. "That's what you use against a guy who makes pens run out!"
  "What?" Mnemosyne asked, confused.
  Taly handed the souvenir to her. "One fucking big pencil!"
  Mnemosyne's hands were shaking as she looked at the pencil. Pens Running Out's approach had not slowed. "What do I do with it?" The horseman was now close enough that some of the dye was fading from her clothing.
  "Oh give it here," Taly said, snatching the pencil back. "Haven't you ever watched Buffy?" She ran at Pens Running Out and drove the pencil into his chest. He screamed briefly before he exploded, showering both of them with ink.
  "Jesus girl," Taly said, gasping for breath and wiping the ink from her face, "You really need to watch more scifi."

  "Very fetching," Ben commented as Taly walked into the courtyard, covered in ink.
  "Ha ha. Question got Mnem," she replied. "Right now she's in her room working on something about mineral deposits thats so complicated I can't even understand what she's trying to do. We'd just finished off Pens Running Out, and Question caught us by surprise. I dunno how I managed to get away."
  "We haven't seen Nightwing since we all ran off when Question got to Abstract," Fizban said, "He's probably been caught too. That makes four of us down."
  "Wow!" piped up the tree.
  "What is it?" Fizban asked.
  "Taly is all inky boobies!" the tree exclaimed.
  "I thought you were trying to be stealthy."
  "That has all shites!"
  "Quite," Fizban said curtly, hoping the tree would take the point. It did.
  "Splange," Taly called out to the genie, who was drifting around above the fountain, "Go and see if Charmarl and Raine are doing OK."
  "Crystal Ball clouded up, has it?" the genie asked. "Never mind, I'll just go and place myself in peril so you can find out what's going on."
  "You do that," Taly said, losing count of the number of times she had rolled her eyes.
  The genie dived at her, then vanished suddenly, showering her with ectoplasm.
  "Bastard. As if the ink wasn't bad enough."

  Charmarl and Raine had expected the library to be packed. Given that every student in Cambridge except them was revising, it was surprisingly devoid of people. This could have been partly to do with the fact that The Last Minute Revision You Didn't Do had already realised his quarries were in there, and was currently working his way along the stacks hunting for them.
  "What do you think we should do?" Raine whispered as they huddled behind a book trolley. "There must be something in here that can finish him off."
  Charmarl frowned. "I agree. It's just knowing what it is that's the problem."
  A tall stack of books collapsed as Splange popped into existence between two of the lower books in the stack. The horseman looked around in the direction of the trolley as the books crashed to the floor.
  "Brilliant!" Charmarl snapped at the genie, it's eyes flaring with anger. "Tell the bastard exactly where we are, why don't you?"
  The genie looked genuinely apologetic. "I didn't put the books there. Hold on a second." Splange flew across to the bookcase next to Last Minute Revision and pushed it over onto the Horseman. "That should buy you a couple of minutes," he said as he returned to them. "I only came to let you know, Bladder Control and Pens Running Out are out of the picture, but Question is managing to pick us off quite effectively. Since the others are in the courtyard with the weapons, I came to keep an eye on you in case he turns up. I didn't mean to drop you in it."
  Charmarl took a few deep breaths, calming itself. "That's OK, I guess. I'm just angry that we've been hiding in here ten minutes and still haven't worked out how to deal with him."
  "I've got it!" Raine exclaimed.
  "Stay back then," Splange said, more out of obligation than a need to make a bad joke, "I don't want to catch it."
  "Char, do you think we can get past him to the audio library?"
  "Why?" Charmarl replied, somewhat surprised. "You reckon playing the 1812 Overture at him will see him off?"
  "No, silly. I just realised why I couldn't think of a way to deal with Last Minute Revision."
  "Which is?" Charmarl asked, keeping its eyes on the bookcase that Last Minute Revision was now beginning to stir beneath.
  "I've never done last minute revision in my life. I use those subliminal tapes, you know, the learn in your sleep ones."
  "Now I have heard it all," Charmarl stated. "A faerie using subliminal learning techniques."
  "Surely it's worth a try," Raine said, somewhat hurt.
  "OK, but if I end up revising linked lists, you're in trouble."
  "Ready then? Count of 3?" Raine said.
  "Hang on a sec," Splange interrupted. "I may spend most of my life in a lamp, but it is a lamp with cable. I've seen the Lethal Weapon films. When you say go on a count of 3, do you mean 1 2 3 then go, or go actually on 3?"
  "Oh who gives a toss," Charmarl said. "Let's just go for it." It leapt to its feet and ran for the audio shelves. Raine beat her wings and flew above the shelves, chasing after it.
  Splange shrugged to himself. "Just trying to sound knowledgable. Don't know why I bother sometimes."
  Charmarl reached the tapes first, and grabbed the first subliminal learning tape it could find and slammed the tape into the deck on a sound system that most students thought was wasted on a library. Charmarl was quite happy that the college had seen fit to waste the money in this case, and cranked the volume round to levels as yet untested on this particular system just as the horseman heaved the bookcase up and emerged.
  The Last Minute Revision You Didn't Do howled as the basics of Latin Verb Conjugations boomed out across the library.
  "Nice pick," Raine commented as she caught up. Both she and Charmarl covered their ears as the horseman's scream increased in pitch. Splange clearly also found it too much, and popped out of existence.
  The horseman disappeared. In their minds, Charmarl and Raine saw him explode, all the last minute revision that hadn't been done flying out in all directions on the mental plane. Both staggered backwards, and then realised with the knowledge their brains had just absorbed, they'd never need to revise linked lists again.

  "Shit!" Splange exclaimed as he appeared in the courtyard. "I only winked out for thirty seconds, if that, as they took out Last Minute Revision, and when I went back Question had got to them. They're now working on a joint effort, drawing up the complete logic gate network for the next generation of Pentium CPUs. Poor things."
  "Well, I guess its down to us then," Taly said, her voice full of determination.
  "Here, have a fragstick," Ben said, handing her the rocket launcher that Abstract had abandoned. "Not that it'll do much good against a cloud. Fizban's got the only weapon that has a chance of harming him. Thought it might make you feel better though."
  "Nah, it's OK, I have my own means of defending myself."
  "Shame Nightwing isn't here," Fizban commented, "I'm sure that thunderbolt of his packs enough charge to at least paralyse Question."
  "So what do we do?" Ben asked. "Try and distract him long enough for Splange to use the stones on him?"
  "Sounds good to me," Sonson said, hefting the nailgun. Since firing the gun at the lorry earlier she had ripped the sleeves off her blouse and tied one of them round her head as a bandana. Her face was now decorated with some of the ink Taly had been smothered in, applied as warpaint. "I'm ready when he is," she added.
  "I'll scout around for Question," Splange said, drifting away. "Keep it tight people."
  Taly turned to the others as he left. "Right, none of you saw me do this, OK? If word got back to the wiz- occult practitioners that a mere wit- occult consultant had been doing stuff like this I'd be up in front of the union like a shot." She put her arms in front of her and opened her hands quickly, palms facing up. A flaming sphere appeared above each hand.
  "Goodness gracious," Ben said flatly. "Great balls of fire."
  A dark cloud strode into the courtyard, or made the best effort that something whose shape was that vague could. "Well well well," A Question You've Never Seen Before said in a tone that implied that what he'd meant to say was something along the lines of "Wake up, time to die."
  "I think I have a phrase appropriate for this occasion," Sonson whispered.
  "What's that?" Fizban asked cautiously.
  "LET'S ROCK!" she screamed, letting a volley of nails loose at Question. They passed straight through him and marked what looked like a humourously lewd dot-to-dot puzzle on the wall behind him.
  Fizban and Taly responded and joined the attack.
  "Oh, ouch," Question said quietly after the two fireballs and the plasma gun's energy cell had been inflicted on him. "Please, no more," he continued drily, "You might hurt me."
  The four facing him looked at each other.
  "You didn't really think you'd harm me, did you?" he asked snidely. "Surely you'd figured out by now the reason why you all escaped me when your friends didn't."
  Ben nodded. "It's because we're not students, isn't it? We don't have exams to worry about so you're powerless against us."
  "Indeed. But did it never occur to you that the reverse held too. For the same reason, you are powerless against me."
  "But that's bollocks!" Taly exclaimed. "I did away with Pens Running Out."
  "Yeah, and I was affected by Bladder Control," Sonson added, before wondering what made that something to boast about.
  "My brothers' powers are somewhat less focused. It makes them somewhat vulnerable."
  Splange popped into view in front of Question. "So you're only vulnerable to students?" the genie asked.
  "That's right."
  "So nothing that Taly, Sonson, Fizban, Ben or I did to you would do you the slightest harm?"
  "Correct. There's nothing you can do to get rid of me, so I'm here to stay. Your student friends are doomed. They'll all sit their exams tomorrow, and they'll all fail."
  "But," Splange persisted, "If, for example, Nightwing put the five stones in one of the power slots of his thunderbolt, in the place of a normal energy cell, and fired it at you, you'd be done for, wouldn't you? I hope you don't mind me asking all these question, I just want to be sure I've understood right."
  "Yes yes yes, I'd be done for. What do you want? A medal? My name isn't Dick Dastardly you know."
  "No," said Nightwing as he appeared next to Splange. "It's T. F. Bundy." He fired the thunderbolt.
  A Question You've Never Seen Before screamed briefly as the multi-coloured streams of energy struck him. Then there was a billow of flame, followed by a loud thunderclap, and he disappeared.
  "Wha?" said the other four behind Splange.
  Splange turned round. "When Abstract was taken out I took advantage of the confusion to spirit Nightwing away to my Lamp. I figured he'd be safe there until we were ready to take out Question. Quite clever of me, I thought," he explained proudly.
  Above them the sky was becoming lighter as the effects of the Horsemen's visit wore off. "Well done Splange," Taly said smiling.
  "I'll just go and see if the others are OK," said Ben. He handed the shotgun back to Nightwing and left the courtyard quickly.
  Moments later Mnemosyne stumbled outside through another door. "What happened?" she asked blearily. "I was- no, I don't even want to think about it."
  A few minutes later Abstract made a similarly incoherent entrance, followed soon by Ben returning with Ariadne on his arm.
  "What about Charmarl and Raine?" Sonson asked.
  "Oh, they're still in the library," Ben explained. "They say they're onto a surefire way to get rich."
  "I think that turned out rather well," Fizban commented. He turned to Sonson. "Well my dear, would you care to go punting on the Cam?"
  "Nah," she replied dismissively. "Let's go paintballing."
  Fizban suddenly looked very, very scared.