The dark and stormy night became a grey and dreary morning. Sonson woke up, took one look out of the window, and decided it was a good day for a lie in. Fizban woke up, growled, payed no attention to the world around him, and came to the same decision as Sonson.
  "Cock! A Doodling Doo!" yelled the bonsai tree from its table in the corner.
  "Morning bonsai," Sonson replied, doing her best to sound cheerful.
  "Fizban must waking! Like a rise and shine!" the tree chirped.
  "Oh piss off," Fizban said grumpily.
  Obligingly, the bonsai tree vanished, leaving a small cloud of green smoke behind.
  "Fizban," Sonson said, concerned.
  "Yes?" Fizban asked, finally reaching the level of conciousness required for simple conversation.
  "The bonsai tree just vanished."
  "That's nice dear," Fizban replied, just before everything changed around him. He found himself surrounded by a poorly lit rocky landscape, and instead of being in bed he was now lying well within vertigo-inducing distance of a very very high cliff. A thin green smoky mist was swirling around and about, like a ever-mingling party host, and the sky was an awkward shade of yellow. However, it wasn't the long drop, the noxious fog, or the strange sky that made Fizban scream as he took in his surroundings. It was the hundreds of bonsai trees that clustered around him.
  "Aaarrgh!" Fizban screamed. "Where am I?"
  "Venus," said one of the trees.
  "Venus? Why am I on Venus?"
  "I did bringing you here," said another of the trees, which Fizban suddenly recognised as his own. "My brothers do having a terrible problem, I must helping them like a sexy assistant."
  "So why did you bring me here?" Fizban asked, a feeling of dread settling over him.
  "You must helping me. I cannot winning this alone."
  "I'll try and help," Fizban said, mentally crossing his fingers, "But you've got to send me back first."
  "Why does I do that?"
  "One - I need to tell Sonson what's happening. Two - I don't have any clothes. Three - last I knew, Venus' atmosphere was highly toxic. I'd rather not die, if you don't mind. Now, send me back, quickly."
  There was a strange sound partly made up of the rustling of leaves. It didn't take long for Fizban to realise that a number of the bonsai trees were laughing at him.
  "We can't send you back just yet," said the tree that had spoken first. "Our transportation device needs to recharge."
  "But..!" Fizban exclaimed, which wasn't easy since he was trying to hold his breath at the same time.
  "You don't need to worry about the atmosphere, you're shielded from it. We all have devices which filter out the carbon dioxide we need to breathe from the Venusian atmosphere and let out the oxygen we produce. We've given you one with the battery the wrong way round in it."
  Fizban noticed the egg shaped object that was resting on his belly for the first time. "This is letting me breathe?" he said, picking it up. As he turned it over in his hand he saw the words 'ACME Narrative Devices' etched on the base.
  "It generates a force field that only lets the right air through."
  "OK," Fizban said relaxing a little, "We've established that I can breathe. Now what about my clothes or me telling Sonson what I'm doing?"
  "We can fetch some of your clothes when our device has charged a little," the tree explained.
  "I does making a note for Sonson," Fizban's tree piped up, rustling enthusiastically as a small rolled up piece of paper popped up out of its pot. Fizban took the note and read it.
  "That seems to sum things up nicely," Fizban said, waving the note around as if expecting one of the trees to take it from him. There was a brief flash and the note vanished. Fizban blinked. "I guess I'm running out of excuses to go back," he said, sitting up cross legged. "Now, tell me, what's this terrible problem?"
  "It is The Croton," one of the trees said, as if this explained everything.
  "The Croton?" Fizban asked. "What's a croton?"
  "Many years ago a number of 'special' plants were created as part of a strange top secret experiment. The bonsai tree you know so well was one of the plants created, and we were cloned from it. Another of the plants was The Croton. The Croton is an evil plant. It seeks to enslave us. We need your help."
  "Okay," Fizban said sighing, "My conscience has got the better of me. I'll help you. But I have a few more questions."
  "Ask away."
  "Well, you're plants, right? I don't see this Croton, so how can he enslave you. None of you can move around, so I'd guess that any kind of enslaving would be both futile and impossible."
  "Au contraire," the tree replied. Fizban heard a muffled click which sounded like it came from inside the tree's pot. The tree wobbled slightly and rose into the air. Fizban looked carefully and noticed the metal discs that each bonsai tree's pot rested on.
  "Anti-gravity saucers," Fizban groaned. "I should've guessed."
  There was a series of similar clicks as the other bonsai trees started to rise into the air. After a minute Fizban's tree was the only left sitting on the ground. It was the only tree not to be sat on a saucer. "I believe you had more questions," the first tree said, hovering a few inches from Fizban's nose.
  "Just one," Fizban replied, waving the tree away from his face. "What the fuck are you all doing on Venus?"
  "We're terraforming it."
  Fizban sighed. "Okay, I don't think I want to hear any more. Let's go and sort out this Croton thing so I can go home. I don't suppose you could fetch me some clothes now, by any chance?"

  "We have a problem," The Croton said to the two plants in front of it. "They have summoned the Creator. We must move quickly. Begin landing your tro-." It paused, embarassed, as it realised the word it was about to was inappropriate. "Your plants. Begin landing your plants."
  "Yes, Lord Croton," the plants replied.
  "At last we will reveal ourselves to the Bonsai," The Croton said in a quiet voice. "At last we will have revenge."
  The plants wobbled slightly on their hover-saucers, giving the suggestion that they were bowing. Then they floated out of the room.

  Half an hour later, Fizban was finally dressed, and his tree had been given a saucer. It floated beside him as he looked down over the other trees' city from the hillside that swept up from its outskirts. At least, he supposed it was a city. Pedestals for each tree to sit on were clustered into groups, allowing gatherings of five or so trees in one place. A large device in the centre of the city appeared to be extracting water from the atmosphere and distributing it out to each pedestal so the trees could feed.
  "Nice place," Fizban commented. "Any idea where The Croton lives?"
  "He must be in Orbit," the tree repied, "Like a secret satellite."
  "Tasmin Archer, 1992," Fizban said, quick as a flash. Then he replayed what the bonsai tree had said in his head. "Oh, you said secret satellite."
  "Hahaha that's bugger!" the tree exclaimed.
  "Quite." Fizban looked up suddenly. "Did you see something just then?"
  "I don't having eyes. I am a plant in pot!"
  Fizban grimaced, wishing the tree could've picked another time to become pedantic. "I thought I saw something moving in the clouds," he explained, "Did you sense anything?"
  "You does seeing something? Like a mysterious shape?"
  "No," Fizban said as he saw the shapes drop below the clouds, "Not mysterious shapes. Greenhouse shapes. In fact, not just greenhouse shapes, they really are greenhouses."
  "I does losing contact with the other trees, like a down communications."
  "A communications blackout can mean only one thing," Fizban replied knowingly. "The router's down. I bet someone's been doing careless plumbing in the data centre again."
  "Router is down?" the tree asked. "Not an invasion?"
  Fizban shrugged. "Well, okay, that too. You don't have a scrap of paper in your pot do you? I feel the need to do some origami."
  "Boom! A bursting waterbomb!" the tree exclaimed as a sheet identical to the one it had written the note to Sonson on popped out of its pot.
  "Not a waterbomb, I'm afraid," Fizban said as he took the paper and started folding it carefully. Moments later he had transformed the paper into a rather expensive pair of binoculars. He lifted them to his face and looked at the descending greenhouses. "Oh shit," he muttered.
  "What does being wrong?"
  "Those greenhouses are full of plants."
  "That does being usual."
  "Yes, but first, these plants look like robots, and second, they've got guns."
  "That has all shites!" the tree shouted.
  "Indeed. I think your fellow trees are in trouble."
  Fizban hastily unfolded the binoculars and flattened the sheet of paper. "Pen." he demanded of the tree, grabbing a small biro he was convinced the tree had nicked from Argos as it emerged from the pot. He scribbled a number of things down and then tucked the note into the trees pot. "Go to your transportation device, and follow the instructions on that note. Don't worry about the other trees, I'll do what I can for them, but I think I'll end up getting captured. Just get out of here before those roboplants land."
  "I does not running away, like a sillyboy yellow coward."
  "This is not the time to argue, my little friend. If you want to help the others do as I say."
  "I must fighting with the others!" the tree insisted.
  Fizban shook his head sadly. "Then you leave me no choice." he said, shrugging. He turned quickly and grabbed hold of the tree's saucer, making sure the pot was properly secured. Holding the saucer tightly he whipped his arm round and then, with a firm flick of his wrist, sent saucer, pot and tree spinning across the landscape away from the city, like a top heavy frisbee.
  "Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt" the tree cried as it disappeared into the distance.
  Fizban gulped, then strode purposefully down into the city.
  "I've got a bad feeling about this," he muttered to himself.

  Fizban reached the centre of the city just as the greenhouses started to touch down on the outskirts.
  "What's going to happen to us?" one of the trees next to him asked nervously.
  "You'll be okay, eventually."
  "Eventually? What does that mean?"
  "It means I have a plan, but it's one that might take a while to come to fruitition."
  "Some plan. Can't you just blow them all up?"
  "I can only protect you," Fizban explained, "I can't fight a war for you. Besides, you don't even know what the plan is."
  "Well then," the tree asked predictably, "what is it?"
  "I'm going to distract these invaders while my tree takes care of all the important stuff."
  "Like what?"
  "I can't tell you that, just in case you get captured and tortured."
  "Oh, great," the tree said knowingly, "It's that sort of plan."
  Fizban grunted and looked up, watching the sky directly above him carefully. "Come on bonsai," he muttered, oblivious to fact that several roboplants were now speeding towards him on saucers. "Come on," he muttered again, watching the sky intently. "Right about now."
  "The funk soul brother!" the trees surrounding him said reflexively.
  Fizban rolled his eyes, then grabbed the baseball bat that was falling from where it had just appeared in mid-air. He swung it viciously and knocked three of the attacking roboplants well clear of the miniature city.
  "Cool! Home run!" the tree next to him cheered.
  Fizban's next swing hit only one of the attackers, but shattered it into tiny pieces. A third swing brought the bat into contact with five roboplants, putting each out of commission as they were knocked from the air.
  "ENOUGH!" a voice boomed from above.
  Fizban paused and looked up. A large craft shaped like a gigantic hanging basket was hovering over the city.
  "YOU WILL SURRENDER!" the voice continued.
  "Why?" Fizban asked.
  "MY PLANTS ARE ARMED. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THEIR GUNS CAN DO?"
  "Erm, no," Fizban replied. He turned to the tree next to him. "Do you?"
  "Yes," the tree said sadly. "They disrupt the force-fields that help us breathe. Long enough for Venus' atmosphere to kill us."
  "Ah," Fizban said, in suddenly realisation. "Okay, I surrender," he shouted. "What now?"
  The roboplants swarmed around him.

  Nightwing looked at the note curiously. The most curious thing about it was the fact that it had appeared seconds ago in his hand, with something that had green smoke involved, but definitely wasn't a puff. The note itself was also fairly curious and enigmatic.

  Fizban shifted uncomfortably in his bonds. He had been tied to a post far from the city. The Croton hovered menacingly in front of his face.
  "Well, not so all powerful now, are you Mr Creator?" the plant asked contemptuously.
  "Oh, I'm not powerful. I'm more of a thinker actually. I've ordered in a six pack of woop-ass though, so someone powerful will be showing up, rest assured."
  "Oh, so I've got a little treat in for me," the plant said dryly. "That'll be fun."
  "I suppose you're about to gloat over my fate now, and then spill the beans about all your plans under the arrogant assumption that I'll remain here powerless to prevent them."
  "Why not. You've got about an hour before the battery in your force-field runs out. I'm just going to leave you here until it runs out."
  "Nasty." Fizban said, feigning a wince. "So much worse than just taking the battery out and killing me instantly."
  "Well quite," The Croton agreed. "And as revenge for your meddling I'm going to destroy your home world."
  "That sounds reasonable," Fizban nodded. "If I thought you were over-reacting or anything, I'd probably get quite upset."
  "I'm glad to see you're taking this well."
  "So," Fizban asked, wondering why he was stalling when his survival chances were dropping every moment, "How exactly are you going to destroy the Earth?"
  "I'm going to crash a comet into it."
  "Ouch."
  "And now that I've gloated for the alloted time required by the Guild of Clichéd and Overdone Villains, I will leave you to your doom."

  "You'd be that bloody bonsai tree then," Nightwing said, unperturbed by the sudden change of surroundings.
  "I cannot be bloody," the tree protested, "I am a plant in pot."
  "Yes yes, whatever. Why did you bring me here?"
  "You must kicking some righteous arse."
  "I kind of guessed that bit." Nightwing said impatiently. "Whose arse needs kicking?"
  "Vicious roboplants. They do capturing my brothers."
  "I see," Nightwing said thoughtfully. "I'm sorry, but this does sound a bit lame."
  "Roboplants' leader does plotting to destroy the Earth."
  "Ah," Nightwing smiled, "That's more like it. Where's Fizban then?"
  "Pardon?"
  "Well, you're here, so I guess Fizban must be too. Where is he?"
  "He did getting captured, like a heroic stand."
  "Typical. What's the point in making a heroic stand if you only end up getting captured and let the bad guys win?"
  "Fizban did creating a distraction. I did escaping to fetch you. That's cunning plan by Fizban."
  Nigthwing thought for a moment. "Okay, so maybe there was a point in him making a heroic stand."
  "I must telling you about the roboplants."
  Nightwing grinned. It was not a pleasant grin. "I only need to know one thing. Where they are."

  "Okay, so this is Venus," Beren said as he emerged. "Can't say it impresses me much though."
  "Don't be such a grouch," Luthien replied. "We're quite a long way from the action over here. Obviously a hot barren landscape beneath a toxic sky isn't going to look that impressive, particularly when compared to the miracle of mouse-hole travel."
  "I thought we got here by worm-hole."
  "Don't be silly, we're mice, not worms." Luthien corrected her mate.
  "That's a bit of a cheap pun though, don't you think?" Beren insisted.
  "Whatever you say dear. Why are you complaining so much, you were the one that wanted to pop along and see how the story was getting along."
  "Okay, okay. I'll just shut up and watch, shall I?"
  "Might be a good idea. I think Fizban's about to do something clever to escape."
  "That'll be a first."

  Fizban wriggled his hands in his bonds and finally managed to slip two fingers into his back pocket. In there, as he hoped, was an old receipt that was almost papier maché due to the number of times it had been washed, but was still somewhat malleable. Slowly, carefully, he folded it as best he could with his restricted hands. When he had completed his origami he ran his hands over it to make sure he'd got it right. "Ow!" he yelped as he cut himself on the eight inch macheté he had just created. He carefully manouvered the knife so that it was in a position to cut the rope that held him and started slicing through it. He was almost free when the knife fell from his hands. "Bugger!" he exclaimed.
  He started wriggling his hands again, hoping that he'd been able to cut through enough of the rope for him to be able to pull it loose, but it seemed he hadn't been that lucky. "Shit," he muttered.
  "Breathing force field battery low," said a quiet and sexy feminine voice from the device on his belt.
  Just as he was expecting to expire Fizban felt something tugging at the ropes. He turned and was just able to see a small chinese boy attack the ropes with a pair of children's scissors.
  "Erm, your name isn't Ping by any chance, is it?" Fizban asked the boy.
  The child nodded as he cut Fizban free and then turned to wander away.
  "Er, thanks." Fizban said, rubbing his wrists. "Where did-" he began. "How did-" he started again. "Why did-" he began a third time, before stopping again and realising there was a much more pressing question to ask. "Have you by any chance got six AA batteries on you?"
  Ping nodded again and dropped three small packets on the ground. He turned and walked behind a small rock. As soon as Fizban had replaced the batteries on his breathing device he looked behind the rock, and there was nothing there. Fizban shrugged, then fetched the macheté and wandered off in what he thought was the direction of the Bonsai City. "A crisp packet would be handy," he muttered to himself.

  "Bizarre," Luthien said.
  "I thought I was the one who normally complained about the story," Beren replied.
  "Look, surely I'm allowed to take the initiative in such things every once in a while."
  "Whatever," Beren conceded, shrugging in a way that only mice can. "You're right though. The Lethal Weapon reference was okay, but the crisp packet comment would only be understood by people who read the old stories."
  "Was that a subtle plug?" Luthien asked, aghast.
  "Nah," Beren explained. "It would've only been a plug if it'd been a hyperlink when I'd said old stories".
  "Oh well," Luthien replied, relieved. "That's okay then."

  Nightwing crouched on the ground and looked out over the city from the same point Fizban had hours before. He pulled a pair of electro-binoculars from his backpack and surveyed the area. "Jesus!" he exclaimed.
  "There does being a problem?" the bonsai tree enquired cautiously.
  "There must be two roboplants for every real plant down there! This Croton plant is a bit of a control freak, isn't it?"
  "It must be nasty bastard plant, not like friendly bonsai."
  "Hang on, there's two spider plants down there too. They look like they're running the show."
  "They must being his cronies, like a lieutenant spider plant."
  "Okay, so I guess they're my first targets. No, wait," Nightwing paused as he zoomed his view in closer. "They've got weird collars around the bases of their stalks. I wouldn't be surprised if they're being controlled by The Croton."
  "They does being slaves too?" the bonsai tree asked.
  "Yes. This could save some effort. All I have to do is destroy the collars and they'll be unleashed against their former master."
  "How does you doing that?"
  "I've got a sniper rifle in my backpack, it's got a nice zoom lens on it." Nightwing explained.
  "Sniper?" the tree asked. "You are only thirteen years old? Like a Wireplay TFC sniper kid?"
  "No," Nightwing replied, gritting his teeth, "I'm good." He pulled the rifle out and started to aim.
  "Ah, so you are bighead cool shot?"
  "Listen!" Nightwing hissed. "I have to get this shot right first time. If I don't, all those nasty little robot things are going to come for us, and there's a hell of a lot more of them than there is of us."
  "Okay, I will shsh like a www.shsh.com."
  "Good." Nightwing concentrated for a few seconds then fired. One of the spider plants spun briefly recoiling from the strike that had shattered its collar. The plant wobbled uncertainly for a moment then rushed towards it's counterpart.
  "Oh shit!" Nightwing exclaimed, trying to aim at the other plant. The roboplants were starting to leave the city and swarm up the hill. Nightwing fired again, and the second plant wobbled in a similar way to the first.
  "Well," Nightwing began as he pulled an altogether more vicious looking weapon out of his backpack, "That always was the flaw in that plan. Can't shoot them both at once, the one I didn't free first was always bound to give the order to attack me."
  "That has all shites!" the tree exclaimed. "You did shshing me for no reason. They does still attacking."
  There was an ominous clunking noise as Nightwing powered up the cannon. "Yes, but if I'd missed my first shot, I wouldn't have had time to take them both out before the robots got here. Now shut up and get behind me."
  Pulsating energy rained down the hillside on the approaching robots as Nightwing began firing.

  A glittery object on the ground caught Fizban's eye as he hiked across the Venusian landscape. He grinned and bent down to pick up the crisp packet without thinking about how it got there, then began folding it carefully.

  "Keep an eye on the spider plants!" Nightwing yelled over the noise of the cannon. "Let me know if they leave the city!"
  "I don't having an eye to keep on! I am a plant in pot!" the tree protested predictably.
  "Then keep a leaf or a branch or whatever you sense with on them, I don't give a fuck, just let me know if they go anywhere!"
  The tree's branches tensed and dropped slightly. Had Nightwing been looking at it he would've sworn it was giving him an evil look.
  "This is getting awkward!" Nightwing yelled as the roboplants gained more ground, getting closer to the pair. "There's too many of them!" he shouted desperately.
  "Spiders do leaving!" the tree announced grumpily.
  "Then we need to too, but we're about to get over-run, I can't fight them all off at such a close range. We've got to follow those spiders!"
  There was a load roar as Fizban rode over the brow of the hill on a shiny Harley Davidson. He brought the bike to a halt next to Nightwing and the bonsai tree with a swift skid. "Anyone need a ride?" he asked smugly.
  Nightwing didn't hesitate and swung onto the bike behind Fizban. "Where the hell did you find this bike?" he asked as they rode off.
  "It's amazing what a bit of origami can produce," Fizban replied grinning.
  "Origami does being a special secret skill," the tree agreed as it sped along beside them.
  Nightwing winced. "Well, I'm sure we can have a nice long discussion of its merits when this is all over. First thing's first, follow those spider plants."
  The bike charged down the far side of the hill as the roboplants reached the top of it. As it swung round and headed in pursuit of the spider plants leaving the city, the roboplants followed in a futile attempt to keep up, leaving the city behind.

  "Blimey!" Fizban exclaimed as they saw the spider plants' destination. "It's like a miniature space port!"
  "Yes," Nightwing said flatly. "Emphasis on the word miniature. Nothing big enough for us. Unless you can origami a Harley into a space ship."
  "I can using transportation device," the bonsai tree offered. "To beam you up like a Scotty."
  "What are we beaming up to?" Nightwing asked suspiciously.
  "The Croton must be having secret control ship."
  "How do you know?"
  "It does having to be like that, for special spectacular showdown scene!"
  "Ah, one of those," Fizban said drily. "Okay, you scoot off, we'll wait here. Don't forget to beam yourself up there too."
  "You don't worry," the bonsai tree reassured, "I don't forget about that." The tree spun round on its saucer and disappeared off the way they had come.

  "Bits of this story sound quite familiar," Beren commented. "I'm sure it bears some similarities to a certain film that was doing the rounds this summer."
  "I'm sure it's deliberate," Luthien replied. "Probably being used for comic effect, or something."
  Beren sighed. "I just wish it wasn't so obvious. It all seems so, well, blatant."
  "You're just not happy if the story doesn't have any faults, are you?"
  "Well," Beren said, "If the stories were perfect I wouldn't have anything to talk about, would I?"
  "Is anything perfect?"
  "Of course," Beren grinned. "I am."

  "We're going to get transported any second, aren't we?" Nightwing asked.
  "I would guess so. It won't take the tree long to get to the control point."
  "And when that happens, we're going to find ourselves in the centre of the enemy's lair, probably surrounded by all kinds of nasty stuff designed to protect The Croton from people like us."
  "That sounds a strong possibility."
  "Then you'd better have this then," Nightwing said, handing Fizban his fragstick. "I'll stick to my Ultraviolent 3000 Energy Cannon, you can have Nikita."
  "Thanks."
  Their surroundings altered suddenly.
  "Huh?" Nightwing grunted, looking around. "Just looks like a huge electrical store."
  All around them was row upon row of displays of steam irons, kettles, washing machines, videos, televisions, and computers.
  Fizban groaned. "The Croton said he was going to crash a comet into the Earth. I didn't realise he meant something like this. That's awful."
  "We could rig it." Nightwing said, poking around inside a kettle.
  "What do you mean?" Fizban asked.
  Nightwing sighed, exasperated. "Rig it to blow up. Big Boom, and all that."
  "I suppose you've got enough explosives to do that?"
  "Nope," Nightwing lifted the kettle so Fizban could see inside it, "but there's enough here already. The Croton must've packed everything with explosives, just to make sure the place made a big bang when it hit the Earth." The kettle was half full of what looked like plastic explosives. "Of course, it could just be plasticine, but I don't think so."
  "In which case, we just plug everything in and then switch it all on at once."
  "Sort of. A timer switch would be nice though, since it would remove the need for us to blow up with everything else."
  "Which would be a plan."
  "Exactly."
  "Shall we plug everything in to begin with?"
  "Yeah."

  The bonsai tree appeared elsewhere, in a small room where The Croton was being confronted by the spider plants.
  "You used us!" one of the spider plants hissed.
  "Used us to fulfil-" the other started.
  "-your terrible plans." the first one finished.
  "Listen to you," The Croton spat. "Neither of you can complete a long sentence without the other to finish for you."
  "At least we're-"
  "-not evil."
  "I gave you power, greatness, and you repay me by challenging my authoritah!" One of the Croton's leaves wrapped around a stick on the floor beside it. The plant lifted it and brandished it like a sword.
  The two spider plants managed to produce similar staffs and wielded them in the same way, challenging the evil plant.
  "Oh bugger!" the bonsai tree thought to itself. "There does being a predictable duel." It poked at the controls on the wall beside it with its branches, experimenting. None of the other plants noticed a sudden loud clunk on the far side of the room as the tree fiddled, they were too set on fighting.
  The Croton cackled and shifted its staff slightly, changing its grip. The staff extended, so that it looked like the plant was now holding a double bladed sword i the middle.
  The spider plants lunged forward, their staffs clashing against The Croton's.

  "Well," Nightwing said, slightly out of breath, "That's everything plugged in. Now all we need to do is find a way of switching it all on that doesn't involve us all getting blown up."
  "Erm, Nightwing?" Fizban asked uneasily.
  "Yes?" Nightwing replied, not sure he was going to like the answer.
  "Would it really piss you off if after all that effort we suddenly found a self-destruct for this place?"
  "Probably. Why do you ask?"
  "Oh, I just wanted to check before I showed you this self-destruct panel I just found."
  "You what?" Nightwing snapped. "You mean we just ran up and down all those aisles plugging stuff in for nothing?"
  "Erm," Fizban replied sheepishly. "Technically, no, that's not what I'm saying. But I guess its one of the first things you'd infer from it, yes."
  "In that case," Nightwing muttered angrily, "we may as well try and find an escape capsule so we can set it off."
  "How about we try through that door marked 'Fire Exit'," Fizban asked.
  Nightwing groaned, and tried his best not to thump Fizban.

  The duel between the two spider plants and their former master was more or less deadlocked. The Croton had much more skill than the other two plants, but they compensated for this by being telepathically linked identical twins. As the clash of staff and staff echoed around the small room, the bonsai tree decided it had had enough, and emerged from the shadows where it had been hiding.
  "Oh silly!" it shouted. "Plants fighting with sticks is silly! You must stopping!"
  "But we need to-"
  "-get revenge for our enslavement," the spider plants said.
  "Oh fight with stick! For fuck's sake!" the tree said exasperatedly. "That's crap revenge. You must deliver crushing defeat!"
  "And how do you expect to do that?" spat The Croton, turning to face the bonsai tree. "You're here! This control ship is also what I'm going to use to devastate the Earth. In a few minutes it will pass through a wormhole, and then smash into the Creator's home planet shortly afterwards." The plant backed towards an airlock behind it. "I'll leave you with Melton and Welton here to share their doom, and I'll go back to Venus and deal with your bonsai tree brothers. I'll wipe them out. All of them."
  The Croton brushed against a panel on the wall and the airlock door opened. It waved its leaves as it hovered back through the doorway, in a convincing impression of a sneering wave. The door closed after it. The was a brief scream as the outer airlock door opened.
  "Hahaha that's bugger!" the bonsai tree said smugly. "I did jettisonning his escape pod - he must be too busy to notice cause you're fighting. Croton does spinning away into space. Hahaha!"
  "Thank you," one of the spider plants said gratefully, "you've-"
  "saved us." the other finished.
  "That does being nothing. Come on, we gotta save the Earth." The bonsai tree hovered out of the small alcove and headed out onto the shop floor.

  "You were right," Nightwing said, looking at the escape capsule entrance in front of them. He hoped that he'd said this in such a tone to convey to Fizban just how fed up he was getting with the other man being a smart alec.
  "Pure Genius," Fizban said smugly. "Now lets go and set the self-destruct."
  By the self-destruct panel they met the bonsai tree and the two spider plants, Melton and Welton. "Croton must be defeated," the bonsai tree said happily. "I must be clever tree."
  Fizban grinned. "Let's set the self-destruct and get out of here then."
  They all shuddered suddenly, as if it had briefly become a lot colder. "What was that?" Nightwing asked.
  "We does passing through a wormhole," the tree said. "Look, that does being Earth," it said, gesturing out of the window that had hitherto only shown a starry sky.
  "He's right," Nightwing said. "And we're heading towards it very fast. I'd suggest setting the self-destruct very very fast."
  They did.

  The escape capsule shook shortly after launching as it was hit by the shockwave of the huge ship exploding. The three plants, still managing to hover, knocked together noisily.
  "Ouch! A smashing tree!" the bonsai tree exclaimed.
  Nightwing only grunted. The minute they had climbed into the capsule he had gone to sleep.
  "Are there any controls on this thing?" Fizban asked, looking around. "Can we control where we land?"
  "A lorry load of interesting cheeses!" Nightwing said suddenly in his sleep.
  "Escape capsule is autopilot!" the bonsai tree announced.
  The spider plants kept quiet. Now that The Croton had been defeated they were taking time to recover from the ordeal of being controlled.
  "Looks like South-West Europe then," Fizban said, looking out of the small window and watching them plunge to Earth."
  "And I was suddenly struck down by an appalling bout of diahorrhea!" Nightwing exclaimed, still fast asleep.
  Suddenly the coastline they were plunging towards became familiar.
  "Oh," Fizban said unenthusiastically. "We're going to Ibiza."