Haulfryn Funnies
Last updated: 08/12/2001
Subject:
who are you?
I
AM CANADIAN
*************
Hey,
I'm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader.
And I don't live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dogsled.
I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I
have a Prime Minister, not a President.
I speak English and French, not American.
I pronounce it 'about', not 'a boot'.
I
can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I believe in peace keeping, not policing; diversity, not
assimilation; and that
the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
(Amen brother!)
A
toque is a hat; a chesterfield is a couch, and it is pronounced 'zed'
not 'zee', 'zed', dammit!
Canada
is the second largest landmass, the first nation of hockey, and the
best part of North America! My
name is Joe, and I am a Canadian!
I
AM ITALIAN
************
Ciao!
I'm not a construction worker, a brick layer or a school
janitor. I don't live in a basement, or eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a Camaro. And I don't know Tony, Rocco or
Gino from Woodbridge, although I'm certain they're very, very hairy
people.
I
drink wine, not beer. I don't use utensils for pizza. I believe in
open bars at weddings, not cash. And its pronounced 'espresso', not
ex-presso. I can proudly
fly my country's flag out of my car during the world cup.
Gelato is ice cream; biscotti are cookies; Antonio Columbro IS
the best of the tenors; and it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!
Italy
is the only country shaped like footwear; the first nation of soccer;
and the best place in Europe!!
My
name is Guisseppe, and I am Italian!
I
AM PAKISTANI
**************
Allo,
I'm not a cab driver, a 7-11 clerk or a gas attendant. I don't go to
fleamarkets, or worship elephants, or eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohammed from Rundel,
although I'm certain they're very smelly
people.
I
eat roti, not pita. I don't only shower once a week. I believe in
discounts, not full price. And I pronounce it 'what', not 'vhat'.
I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my
car during a terrorist siege.
A
turban is an article of clothing.
Spicy foods are better than mild foods.
Curry is a very tasty dish, and it is pronounced Gaun-dee, not
Gun-dee, Gaun-dee, dammit!
Pakistan
is a third world country; the first nation of cricket; and the best
part of the Middle East! My
name is Raheem, and I am Pakistani!
I
AM CHINESE
************
Wai!
I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat. I
don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog. I don't drive a souped-up
Civic. And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from
Bedding Heights, although I'm certain they're very rice, I mean
nice people.
I
use chopsticks, not a fork. I rarely drive on the sidewalk. I believe
in giving cash, not gifts And I pronounce it 'hello', not 'harro'.
I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a
massacre; dim sum is brunch; Gwai-los are white folk; Jet Li can kick
Van Damme's ass anyday. And
it is pronounced 'Gon Hay Fa Choi', not 'Gon Hee Fa Choi'.
China
is the largest country in Asia; the first nation of ping-pong; and the
best remaining Communist country.
My name is Fung, and I am Chinese!
I
AM AMERICAN
*************
Wassup!
I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive
very well. I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg, although
I'm pretty sure they were American.
I
drink beer, not water; I am outspoken, not opinionated; guns settle
disputes, not discussions. Winning
isn't everything, it's the only thing.
And it's pronounced 'ruf', not 'roof'. I can proudly sew my
country's flag on my backpack, unless I go somewhere.
Burger King is fine dining.
Washing after peeing is for losers; Twinkies and Moon Pies are
good for breakfast; I have a shed, not a garage; and WWF action is
real!
The
United States of America is the only country in the world; the first
nation of ignorance; and the best part of South America!
My name is Jim-Bob, I am married to my sister, and I am
America!
Copyright © 2001 Ian Ganderton. All rights reserved.
Revised: December 08, 2001