‘Twas the night before Christmas

When all through the house

Not a creature was stirring

Not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung

From the chimney with care

In hope that St. Nicholas

Soon would be there.

And Ma in her nightgown

And me in my cap

Had just settled down

For a long winter’s nap

When on the roof

There arose such a clatter

That I got out of bed

To see what was the matter

But first I reached out

For the gun by my bed

To pump the intruder’s

Gut full of lead.

I crept out the door

And on to the lawn

Those housebreaking bastards

Had seen their last dawn.

Out in the moon light

Seven shadows I saw.

There was no time for thinking -

I dropped to the floor

Bang bang bang bang

Bang bang bang bang

Through the still winter’s night

My bold twelve bore sang.

Down from the roof

Fell seven dead crooks.

I crossed over the drive

To take a good look.

Six reindeer it was,

And a fat guy in red.

A strange bunch of villains,

But now they were dead.

So I went back to bed

Full of Christmas cheer.

I’d helped keep our neighbourhood