Jack O’Neill leaned forward and slightly to one side of the steering wheel in his truck to press the on/off button on the front of the radio. As it crackled to life the commentary coming from the Box to one side of the track came through loud and clear. One of the things drummed into you when you go through advanced training in the Special Forces was always check out the opposition and the radio in this case was a very useful tool for picking out potential victims for him to eliminate.

"Oh God, not them," Jack groaned.

"You betcha," O'Neill said grinning in anticipation.

"It's what he deserves!" Jack stated maliciously.

Jack peered through his trucks' windshield at the pair and shook his head in horror.

"I haven't!" Jack said, wondering who gave them their intelligence reports and how he could get a copy.

"So do I!" Jack exclaimed.

"Ditto!" Jack said emphatically, then started to have second thoughts as it dawned on him he was already driving in the race.

"I said that as well," O'Neill said, remembering Daniels' reaction in the Briefing Room.

Jack listening to the radio shuddered at the description.

"I don't!" Jack said to the radio.

"So did I!" O'Neill exclaimed, wondering how they'd survived the attack.

"Yeah, Michael Caine was in the original," Jack said remembering the car chase from the film.

"Yeah, sneaky. But that's the Air Force training for you," the colonel smirked, trying to imagine Anise's expression when she was lumbered with the Citroen.

"Me too!" Jack winced at the thought.

"Oh boy, isn't he!" O'Neill scoffed, but making a mental note to make sure Kinsey disappeared if he ever looked like succeeding in becoming President.

"That's Harry for you," O'Neill said, trying to spot Maybourne in the chaos outside.

"Uhm… R.H.I.P. I should think!" Jack said noncommittally.

"Where, where?" Jack said twisting around, trying to spot the Lycra clad duo.

"Hey, I understand… I just don't let him know that!" O'Neill retorted.

"I heard that and if I had time I'd come over and have a word with you," Jack replied to the radio, his pride stung by the comment.

Jack drove along the highway at a steady 100 kph, keeping one eye on the road and the other watching out for the police that were out hunting the Canonballers.

O’Neill clutched the steering wheel as it suddenly jerked to one side. Studying the road surface for an explanation, he saw pieces of a vehicle strewn all across the tarmac.

Jack realised when he saw the characters standing beside the road in the distance that his truck was bumping itself over the remains of a Trike and Sidecar scattered over two lanes of the highway.

He slowed down as he spotted Colonel Simmonds eighteen wheeler in the distance; the flashing lights of the police car showing that the Asgard police had pulled the heavy truck over to the side after he’d flattened two of the competitors.

The two enraged Go’auld were being held back behind a portable force field; Ammonet looked particularly fetching dressed in black leather with a matching helmet perched on top of her elaborate head-dress. Klorel on the other hand was dressed in tight white leathers with gold highlights and, not surprisingly considering the state of his ride, completely smothered in oil and looking ready to spit nails.

O’Neill drove past, keeping strictly to the speed limit; he was prepared to see murder done in his rear view mirror. But instead saw justice done by two of Asgard County’s finest, Lieutenant Balder and Officer Freyr. At least that’s who he assumed they were, but O’Neill couldn’t be 100% sure of the identification of the Asgard.

Jack slammed on his brakes and skidded to a stop, the red, white and blue Mini Coopers of the Tollan shooting across the road from culvert to culvert narrowly missing him as they seemingly re-enacted a scene from the Italian Job.

But it was Walter Davis driving the Mail Truck that prompted a sense of admiration, after all not every one could take out the NID without getting a scratch.

And seeing the NID being dragged off in handcuffs by the FBI gave Jack cause for celebration, he'd heard Walter on the radio earlier saying that a suspicious black van was following him.

Pity they didn't know it was a Federal Offence to interfere with the U.S. Mail and there were no rules in this race.

Jacob Carter in his brand new black Ferrari pulled up along side Jack’s Truck, and glancing over his Ray-Ban sunglasses he looked in through the window and gave a sloppy salute as he pulled ahead of the truck. O’Neill faintly heard Jacobs voice yelling out something about every man for himself before the Ferrari suddenly shot forward at even greater speed. O’Neill watched as the car faded into the distance, then saw it just miss Hathor’s pink Rolls Royce which swerved straight into a ditch.

O’Neill shuddered and averted his eyes as he drove past, after all if he didn’t see her he couldn’t stop… could he?

And there was absolutely no way he was stopping for ‘this’ Go’auld.

The clear roadway was a boon to his almost shattered nerves after having seen the kamikaze crew take each other out.

He’d just seen Senator Kinsey’s Motorcade trashed, by two of the Go’auld and Makepiece with SG3; whether it was just coincidence or not they seemed to be working together.

The Motorcade had been driving in an orderly fashion, like any Presidential Motorcade would do, then he’d seen Nerti playing chicken with the two rear motorcycles at the same time as Yu took out the lead pair of motorcycles.

This left the way clear for Makepiece and his Monster Truck to flatten Kinsey - literally.

Unfortunately, for Nerti, Yu, Makepiece and the SG3 Marines; the Asgard were watching.

Jack slowed down to the speed limit as he passed through the small town and checked in his rear view for any sign of the police.

He’d already seen some of the competitors taken out of the running by encounters with the law.

So steady as it goes, Jack thought, as he spotted two of the cars from the race parked just ahead of him outside a bar. From the steam rising from the open hoods of the cars he deduced that another two were out of the race.

And from the way Anise and Zippy were tossing the Tequila back, they knew it too.

And didn’t care...

Jacob Carter smiled at the pretty lady behind the counter as he put his change into his pocket and picked up his cappuccino coffee with the other hand.

That was the worst of being a Tok’ra, there were none of the familiar things that he’d grown used to over the years.

Coffee and chocolate were the two he missed the most, so when he came back to Earth the first thing he’d do after reporting in would be to head for the commissary. And load up a tray with the largest cup of coffee and the gooiest chocolate dessert he could lay his hands on.

Selmak herself had found that the temptation of chocolate could not be resisted and was of the opinion that if the Go’auld attacked the Tau’ri home world, she’d be there to fight with every dirty trick she knew.

The sound of a powerful engine leaving the truck stop rang through their ears when they opened the door.

And Jacob was outraged to see the tail end of his Ferrari being towed away by Siler’s Breakdown Truck. Putting his coffee down carefully on a ledge beside him, he pulled out his mobile phone and started to press the buttons.

"Hello, is that 911? Good, I’d like to make a report, my Black Ferrari has been stolen by a Canonballer in a Breakdown Truck…"

General Carter smiled as he sipped his coffee, listening to the police on his mobile. He no longer had a chance at winning the race but at least Siler didn’t either.

Urgo grinned to himself; he hadn’t had this much fun since being removed from the brains of SG1. Although what General Hammond would say when he found out would be something else.

After all he’d just been an unpaid chauffeur, while the good General and his liaison from Washington, Major Davis, sat in the back with those two Nuns, Sisters Beryl and Cheryl swigging champagne and eating the contents of a Fortnum and Mason hamper.

The Sisters were having a good time and they were getting tipsy and from the looks of the General, the Major and that pack of cards, someone had just proposed a game of strip poker. If the Vatican knew anything about this it would get the Sisters into BIG trouble.

So keeping to the side of the light, he’d made a decision and called in the Vice Squad.

Teal’c cruised through the small town, enjoying the way the Hummve handled. This was a vehicle worthy of a warrior, it had ample space for his staff weapon and handled like a dream…Teal’c leaned back in his seat as he wondered how he came to be in this car. He was sure that only minutes ago he was in his quarters deep in Kel-no-reem.

If this was a dream, it seemed very real to him. Tthere had to be a purpose to this strange vision. All he had to do was wait...

A crossroads appeared in front of him and a man dressed in black leather on a Harley Davidson sat there waiting for the lights to change to green.

An urge came over Teal’c as he simultaneously remembered a movie he’d seen at O’Neill’s house and identified the man on the bike ahead of him.

The Hummve drew up alongside the motorbike and a large black fist shot out of the open window connecting with Heru’ur’s jaw, the loud crunch echoed across the street followed by a loud voice calling out a variation of the immortal words last voiced by Clint Eastwood.

"Left turn, Clyde."

Harry Maybourne scrambled through the bushes to the side of the road and looked around carefully; he could hear the laboured sound of a tractor coming up the hill toward the crossroads.

He looked up at the signpost he was standing under and studied the way the arms were pointing; reaching out he grasped the pole and twisted firmly until the arms pointed the wrong way.

Hearing the tractor chugging its way around the bend, he then ducked back into the bushes and out of sight.

A bright red tractor driven by Chaka the Unas came quite jauntily into sight and, drawing up close to the sign, slowed to a stop.

Chaka looked down at the map given to all the contestants in bewilderment. He’d thought it pretty useless to give a map to an Unas that couldn’t read. But he checked the list of place names he’d been given against those on the signs and turning the steering wheel, turned left off of the main road.

Maybourne pulled out his mobile phone and, glancing at the bit of paper, started to dial quickly. The call was answered straight away and glancing around Harry started to speak. "Hello, is that Asgard Swamp Gas Company? I’d like to report the smell of gas at the junction of..."

The rest was lost as six vehicles speeded up to the crossroads and took a left turn.

The seven vehicles travelling slowly down a narrow single tracked wooded road proved that no matter where you were a traffic jam could happen to you.

The Tractor led a slow dance; a conga to be exact through the forested area. Following Chaka were a wide assortment of impatient Canonballers, each one of whom was trying to turn the air around them blue.

Immediately behind him was Daniel Jackson in KITT, who had until that point had several meaningful conversations with the computer about archaeology and at least one gripe session concerning partners they’d experienced.

Trooping behind KITT was the Tollan, all three of whom were bemoaning the fact that their phase-shifting devices couldn’t encompass their cars and let them just drive through the obstruction ahead.

Behind them came Teal’c in his Hummve that was almost the same width as the road. And, stuck at the rear of the military vehicle, was Sgt. Walter Davis. His U.S. Mail van almost sitting on the bumper of the car in front, he wished he had access to a UAV so he could at least see what was ahead of him.

Daniel looked down at the speedometer and watched the way it almost reached ten miles per hour, then looked up to glare at the back of Chaka’s Tractor as it rumbled on the road ahead of him. He looked away from the frustrating sight ahead of him and back to studying KITT’s dashboard. It seemed to harbour a great many buttons, one of which was currently flashing at him.

Daniel frowned as he read what was written on the surface of the button.

"KITT? What does ‘Turbo Boost’ mean?" he queried.

"Well, Daniel, if you press it you’ll see," KITT said and his internal sensors watched Daniel reach out to press the button.

Ra leaned back into the leather seats of the limousine after helping himself to a glass of champagne and sipped the liquid slowly so as to savour its bouquet. The System Lord gazed through the windows at the scenery drifting past at a steady speed and made a few plans for the next time he invaded the Tau’ri home world.

The Go’auld alternated between glancing outside and studying the map. He hoped his navigation was up to scratch, because he’d hate for it to get out that the only reason he hadn’t re-invaded this world was that he couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag.

"Jaffa, turn right at the next junction then left at the junction after that," Ra commanded.

The Jaffa, Par’ker, his driver on this venture, glanced in the rear view mirror and nodded.

"Yes, my Lord, it shall be as you say," he said, glancing down at the open map on the seat beside him and prayed Ra never found out that his lack of navigation skills were known to all.

Ra turned to glance out of the other window and looked into the eyes of a large, heavy built, balding man with a beard, who was just sitting there sipping at a glass of HIS champagne.

"Ooh, don't the bubbles tickle when you drink this stuff…Why did Jack O’Neill say he wouldn’t wish me on his worst enemy, but when he thought of you he said he’d make an exception in your case?" Urgo said, a twinkle appearing in his eye.

"Jaffa KREE," Ra screeched.

Par’ker swerved as Ra screamed into his ear, then swerved again in the other direction as a Trans Am appeared from nowhere alongside him.

Ra’s limousine vanished into the gully raising a cloud of dust as it came to a complete stop.

Daniel laughed as KITT recorded the last sight of Ra running off the road into the gully for posterity; that was the second time he’d taken out Ra and if his eyes weren't deceiving him, he'd got Urgo at the same time and the feeling was good.

There was a straight road ahead of them and given the speed KITT could travel, also a good chance of winning the Canonball Run.

"Daniel, I’m getting some interference from somewhere and it’s starting to have an effect upon my systems," KITT slurred drunkenly.

Daniel grabbed the steering wheel and put his foot on the brake as all the lights on the dashboard flashed a few times and KITT went offline. The car slowly rolled to a stop and as Daniel opened the door and stepped back to look at KITT, a bright light from above spotlighted the car and slowly levitated it into the air.

Daniel stood there and looked up as the futuristic car vanished up into the sky and left him standing in the middle of the highway with his mouth hanging open with astonishment.

He knew it was tempting Murphy’s Law just thinking about winning the race, but this was ridiculous.

Doctor Mackenzie drove carefully down the road in his brown Volvo, sticking strictly to the speed limit.

The good Doctor still couldn’t fathom out how he’d managed to be entered into a race, an illegal race at that. He was sure that someone had entered him as a joke and when he found out the name of the person responsible, they were going to find out that you should never get on the bad side of a psychiatrist as they had unique ways of getting revenge.

He slowed the car to a stop, so that he could take a good look at the map he’d been supplied. After all it was dangerous to drive whilst looking at a map; you could have an accident if you took your eyes off the road.

Mackenzie turned and came face to face with a stoutly built balding man with a beard, who appeared to be studying his map.

"Who… Where…?" Mackenzie stammered in shock.

"I am Urgo and I’m a figment of your imagination," Urgo said grinning insanely.

Doctor Mackenzie extended a hand to touch Urgo then he jerked the shaking member back to his body after not encountering anything solid and started to mumble to himself.

"It’s all in my mind, it's just a figment of my imagination and this is not happening. If I concentrate hard enough the figment will go away and I can continue in this insane race," he mumbled, shutting his eyes.

"If it’s an insane race, why are you driving in it?" Urgo queried, a gleam appearing in his eyes.

"I have no idea! I don’t even remember entering this event…Oh my God, I’m starting to talk to it!" Mackenzie moaned.

"I know lets play 'I Spy'… me first… I spy with my little eye something beginning with… G!" Urgo carried on quickly.

The Doctor turned to face the road ahead and gripped the steering wheel with a death grip.

"Don't know do you? Well, it's goats!" Urgo continued in the background.

Mackenzie tried to ignore the figment but started to feel sanity slipping slowly away.

"Ooh I got an idea, let's play inkblots instead!" Urgo said, jumping up and down on the seat in excitement.

"I think therefore I am… I think I think… I think… mummy…" Mackenzie mumbled.

Urgo rubbed his hands together and had the final thought of the occasion.

'Mission Accomplished'

Maybourne lowered his binoculars to look down at the bundle nestled at his feet and mentally checked the position and angle of his attack. He glanced up at the dust cloud in the distance. The NID van was just visible on the horizon and he couldn’t wait to give them his best.

Harry checked the time on his watch and remembered all the times the NID had let him down or just downright betrayed him. This would be one strike against an old enemy and if plans worked out, Kinsey would be getting his at the hands of Makepiece and his co-horts right about…now.

The black van was feet away when with a sudden shove he unrolled a spike strip he’d hijacked from an Asgard police car. The sound of all four tyres blowing at the same time was music to his ears.

Sniggering to himself, Maybourne slid down the bank away from the road and into the cover of a stand of trees, where he’d hidden his car.

A few moments later the General Lee hurtled out of the bushes, the horn sounding out an infamous tune and verbally thumbing its nose at the NID.

The Jeep Explorer slipped smoothly from the Highway onto the forecourt of the Gas Station before skidding to a halt beside the restroom door. Master Bra’tac sighed patiently as his student Rya’c leapt from the vehicle at a faster rate than he’d first entered it.

The old Jaffa master stepped down from the Jeep stretched a few times and then walked forward towards the front of the Gas Station, examining the forest surrounding the area as he went. The peace and tranquillity started to seep into him, the sound of the birds singing among the trees…

Bra’tac froze, all of his senses springing to attention, trying to find the niggling little voice, one hand inching its way towards the zat'nicatel attached to his waistband to gently trigger the first stage activation of the weapon.

Listening to the sounds around him, Bra'tac felt a tinge of unease thread it's way through his nerves, the noise of the birds and insects seeming to melt into the background as he tried to identify where the voice had come from.

He examined the area carefully watching for any sign of life other than that of his missing student before deactivating the device.

Finding nothing amiss around him the old Jaffa eased his hand away from the zat and started to turn his attention back toward the wonders of nature. He thought that perhaps age was starting to catch up with him and maybe his mind, in the colourful words of the Tau'ri, 'had a screw loose'!

Master Bra'tac shook his head and returned his attention to the forest around him, some of the trees catching his eye with their flaming red foliage. He could see birds and insects flitting around in the trees and underbrush…

Bra’tac scurried for the dubious cover of a gas pump, activating his zat and scanning the area as he ran. "Who is there?" he called out, trying to identify where the Tau’ri could be hidden.

"It is I, Urgo," the voice said echoing all around the gas station. A rotund figure dressed in ruby coloured robes started to flicker in and out of sight.

"And I’m here," he added, standing in the doorway of the office.

"And here," Urgo continued, appearing behind Master Bra’tac.

"And even over here!" Urgo said from in front of the Jaffa Master.

Bra’tac couldn’t resist the temptation when finally Urgo stood directly in front of him and triggered the zat, the bolt of blue lightning skittering around the portly shape like a quickening around an Immortal.

Urgo’s form distorted then fizzled out as the electrical charge literally blew him apart.

Master Bra’tac climbed back to his feet, straightened up and walked to the spot where Urgo had finally met his end… or had he?

The clatter of ancient plumbing filled the air and the restroom door rebounded off the doorstop as Rya'c bounced out of the room at a slightly slower speed than he’d entered it.

"Master, was there trouble? I heard a zat being fired," Rya'c said, glancing around warily.

"There was a strange Tau’ri. But I will tell you when we are under way again," Bra’tac replied, walking back to the Jeep.

"Yes, Master Bra’tac." Teal’c’s son said, climbing back into the car.

The growl of an engine in the distance reached a roar as Maybourne in his red charger whipped past on the Highway at high speed, the General Lee’s horn blaring as he shot ahead of the pair of Jaffas.

"The explanation can wait until later, we have a race to win!" Bra’tac declared, turning the key in the ignition, putting the vehicle into drive and flooring the accelerator.

Jack, staying close to the ground, half ran across the open space between the bushes and the vehicle, checking as he went that the Jeep was between him and the driver. Reaching the bumper of the four-wheel drive he dived underneath and wriggling to the front he reached up and attached the chain he’d dragged with him to the axle, then squirming backward, eased his way out from under the Jeep.

Backing away carefully, ready to duck fast if the owners came back before he’d finished, he dragged the other end of the chain across the ground and wrapped it several times around a large tree.

O’Neill kept a close watch on Master Bra’tac, knowing that Urgo wouldn’t last very long up against the cunning old warrior and, as Jack started to slither back through the undergrowth, he saw Urgo taken out of the race.

Jack reached the lookout point a few minutes later. He’d chosen the spot earlier that day after he’d reconnoitred the area just in case and, climbing to his feet, he slapped the dust from his clothing and tried to rub the ache out of his knees. As he straightened up, he watched Master Bra’tac start the vehicle then felt the satisfaction of a job well done as the Jeep Explorer reached the end of the chain less than a minute later and flip over to land upside down on the tarmac.

Lya scanned the interior of the concept car, pleased with the attempts by the Tau’ri to be ecologically friendly. This car was a sleek solar powered beauty, that consumed H2O instead of the fossil fuel most of their vehicles seemed to burn. Lya examined the wording beside some of the buttons on the dashboard and smiled, this car had a few tricks up its metal sleeves. She heard a roar as a large red car pulled up along side and the driver, a bearded man dressed in a brightly flowered shirt, saluted her.

Lya could almost read Maybournes mind. His intentions were obvious to her and the screech of wheels as he swerved towards her car trying to run her off the road inspired her to gently press one of the many buttons in front of her.

The jets of air pointing at the ground lifted her car up and out of the way of the General Lee as Harry lost control of the car and it skidded across the tarmac and into the ditch running beside the road.

The road ran ahead of her into the distance, the open farmland to either side of her started to change slowly into a sparsely forested area with lakes and ponds scattered here and there on both sides of the road. Now that the immediate threat of the red car was starting to fade into the distance behind her, Lya relaxed and just enjoyed the countryside. She'd decided that Earth was a planet that still had a lot of natural beauty despite its inhabitants being young.

Lya carefully continued to study the controls on the dashboard in front of her, while she drove the car along the course decided by the race organisers. When the car started to drift to one side of the road it was so slowly she didn't notice it.

The member of the Nox turned the steering wheel to straighten up the car, but it started to drift even faster to the other side and the faster she corrected her course the faster it drifted to one side.

A Gas Station appeared from around a bend in the road and she quickly aimed the car onto the forecourt before the vehicle ended up in the swamp that now surrounded the area. As she slipped lithely from the car and walked up to the office, the mechanic stepped from the office as she arrived and met her on the porch of the building.

"What can I do for you, little lady?" he said condescendingly.

"My vehicle refuses to steer in a straight line, can you help me?" Lya asked, tempted to use a little of the Nox power to show who was inferior to whom.

He walked around the car, checking both inside and outside, watching out for the usual problems such as a problem with the axle to a purse hanging from what the Brits called the choke; that's the knob that controlled the air intake on older vehicles.

Finding nothing overtly wrong he started to cast admiring glances at Lya and preened, hoping that maybe she'd get friendly if he tried to help.

"Well, little lady, it don't look good to me and if it's what I think it is, there's no way I can fix it before Monday," he said, giving a gap toothed grin.

As the car just sat there with all of the buttons inside now flashing in a random pattern, a screen activated to one side of the steering wheel with a message scrolling across every few minutes. 'You've been hacked by a member of SG1, this virus will delete itself and normal programming will continue in two hours, fourteen minutes and six seconds exactly'

The numbers counted down every time it scrolled across.

The laptop bleeped as it confirmed that the requested program was running at the other end of the Internet link. Sam stretched and sighed, content in a job well done, and reaching around started to unplug the various leads connecting her laptop to the satellite phone.

"Well, did it work?" Janet Fraiser asked, trying to concentrate on the road ahead of her.

"Of course it did, Lya won't be giving us any trouble for quite a while," Sam replied, grinning broadly.

"Revenge is sweet… isn't it?!" Janet smiled holding out one hand out for a celebratory chocolate.

"That'll teach the Nox not to treat us like children in future!" Sam said, manoeuvring her computer onto the backseat of the Porsche and then reaching over to pick up the large box of chocolates sitting next to it. She positioned them on her lap, knowing they'd have to stop and get another box before long.

O’Neill spotted a Gas Station just ahead of him alongside the road and glanced down at the gas gauge checking the amount of fuel he had in the tank. He’d been watching for such a place for the last half-hour and slowing down, turned the car off of the road.

The car rumbled over a metal grid set into the road and eased to a stop alongside one of the pumps. He pushed the door open and climbed down from the cab of his truck. Standing on the forecourt of the Gas Station, Jack stretched to get some of the kinks out of his spine.

The area was almost deserted with just one man in the office on the other side of the forecourt, Jack turned and walked to the rear of his truck and removed the cap from the truck’s tank. Reaching out, he lifted the nozzle of the pipe from its stand and pushed it into the hole left by removing the cap from the tank. Standing there, he could hear the sound of a police siren faintly in the distance and the more gas that gushed into his tank, the closer it came.

As the last drop fell from the pump into his tank, Jack shook the nozzle and pulled it free. The sound of the siren was just around the bend; Jack glanced up to see a Gold coloured Camper Van coming down the road towards him at high speed, a weaving police car following close behind.

O’Neill recognised the Camper Van from the start of the race as belonging to a weird guy named Apophis who had tried to scam himself into pole position and was caught by another competitor who was just known as ‘Ra’. Now that had to be short for something…Maybe Raymond or Randolph, whatever; it came down to a hissy fit between the two of them with two good looking broads cheering them on.

Mind you, what Hathor and Nerti saw in those two was anyone’s guess. All things considered Ra and Apophis could have them.

The police car at first glance was driverless, but as Jack looked closer he could see a pair of large black eyes peering through the gaps in the steering wheel which was being clutched firmly by a pair of spindly hands.

O’Neill could only just identify Captain Thor of the Asgard Police Department and sitting beside him was Sergeant Heimdall. At least he assumed it was them, they were just trying to keep the peace in Valhalla County.

The silver Porsche purred into the Gas Station and eased smoothly to a stop. Both doors swung open simultaneously and the gas pump attendants’ eyes proceeded to bulge as two pair of gorgeous legs clad in clinging Lycra emerged from the interior of the car.

Doctor Janet Fraiser, dressed in a red Lycra catsuit slithered out of the car on one side and Major Samantha Carter wearing a cobalt blue catsuit, oozed out of the other side. Janet reconnoitred the area, assessing the dangers as she’d been taught, and mentally checked the first aid kit at the same time. Spotting a White Van pulled up at one of the pumps she walked nonchalantly around the Porsche and catching Sam’s eye, she nodded toward the vehicle.

Sam spotted the Van at almost the same time, after all she’d been trained in the O’Neill ‘How To Spot A Trap Just As You Trigger It’ School and could identify a possible advantage over the enemy with no problem. Following Janet she walked past the attendant and headed for the Ladies Rest Room.

"Sam, you have to distract Seth," Janet said earnestly, keeping one eye close to the gap between the door and the frame, watching for any signs of sabotage to their car.

"Why me?" Sam complained. "I’ve already been pawed over by him once before!"

"That’s why… you’re immune to nishta and in that outfit he won’t be looking at your face," Janet grinned and, rubbing her hands together, studied the lie of the land through the opening.

With a ladylike snort Sam took a quick look in the mirror, checked her makeup and fluffed up her hair, then with a last look Sam ran her hands down the catsuit and smoothed any wrinkles away. The door swung open and Sam sashayed out of the Ladies Room and toward Seth; the White Van Man was standing just inside the office talking to the attendant.

Seth’s eyes settled on the front of the catsuit, the zip had been pulled down a few extra inches and he appeared mesmerised by the contents.

Every time he tried to take notice of what Sam was saying all she had to do was take a deep breath and Seth’s wandering eyes were recaptured by the depth of the valley facing him.

Janet watched from the Ladies Room as Sam backed Seth further into the office. Checking when he no longer had a view of the forecourt, she dodged out of the room and plucked up a tyre iron from a nearby tool box. Fitting the iron to the wheel nuts of Seth’s vehicle and using her full strength, she started to unscrew the fittings. She figured that if she removed all but one of the nuts from each wheel and left that one loose it wouldn’t be long before all of his wheels dropped off.

Fraiser looked around for something to put the nuts into because if she left them behind he’d be sure to repair his van and would soon be on their heels. Glancing down, she spotted the storm drain and an evil grin spread across her face. She gathered all of the nuts into a pile beside the drain and proceeded to drop them through the grate one by one and listened to the plop as they hit the surface of the sludge below before sinking out of sight. Then, thankful for the fact that this Gas Station didn’t have the facilities of a full Auto Shop, she returned the tyre iron to it’s toolbox and ambled back to the Porsche. The Doctor opened the door of the car and reached in to sound the horn, figuring that Sam would be grateful for the excuse to get out of the office.

The office door flew open and Sam exited the premises faster than she’d entered them. Carter sprinted across the forecourt pulling a face, as if she’d just sank her teeth into a particularly sour lemon. Janet had the engine running as Sam threw herself into the passenger seat of the car and the Porsche peeled out of the Gas Station as if a maddened Go’auld were chasing them.

Seth blinked in disbelief as the fog that had a hold on his senses rolled away from him and wondered if maybe repeated exposure to Nishta could have finally affected him. The Gas Station attendant came into the office through the backdoor and stood two steps behind and to one side of the Go’auld. The man knelt as Seth turned around to look at him, the Go’auld’s eyes flashing.

"Report," Seth commanded, his senses still feeling a little muzzy.

"It is done my Lord, Seth," The nishta’d follower said fawningly.

"Tell me how you followed my orders," Seth sneered, hoping his menial wouldn’t notice his difficulty in focusing.

"My Lord, you commanded me to sabotage their vehicle, so I emptied a container of sugar into their gas tank." The disciple said, wondering if an evil cackle would be permitted.

"Ah yes, that should do nicely." Seth smirked in anticipation of the Tau’ri women’s difficulties ahead,. Never let it be said that he wasn’t an equal opportunities bad guy.

O’Neill passed the winning line with feet to spare; easily overtaking Sam and Janet who were trying to push their Porsche over the line.

Jack slammed on the brakes after crossing the line, skidding to a halt just in front of the Judges and across the road from the Commentators Box.

He leaned back in his seat for a few seconds then swung the door of his truck open. As he stepped down from his vehicle the crowd surged forward to surround Jack and his truck everyone trying to congratulate him at the same time.

The Judges, a group of glowing figures led by Oma Desala pushed their way through the crowd.

"Congratulations, Jack, you’ve won this special edition of the Canonball Run," Oma gushed, glowing brightly.

One of the other Judges stepped forward and hung a garland around Jack’s neck. Orlin looked into Jack’s eyes and smiled. "Can you tell Sam I’ll never forget her?" He said softly, but Jack still heard him over the sound of the crowd.

Oma gestured and a pathway opened through the crowd leading to a Stargate, then she led Jack to a DHD. "Jack, I want you to remember this address," she said, turning to press seven of the symbols on the surface of the device.

The Chevrons on the Stargate lit up as Oma pressed the corresponding glyphs on the DHD until, with a final clunk, the Stargate activated.

O’Neill walked forward with Oma Desala beside him and stepped through the Gate.

Jack sat at the table in the Briefing Room, his head propped on one hand while he idly doodled on a pad of paper with the pen in the other. The other members of his team straggled in separately and headed straight for the fresh coffee.

Daniel sat down and, clutching his mug tightly in both hands, peered curiously across the table. Using a skill he’d perfected in school, he started to examine the upside down artwork on Jack’s pad. "Jack, why are you drawing gate symbols?"

O’Neill jumped in shock. Daniel just having awakened him from the stupor he’d been in since he’d woke up in his quarters this morning. He was so tired that he’d not even noticed that the rest of SG1 had arrived in the room. "Oma made me!" Jack said faintly, watching Sam cross the room to the large flask of coffee left in the Briefing Room just for them.

Sam ambled over to O’Neill, skirting the table, to place a mug full of coffee in front of him, before drifting back around it to her seat.

Daniel leaned back in his chair and examined the exhausted figure seated in front on him. He picked up his drink and regarded Jack with curiosity over the top of the lip.

"Did you not sleep well, O’Neill?" Teal’c rumbled, raising an eyebrow as an accent to the question.

O’Neill groaned and dropped his head to the surface of the table, blindly groping for the mug and drawing it towards him. "No, Teal’c I didn’t sleep well… I had the weirdest dream!" he mumbled around the rim of the mug.

Daniel snorted into his mug and started to cough as he inhaled the coffee, when he finally stopped coughing he glared over at Jack. "And how’s that unusual?" he said hoarsely.

"Well, I don’t normally re-enact a wacky film in my dreams and replace all the characters with people I know!" Jack said faintly.

"What film's that, sir?" Carter asked brightly, as she set her empty mug down on the table.

O’Neill turned his head to glare at her, taking note of her obscenely wide-awake attitude at the same time. "It seemed to be a kamikaze version of the Canonball Run with some sort of contraption for the Gate as a prize," Jack grumbled, trying to glare at Sam but, due to extreme fatigue looking more like a cross-eyed bear.

Carter perked up even more if that was possible and, just to be contradictory, also started to look thoughtful at the same time. "What sort of device was it? Do you remember?" she asked hopefully.

O’Neill tried to fix his stare on her, but kept loosing focus as his eyes insisted on trying to cross. "If I remember right the commentator said ‘the prize offered isn’t a measly $20 million, but the chance to win an attachment for your very own Stargate to enable it to dial all nine of its chevrons without blacking out the Eastern Seaboard of America and Canada.’ does that help?"

"Yes, sir. If we had a generator like that the power output would be enormous, we could supply electricity to the majority of the United States with very little cost." Carter started to fidget and finally leapt up out of her seat. She started to pace absentmindedly around the room, gesturing madly in the air.

Daniel reached over and, laying one finger on the pad, drew O’Neill’s doodles towards him. He redrew the symbols onto another piece of paper, then looked back at Jack.

"You said ‘Oma made me’ when I asked about what you were drawing, why did you say that?" Daniel queried softly.

Jack refocused his eyes on the archaeologist after staring entranced at the pacing scientist. "She told me to remember them and I felt compelled to do it, why?" O’Neill replied.

"If your dream was that detailed and you can remember what one of the commentator's said, I’m thinking that maybe Oma Desala really did tell you to draw these symbols and not all of it was a dream after all!" Daniel said, tossing his pen to the table.

Sam froze in mid pace as a possible explanation came to mind; she slowly turned to face the Colonel and leaned forward over the table. "I don’t think the Asgard removed all of the Ancients knowledge from your brain and this is a piece of information that’s started to percolate to the surface," she said thoughtfully.

"Dial-up the address and send the MALP through," Hammond’s voice came from behind them.

O’Neill leapt to his feet as the General walked to the head of the table from where he’d been standing in the doorway of his office.

"Major, how certain is it that this could actually be a memory and not a dream?" Hammond said as he sat down.

"There’s a distinct possibility that it’s a memory, but until we run it through the computer we won’t know for certain." Carter responded, returning to her seat.

Daniel reached over and picked up his pen and began tapping it against his teeth as he leant back in his seat. "If Oma Desala has anything to do with this, you can be certain it’s a memory," he said, looking at the General thoughtfully.

"Well, Major, start running it through the computer and, if it seems okay, SG1 has its next mission," Hammond said, rising to his feet. "Dismissed." The General added, heading back towards his office.

The klaxon blared out as the Stargate started to revolve, the plasma cascading from the centre of the circle to then fall back to form a shimmering surface. The iris unfurled to cover the opening and those watching, waited for the signal from the off-world team before opening the way.

"Receiving SG1’s GDO code now, sir," Sergeant Davis said, studying the screen intently before turning to face General Hammond.

"Open the Iris," Hammond replied, moving forward to stand beside the technician.

Below them in the Gateroom the usual welcome home crew waited with guns at the ready, prepared in case the Go’auld tried to use this occasion to invade the base. Four mud-covered figures strode through the event horizon of the wormhole and down the ramp towards the soldiers waiting below them. Two of the figures were carrying a box between them and as they reached the level floor at the bottom of the ramp, they gently placed the article on the floor.

Colonel O’Neill removed a mud-covered cap from his head and, trying to find a clean spot on his sleeve, wiped his face partially clear of his alien face pack. "Mission successful, General," he reported, looking up at the General in the Control Room.

Hammond leaned forward and spoke into the microphone attached to the control panel in front of him. "Stand down, people and welcome home SG1. Debriefing in one hour," He responded, watching as SG1 ambled out of the Gateroom through the bulkhead door.

The members of S.G.1 rose to their feet as General Hammond entered the Briefing Room and walked around the table to his seat. "Be seated, people, and tell me what you’ve found on PX1 956," he said, relaxing back into his chair.

"Well, General, sir. The first thing we found on that world was mud, loads and loads of mud, you may have noticed we brought a sample back with us!" O’Neill replied, examining the mud still in evidence under his fingernails despite a great deal of effort to remove it.

"I noticed that, Colonel, what else did you find?" Hammond said, struggling to keep a poker face, desperately controlling the urge to grin at the memory.

"That’s where I came in, General," Daniel interjected quickly, before Jack’s humour got them thrown into jail.

"Yes, Dr. Jackson?" the General prompted.

"There were directions carved on a stone pillar standing in front of the Gate. The instructions were in the Ancients language," Daniel replied.

"And what did it say?" Hammond queried.

"Research Laboratory, 10 miles," Jack said dryly, twirling a pencil between several fingers as he spoke.

"There was another sign that had possibilities as well, Jack!" Daniel enthused.

"Oh, yeah and we wouldn’t see you for years if you headed there alone," O’Neill said sarcastically.

"Indeed. I concur, O’Neill." Teal’c exclaimed, nodding his agreement.

"What did it say?" Hammond asked again.

"Library, 15 miles," O’Neill said, the twinkle in his eyes showing he was teasing Daniel.

"Anyway, General, after a 10 mile slog through deep mud we reached a building that looked pretty much intact, it looked a bit like a Spanish Hacienda in style. And as we walked through the doorway, we noticed the mud stayed outside and by that I mean even the stuff we were wearing stayed out!" Jack said incredulously. "That place had a lot of rooms most of which had locked doors, but there were several rooms that we could get into and in one of them Carter found what I think we were looking for," he continued, then gestured for Carter to carry on the debriefing.

"Yes sir, there were quite a few machines that we couldn’t identify and only some of them had labels of any sort, but we found something that definitely looks like a power source for the Stargate," she said, grinning with anticipation.

"Thank you, Major for that information," Hammond replied, studying the team sitting before him. Noting the exhaustion on O’Neill’s face, he decided to bring the de-briefing to a close. "Major Carter, I’m sure you want to go and check it over, so I’m calling this meeting to a close for now. Please inform me when you have a report on the device," Hammond he, starting to rise from his chair.

"Dismissed. Jack, hold back for a moment, will you?" Hammond continued, waving O’Neill back from the door. "Jack, only one thing has me puzzled," he said quizzically.

"What’s that, General?" Jack asked, raising an eyebrow inquisitively.

"What were you thinking about, that started all this?" George Hammond said, smiling.

Jack O’Neill grinned, remembering what he’d been thinking about the night before the dream. "What on Earth do I get Carter for Christmas?"

The End.