Van Helsing crouched among the bushes, shoulders hunched under his leather coat against the sharp frost gathering over the forest, his skin prickling with dread, knowing that somehow, somewhere IT waited in the darkness.

 Somewhere a carrot was in danger.....

 After a moment a stifled giggle escaped him and he shook his head, looking round at his companion on his hunt. No, this was some kind of peculiar joke the villagers had come up with to poke fun at him. “A rabbit, Carl? A giant rabbit...?”

 The friar nodded urgently, his eyes enormous. “It was huge, Van Helsing, twenty feet tall at least....”

 “Twenty feet?” Van Helsing glanced dubiously up at the trees scraping the night sky around them.

 “Oh, all right perhaps a little smaller....”

 “Rabbit sized perhaps?” Van Helsing asked comparatively politely for a man who had been dragged out of a nice warm bed in Rome to a freezing cold forest on the Welsh borders on what seemed to be a wild goose chase. Or rather a wild rabbit chase....

 “No,” Carl said firmly. “I definitely saw a giant rabbit. Twice as tall as you I would say....” He pressed on grimly as Van Helsing continued to study him sceptically.  “And it was pink....”

 “Pink?! You didn't mention that before....”

 “I had a hard enough time getting you to come out here in the first place without having you laugh in my face,” the friar retorted waspishly. “You may not believe me, but I know what I saw. It was the were-rabbit....”

 Van Helsing half expected a peal of thunder at this pronouncement but the night remained breathlessly silent. Biting his tongue on the rude report that threatened to escape him, the vampire hunter turned back to studying the darkened forest around them. He had hunted some very strange creatures in his time, some of them very strange; invariably they had been homicidal and usually evil....

 But a were-rabbit.....?

 If it was anyone but Carl he would have decided it was a joke and gone back to their lodgings at the pub. But Carl had definitely seen something when he was searching for clues in the vegetable beds. Something that had frightened him out of his wits and made him drag Van Helsing out on what had to be the coldest night of all time to hunt for it.  The friar was not the bravest man in the world, but he was certainly brilliant and difficult to deceive....

 “I have never heard of a were-rabbit,” he said finally.

 “They are rare....”

 “A welsh rarebit?” Van Helsing couldn’t resist.

 “Not necessarily,” Carl said, totally missing the pun. The vampire hunter sighed sadly. “There have been a few examples recorded. I must admit this one does seem to be rather larger than usual....”

 “By about nineteen foot or so,” Van Helsing observed.

 “I was not seeing things if that’s what you mean. I was not tricked by the night, the cold, or my imagination,” Carl said primly.

 “How about the ale? You did put rather a lot of it away at dinner....”

 “I was blending in with our hosts.”

 Van Helsing shook his head, having limited his own drinking to a pint of the local brewed ale. It had brought back some fleeting and pleasant memories.... “Rabbits are not usually homicidal. Even if this is a were-rabbit....” He managed not to laugh. “...it’s unlikely to be dangerous.”

 “You saw the claw marks on the trees....”

 “That could have been made by deer sharpening their antlers....”

 The friar gave him an incredulous look. “How much did you drink?”

 Not enough obviously, Van Helsing reflected wistfully. “The point is, I don’t know why I'm looking for a were rabbit, giant pink one or not, in the middle of the night! Why exactly did no one think to tell me what I was supposed to hunt before we left Rome?” he cocked an eyebrow at Carl and gave him a meaningful glower. He was going to have words with the Cardinal when he got back about this. “I was told it was a were-creature of unknown nature. It sounds as if you knew what it was all along....”

 “Well, yes, we were told. But you were being a bit tetchy....”

 “Tetchy?”

 “Your assignment with the possessed Naga....”

 “Being swallowed by a giant snake can leave an impression on you. Especially when you have to claw your way out with your bare hands....”

 “Oh really, Van Helsing, I sent you out equipped with all the right tools. Those circular spinning knives or yours should have done the trick if you’d thought of them....”

 “I used them on the way in,” Van Helsing replied sourly. “They got blunted on its hide....”

 “Ohh.....really must think of a name for them....”

 Van Helsing sighed and turned back to the forest as the friar chatted on blithely and inconsequently about ways to deal with the next Naga he ran up against. He moved out, treading softly across the leaf carpeted floor of the forest with barely a crackle of frost covered grass. Carl blundered noisily after him and Van Helsing tuned him out, concentrating on listening to the sounds of the forest. It was very quiet, ominously so...There were none of the sounds that he had come to expect from a forest; no badgers, deer, foxes....

 How was he supposed to catch a were- rabbit anyway? Use poisoned carrots as bait? And when he’d caught it, what was he supposed to do with it then? He came to a stop, staring at he tracks he had nearly stepped on. He lowered the torch to examine them for a moment, then lifted it again so that the flames flared up brightly with the breath of fresh air. “Carl?” he said aloud, interrupting the friar’s spiel.

 Carl came to an obedient halt. They both knew it was fright making him chatter. “Yes, Van Helsing?”

 “How am I supposed to kill this were-rabbit?”

 “Ah, if you’ll check your guns you’ll notice I took the liberty of supply you with rather special ammunition?”

 “Carrots?”

 “In a way,” Carl chirped. Van Helsing suppressed the urge to groan.  “Nine carat gold bullets. Specially recommended for killing were-rabbits. They do have claws and teeth, you know. And most were creatures are frenziedly homicidal....”

 “I do know that, Carl.” The vampire hunter said wearily. And he had the scars to prove it. “Only nine carat? Whatever happened to twenty four?”

 "Budget cuts,” Carl replied succinctly. “Er, why are you asking this now?”

Van Helsing gestured with a leather booted toe at the huge tracks he had found, pressed deep into the leaf mould. “Rabbit tracks. From the size of them I’d say it’s a heavy creature about fifteen foot tall. You exaggerated....”

“Well, it was dark.....Oh my....” Carl gulped and moved closer to Van Helsing. “Then it’s here?”

“It has been....Looks like it was headed for....” He broke off as dull booming echoed through the forest, sounding as if a maddened woodpecker had gone berserk. It echoed and re-echoed from tree to tree until it was impossible to tell from which direction it came.

“W’what was that?”

“Rabbits signal danger by drumming with their hind feet....” Van Helsing said blandly.

“But that was so loud....”

“Big rabbit....”

Carl looked up at him nervously, noting with a sort of uneasy relief that Van Helsing had drawn one of his guns. “You said it wasn't dangerous....”

“I was being reassuring,” Van Helsing replied coolly. “Besides, I'm not convinced there is any such thing as a were rabbit. We could be hunting something else....”

“Oh...” Carl squeaked and stuck close as the vampire hunter strode forward into the darkness. “W’what else could it be?”

“Were wolf? Were leopard? Something imported perhaps...” Van Helsing shrugged liquidly. A frown crossed his features. “Or created....Carl, why are the vegetables in this village so large? The innkeeper told me, he only used one potato to make that entire tureen of mashed potatoes we had for dinner....” And delicious it had been, with melted butter and chopped chives and the minted peas and the well done roast beef and the Yorkshire pudding.... At some point in the shadowy memories of his past he had lived here and delighted in the local foods....

“Ah, that’d be Professor Camomile. He’s a genius at horticulture. I hoped to speak to him before we leave. But he’s a bit of a recluse. Lives up near Noah Vale...”

Van Helsing blinked. “Where?”

 “Noah Vale.”

 “That’s what I thought you said,” Van Helsing choked out.

 “Actually, it’s quite near here...” Carl chatted on enthusiastically. “Why, he might still be up. Its not that late. Perhaps we could drop by and see if he’s heard anything....”

 “Along the lines of ‘Hello Professor, did you happen to see a giant pink were rabbit hopping by earlier!?”

 “You’re getting tetchy again....”

“Really?”

 “I can always tell. You get very sarcastic....”

 “Carl, he’ll laugh in our faces....”

 “Oh, I don’t think so....They’re very nice here, very friendly. Why, no one’s threatened to burn you at the stake since we got here....”

 “Suspicious isn’t it?”

 “Oh, Van Helsing, don't be so cynical....”

 “They obviously don’t know who I am....”

 “Neither do you. Although you do seem quite familiar with the country....”

 “I've been here before. Several times I think....” Van Helsing mused as they walked, his dark eyes still following the tracks crushed into the frosty earth. The creature had a huge stride and it had smashed its way though the tangled undergrowth, leaving a clear path for them to follow. Almost too clear.... “Not long after the Romans left....”

 “Ah...Did you know the Romans introduced rabbits into this country? Before that there were only hares....”

 “I did. Otherwise instead of chasing rabbits, we’d be having a really bad hare day....”

 “What?”

 “Never mind.” Van Helsing had come to a halt, peering over the edge were the ground had been undermined by water and crumbled away into the stream below. “It looks like we will be visiting Professor Camomile after all....”

 “We will?” Carl caught up with him, panting.

 Van Helsing nodded across the stream to the large house sprawling beyond the stream. Light still shone from the windows and the broken path they had followed through the woods could be seen to continue through the careful arranged vegetable gardens before them. “He appears to be still up....”

                                                            * * *

“No, no, can’t say as I heard anything. Once I get engrossed in my research I'm quite oblivious to everything. Everything....” Professor Camomile was a small, balding unprepossessing little man who reminded Van Helsing of nothing so much as a mole in a dapper Victorian suit. He had answered the bell on the third time Van Helsing had rung it, leaning on it until its sonorous clanging echoed through the house. “I'm fertilising peas you know...”

 “Beg pardon?” Van Helsing said. 

 “Fertilising peas. Cross strains....A bigger and better pea that’s what’s required....” Camomile nodded sagely. “People don’t listen of course. They don’t believe....Why pick hundreds of pods when you could pick one and make a banquet?”

 “Doesn’t it affect the taste?” Carl asked curiously as he pottered up and down peering into a tray of seeds here and an array of glass tubes bubbling with brightly coloured liquids here. The Professor had taken them to his laboratory/nursery unwilling to be parted from his experiments and desperate to show off to his visitors.

 “No, no, not at all....” Camomile insisted. “My wife and I eat nothing else. It’s the villagers you know who complain. I am no longer allowed to compete in their silly vegetable show. They say I cheat....”

 “Now, Cyril, don’t get yourself upset again....” a female voice said soothingly.

 “Ah, Hortense, my dear. There you are. Didn't you hear the bell....?”

 “Er, yes, I was....changing....” she came into the room in a swish of lavender skirts. She was a surprisingly tall woman with dark hair, plump and matronly looking with cool blue eyes. “Do introduce me to our guests, dear.”

 “Ah yes, quite. This is Carl, I didn’t quite catch your last name, Friar was it? And Van Helsing....”

 “Ah, the great vampire slayer....” Hortense said, letting Van Helsing shake her hand.

 “You’ve heard of me?”

 Her smile was politely frozen in place. “We were told you were coming...” She freed her hand and wandered across the glass tubes, picking up one in a fetching shade of pale pink. Camomile gave her an uneasy look and moved as if to take it away from her. With a faint frown, she moved away from him. “You’re not going to interfere, are you?”

 “Interfere?” Van Helsing echoed, watching her warily.

 “With dear Cyril’s experiments.”

 “Is there any reason why I should?”

 “People don’t understand!” Camomile cried out, smacking his hand down into one of the herb trays.

 “Cyril, control yourself. You’re killing thyme....” Hortense protested.

 “What? Oh blast it...Now look what you made me do....That’s a special strain too....Lucky it wasn't the wheat....”

 “That would have made you a cereal killer,” Van Helsing murmured. Hortense glared at him.

 “The villagers seem to think we’re doing something unnatural. Why, at one point they claimed we were crossing chickens with spiders!” Cyril complained.

 “Why? Whatever for? It’d be impossible...” Carl protested.

 “More drumsticks,” Van Helsing commented. “But you’d never be able to catch them....”

 “They’re totally different species and the sizes alone....” Carl rattled on, ignoring the way the Camomiles were glaring at his friend.

 “Obviously!” Camomile cried. “An ostrich and chicken perhaps....”

 “Really big drumsticks,” Van Helsing murmured, having come to the opinion that Camomile was a completely mad scientist. Next to him Carl was practically sane. “But you’d never get it in the oven to roast....”

 “You don't take Cyril seriously, do you?” Hortense said grimly, her long fingers with their dark red nail polish curling around the glass tube she still held.

 “Now, Hortense dear, you know you’ll have one of your turns....”

 “My turns, Cyril? They’re laughing at you....”

 “Now, dear, don’t....really don’t.....” Camomile protested.

 Finally catching on, van Helsing took an urgent step forward, but was too late as Hortense tilted the vial to her lips and swallowed the contents in one straight gulp.

 “Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,” Camomile moaned. “I wish she wouldn't do that....”

 Hortense smiled beatifically, tossing back her head as her hair ell from its bun. “Ah, I feel it....the power.....”

 As Van Helsing and Carl watched in horror she started to shiver, falling to all fours. A twisted expression crossed her face as she looked up at them and collapsed to the floor, convulsing....

 Van Helsing reached uncertainly for his gun with the gold ammunition.

 “I'm sorry,. Hortense, so sorry... But I did warn you....” Camomile said miserably as she spasmed and twitched, shrinking....

 “What have you done?” Carol demanded in panic as the woman vanished into her clothing.

 Van Helsing draw the revolver to be on the safe side, watching for some monstrous deformed rabbit to erupt from the bundle of lavender silk on the floor.

 “You won't need that,” Camomile said quietly. “The potion wasn’t what she thought it was....”

 “Potion?” Van helsing said warily.

 “A polyjuice potion I was experimenting with from an old book I found. Mr Flopsy took it by accident you see. Our pet rabbit. It gave us quite a nasty shock when he changed.....Fortunately there were no long lasting effects. He was a bit shocked afterwards, but fine....I thought I’d got rid of it all, only Hortense hid some. She took it, changed into this huge....were-rabbit. There was nothing I could. She would go out on a rampage, destroy vegetables....avenge herself on the villagers for their slights to me....”

 “A giant pink were-rabbit?” Van Helsing asked almost conversationally, still eyeing the dress as it bulged in response to something wriggling beneath it.

 “Well, she’s female, of course she was pink....” Camomile exclaimed, looking at the vampire hunter as if he was an idiot. “So I made another potion from the book. It will hopefully have changed her into....ahhhhh, whose a fluffy bunny wunny then!” The Professor swooped, scooping up the fluffy rabbit that crawled out of the dress. “Oh, Hortense.....I did warn you it had to stop.....Don’t bite me, dear....Here,have a nice carrot....”

 Van Helsing holstered his gun, heaved a sigh of relief and sat down on a convenient stool. Carl gave him an incredulous look. “It...she.....”

 "The village terror....” Van Helsing said dryly. “Is now a small fluffy bunny....And you can explain it to Rome.”

                                                            * * *

Seated in the cosy parlour of the pub, Van Helsing propped his booted heels up on the hearth and leaned back comfortably, sipping his tea with enjoyment. He could hear the music floating across the village green from where the fete was in full swing but he refused to shift. They were taking Camomile and Hortense back to Rome with them. The Professor’s experiments obviously needed to be controlled and someway had to be found to turn Hortense back into a woman. She appeared to be stuck as a rabbit, although she appeared to be quite enjoying herself as far as anyone could tell and had been flirting with Mr Flopsy until Carl hastily put her into a different hutch.

“Van Helsing....!” Carl erupted into the room.

Van Helsing sighed, lowered his tea cup and gave him a long suffering look. “Yes, Carl, what is it now? A rogue melon? A savage cabbage? Or, don't tell me, a cauliflower has started barking?”

“What?”

“Nothing. What is it?”

“The vegetable show is about to start. You really must come and watch....”

“I think the suspense would be too much for me. Cucumber sandwich?”

“Oh yes, don't mind if I do....” Carl munched contentedly. “Mmmh, yes, they’re awfully good....”

“Tea?” Van Helsing waved at the pot with its dainty flower design.

“The show, Van Helsing?”

“Must I?”

“You’ll enjoy it! You spend far too much time being grim. Come and let me buy you a toffee apple!” 

Van Helsing sighed and let Carl haul him out of his chair.  A rueful smile crossed his face as he followed the enthusiastic friar as he bounced out of the inn and headed for the village green. It might be enjoyable to visit the fair, flirt a little with some of the extremely pretty village girls and crunch a toffee apple or two. After all, why shouldn’t he? He had completed his assignment without getting maimed and for once no one else had been hurt. In fact, he was quite popular with the villagers who saw him as saving their village, the fair and their vegetables.  And he couldn't wait to see the Cardinal’s face when they presented him with the Camomiles. He was fairly sure Carl’s decision wasn’t one he would be expecting. 

Suddenly grinning, Van Helsing lengthened his stride and stepped out into the sunshine. For once he was going to have a good time and thoroughly enjoy himself and no monster was going to stop him.

                                                            oooOooo