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By Angela Field.

"And what about the Stymphalian Bird?" Hercules asked dryly as he paced down the narrow track with Iolaus bouncing along beside him.

            "What about it?"

            "Well, I could have done with your help then and you weren't around," Hercules pointed out cheerfully.

            "Ah, but you defeated it on your own which means you didn't really need me. If you had needed me of course I’d have been there."

            Hercules laughed, dropping one arm across his friend's shoulders. It was a beautiful day, perfect for a long walk with nothing to do as they headed home. The forest canopy kept the heat at bay and a fresh leaf scented breeze kept the air moving nicely. Overhead, the sky was a blue so brilliant it was almost sapphire and there was barely a cloud in sight as they rounded the corner.

They both came to a halt at the same moment, staring at the village lying in the valley before them in disbelief. On a day filled by sunshine, the village lay under a mantle of low black clouds and they could see the torrential rain sweeping off the roofs and turning the land to mud. The only place that seemed to be undrenched was the ziggurat shape of the temple at the far end of the village.

            Iolaus looked doubtfully from the blue sky overhead to the clouds below and then turned questioningly to the demi-god. "Herc? What's going on?"

            "I have no idea," Hercules admitted. "I've never seen anything like it before."

            "Me neither," Iolaus said slowly. "Think it's a god thing?"

            "It's definitely a god thing," Hercules answered, frowning as he eyed the miniature weather system belabouring the village. Releasing his friend he started to stalk determinedly down the slope towards the huddled buildings.

            Iolaus shot a look skywards, shrugged helplessly then sprang after him. "Maybe this is one of those times we should stay out of it?" he suggested.

            Hercules shot a glare at him.

            "I mean, this could be perfectly natural for the area."

            "Does that look natural?" Hercules pointed to a black cloud that had grown a face and was leering down at the village below.

            "Uh well….no…" Iolaus hesitated. "But maybe they need the rain for their crops…."

            Hercules gave him another cool look and Iolaus gave up. The demi-god was never particularly reasonable when it came to the gods. He took another look at the cloud face and frowned, wondering why the features seemed so familiar. Puzzled, he came to a stop, staring at the shape in concentration. He almost had it figured out when Hercules called him impatiently.

            "Iolaus? Are you coming or not? You don't have to if you don't want to."

            "Who says I don't want to?" Iolaus sputtered indignantly, sprinting to catch up as Hercules strode onwards.

            A few minutes later and they crossed a narrow bridge across the water that marked the boundary between good and bad weather. Usually it was probably a friendly little stream where small boys could come to swim and fish, but today it was a raging muddy torrent of cold rainwater.

            As soon as they stepped off the bridge they walked through a curtain of rain into a torrential deluge that soaked them both to the skin in seconds. 

            "Oh this is fun," Iolaus yelled above the constant drumming of the rain. "Come fishing, you said. It’ll be fun, you said."

            "It's not my fault," Hercules snorted, blinking water from his eyes, he shot a glare at him. Despite his irritation about the petty tricks of the gods, he had to grin at the sight of his friend. With his blond hair plastered to his face, Iolaus looked like a wet sunflower.

            "Don't say it," the hunter growled at him. "You don't look any better than I do."

            Chuckling as his mood lightened, Hercules waded on the though the mud and puddles and up the slight slope to the village. They were almost there when a low rumbling sound grumbled up through the earth, setting it to shaking and dancing violently beneath his feet.

Flailing wildly for balance, Hercules heard Iolaus yelp behind him and looked round to see his partner go sprawling as the ground literally rippled under his feet and sent him flying.

A moment later and the dirt wave rolled under his own feet and Hercules too took a nosedive. He clawed for purchase, feeling the earth tilting and sliding away beneath him then suddenly all was still. As quickly as it started, the quake was over. Cautiously he lifted his head and looked round, glad to see Iolaus uncurling and sitting up a few yards away.

"You okay?"

"Yeah…You?"

"Nothing damaged." Hercules sat up, wrinkling his nose as his soggy tunic squelched and stuck to his skin. At least the rain should help rinse him off. Climbing to his feet and stretching, Hercules offered  Iolaus a hand in getting up and grinned at his friend's equally mud-stained appearance.

Iolaus gave him a frosty look. "Whose idea was this little trip again?"

"Look, we're almost there," Hercules soothed, starting towards the village once more.

"Oh wonderful. I'm cold, wet and fed up and all you can say is…" Iolaus stopped in surprise as the rain stopped and the sun came out in a blaze of warmth and light that practically begged for a fanfare as it lifted the grey miasma from the atmosphere. "Uh….Herc?" Baffled, Iolaus looked up at the demi-god.

 "Don't ask me. Let's see if anyone in the village knows what's going on."

                                                            * * *

The arrival of two complete strangers in the village was greeted with pleased surprise and they were politely directed to the inn. The innkeeper wasn't even mildly put out by their bedraggled appearance, but produced towels and robes without even blinking.

"No, it's no trouble. I'm used to it," he told Hercules amiably as he took the coins to pay for the room and shoved the robes and towels across the counter to them.

"What's going on around here anyway?" Iolaus asked he took a towel to start drying his mop of hair with.

"Not a lot," the innkeeper mused as he tucked the coins into his belt pouch. "Haven't had a festival in a while and not likely to either."

"We meant the weather," Hercules explained.

"Oh that." The innkeeper shrugged skinny shoulders. "That's the curse. Part of it anyway. I expect we'll get used to it after a while."

"What curse?" Hercules asked suspiciously.

The innkeeper hesitated and eyed him dubiously. "Ah well, now, that's not for me to say really."

Iolaus leaned on the counter and jabbed a thumb at Hercules. "We might be able to help if you tell us," he urged. "He's Hercules."

"Oh sure, and no doubt you’re another Hermes."

"What did you call me?!"

It was only the fact that Hercules' had incredible reflexes that enabled him to grab Iolaus by the scruff of the neck before he went for the innkeeper's throat. "Another Hermes?" he questioned curiously, giving his friend a warning glare. Iolaus subsided with a huffy expression and belligerent glare at the innkeeper.

"Uh now, if I was to tell you it'd make things worse," the innkeeper mumbled, eyeing Iolaus with a certain amount of trepidation. “Best if you talk to Marius. He'd be the one to help you if you really want to know what's going on."

                                                            * * *

"I mean, fancy comparing me with Hermes. Me of all people!" Iolaus was still simmering over the innkeeper's inadvertent insult.

"No, Iolaus," Hercules answered patiently. Having dried off as best they could, they had decided to go in search of Marius and he wasn't really paying attention to the hunter.

"Do I look like that feathered pervert?"

"Yes, Iolaus," Hercules muttered absently, spotting the man they were looking for talking to a slender young priest on the steps of the ziggurat. Marius was a tall lean man, with greying dark hair and a worried expression.

"What?!" Iolaus screeched in outrage.

Hercules glanced at him blankly, winced at the expression of outright fury on his friend's face and backtracked hastily. "Uh, I mean, no, Iolaus. Of course, you don't. I thought you said look for Hermes."

"No, you didn't!" Iolaus growled as he folded his arms and scowled at him sulkily. "You weren't even listening to me."

Hercules smiled weakly, knowing how unreasonable Iolaus could be when he was in this sort of mood. Fortunately for the demi-god they didn't happen very often. To give himself time to think up a suitable method of placating his friend, Hercules flagged down a passing villager.

"Marius? Oh yes, that's him talking to Kino again. Not that he'll get any further than he did every other time he talked to him," the woman replied dryly. "If you ask me we'd better off without the whole lot of you."

"Lot of us?" Hercules echoed blankly.

"Men! Cause nothing but trouble. If it hadn't been for you lot acting all macho and stupid as usual we’d never have been cursed in the first place!"

"Uh…" Before Hercules could form a suitable reply; the dark haired woman had flounced off leaving him alone with his bad tempered partner.

"And now you’re ignoring me," Iolaus snapped at him.

"You know your trouble?" Hercules retorted and for once his sense of humour got the better of him. "You get anywhere near Hermes and it puts you in a bad mood."

"It does not!"

"If you ask me, he's starting to wear you down."

"He is not!"

"You really want to say yes."

"You take that back!"

"No," Hercules smirked and then caught his friend as Iolaus dived at him. They were both happily enjoying an impromptu wrestling match when Marius slowly came towards them.

"Can I help you?" he asked cautiously.

Hercules hesitated, with one arm wrapped around Iolaus' throat while the hunter did his best to wriggle free of his grip. "Oh uh, yes." Flicking Iolaus on the end of the nose, the demi-god released him and stepped hastily out of reach. "I understand your village has been cursed?" He shot a warning glare at Iolaus as the hunter started for him again. Reluctantly Iolaus subsided, but his expression threatened there would be paybacks later.

"Yes, that's true I'm afraid," Marius agreed sadly.

"Has anyone been hurt?" Hercules asked, feeling his own irritability returning.

"Oh no, no, nothing like that. Hermes wouldn’t do that."

"Hermes is doing this?" Iolaus exclaimed in astonishment.

"I'm afraid so. It is our own fault I suppose. Um," Marius glanced up at the clear blue sky and then started over towards the nearest building. "You might want to come over here…." The air seemed to be crackling as Hercules and Iolaus gazed after him blankly. With a baffled glance at each other they followed him under the shelter of the building's porch. "Now, where was I?"

"You were going to tell us what Hermes has to do with this," Hercules prompted.

"Well, it all started with someone attempting to steal the sacred chalice from Hermes' temple…," Marius began and then flinched as a tremendous gust of wind whistled up the street and started to scream around the ziggurat, bringing with it a wall of rain that drenched the ground all over again. He shrugged, noting Hercules' and Iolaus' surprised expressions. "You can sort of tell when it's coming. Kind of a tingling sensation…."

"More like a creepy crawly sensation," Iolaus muttered, folding his arms and glancing around him nervously.

"That's your testosterone talking," Hercules teased. Iolaus scowled and swung a foot at his ankle that the demi-god had to hop to avoid.

"Er, as I was saying…" Marius said slowly.

"You said attempting to steal," Hercules said quickly. "If they didn't get it, why is Hermes so angry with you?"

Marius blushed. "It's a bit of a long story. Even an embarrassing one for Hermes."

"Oh good," Iolaus muttered sarcastically, making Marius frown at him doubtfully.

"Hush, Iolaus," Hercules scolded amiably. "Do go on, Marius."

"Well, a young man came to visit the temple. He expressed a lot of interest in our sacred chalice. It is after all quite beautiful, made of chased and engraved gold and encrusted with sapphires. It's said that Hephaestos made it as a gift for Hermes' Chosen One."

Hercules shot a quick look at Iolaus to see if he was paying attention to this but the hunter's expression was as cold as if it had been carved in stone.

"Anyway," Marius continued, settling into his stride.  "The young man was quite dismissive of the temple's security, even rude about it. He insisted that we do something about it. We naturally enough thought he was a security salesman from Design A Labyrinth and refused to listen to him."

"Oh naturally," Iolaus murmured wryly, glancing up at Hercules. "Didn't happen to call himself the King of Thieves, did he?"

"King of Thieves, no, god of thieves, yes…Look, I'm sure you know what security salesmen are like. They'll never take no for an answer and if you’re not careful you find yourself with a security system stuffed with so many pitfalls and booby traps you can't even walk into your temple without getting yourself killed." Marius was starting to get quite chatty while they waited for the downpour to end. "So, we had him run out of the village and thought that was the last of it." Iolaus hiccuped and covered his mouth with both hands. "Only…."

"He came back?" Hercules guessed.

"He came back," Marius nodded soberly. "And he took the chalice. He seemed quite surprised when we caught him – even if was by accident." Marius looked extremely uncomfortable as he went on, "Well, we didn't know who he was. He was only a thief to us. So we treated him the same way we would any other thief…"

"Which was?" Hercules asked interestedly.

Marius shuffled his feet, shot a look skywards and dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper that they could barely hear over the sound of the rain. "We tarred and feathered him."

Hercules gaped at him. Iolaus stared wide-eyed and hiccuped again. "You tarred and feathered him?" the demi-god repeated. Iolaus started to giggle.

"How were we supposed to know he was Hermes?" Marius wailed.

Iolaus' giggles erupted into a gale of laughter and he sagged against the wall, needing it to hold him up as he shook with amusement.

"Um, him telling you he was the god of thieves should have given it away," Hercules pointed out.

"But they all come out with some ridiculous story like that. It's not like he was the first person to have a go at the chalice. I mean, that's why we thought he was a salesman in the first place. They all think they can build a better trap than the next one."

Iolaus had reached the stage of silent laughter, now he sucked in a gasp of air and started all over again. There were tears in his eyes as he clung to the wall.

Hercules raised an eyebrow at him, fighting a grin that made his face ache. "You'll hurt yourself if you keep it up," he warned his friend.

Iolaus flailed one hand at him and giggled on helplessly.

Biting his lip, Hercules struggled to keep a straight face as he turned back to Marius. "Uh, w'what happened next?"

"Well, after he finished spitting out the tar, he manifested, told us who he was and what we could do with ourselves. I'm afraid he quite lost his temper with us."

Hercules glanced around him and sobered for a second. "If he'd really lost his temper with you this place would have been obliterated," he said coolly. "It's still standing."

"For now. Much more of this rain and the quakes and we won't have any crops left. It's only been a week and people are already talking about leaving," Marius shot a nervous look at Iolaus as the hunter gasped for breath and sank to the floor, still laughing. "You know, I'm not sure it's very wise for him to be laughing like that."

"Oh, he’ll be okay."

"I was thinking more of him attracting Hermes' attention."

"Hmmh," Hercules mused. "He might have a point, Iolaus."

Iolaus waved weakly. "Hah…he'll be….too embarrassed to show a feathertip…. The winged pervert… tarred and feathered…. Oh yes, yes, yess!!"

"You sound like you’re having an orgasm," Hercules snorted.

"Ah, but it's so…. perfect!" Iolaus collapsed into another gale of laughter, pounding one fist on the ground in joy.

Hercules bit the inside of his cheek to keep his own laughter in check as he turned back to Marius. Marius was starting to look extremely nervous. "Trust me, you don't need to worry about this," Hercules grinned broadly. "Hermes and Iolaus are like this!" As Hercules held up one hand with two fingers crossed, Iolaus gurgled and went quiet. Somewhere in the village a dog started barking furiously.

"You take that back!" Iolaus gasped.

"You mean you’re even closer than that and you didn't tell me? Oh, I'm hurt, Iolaus…."

Iolaus leaped to his feet, only to go staggering as the quake hit with a vengeance. Hercules caught him as the hunter fell against him and wisely guided him out onto the street and away from the danger of falling walls. Marius scuttled after them, looking around him anxiously as a crowd started to gather.

Gradually the rumbling underfoot started to fade and the buildings stopped their quivering. The dog shut up after a few moments and an eerie silence fell, then there came a soft glopping sound and a thick dark substance started to ooze up out of a crack in the earth. Bubbling glutinously, it formed a viscous pool of two or three feet wide and then stopped expanding.

After a cautious look round, Hercules went over and crouched beside it to investigate. Iolaus followed him. Bending over, he rested his hands on his knees and peered at the pool. "What is it?" he asked curiously. "It looks like molasses."

Hercules dipped a hesitant finger into the rapidly cooling substance. "Uh, I think it's….tar…" he said slowly.

"Tar?" Iolaus echoed, a grin crossing his face. "You mean…as in…?"

"Don't start, Iolaus," Hercules warned but it was too late. Straightening up, Iolaus grimaced in an effort to stop the laugh escaping him, but failed miserably and started helplessly giggling again.

"What's so funny about tar?" someone in the crowd asked, baffled.

"You had to be there," Hercules sighed as he stood up and turned his attention to Marius. "What does Hermes' priest say about this?"

"Nothing," Marius admitted gloomily, glancing towards the ziggurat. "Kino is at his wits end."

"He'd have to be to be Hermes' priest!" Iolaus gasped hysterically.

"Poor guy's never known Hermes to act like this before," Marius continued. "He insists we insulted Hermes and it's up to us to find a way to appease him.

Hercules frowned. That had the ring of truth to it. Hermes wasn't going to explain to anyone how to placate him any more than the demi-god would have explained it to someone who’d upset him. "And have you?"

"Kino suggested that we ask at Apollo's temple on Oracle Day. Assuming Apollo isn't annoyed with us on Hermes' behalf as well and refuses to listen…." Marius was starting to sound depressed.

"And when's Oracle Day?" Hercules interrupted.

"Tomorrow." Marius licked dry lips. "I don't suppose you….?"

"I guess it can't hurt."

Marius smiled in relief.  "That’s wonderful. Maybe he'll answer you."

Hercules sighed and grimaced. In his experience, oracles rarely gave him a straight answer. Reaching over to Iolaus, he absently grabbed his giggling partner by the collar of his black leather vest and pulled him to his side. "I'll see what we can do," he promised steadily. "In the meantime, is there anywhere around here that we can get something to eat?"

                                                            * * *

"Are these flowers really necessary?" Hercules asked wearily the following morning as Marius led the way towards the steps of Apollo's temple. He was clutching a bunch of somewhat wilted looking blossoms that he had been presented with. Marius had woken him before it started to get light and had hovered over him through a breakfast he had hardly been awake enough to eat.

"It's a traditional gift," Marius explained, peering up at the golden doors of the temple.

"Apollo likes wilted flowers?" Hercules wondered, bewildered.

"The flowers are symbolic. But the Matriarch likes them. Do you really think you can persuade Apollo to help?"

Hercules smiled feebly. He wasn't sure how persuasive he was going to be this early in the day. "I'll do my best," he replied doing his best to sound confident. "Iolaus? You coming with me?" Hercules had decided that if he had to be up this early, then so did his friend.

"Huh?" Iolaus looked up sleepily, caught in mid yawn. He wasn't awake enough yet to be annoyed with Hercules and had missed breakfast by dozing off at the table.

"I said, are you coming with me?"

"They don't look to be open yet," Iolaus pointed out drowsily and added plaintively,  "Maybe we should come back later? We could always go back to bed while we wait…"

Before he could finish the door swung open and trio of young women trotted out to sprinkle the steps with pollen and petals.

"Woah…" Iolaus brightened up with an instinctive grin and took a step forward.

"Down boy." Catching him by the back of his vest, Hercules pulled him back. "Maybe you'd better stay here, after all."

"But Herc…"

"Stay," Hercules ordered with a grin and trotted past him. One of the women had stayed to wait for him and, after exchanging polite greetings, she led the demi-god into the temple. The doors closed firmly behind them once more. 

Iolaus glared after him, then shrugged and sat down on the steps to wait.

                                                            * * *

The young priestess who introduced herself as Minthe told Hercules to wait in the cella and trotted off through a curtained archway at the back of the room. Not knowing what else to do, Hercules ambled around the cella looking at the wall paintings. They were all pretty average to his eye and he had seen better in Athens. Curious, he approached the archway and studied the fanciful depiction of Mount Olympus that adorned the embroidered curtain.

The curtain being swept aside took him by surprise and he stepped back hastily, gaping at the diminutive grey haired woman who trotted through it. She looked up at him with bright, bird like black eyes and sniffed disparagingly as Minthe appeared behind her. 

"This is the Matriarch," the brown haired priestess explained as she scurried past the senior priestess to arrange a plump cushion on the uncomfortable looking stool before the marble statue of Apollo. The Matriarch strolled with dignity after her and took her place on the stool, then looked at Hercules expectantly.

"Speak, Hercules," she commanded in a surprisingly powerful boom of a voice. "You may ask your question."

Hercules glanced at Minthe as she stood demurely beside the Matriarch with folded hands and bowed head and came to stand politely before them. "I'm sure you know that the people of this village have upset Hermes. They ask how he may be appeased."

The Matriarch gazed at him with cool calculation, leaned forward and bellowed. "Speak up, boy! What's your problem? Apart from being far too tall for your own good?"

Hercules blinked and glanced at Minthe. "I said, the people have…."

"What are you mumbling for? Minthe! What's wrong with this idiot?"

                                                            * * *

Iolaus sat up as he heard a woman's voice lift inside the temple, fearing for a moment that Hercules had put his foot in it and said the wrong thing. Then he heard Hercules bellow back at her in a sort of polite strangled roar.

"The villagers need to know how to appease Hermes!"

"Don't you raise your voice to me, boy!" the twig brittle voice of a woman bellowed back.

"I wasn't!" Hercules protested with loud indignation.

Iolaus snorted and covered his mouth with one hand. Laughing at Hermes was one thing; but Apollo needed to be taken more seriously.

"There's no need to shout!"

"I'm not shouting!"

"Why should I be pouting?"

"I never mentioned pouting! I said, the villagers have to appease Hermes!"

"They want to put Hermes on a trapeze? Why? Minthe, are you sure this boy should be in here? He's crazy."

"No, no, no! You don't understand. Hermes is annoyed with them!"

            "Well, of course he is!  They want to put him on a trapeze!"

"I never mentioned a trapeze! Hermes has put a curse on the village."

"A purse? Must be a big purse."

"I said, a curse!" Hercules screamed.

"You’re yelling again." 

"Hermes has a laid a curse!"

"Well, he lays everything else. I hear he likes blonds….Got good taste too…."

Iolaus coloured as he heard a definitely salacious cackle in the ancient voice.

"The curse!" Hercules was starting to get hoarse.

"What verse? You want Hermes to write you a poem for a blond? You want Apollo for that."

"That's why I came to see you."

"Do I look like Apollo?"

Hercules groaned, loudly. "Maybe I should write it down."

"You’re starting to mumble again. Get to the point, boy."

Iolaus could imagine Hercules taking a slow deep breath. "HERMES HAS PUT A CURSE ON THE VILLAGE! HOW DO THEY BREAK THE CURSE?!" the demi-god roared.

"Well, why didn't you say so? Apollo can't possibly interfere personally. It isn't done. You need someone else to intercede."

"Who?"

"An owl? Who let an owl in here?"

"WHO CAN WE GET TO INTERCEDE?" Hercules screamed.

There was a short silence, then a soft mumbling sound as if there was a short conference going on.

Intensely curious and ever so slightly uneasy, Iolaus slipped to his feet and trotted up the doors, pressing his ear against the gilded panels to listen. The mumbling was continuing.

"I think I've seen him," a young feminine voice commented and added something else the hunter couldn't quite hear.

Iolaus felt a chill run down his back as he heard Hercules exclaim. "Oh, he's going to love that!"

“Uh oh....” murmured Iolaus uneasily to himself.

"I'm not sure you should be doing this," Marius warned nervously, edging up the steps behind him.

"I tend to think of it as self preservation where Hercules is concerned."

"Oh…" Marius eased closer.  "Can you hear anything?"

"Not enough to….Oops….!" Iolaus scuttled backwards, colouring in embarrassment as the doors swung open.

The diminutive grey haired woman who emerged gave him a calculating look and then gave him the evilest grin he had ever seen. "Yep, you were right, Minthe. That's him all right," she said cheerfully, looking the hunter up and down. "Proper height too. Well, Hicules…"

"Hercules," the demi-god rumbled.

"Whatever.  Odd name Hicules. You should change it. Anyway, you know what to do. Offer the proper sacrifice and Hermes will probably agree to anything you ask.  He's quite sweet really." With that the Matriarch swept back into the temple with Minthe hurrying at her heels.

"Hermes? Sweet?" Iolaus exclaimed with a snort of laughter. "Uh, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh nothing. You want to help the villagers, don't you?"

"Well, that depends," Iolaus mumbled warily.

"What did she say?" Marius asked eagerly. "Is there a way to break the curse?"

"We have get someone to intercede. Someone he will listen to. Apparently, he's been ignoring you deliberately." Hercules smiled at his partner in amusement. 

"Would Apollo…?"

"No, he can't. This is between you and Hermes…and his Well Beloved."

"Hermes Well Beloved?" Marius echoed blankly. "But we don't have…. Who? Would Kino know who he'd choose?"

"He's a certain blond guy about so high…." Hercules sketched one hand across the top of Iolaus' head; his grin widening until it reminded Iolaus of a sand shark's maw.

"Urk…" he hiccuped and looked round for an escape route.

"….standing not so far away from us at this very moment…."

Iolaus scooted down the steps and legged it across the square.

"Or to be more precise, Hermes' Chosen One is headed thataway," Hercules went on cheerfully. "Excuse me, but I’d better go catch him, Marius, or he’ll be long gone…."

                                                            * * *

"But I don't want to be his Chosen One!" Iolaus wailed half an hour later as Hercules bodily dragged him back into the village after a chase that had only ended after a short quake and a tackle from Hercules that had landed them both in a bubbling mud pool.

"I don't think you have much choice about it. It's a lifetime thing."

"Oh, is that all?" Iolaus hissed sarcastically.

"Hermes' lifetime that is."

"Oh, you really know how to cheer a guy up, don't you?! Why do I have to do this?"

"Because Hermes fancies you and you’re the quickest and easiest way to attract his attention."

"So? You could pull down the temple and get his attention too."

Hercules gave him a dirty look. "That would upset the villagers," he pointed out.

"Being sacrificed to Hermes is going to upset me!"

"It's not like you’re going to get hurt. Hermes would never allow that and neither would I. You know that," Hercules soothed as he dragged him bodily into the square.

Iolaus scowled as he realised they were being stared at, took a couple of skipping steps to keep up and reluctantly fell into stride with the demi-god. "Stop dragging me then," he hissed. "It's undignified. And let me go…Everyone's going to think you’re holding my hand."

Hercules considered this then let go as they reached the steps of the ziggurat. Sure enough Iolaus bolted only to be snagged by the collar as Hercules grabbed him again. "Why not be reasonable?" Iolaus gave him a filthy look as he shook him off, then bravely lifted his chin and slumped up the steps to the doors. "You don't have to look like you’re going to your execution," Hercules protested.

"Might as well be my execution.  I don't want to make nice to that goat fondler!" Iolaus muttered darkly as he shoved the doors open and stalked through. Once inside, he looked round warily and a little too casually moved back to Hercules' side. "No one here. Guess we can go…."

"Oh, no you don't," Hercules grabbed his shoulder. "Don't you want to help these people?"

"By giving up my virtue? Nooo…"

"What virtue?" Hercules said without thinking then flinched from the vitriolic look that the hunter gave him. "I mean the most you’d have to part with is a kiss….."

"Oh, like that's likely to be all that wingding wants! Look, he's going to have forgotten all about this curse in a few days. Why not let it blow over on it's own?"

"Like he's forgotten all about wanting your b'b….." Hercules caught himself as he saw the outraged expression on Iolaus' face. "…blond locks?"

"Nice recovery," Iolaus commented sarcastically.

"You know what he's like," Hercules said quickly. "When it comes to testosterone and pride he never forgets anything," and added under his breath. "…a  lot like you…"

"What was that?"

"I said, he never forgets you. The villagers will starve if they can't grow their crops. And all you have to do to help is stand around looking pretty….

"Excuse me?"

"….and say a few meaningful phrases during the rite of Calling."

"Such as what phrases?" Iolaus asked suspiciously.

"I'm sure Kino will explain them to you," Hercules soothed reassuringly. Noting a flutter of curtains from the far end of the cella, he relaxed as Kino put in an appearance and hurried to meet them.

"Ah, you must be Hercules. You have our thanks for your gracious intervention," the slender young man greeted the demi-god warmly and then swept a low bow to Iolaus. "And you are the Chosen One. We are honoured to have Hermes' Well Beloved here…."

"Under protest, strictly under protest," Iolaus growled at him, glaring up at Hercules.

"Anything you wish is yours…."

"Anything? You mean I can go…?" Iolaus asked hopefully.

"Ah…" Kino looked horrified, his huge brown eyes widening like a frightened deer's.

"He's joking," Hercules assured him hastily.

"Actually, I….mbbffl!" Iolaus' protest turned into a muffled complaint as Hercules clamped a hand over his mouth.   

"Perhaps if you could give him the lines he needs to say we could get straight on with the rite?" Hercules suggested, thinking it would be a good idea to get things over and done with as soon as possible.

"Oh, but it must be done properly. There's a certain time for these things. It can't be rushed. The villagers must be here. And then the Chosen One must be prepared, of course, which can take hours. And the….guests must be presentable too…" He gave Hercules' muddy appearance a dubious look. "The handmaidens are waiting for the Chosen One and they like to be thorough."

Iolaus stopped struggling and looked interested enough for Hercules to ungag him. "Handmaidens?" the hunter asked a trifle too casually to hide his curiosity. Hermes tended to enjoy his luxuries and his handmaidens were picked for their beauty.

"For the bathing ritual of purification."

"Ah…" Iolaus glanced up at Hercules with a lopsided grin.

Kino nodded. "If you would come with me, oh Chosen One."

"Uh, okay. But lay off the Chosen One, will you? My name's Iolaus."

As Kino led the way with Iolaus padding at his heels, Hercules studied his friend thoughtfully, unsure about his sudden compliance. "Iolaus?" he called as they reached the archway.

"Yeah?" The hunter glanced back at him with a wicked grin of anticipation.

"No sneaking out. I'm going to be watching."

The grin wavered a fraction then Iolaus grimaced. "Okay, okay," he grumbled. "I don't want anyone to starve, but I'm warning you, if Hermes so much as lays a feather on me you’d better be around to stop me from ripping the rest of them out."

                                                            * * *

"'You have plucked me from the many'?" Iolaus read aloud from the scroll as he lounged in the hot water of the bath with a pretty, red haired handmaiden washing his back. The light in her eyes suggested she wanted to be helping him wash a few others things, but since Kino was refusing to leave until the hunter had learned his lines, it looked like her wish was going to be denied. "I can't say 'plucked' in front of Hermes."

"Why ever not?"

"Because I know the way Hermes thinks," Iolaus muttered, blushing. "You want to placate him and save the village, don't you? Not cause a riot."

"But this is the rite of appeasement," Kino protested.

Iolaus raised an eyebrow and scanned a few more lines. "Depends what kind of appeasement you’re talking about. 'I lay my sword in your hands' for example could be open to misinterpretation, you know."

"It could?" Kino looked blank. 

Iolaus sighed heavily, aware that the handmaiden was doing her best not to giggle. "Yes," he said firmly. "Look, maybe I should re-write this for you."

"Re-write?!" Kino exclaimed in horror. "But this is an ancient ritual handed down from priest to priest for centuries."

"High time it got updated then, isn't it?" Iolaus rolled over and laid the scroll on the tiles. "This bit here for example….I  pledge my eternal love. We can change that to um…pledge eternal platonic friendship."

"Platonic?" Kino echoed miserably.

"It sounds much better," Iolaus told him firmly. "And we can underline it too so there's no misunderstanding…"

Kino eyed him uneasily. "Are you sure you’re Hermes Well Beloved? Only I thought you'd be a bit more, a bit more…." He ran out of words under Iolaus' glare.

"A bit more what?!" the hunter asked dangerously.

"Well, devoted I suppose."

"Me? Devoted to Hermes?" Iolaus' laughter had a slightly hysterical edge to it.

"But all the songs say how much he adores you…"

Iolaus raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't mention how I feel about him though, do they?" he replied pointedly.

"Well, now you come to mention it, I suppose not," Kino admitted cautiously.

"No, they mostly go about how he lusts…." Iolaus stopped, glanced at the curiously listening redhead and decided to shut up. He wasn't about to even attempt explaining the strange relationship he had with Hermes. Hermes was so over the top when it came to Iolaus that no one would ever believe he hadn't given him some encouragement. "Look, it doesn't matter anyway. How I feel isn't important. It's getting Hermes down here to listen to you. You'd better tell me the rest of the ritual, and I warn you, if any of it involves me standing around naked then you can forget the whole thing!!"

                                                            * * *

Gingerly tugging at the high collar of the new deep gold velvet tunic Hermes' handmaiden had delivered for him, Hercules followed the red haired young woman's sashaying hips through the corridors at the back of the cella. Every now and then she slid a look over her shoulder at him in speculative invitation that Hercules did his best to ignore.

At last they arrived at a small waiting room behind the main cella where they found Iolaus waiting for them. The hunter was perched on the stone seat at the back and huddled in a deep blue velvet cloak in a way that suggested stagefright was more of a problem than the chill in the air. The deep hood was up over his head, hiding his face. The handmaiden bowed gracefully to him then turned back to Hercules for a moment.

"Please, wait here with the Chosen One while I ask if Kino is ready," she said politely and swept out again swiftly. 

"Guess she wants me to stop you running off."

"Very funny. As if I would."

"You mean you did and you didn't make it?"

"This place is a labyrinth."

"You got lost."

Iolaus glared at him. "Those guards you set are mean."

Hercules grinned. "I figured they'd better be knowing you."

"It's about time you showed up anyway," Iolaus complained as Hercules sat down beside him. "What did you do? Go home for a change of clothes?"

Hercules smiled at him amiably and ignored his venom. "Nervous, are we?"

"No, we aren't," Iolaus shot back at him sarcastically.

"I would be."

"Well, I'm not because I'm not going out there."

"Oh, yes you are."

"Oh no, I'm not."

"You are going, even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming all the way," Hercules told him sternly.

Iolaus glared at him belligerently, then slumped. "Don't make me do this," he begged plaintively.

"Don't look at me like that, Iolaus," Hercules warned, hastily looking away from what he knew would be his friend's wounded gaze. "I won't fall for that 'don’t kick me again' look."

"But Hercules…."

"No."

Iolaus fell silent, glaring gloomily around the room. The walls were plastered in pastel shades and beautifully painted with scenes of shepherding and farming. At least it gave him something to look at.

After a few minutes of reproachful silence, Hercules couldn't stand it any longer. "Look, if there was any way I thought I could do this, I would. But you know Hermes has got a soft spot for you. If you ask him to forgive them, he will. He'll ignore me."

Iolaus snorted and folded his arms, hunching defensively into his cloak.

"He won't even notice if I call him," Hercules went on desperately. 

Iolaus shot a look at him from under the edge of his hood. "If I don't escape his clutches I am going to kill you," he growled darkly.

"You'll be fine," Hercules assured him confidently and stood up in relief as Kino hurried in with a trio of handmaidens. Hercules blinked, startled to realise that the red heads were all identical.

"All ready?" the priest asked anxiously as he smoothed his rich blue robes.

"No," Iolaus muttered sullenly.

"Excellent, excellent. Everyone's ready. Shall we go? If you'll lead on…."

Lifting a basket of rose petals the first of the girls led the way through the doors into the temple. The other two took up positions on either side of Iolaus and took his arms, leading him politely but firmly forwards as Kino marched with stately dignity out into the cella. Hercules followed, aware that Iolaus was dragging his feet as much as he could.

Kitara music floated through the cella as they entered and crossed the flower tiled floor towards the main altar at the end. Behind the altar on a high wide stone platform stood a magnificent statue of Hermes. Painted with life like precision and with large emerald eyes, the god gazed down at the gathering of the villagers huddled on their knees on the main floor of the cella. The gold chalice stood on a plinth before it, the brilliant sapphires set around its rim glowing in the torchlight.

A faint sound from Iolaus made Hercules turn his attention back to his friend, seeing that he had stalled. Stepping forward, he took his arm and steered him forward along the path of rosepetals the handmaidens scattered before them. The scent swirled up around them as the petals were crushed under their feet.

Kino had moved ahead to the steps below the statue and stood there smiling kindly on Iolaus as he was led before the statue.

"Comes the Chosen One," he announced proudly to the villagers. "Comes Hermes’ Well Beloved."

"Like the sacrificial lamb to the slaughter. And we all know what he does to lambs, don't we?" Iolaus whispered under his breath, his sarcasm ruined by the faint quaver in his voice.

Hercules gave him a sharp glance, startled to hear the nervousness in his friend's voice. He gave his arm a firm squeeze and ducked down to his height. "Hermes won't do anything to you," he whispered. "He gave me his word."

"What if he's forgotten?"

"Where you’re concerned, Hermes never forgets anything. That's why I need you to do this." Iolaus shuddered. "Please?" Hercules added gently.

Iolaus flashed a quick look up at him, his face caught by the blazing torches. "Why didn't you say please before?" he demanded irritably and stepped forward obediently as Kino beckoned to him. Taking the silver pitcher the priest handed him he headed slowly up the steps, his bare feet scattering more rosepetals. He set the pitcher down beside the chalice and then stood still again, hands folded neatly under the cloak and his head lowered submissively.

Hercules eyed him warily, then eased back a little as a handmaiden touched his arm and drew him aside. Raising his hands to the temple roof, Kino started to chant, intoning solemnly.

"We implore you Hermes, bountiful one, giver of life, listen to our supplication. Your Well Beloved has come among us. See, he stands before you…"

Taking his cue, Iolaus stirred and tossed back his hood. Against the blue velvet his hair shone like gold and the fillet holding back his hair blazed with cerulean glints from the sapphires encrusting it.

Hercules felt his jaw drop as he realised someone had very carefully painted his friend's eyes, outlining them with a blaze of blue rimmed with black to give him a look of smouldering power that even the demi-god could feel. There were one or two gasps from the villagers and Hercules shot a look over his shoulder as he heard a very distinct moan of lust.

Giving his friend a look that very clearly said 'laugh and I'll kill you' Iolaus then unfastened the cloak and let it fall from his shoulders. Underneath he wore a simple deep blue loincloth that was little more than a fold of silk that dropped to his knees but left his hips bare. It was fastened with a two-inch wide gold belt studded with sapphires. A matching necklace adorned his throat and his wrists glimmered with the gems on his wristguards.

I hope Hermes remembers his promise…. Hercules thought in alarm. Whoever had designed this outfit not only knew Hermes' tastes, but had somehow known what would suit the Chosen One. Come to think of it there was a strong possibility that Hermes himself had designed the outfit. The god knew only too well not only what would suit Iolaus and how to please himself.

Kino raised his hands to hush the crowd and continued. "We pour for you the fruit of our labours…"

Lifting the pitcher, Iolaus carefully filled the chalice with rich red wine. "All hail to Hermes," he intoned steadily.

"Let the Chosen One speak for us," Kino urged.

Iolaus made a great show of putting the pitcher down and said nothing. Kino shot a pointed look over his shoulder at him and nodded urgently.

"Let the Chosen One speak," he repeated significantly in a loud voice.

Iolaus raised a mocking eyebrow at him. Stirring deliberately, Hercules caught his eye and gave him a warning glare. Throwing him a disgusted look, Iolaus stepped back, flung up both arms to the roof and began.

"All hail to Hermes, bountiful one, giver of life. I stand before you. You have chosen me from among many to be your…" Iolaus hesitated as if he had forgotten the words.

"Companion…" Kino hissed helpfully.

Iolaus glared at him. "….associate and I  pledge eternal platonic friendship…."

"He's changing the words…." Kino moaned under his breath.

"I lay my trust in your hands…"

"Sword, it's supposed to be sword…"

Hercules casually covered his mouth with one hand to hide a grin. Even he wouldn't have risked saying that kind of line in front of Hermes. It was asking to be misinterpreted.

"…and offer you welcome to this village." Iolaus dropped his arms and folded them deliberately across his chest as he looked around him with an expression Hercules knew only too well. It said as plainly as words 'So, I did my bit. Where is he then?'

"Er…" Kino floundered, clearly at a loss.

"Get them to sing something," Hercules hissed at him.

"Sing?" The young man gave him a helpless look.

"Yeah, something, anything, while I threaten….I mean talk to Iolaus."

Kino nodded weakly and turned back to the confused villagers. "We shall sing," he intoned proudly and lifted his own voice…."Blessed is the day as my love rises to meet me. Blessed is the day when his love shall greet me. Ecstasy shall be mine when he rises to meet me….”

"Why did he have to pick that one?" Iolaus groaned under his breath as Hercules rested one foot on the steps and looked up at him. "Make them shut up, Herc."

"No. I told him to sing something while I talked to you. What was that little performance all about?" Hercules hissed.

Iolaus glared at him belligerently. "What do you mean?"

"That was about as seductive as a muddy duck. Talk about icy."

"What did you expect? A striptease?"

Hercules snorted. "You started off the right way for one," he teased and was startled to see Iolaus blush in chagrin.

"It's a stupid ritual anyway. I'm only doing this to help the villagers, so don't you go making fun of me. It's not my fault if he won't turn up."

"Kino said you changed all the words. That might have something to do with it."

"Have you heard the original words? I couldn't say the P word."

"P word?"

Iolaus shuffled his feet. "Yeah, you know, as in feather pulling?"

Hercules thought about it for a second. "What, you mean plucked?" he guessed

"Shhh!" Iolaus yelped, making frantic hushing noises. "You want him to hear you?"

"Yeah. That's the general idea. We want him to hear you and get his feathered feet down here." Hercules glanced over his shoulder, glimpsing Kino signalling him from the corner of one eye. "They’ve almost finished. Look Iolaus, couldn't you be a little more inviting at least?"

"Nooo…I couldn't. " Iolaus answered sarcastically.

"Well, say the proper words at least."

"Does the phrase 'no chance' mean anything to you?"

Hercules grinned. "Pretend you want to attract some woman's attention. Act alluring."

"Alluring?" Iolaus hissed icily. "What do you want me to do? Seduce him?"

"It'd be a start."

"Hercules!" Iolaus was shocked.

"Drop your loincloth and flirt a little," Hercules continued cheerfully. "You’re good at that."

"Why, you….." Iolaus grabbed the pitcher and started to throw it at him as Kino and the villagers came to a bewildered halt: not necessarily all at the same time.

Very, very slowly, Iolaus looked round at them in embarrassment. Giving Hercules a filthy look, he then deliberately poured another libation to Hermes into the chalice. "I pour for you the fruit of this village's labours…" he said coolly as he slammed the pitcher down and slid his hands under the rim of the chalice. Holding it up he offered it first to the crowd then turned and held it up to the statue. Two strands of his hair had been neatly plaited; forming a corn plait down to his shoulders that was adorned with blue ribbon. Iolaus took a deep breath and dropped his voice to a husky purr. "You have p’plucked me from among the many to be your Chosen One. I am honoured by your gift and would honour you…."

"All hail to Hermes!" Kino sung out swiftly as Iolaus lifted the chalice and took a mouthful of the wine. "Bringer of the crop. Bringer of the lambs and the kids, most honoured one…."

Iolaus could hear Kino extolling Hermes as he took another deeper gulp of the wine. It was good stuff, strong and sweet with the taste of cinnamon and grapes.

I hope you like it, sweeting, an all too familiar voice whispered in his ear. I added a little something extra seeing as it was you…

Iolaus almost dropped the chalice in shock and felt invisible arms slide around him and catch it before it could fall. Warm hands glided over his own, lifting the chalice again to present to the statue.

All hail to me…

"Let go of me…" Iolaus hissed indignantly.

And have you drop it? I think not. Hermes pressed closer to his back and Iolaus shivered as he felt the Herald nuzzle against his neck. Mmmh, you smell delicious. Quite edible in fact. I'm glad they’re still using the proper perfumes…

Gritting his teeth, Iolaus lowered the chalice and stepped back, striving to step on Hermes' foot. The Herald skimmed away, letting him turn before catching hold of his hands again.

"All hail to Hermes," Kino practically sang. "Drink in celebration of his Chosen One."

That means you….

"If I could see you…."

Not the proper words, my darling…But if you wish it…?

"Uh…." Iolaus wasn't sure he did want to see him. He had the sneaking suspicious from what he could feel that Hermes wasn't wearing very much – if anything at all. Aware of Hercules glaring at him and Kino's worried glance, however, Iolaus lifted the chalice reluctantly and took a tiny sip. "You’d better not have put what I think you've put in this," he growled under his breath.

Only a little something to make you feel….frisky….I mean better….

"You didn't!"

What need have I of aphrodisiacs when your mere presence is enough to enflame my ardour? Hermes asked mildly as he manifested to the hunter.

Iolaus lifted his head in alarm as he felt the chalice lift. Suddenly he could see Hermes' shape starting to form like mist in front of him. His nude athletic figure formed first, then his fine boned face illuminated by his emerald green eyes. Mesmerised by those eyes with their twinkling peridot glints of wicked amusement Iolaus watched in awe as Hermes held the chalice to his lips and kissed the spot where Iolaus had drank from before he took a slow sensuous gulp.

How sweet the taste….but not as sweet as your lips, my dove. No wine could be as intoxicating as you….Do you like your loving cup?

"No! Will you put some clothes on!"

Why? It's quite warm; especially anywhere near you. You have such a nice glow. Besides, I'm perfectly comfortable.

"Well, I'm not!" Iolaus shrieked. The villagers were starting to look at him a little oddly now and Hercules was starting to look concerned.

I can't think why…

"You know perfectly well why! Because…" Iolaus looked down, blushed furiously and turned his head away.

Ahhh, he's shy…But because it's you…. A minuscule black velvet loincloth appeared around his hips. Better…?

"Where's the rest?"

Hermes laughed darkly. Cupping his hands once more over Iolaus', Hermes rippled his fingers in a sensuous caress as the hunter clutched instinctively at the weight of the gold chalice.

Iolaus practically snatched the chalice away from him to free his hands and slammed it down on the pedestal. The thud made Kino shoot a suspicious look at him.

"Now, look here, you perverted goat fondler…"

Hermes smiled at him indulgently. Oh I'm looking. You are so magnificent when you’re angry… He sighed in wistful pleasure.

"Psst! What are you doing? Get on with the speech!" Hercules hissed at him.

Iolaus shot a bewildered look at him, having half forgotten there was anyone else around. Shooting a quick look at the gaping villagers, he remembered what he was supposed to be doing and took a deep breath. "All hail to Hermes. I am your Chosen One…"

Go on, say plucked. I love it when you say plucked and you get all tense…. Hermes urged in a sexy purr, running one finger down the centre of Iolaus' bare back.  The hunter shivered in a combination of pleasure and panic as the finger dipped lower and Hermes started to fiddle thoughtfully with the rear clasp of his belt. Let me see if I can remember how this comes off….

"Selected from among many to bring word to you of these villagers plight…"

Ffft! I chose you because you've got a cute b….

"They fear that they have wronged you!" Iolaus yelped loudly.

And all those blond curls, of course. You should wear this colour more often. It suits you. And as for the outfit….Hubbah, hubbah…. Less is more as they say…..Hermes' hands glided over his waist, leaving a lick of honey fire where they traced his skin. He chuckled as Iolaus squirmed. They can't see me, you know. Not even Hercules can. Only you, unless I choose otherwise. Right now they think you've got the hots for me…

"In your dreams!" Iolaus snarled through gritted teeth.

Oh frequently….and very athletic you are too I might add. 

"And they wish to know how to appease you…."

Tell you what, you come with me and appease me and I’ll forget all about how much they annoyed me….

Iolaus swallowed hard. "Come to us, oh Hermes…."

Oh indeed, let me come to you….

"Tell us your wishes…."

My wishes are simple. You, candlelight, a log fire, fur….

"That they may sacrifice to you…."

And if I say my price for their freedom is you, what then, my golden delicious one? Hermes grinned at him wickedly as Iolaus looked over his shoulder at him in panic.

"I say, if you don't lift the curse I'll rat on you…." the warrior hissed desperately.

What? Hermes blinked at him.

"I'll rat on you. To, to…."

Hermes came round beside him, gazing curiously down at the mortal. Yes, do go on…to who? You can't think of anyone, can you?

"To Ares!" Iolaus yelped, startling Hercules and everyone else within range.

To….Ah, no, you wouldn't….. Hermes protested.

"Yes, I would. You watch me. I’ll tell Ares all about you getting tarred and feathered…." Iolaus grinned wickedly, giving the Herald a defiant look. His voice rang clearly out over the cella, causing an uneasy muttering to break out.

Now, Iolaus, let's be reasonable about this….

"Either you manifest right now, or….!"

Hercules flinched and started up the steps to grab him.

Oh all right, you sexy little wretch….Say the words then. You know, you only had to say please…

Iolaus swallowed "Uh Hermes? Please? Clothes?"

Hermes gazed at him for a long moment, then smiled indulgently and snapped his fingers, clothing himself in blue velvet. We might as well match….

Iolaus grinned triumphantly. "All hail to Hermes!" he sang out and flung his arms up and out wide as Hermes manifested beside him.

There was a loud yelp from the Herald and he clutched at his nose as Iolaus' hand smacked him right on the end. He made a grab for the blond hunter, catching him by a shred of silk and starting to reel him in as he held his nose with the other hand. Iolaus growled and struggled, refusing to be landed. "You did dat on purpose dou….Oh duh hi, Hercules…." Hermes came to a halt, finding himself staring into the demi-god's threatening scowl.

"I should have known you were wriggling like a fish on a line cause Hermes was here," Hercules muttered.

"I barely touched him…" Hermes protested.

"Hah!" Iolaus very gingerly removed his loincloth from Hermes' grip without divesting himself of it in the process and slid behind the demi-god for protection. "Hermes says he's going to help us," he announced with his most winsome smile. "Isn't that right, Hermes?"

"One of these days I'm going to…." Hermes began darkly and then paused, drowning in Iolaus' blue eyes as they opened innocently wide.

"You mean you’re not going to help the villagers?"

"Ooh, you're good…." Hermes groaned. "Okay, okay, I'll do it." Iolaus flashed a sparkling grin up at Hercules. "But there's a price…."

"Price?" Hercules and Iolaus both echoed warily at the same time.

"I get to kiss Iolaus," Hermes said firmly.

"Is that it?" Hercules said in surprise.

"What do you mean is that it?" Iolaus yelped indignantly.

"Hey, it's not like he wants you to kiss him."

"What do you think I am? Stupid? He'd bite me and I happen to enjoy having a tongue…" Hermes complained. "I get a kiss or it's no deal. Besides, it's expected that the Chosen One is grateful when I show kindness in his name."

"In my name?" Iolaus said in surprise.

Hermes moved closer, his eyes blazing bright. "Not only that but you stand still and play by the rules."

"Rules?"

"No kicking, gouging or biting."

"I won't…."

Hermes waved a hand and the rain hit the roof like something solid as a torrential downpour started. "Hail, Hermes, followed by sleet, snow, hurricanes…"

Iolaus whimpered and closed his eyes. "Please?" he whispered.

Hermes laughed softly and leaned forward, kissing the hunter very gently on the lips. "It's a done deal, peaches. The curse is lifted."

Iolaus' eyes shot open again and he looked at the Herald in awe. "That's it?"

Hermes smiled at him affectionately. "Do you really think I’d take advantage of your sweet nature, that way?"

"Er, you want an honest answer?"

The Herald flung back his head and laughed, then slapped the hunter briskly on the rump. "Later…" he chuckled and gestured at the cella while Iolaus was still floundering. As he did so a babble of sound broke in on them, making Hercules and Iolaus realise that they had been wrapped in a cocoon of silent privacy. The Herald strolled forward to the front of the platform and lifted off, hovering above the awed villagers as they dropped respectfully to the floor.

"Oh wise, Hermes, forgive us…." Kino blurted, trembling as he knelt at the Herald's feet.

"Don't worry, Kino. You’re forgiven," Hermes told him mildly. "My Chosen One can be very persuasive." He shot a wicked grin over his shoulder at Iolaus who blushed furiously. "And he has persuaded me to be kind to you. But for this gift I require of you the following. A feast is to be held on this day in honour of the Chosen One. Songs are to sung in his name. And this…." Hermes held out his hand and the chalice appeared in it obediently. His grin widened. "And all lovers are to drink to their love from this."

"Ay yi yi…" Iolaus groaned, covering his eyes with one hand.

Hercules put one hand comfortingly on his shoulder. His huge grin of enjoyment wasn't much help however and he barely managed to help catch the chalice as it manifested in Iolaus' hands. Iolaus slammed it back down on the pedestal with enough force to dent it and glared furiously at Hermes' slim back.

"It will be our pleasure, oh honoured one," Kino answered shakily. "May we also offer you our thanks at this festival?"

"You may. Who knows I may even drop by from time to time to see how you’re getting on." Hermes' voice dropped to a dangerously dark rumble. "So remember, be careful who you pick on…."

"Oh yes, great one, we understand, most certainly we understand, great one…." Kino stammered.

Hermes snorted and folded his arms across his chest. "I'll be back …," he warned as he vanished in a shower of emerald and silver sparkles. Instantly, the cella seemed a lot bigger. For such a slender being, Hermes seemed to take up a lot of room.

"I thought he'd never go," Iolaus let out a huge sigh of relief and slumped.

"You don't have to look so disappointed that he didn't say goodbye," Hercules teased.

"Like I care? Thank goodness that's over."

"Uh…." Hercules looked warily over his shoulder, sensing Hermes' presence a split second before he manifested again.

"Not quite, sweeting. You don't get rid of me that easily," Hermes purred and pounced. Enfolding the hunter in an inescapable hug, he dipped him back over one arm. "I forgot something…It's later…." he growled hungrily and smothered the beginnings of Iolaus' protest with a deep, breathtaking kiss.

For a second Hercules was too stunned to move and when he did, his feet seemed glued to the floor. All he could do was stand and stare along with everyone else as Iolaus kicked and wriggled, furiously attempting to squirm free before he slowly went limp in the Herald's arms.

At long last, Hermes released Iolaus and gazed at him thoughtfully. Iolaus gazed back, his eyes huge.

"Let m'me go, you f'feathered pervert…." he finally managed to stammer.

"A sweet goodbye, for my sweet hunter," Hermes purred back, straightening the circlet he had dislodged in Iolaus' hair. Then he lowered Iolaus casually to the ground and straightened up. Winking at the hunter's dazed expression as he touched his lips; Hermes pointed a slim finger at him. "Later, dude," he smirked and vanished as Hercules finally wrenched free and pounced on the spot where he had been.

Hercules braked and looked down at his partner. "Uh, Iolaus?" he began tentatively.

"He….I…." Iolaus whispered.

"Are you okay?"