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Seated in General Hammond’s office, Jack O’Neill sipped his coffee and ignored the two hulking marines currently standing guard over the open door. Nodding to them, Hammond closed the door and came over to sit behind the desk. He placed a folder on the ink blotter in front of him, studied it for a moment and then looked up at O’Neill with a  faint smile.

“Feeling better, Jack?” he asked mildly.

“Felt fine before,” O’Neill answered easily.

“Throttling Dr Jackson is not what I would call a definition of ‘fine’,” the General observed.

“But it’s something I've been tempted to do many times before. You know, that annoying little habit he has of saying ‘ah’ all the time....”

“Is that why?”

“No....” O’Neill sighed. “Daniel all right?”

“If he wasn’t you wouldn’t be here. He’s not hurt, a bit bewildered perhaps, but if he was hurt we’d be having this conversation with you locked up.”

“Thought so. I did apologise....”

            Hammond raised an eyebrow. “Do you think if Attila the Hun had apologised that would have made it okay?”

            “You have a way with words, General.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere. What about Teal’c?”

“I didn't throttle him.”

Hammond snorted. “Jack, even you’re not that crazy. What was with the demand for a scan on him?”

“Well, that hallucination he had off world was bothering me....”

“Teal’c didn't attempt to throttle Jackson.”

“Hmmh, well.....”

“And threatening the chocolate eggs at gun point?”

“I can explain that....”

“I hope so, Jack, I really do hope so. Otherwise, I'm going have to request a psychiatric evaluation on you.”

O’Neill smiled weakly, reflecting feebly from the sound of it that it might not be a bad idea at that.

“Look, Dr Fraiser is putting it down to a combination of stress and exhaustion, but I want an explanation.”

“Like I said, Daniel can be very exasperating....”

“So can most scientists, but, what made you go for him this time?”

“Spring fever?”

“Colonel....” There was a warning note in Hammond’s voice.

“Okay, okay, not spring fever. Easter maybe. It’s a long story and not one I'm sure you’re going to believe. But it all started....”

                                                            * * *

There were times in Jack O’Neill’s life when he was half convinced he was hallucinating the whole Stargate thing. Especially when the stoic faced Teal’c calmly informed him that he had seen the Easter Beagle skipping merrily through the Gate.

Returning to Command Jack had been quite grateful when Dr Fraiser cleared them all without so much as a blip on the scanner. Teal’c’s vision was put down to Junior’s hormones being out of sync and she advised them all to take a few days R&R. Somewhat dubious about Carter’s reasoning of the Jaffa hallucinating a Beagle carrying a basket of Easter Eggs being due to too much TV, Jack was nonetheless grateful for the excuse of a few days off and trundled off to his quarters after debriefing for a long hot shower, a good night’s sleep and sweet dreams of finally taking the fishing trip he had been planning.

For some reason he found himself restless and he was almost grateful for the sound of the Red Alert claxons calling him from a bizarre dream of being chased by a giant six foot Easter Egg carrying a zat.

To his amazement however the corridors were full of statues of soldiers seemingly frozen in place. Arriving in the Control Room above the Stargate annexe he found the same story there and find everyone within staring blankly down into the Gate Room.  Somewhat alarmed by this, he poked and prodded a few people, bellowed into Lieutenant Ortiz’ ear and finally turned his attention to the Gate Room itself.

Teal’c was standing quietly on the ramp, gazing fixedly into the depths of the shimmering Stargate as if waiting for something. He was unarmed and for some bizarre reason best known to the Jaffa was wearing pink pyjamas with little bunny rabbits on them and fluffy pink bunny slippers.

While Jack was still reeling from this vision in pink, a small black and white beagle skipped out of the event horizon and tripped merrily down the ramp to the Jaffa, its gaily coloured cape fluttering behind it. Placing a wicker basket at Teal’c’s feet, the beagle whipped aside the chequered cloth covering the contents and reached in to extract a brightly coloured Easter Egg. Holding it up for examination, it nodded seriously to itself and then reached up to part the Jaffa’s pyjama top and very carefully tuck the egg into Junior’s pouch. A second egg followed the first into its hiding place....

His jaw dropping, O’Neill whipped about and raced out of the Control Room. This was obviously some kind of dastardly plot. The entire base had somehow been gassed or was under some kind of weird Gou’ald influence. Why else where they totally ignoring what was going on?

Jack drew and checked his gun and burst into the Gate Room with weapon in hand. Skidding to a halt he took up a marksman stance and aimed directly at the head of the Beagle. “All right, what the hell’s going on here?” he roared, feeling slightly ridiculous at yelling at a dog for crying out loud.

The Beagle blinked at him, giving the Jaffa’s by now heavily rounded stomach a gentle pat. “Each egg contains a symbiant,” it told him solemnly. “When the egg is consumed by a suitable host, the larvae will possess the human....”

O’Neill gaped at it in outrage, ignoring the voice in the back of his head pointing out that he was now having a conversation with a dog. “That’s that....despicable. It’s Easter!”

“Exactly,” the Beagle said wisely. “Humans are susceptible to such customs.”

“You, you.....” Jack couldn’t think of a name terrible enough to call the creature. “Who the hell are you anyway?!”

“I am the Dread Overlord Snoopius....” answered the Beagle.

“Get out of here....” Jack snorted in disbelief, which is when the Beagle burst into an eerie golden glow and while O’Neill was still reeling, calmly extracted a Zat from the wicker basket and shot him...

                                                            * * *

“Are you feeling okay, Colonel?” Sam Carter asked the next morning as he she joined O’Neill  on the stroll to the commissary.

“Huh?” Jack gave her a blank look, still confused by the events of the night before. No one else seemed to remember them. He had woken up in his own bunk with no idea of how he had got there and a distinctly weird floating sensation that might have been the after effects of a Zat blast.

“You seem a little dazed,” Sam fretted

“Probably need that vacation Fraiser was on about,” Jack answered. “Ah hah! Teal’c!”

“Colonel O’Neill,” the Jaffa greeted him politely as usual.

Jack grabbed his arm. “I want you to get down to the infirmary right now. You need a scan?”

“A scan?” Teal’c blinked at him solemnly. “Did Dr Fraiser not carry out this procedure as part of our debriefing?”

“Yes, but you need another one now. Right now. That’s an order.” Jack eyed the Jaffa’s surprisingly flat stomach warily. It didn't look like there were any little Goua’ld larvae bombs in there, so perhaps he had been imagining it... “Got any peculiar cravings?” he asked carefully.

“Cravings?” Teal’c eyed O’Neill with that expression of extreme bafflement and faint condescension he wore when a human was being particularly confusing.

“Yeah, you know....”

“No....”

“Coal sandwiches, carrot and ice cream, kippers....”

“Colonel? You’re making him sound like he’s pregnant,” Sam chuckled, but her smile faded at the look that crossed O’Neill’s face.

“Male Jaffa’s do not become pregnant,” Teal’c said darkly. “We are not small aquatic pipefish....”

Jack gave him a blank look.

“I think he means seahorses,” Carter said helpfully.

“Ah....” Jack nodded and then made a desperate dive across the commissary as he saw Lieutenant Ortiz placing a blue and pink wicker basket on one of the tables. It was full to the rim of small foil wrapped eggs. “Gotcha!” Jack barked, whipping out his gun and taking aim at the basket. “Right, you egg sucking worms. You’re not taking over anyone today!”

Ortiz leaped aside in shock. “Colonel? They’re only Easter Eggs, chocolate eggs....”

“A likely tale!” Jack snarled, shooting a fierce glare at the curly haired younger man. “Have you eaten any?”

“Uh no....”

“Have you?!”

Ortiz eyed the gun hovering under his nose and cautiously raised his hands. “No, sir!” he squeaked truthfully, managing to come to attention at the same time.

“Where’d you get ‘em from?”

“Uh....It wasn’t me....” Ortiz had never quite got over the ingrained habit of denying everything since he’d been a corporal.

“Where?!”

Looking as if he was on the point of fainting, Ortiz rolled his eyes towards Daniel Jackson as the archaeologist strolled towards them.

“What’s with the gun, Jack?” Daniel asked curiously as he peacefully unwrapped the chocolate egg he was holding.

“You brought the eggs?” Jack stared at him in horror, wondering how far the Dread Overlord’s evil plot had extended. How many others were in the evil Beagle’s sway....?

“Ah, yeah, I thought it’d be fun.....” As Daniel raised the egg to his mouth something wriggled within it and his eyes flashed with the simmering evil of the Goua’ld....

With a strangled cry, Jack dropped the gun and lunged at the hapless archaeologist’s throat....

                                                            * * *

Staring down at his hands, Jack shrugged uncomfortably. “Which is when I realised it was one of those little hollow kid’s eggs with the jelly toy inside?”

“I'm surprised Daniel didn't choke when you shoved your fingers down his throat after it....”

“He bit me....” O’Neill said sadly. “I’ll probably need a shot....”

“And the flashing eyes?”

“Light shining on his glasses...” Jack sighed dismally. “Anyway, shortly after that Carter and Teal’c and Ortiz grabbed me and I keeled over. Don’t remember a thing after that.”

“You’re lucky you’re not in a straitjacket,” Hammond snorted, squashing a distinct urge to chuckle. He sat back in his chair, tapping the folder in front of him. “However, this is the report Dr Fraiser sent up. Apparently, you passed through a number of flowering bushes on the way back to the Gate while you were off world?”

“Yeah, kind of pretty ones....”

“Your clothes were loaded with pollen, more so than the rest of SG-1. It appears to have some hallucinogenic properties.”

O’Neill stared at the General for a long moment, his expression slowly turning into a hurt look as he caught on. “You couldn’t tell me that before I explained...” he growled, adding a belated and reluctant “....sir.”

Hammond cleared his throat, obviously fighting not to laugh. “It explains Teal’c hallucination on the planet and Jackson and Carter both reported having particularly vivid dreams. You however appear to have topped the pair of them....Pink bunny pyjamas, Jack?”

Jack glowered at him. “What about Teal’c?”

“His scan was fine.”

“He had one anyway?”

“You did give him a direct order,” Hammond said mildly. “He’s very literal minded.”

O’Neill grunted. “So what happens now?”

“I think we can safely put this one under file and forget. On one condition however....”

“Oh?” Jack eyed the General warily.

“It appears you totally smashed the entire basket of Easter Eggs while ‘rescuing’ Jackson. The entire base is quite peeved with you over that. You might want to replace them pretty darn pronto.” Hammond paused thoughtfully, smirking to himself as O’Neill squirmed. “Oh and you’d better buy an especially big Easter Egg for Lieutenant Ortiz. Threatening junior officers at gun point is a distinct no-no and I really don’t want him cringing every time you walk in the Control Room ....”

                                                            oooOooo