Krieg whistled cheerfully to himself as he bounded up the steps leading to the apartment Ortiz and O'Neill rented. He'd been looking for something to get the pair of them willing to deal with him for several months and with these tickets to the Sierra Noche concert, he finally thought he had it. Both Miguel and Tim were fans of the group and the news of the concert in Honolulu had broken while seaQuest had been at sea. By the time they had got back, tickets had been impossible to find, but Ben had put out a few feelers and managed to snag a pair. Now he was about to find out just how badly the other two wanted to see a live performance of a band Krieg personally considered to be very weird. Miguel he could understand liking a band known for setting their stage on fire, but Tim? O'Neill was more likely to scream for the fire brigade than stand up and applaud!

Not that he cared. If he played his cards right, Ben could foresee the next couple of trips where he had unlimited communications privileges and possibly an unregistered download of the X-Tasy Channel. Miguel's discipline was less useful, but the Cuban had an uncanny talent for picking up all kinds of gossip and he also had the unenviable ability to attract women like bees to honey. Krieg wasn't proud when it came to hot dates; if Miguel could be persuaded to hand over a couple of numbers, Ben would be more than happy to take advantage of them.

A brisk knock on the door eventually produced O'Neill. Ben flashed him a bright smile, which he just managed to stop from becoming a grin when he saw the immediate look of suspicion which settled on the other man's face. That was one of the many things he liked about Tim and Miguel. They accepted him for what he was, rather than constantly going on about how he should turn over a new leaf and make an honest man of himself. Like honesty paid. Besides, O'Neill had a knack for bringing out the best in Krieg without even making a conscious effort while Ortiz simply took ruthless advantage on him whenever he felt he had justifiable cause. Which, with Ortiz, meant any time his friends were in trouble, a sentiment which Krieg had no problem in accepting.

"What are you up to?" O'Neill demanded suspiciously.

"Now is that any way to greet a friend who's come all the way out from Pearl just to do you and the Cube a favour?" Ben demanded in exaggerated disbelief.

"Huh," O'Neill retorted derisively. He opened the door wider and stepped back. "C'mon, you'd better come in before the neighbours get nervous and call the cops. Mig's not in at the moment."

"Never mind," Krieg said breezily as he sailed in and cast an appreciative eye around the apartment. For bachelors, O'Neill and Ortiz kept the place pretty neat and Ben felt a brief stab of envy when he compared it with his own quarters. Not that he would shell out the kind of money the pair of them probably had to cough up, but it was a restful place to come home to.

"Want some coffee?" Tim asked as he went past him into the kitchen.

Inhaling the aroma of freshly made coffee, Krieg was more than happy to trail after him. "Don't mind if I do. Got any cookies?" he asked hopefully.

O'Neill rolled his eyes as he poured a mugful of coffee and handed it over, pushing across the cream and sugar. "Get real! You expect this place not to have cookies with Miguel around?"

"Oh, right, like you never touch the things," Krieg said sarcastically, then grinned as O'Neill had the grace to blush.

"They're in that tin there," Tim said hurriedly and busied himself with some coffee of his own. "So what did you drop by for? You mentioned doing Miguel and me a favour, which is enough to make any sane person nervous."

"That's a terrible thing to say, O'Neill," Krieg tutted disapprovingly.

"Why? It's the truth. The last time you did us a favour, we nearly ended up on charges!" O'Neill spluttered.

"You're not still holding a grudge over that, are you?" Krieg demanded in amazement. "Tim, you disappoint me. What happened to 'forgiving all trespasses' and 'turning the other cheek'?"

"It got superseded by 'as ye sow, so shall ye reap'," O'Neill shot back.

Krieg snorted with laughter and gave a huff of satisfaction as he managed to locate a chocolate chip cookie Ortiz had obviously managed to overlook. "I should know better than to try playing the quotation game with you," he observed with amusement.

"If that was the last chocolate chip cookie," Tim said as they heard the sound of the outer door to the apartment open and Ortiz' voice, "you'd better swallow it before Mig comes in and catches you with it."

Krieg paused in mid-chew, then choked on a chocolate chip as he attempted to swallow half a cookie. He knew how seriously Ortiz took his chocolate addiction. About the only things which could deflect him from a single-minded attempt to annex every piece of the stuff on the planet was either ice cream or a beautiful woman.... and possibly only in combination, depending on the quantity of chocolate involved. He bent over, wheezing, as O'Neill helpfully leaned over and attempted to cave in his back by thumping on it.

"Here's the stuff, Tim," Ortiz carolled as he bounded into the kitchen, then paused and checked to study Krieg curiously with his head to one side. "Why is Ben choking to death in our kitchen?" he inquired.

"He was in the neighbourhood so he thought he'd drop by and show us his new trick," O'Neill told him amiably.

Ortiz considered this for a moment before shaking his head. "He gets weirder," he observed. "Here, take this. They had ISC on in the store while I was there and they're doing Household Appliances. I have got to watch it!"

He thrust the grocery sack into O'Neill's hands and shot back out of the room. Tim laughed to himself and went to take the things out and put them away while Krieg recovered and took a couple of healthy gulps of coffee to finish the job.

"Did I hear that correctly?" he asked once he was certain he had his breath back. "Ortiz watches the local shopping channel?"

O'Neill gave him an amused look. "If he doesn't have anything else to occupy him. He loves it, especially things like Household Appliances or Health and Fitness."

Ben could feel his jaw dropping. Ortiz was notorious for not shelling out for anything unless he was absolutely positive that there was no way he could get it for cheaper anywhere else on the planet. Krieg still shuddered to remember the one time he had asked Ortiz to do some shopping for him and then had to endure a lecture on the evils of TV dinners and how he could save money by buying the ingredients from scratch and cooking in bulk. Since the only cooking method Krieg had ever mastered was the barbecue, he had never recovered from a week of having Ortiz attempt to teach him how to make chilli. "Ortiz watches that stuff?" he demanded. "He doesn't buy anything, does he?"

O'Neill shrugged. "One or two things. Depends on what's being offered."

"Well, I can see how that would make a difference," Krieg conceded. "Some of the stuff they advertise you can't get anywhere else. I got a real bargain the other day. A Ronco Combination Plum Pitter and Yogurt Squirter for only $40. You don't get deals like that every day."

O'Neill was giving him an odd look. "No, I don't suppose you do," he said distantly. "Um.... a Yogurt Squirter?"

"Yeah, I have to admit I haven't quite worked that bit out," Krieg confessed. "The instructions are a touch vague."

"I... would imagine they would be," Tim agreed gravely. He turned back to the coffee maker and fiddled with it for a moment. "What... what did you want to see us about?"

"Oh, yeah, glad you reminded me," Krieg said gratefully. "I heard you and the Cube might be interested in some tickets to the Sierra Noche concert?"

The way Tim's head snapped around made Krieg smirk inwardly in gratification. One hooked fish; now all he had to do was reel the little sucker into the boat.

"The entire concert was a sellout three hours after they announced it," O'Neill objected. "I know; I asked around."

"Ah, but you don't have the contacts that I do," Krieg pointed out in satisfaction.

"That's for sure," O'Neill snorted. "So I take it that this little visit is by way of preliminary talks on how much you think we'd be willing to pay for the tickets?"

"A harsh way of putting it, Timothy," Ben said reprovingly.

"But true - and don't call me Timothy," O'Neill snapped. He folded his arms and leaned back against the counter as he studied Krieg in resignation. "All right, let's hear it."

Krieg opened his mouth to make the initial demands, which he knew O'Neill would veto out of hand and eventually bargain his way down to the things Ben wanted in the first place. He was forestalled by a yell from the main room, followed by a gale of laughter and some excited Spanish. Ortiz tore into the kitchen and made a beeline for O'Neill.

"C'mon, you have got to see this one! It's hilarious, even by their standards!"

"You said that about the Tomato Masher, Miguel," O'Neill pointed out in amusement.

"That? That's nothing compared to this! Would you believe that poor girl is trying to sell something called a Combination Plum Pitter and Yogurt Squirter? Truly? Can you believe that there are people out there who are so sad they would actually buy something like that?"

O'Neill glanced towards Krieg and grinned. "Oh, I can believe it, all right."

"I know, but... a yogurt squirter? All you have to do is shake the damn pot and peel back the foil lid! Man, there are some losers out there. I love these programmes!"

"I thought you'd bought stuff from them," Krieg protested, feeling the heat rising in his cheeks from O'Neill's knowing smile. "Tim said you love this programme and something called Health and Fitness."

Ortiz stared at him. "Of course I love them. I cannot believe the things you Americans will get conned into buying by being told that they are indispensable. You spend half your money buying labour-saving gadgets, then spend the other half on more gadgets to keep fit because you're not working hard enough! It's hilarious watching some of these presenters trying to make something like this plum pitter sound like it's going to change a person's life if they buy it. I buy stuff like jewellery and art supplies."

"Oh," Krieg said a trifle blankly. O'Neill was still smiling, damn him.

"Let's see this wonder machine, Miguel," Tim suggested.

"You'll love it. The girl was trying to make sense of the directions for the yogurt squirter when I left but she wasn't getting anywhere. They say it's on Limited Stock, so there must be some really, really dumb people on the islands. I'd love to know someone who has one. Commander Hitchcock told me she used to know someone who was gadget crazy in the kitchen. Bet he'd have something like this."

"You'd probably find that was a safe bet," O'Neill murmured as he allowed himself to be dragged out of the kitchen.

Left on his own, Krieg slowly slumped against the worktop and covered his eyes. He knew that his carefully laid plan was now in ruins. If he tried to make any kind of deal with O'Neill, Tim was perfectly capable of telling Ortiz that Krieg owned one of the despised Plum Pitters and Yogurt Squirters. O'Neill was not so much High Church as Low Cunning when it suited him. Once Ortiz got over his hilarity, he would be bound to tell Hitchcock that Ben was still as compulsive over kitchen gadgets as he had been during their marriage and that would probably encourage Katie to let slip one or two of the more embarrassing anecdotes from their time together.

Telling Ortiz something was even worse than telling O'Neill; at least Tim had a shred of compassion when it came to mortally embarrassing other people, a personality trait Ortiz had never got around to acquiring. Miguel would take considerable delight in spreading the titbits all over the boat and Ben would never live the noodle incident down if it came out. No, it was time to face up to the fact that unkind Fate had once again decided to deal put-upon Supply and Morale Officers a low blow and take his punishment like a man. With any luck, there would be a judgement day when he got the goods on those two.

Wouldn't there?

"Hey, guys!" he said with false heartiness as he went through into the main room where O'Neill was now laughing as hard as Ortiz. "I just came by to present you with two tickets to the Sierra Noche concert. Free, gratis, 'cos that's the kind of guy I am."

Ortiz stopped laughing and gazed at him in pure delight. "For real?"

"Of course for real," O'Neill reproved him. "What; you think Ben's the kind of man who'd buy a Ronco Plum Pitter and Yogurt Squirter? Perish the thought."

"Yeah," Krieg agreed through gritted teeth as Ortiz gave O'Neill a baffled look. "Perish the thought."

He made a mental note to throw out a certain indispensable feature of his kitchen as soon as he got home. You just couldn't be sure that supposedly pure and innocent comtechs might not succumb to their baser nature at some future date. If they should do so, it would be so much better if there was no incriminating evidence around to make life that little bit more difficult!

oooOooo