Rabbit Season

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits cooking over the open fire and waited for Hercules to come back with fresh water.

"I don't know, Hazel. I think it needs more coriander," the smaller of the two rabbits commented.

"Whatever you say. You’re the chef, Fiver…"

"Ahem…I have a question?"

"Yes, Calliope?"

"I believe you wanted to write a serious action adventure epic, Melpomene. Where'd the rabbits come from?"

"I thought a little humour might liven things up…"

"Stick to what you know, dear. Your turn, Euterpe…"

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting…

"Much better. Carry on. You’re doing fine."

…over the open fire and waited for Hercules to come back with fresh water.

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword only to see a large white rabbit in a fancy waistcoat hop into the clearing. It's long ears twitching wildly, it fished out a large ornate gold watch from a pocket and stared at it in dismay, his nose twitching.

"I'm late! I'm late!" it cried and hopped frantically across the clearing to disappear into the bushes on the far side.

Iolaus gaped after it worriedly…

"Hold it! Anachronism! Calliope! She's cheating!"

"If Hydra's can talk, I don't see why rabbits can't!"

"I meant the pocket watch! How's Blondie going to know what a watch is?"

"I have a feeling I'm going to have a headache before long. Your point, Melpomene, and it's your turn again."

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting over the open fire and waited for Hercules to come back with fresh water. He seemed to have been waiting an awfully long time, he reflected thoughtfully.

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword, turning warily to find a six-foot tall invisible white rabbit standing behind him.

"Hello, my name is Harvey…"

"Hold it!! Whoever heard of an invisible rabbit?! There's no such thing."

"Have you ever seen one?"

"Of course not!"

"Exactly. If they’re invisible, how do you know they don't exist!!"

"Ooh, you cheat…"

"Look, who's talking."

"Okay, okay, chew on this one. If it's invisible how does he know it's white?"

"Girls, girls! The competition, remember?"

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting over the open fire and waited for Hercules to come back with fresh water. The demi-god seemed to be taking forever. How long did it take to find a stream?

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword, turning warily as a young spotted deer with huge ears and big brown eyes hurtled out of the undergrowth, leaped over him and skipped across the clearing before vanishing into the bushes.

"Much better. You see you can do it…"

Iolaus let out a small sigh of relief and settled back. For a second there he had been starting to get a strange feeling of déjà vu…

An insistent drumming sound from behind him made him jump a foot and spin around to stare at the small brown rabbit that had hopped out of the bushes and was vibrating his foot against the ground. Seeing that he had Iolaus' attention, he proudly stuck out the absurd puff of white fur on his chest and wiggled his ears.

"Excuse me, my name's Thumper. Have you seen a deer go by?"

Wordlessly, Iolaus pointed across the clearing and watched as the rabbit bounded happily off into the bushes…

"Woah! Reality check! We are The Muses. We write epics to be remembered for all times. Let's remember our reputation. Quit it with the fluffy bunny-wunnies!"

"Aw, come on, Calliope. Lighten up."

"I can't believe you said that, Melpomene. You’re the tragedy poet!"

"Hey, I'm on a break. I want to branch out."

"Look, Cute and Sexy down there is a hero! You two are giving him a complex about rabbits! He's the one who needs the break!"

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting over the open fire and waited for Hercules to come back with fresh water.

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword, turning to face a tall grey and white rabbit. Spotting Iolaus he leaned against a tree and gnawed on a long carrot.

"Nnnaaa, what's up, doc?!"

"Argghhhh!!"

"Something wrong, Calliope?"

"Oh, don't you give me that innocent look, Melpomene! No more talking bunnies."

"But you told us to write about something we know."

"Yes, but not talking rabbits! Euterpe! Your go. Melpomene, pass me that bottle of willow aspirin."

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting…

"Yeah, yeah. We know this bit. Get on with it."

"Who's writing this? Me or you?"

"Me if you don't get on with it, Euterpe…"

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword, then froze as the sound of music rippled through the clearing and a line of girls in tight black costumes burst into the clearing and high kicked their way across it. They were all wearing little bows around their throats and fluffy white pom-pom tails..

Iolaus stared after them and started wondering if maybe Hercules had picked the wrong mushrooms for lunch again. He seemed to be hallucinating….

"No, no, no! This is Greece, remember? Greece! You can't have Playboy bunnies!"

"Why not? I thought he needed cheering up!"

"He probably does. And I wouldn't mind doing the cheering…"

"And you can take that look off your face too, Melpomene. You can leave that sort of thing to Erato. This story is not supposed to go X rated."

"How come Erato gets all the fun?"

"How come I have to put up with you two?"

"You’re lucky, I guess."

"Get on with it!"

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting over the open fire and waited for Hercules to come back with fresh water. For some strange reason that he couldn't quite fathom, he was really starting to go off the idea of roast rabbit. Maybe a nice quail instead?

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword as a rabbit hopped out into the clearing. It looked up at Iolaus and bared short, but vicious sabre tooth fangs at him.

When Iolaus simply stared at it in disbelief and rubbed his eyes, it hopped towards him and snapped at his ankle. The warrior leaped swiftly out of the way, tripped over the log he had been sitting on and went sprawling. The rabbit promptly leaped after him and lunged at his throat. Iolaus caught it and flung it across the clearing. Rolling over onto its back, it sniffed at the ground and then shot off into the bushes.

Before Iolaus could recover his breath and get up, a young, slender blonde girl stepped out of the undergrowth. She was strangely dressed in a skimpy top and pants and she was carrying a wooden stake.

"Did Bunicula come through here?" she asked in an accent as strange as her clothes.

"Huh?" Iolaus responded dazedly as he picked himself up.

"White rabbit, big sharp teeth…."

Iolaus nodded.

"Did it bite you?"

Iolaus shook his head.

"Great. Which way did it go?"

Iolaus pointed. "Follow the tracks," he said in a small voice.

"Right, thanks…." The girl loped lithely across the clearing, then paused to look him up and down and wink before she charged into the undergrowth.

Iolaus sat down on the log and seriously considered bursting into tears….

"That’s Buffy! Not Bunny!"

"Calliope said no more rabbits."

"Calliope has also had enough. Give me the damn quill!"

"But Calliope…"

"The quill…."

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting…

"Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera…"

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword as a furry horde of rabbits charged into the clearing, swarming across the ground in wave after wave of vicious teeth baring, snapping, lepine frenzy…

"I don't believe it. It's this damn quill! Where'd you get it from?!"

"Um, Aphrodite had it…"

"She was giggling…"

"Oy vay. Pass me my one with the gold plated nib."

"This one?"

"That's the one. Right, now let's get Sweet Stuff back to Realityville before he goes right off the deep end…"

It had been a long hot day, and the sun was lying in golden strands across the grass as Iolaus watched the rabbits roasting over the open fire and waited for Hercules to come back with fresh water.

A sudden rustling in the bushes alerted the warrior to possible danger and he reached for his sword. Springing to his feet, he charged the bushes with a wild scream, prepared to do battle…

And slammed straight into the broad chest of the returning demi-god.

"Ah…Hi, Herc. "

"Have you gone mad, attacking me like that?"

"Er, no. You can put me down now. What took you so long?"

Hercules set the hunter back on his feet and frowned. "I don't know. I seem to have been going round in circles. Every time I got the water and left the river, I ended up back at where I started."

"You too, huh? Well, you'll never guess what happened to me. It all started with these rabbits…"