Seated by himself in the corner of the village taverna with a large pint of ale and a plateful of grapes, bread and cheese for his supper, Hercules was enjoying himself. He and Iolaus had arrived in the village a few days before with nothing more important on their minds than a bit of rest and relaxation and some decent sea fishing. That morning they had hired a boat and spent the day out in the bay, fishing lazily, and with true satisfaction catching absolutely nothing except a decent tan.

When they had returned for dinner – seafood for Hercules and lamb for Iolaus – however, the blond warrior had definitely caught something in the slim and shapely form of Desiree, daughter of the local herb seller. While Hercules had been fending off the amorous attentions of the young woman’s mother – an Amazon if he had ever met one – Iolaus had made a date with the daughter and had abandoned his friend right after dinner to take her for a moonlight stroll along the beach. Hercules hadn’t seen either of them since and was starting to twitch a bit over where Iolaus had got to. It was getting late and there were signs that even the most determined drinkers were considering calling it a night and wending their drunken way home.

Hercules smiled faintly as the innkeeper glanced over at him and took a slow pull of his ale. Being a heroic demi-god did have its advantages at times; like getting a table to himself even when the place was full. True, he had had to sign a few autographs and tell a couple of tales of derring-do in return, but finally they had left him alone to munch his cheese in peace. He was being watched with awe by a handful of young men at the moment and he strongly suspected that a couple of them were going to ask if they could travel with him and Iolaus sooner or later.

Taking a bite of cheese, Hercules frowned to himself; oblivious to the fact that this caused a chagrined muttering amongst his audience. Where was Iolaus? He had promised to be back for supper, partly because the warrior was always hungry but mostly because it was as shared holiday.

The door suddenly slammed open, revealing Iolaus standing within it and lit by the torches outside on the wall. He stood there for a moment, apparently catching his breath then came in and with a glance round for his friend, weaved through the tables to join the demi-god. He greeted a couple of the drinkers, laughing at a joke one of them made and slapping him on the shoulder. Hercules singled to the innkeeper to bring more ale even as he frowned uneasily at his friend. Since he had had a date, Iolaus had taken great care to spruce himself up in a new blue silk tunic before he left the inn where they were staying, but he now looked like something the Hydra had spat out and he had lost a sleeve somewhere.

"Hi, Herc," Iolaus greeted his friend as he sank wearily into the chair and stretched his aching body. "That was some walk..."

Hercules raised an eyebrow at him. "Am I going to be disgusted by your loose morals?" he teased dryly.

"I doubt it. Under that prudish exterior, you’re as much as letch as anyone," Iolaus grinned back. "Can I have some of your ale?"

"I ordered you some, but it looks like you need it now," Hercules said mildly, shoving his tankard over to his friend. Iolaus took a grateful swallow and sighed in bliss.

"Wow, I needed that...."

"I was expecting you back an hour ago," Hercules observed, offering him his supper platter as well. Iolaus helped himself to some of the freshly buttered bread and a handful of grapes.

"You want to hear the story or is it bedtime already?" the warrior asked mischievously as he chewed, nodding gratefully to the innkeeper as he brought over a new pitcher of ale and a second tankard of ale.

"Very funny. What happened? How come you’re late?" Iolaus shrugged and winced slightly as he filled the second tankard for Hercules and topped up his own. "Are you hurt?" Hercules demanded suspiciously as he caught that wince. "Don’t tell me you ran into trouble..."

"You could say that. It all started on the beach. Desiree decided she wanted a walk in the moonlight, so we headed up to the Point. No problem there, we, uh, we had a nice walk."

"Yeah, sure...." Hercules snorted.

"Hey, can I help it if you forgot to pack your libido?" Iolaus retorted, his blue eyes sparkling in amusement. "We were on our way back when it started..."

"When what started?" Hercules demanded impatiently.

"I’ll tell you if you don’t keep interrupting. We were attached by a band of pirate slavers...."

"What?!"

"Pirate slavers."

"I heard you the first time! What pirate slavers?"

"The ones that attacked us...."

"Iolaus!" Hercules yelped in exasperation. "Where’s Desiree? Is she all right?"

"I took her home. She’s fine..."

"Right. Get your sword!" Hercules growled, rising to his feet with a surge of wrath.

"Why?" Iolaus gave him a wide eyed look.

"I'm not letting no bunch of slavers attack you and get away with it!"

"Did I say they got away with it?"

"You fought them off?"

"What? You think we ran for it? Course we did! There were only seven or so... Desiree swings a mean rock when she’s mad...."

Hercules sank slowly back into his seat. "You and a girl fought off seven pirates on your own? Unarmed?" he said weakly.

"I had a knife and there might have been a couple more, I didn’t have time count them all. But trust me, Herc, Desiree is no girl, she’s all woman...." Iolaus corrected with a wicked laugh of reminiscence, then looked up sharply. "Hold your horses! What do you mean on your own?! You think I can’t handle a few pirates?!"

"Well, on your own sure, but with Desiree to protect..."

"Hah! We were doing fine on our own until...." Iolaus paused, studying his ale.

"Until?" Hercules prompted.

"The Roc came along...."

"Roc?" Hercules echoed faintly.

"Uh huh, one of those big mountain Rocs with claws like scimitars and a beak to match. Made lunch out of the pirates. That’s when we ran for it. Those things are fast though, scooped us up before we got a length away...."

"You got scooped up by a Roc?" Hercules said weakly. "And lived to tell?"

"Obviously. You want a grape?"

"How’d you get away?"

"Well, I was hacking away at its claws without much hope when it swerved..."

"Why?"

"I guess the Hydra surprised it..."

"The Hydra...."

"You’re starting to sound like you don’t believe me, Herc...."

"I am filled with awe and amazement by your exploits. Do go on."

"Sarcastic too, but since you asked..." Iolaus popped a grape into his mouth and continued cheerfully, "Anyway, the Hydra was up in a cave in the cliffs. It kind of lunged out at us, grabbed the Roc by one wing and pulled us all down on the ledge. Desiree and I were a bit stunned, having a Roc land on you can do that to you, but we weren’t hurt. So, seeing as the Hydra and the Roc were too busy fighting each other to worry about us, we started to look for a way down. That’s when the cliff gave way...."

"Oh...So you fell?"

"Uh huh. You know what a Trapper Plant is?"

"Yeah, one of those big sharp toothed things that live underground and camouflage themselves to look like ordinary ground. Then snap open and pounce when something...lands...on...its.... leaves."

"That’s the sucker..." Iolaus said cheerfully

"You’re not telling me there was one of those under the cliffs?!" Hercules asked in total disbelief.

"Uh huh...."

"You can’t be serious. There is no way you could have survived falling into one of those!"

"It was the most amazing thing. The ledge broke and the Roc and the Hydra fell into it first...We landed on them and got thrown off. Last we saw the Trapper had pulled them both under and the beach looked like it was boiling."

Hercules picked up his tankard and downed it in one long pull. "So, then I suppose you finished your moonlit stroll in peace...."

"No," Iolaus said brightly. "Did you know there were Sand Sharks on the beach?"

"Were?" Hercules murmured.

"Two of them nearly got us cornered against the cliffs. You know what they’re like when they get excited though. I think the noise the Roc and the Hydra were making distracted them. They rammed into each other...."

"Messy..." Hercules managed.

"Yeah, Desiree didn't like it much and I was a bit busy claming her down when the third one came at us out of nowhere."

"And ate you both I suppose?"

"Don’t be silly. The Griffin killed it."

"What Griffin?"

"The one roosting on the cliff. I suppose all the noise disturbed it. Flew down and ripped right into the Sand Shark. Last time I saw it, it was dragging it off to its lair. Or is it nest with a Griffin. I'm never sure." Iolaus took another swallow of his ale and gave Hercules a brittle smile.

Hercules blinked, staring at his friend and starting to suspect that the bright glitter in his friend’s blue eyes was hysterics. "Mushrooms," he muttered. "Have you been eating mushrooms?"

"Nope. Here, I knew you wouldn’t believe me...." Iolaus extracted a long golden feather from where he had carried it tucked into his belt and laid it gently on the table between them. It glimmered iridescently, shimmering with golds and reds and royal purples and reflecting dancing lights off the taverna’s plastered walls.

"That is a Griffin’s feather...." Hercules said feebly.

"You don’t say..." Iolaus exclaimed mockingly. "Now, do you believe me?"

Hercules lifted his eyes to his friend’s. "Did you do something to annoy Eros recently?" he asked warily.

Iolaus half laughed. "Herc, if I’d annoyed Eros, he wouldn't have waited until we’d, er, that is until we were walking back before the pirates attacked us."

Hercules sat back, blinking slowly, then absently picked up the pitcher and took a long pull. "The most exciting thing I've done is peel a grape," he murmured.

"Trust me, Herc, after what I’ve been through I envy you," Iolaus said dryly. "Can I have the pitcher back now please?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry." Hercules filled the warrior’s tankard for him and carefully set the pitcher down again.

"I need a long hot bath," Iolaus sighed as he snaffled another chunk of the buttered bread.

"Yeah, looking at you, I guess you do..." Hercules agreed, eyeing his friend’s wet and sand strewn, bruised and battered appearance.

Iolaus gave him a puzzled glance then looked down at himself. After a moment, his eyes widened in understanding. "What this?" he laughed. "This was done by something much, much worse than any kind of monster! This wasn’t anything to do with any of that! "

"It wasn’t?"

Iolaus erupted into a fit of giggles as Hercules waited patiently for his next unbelievable tale. "Nah!" the warrior managed breathlessly at last. "This is what Desiree’s mother did to me for bringing her home late...."

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