Hercules Night in Tartarus by Angela Field

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	"Are you sure you don't mind, Herc?" Iolaus gazed up at the demi-god, his fringe of freshly washed hair shining like newly minted gold coins in the firelight. Hercules sighed in indulgently weary amusement and glanced towards the pretty brunette waiting for his friend. She was skimpily dressed in the pink appropriate to Aphrodite's Festival and had a smile of anticipation on her face. Seeing Hercules look at her, she gave him a shy little wave. "No, you go on and have some fun," he told Iolaus. "I'll be fine." Iolaus hesitated, glancing wistfully over at the young woman. She beckoned to him coyly. Biting his lip in frustration, Iolaus turned back to Hercules. "Look, it's okay. I’ll stay with you…" "Why? I can take care of myself…" Hercules interrupted. "Yes, but we agreed to spend the festival together…" Hercules chuckled. "Yeah, but not all night…" Iolaus blushed. "Even so…" "Iolaus, it was a safe bet that you were going to find feminine company. I don't expect you to be celibate. Go, make her happy." "But what about you?" Hercules lifted his tankard of ale. "I'm going to finish this and then go to bed." "On a festival night?" Iolaus looked quite shocked. "On a festival night," Hercules agreed firmly. "I'm tired." "Oh, okay then." Still Iolaus hesitated, doubtfully torn between his friend and the young woman. "She won't wait all night, you know," Hercules said dryly. "Go on." Iolaus gave in with a sigh and hurried over to the woman. She stepped forward to meet him, sliding her arm through his and swinging her hips as she fell in with his stride. He kissed her cheek, whispering something in her ear that made her blush and giggle as they left the inn. Hercules grinned to himself as he finished his ale, glad to see Iolaus happy and enjoying himself. He certainly didn't look as if he planned on taking his evening any more seriously than the pretty brunette had. No one expected long time commitment from an assignation at Aphrodite's Festival. Reflecting a little wistfully that he wished he could unwind so easily, Hercules took himself off to bed. * * * Hercules' room was at the front of the inn, looking out over the street with Iolaus' room right next door. Peeling out of his clothes, the demi-god stretched lazily out on top of the covers, enjoying the sensation of the cool air rippling over his body and the feel of a proper pillow and a good mattress under his back. Pillows were something of a luxury. Stretching in lazy bliss, Hercules closed his eyes with a yawn as he relaxed into the bed and dozed off. How long he slept for, Hercules didn't know. But the next thing he knew the bed seemed to be vibrating under him with the loud pounding of drums as he started awake. Flutes trilled and pipes warbled, entwining with the rhythmic beating of the drums and the bubbling of laughter and song. With a groan, Hercules turned over and burrowed under his pillow. He had forgotten the paean to Aphrodite and the procession that danced through the streets was scheduled for tonight. He wondered vaguely if Iolaus would have joined in or if he and his lady friend had found somewhere comfortable to celebrate… The music continued, interspersed with squeaks and shrieks and explosive bursts of laughter at some of the ruder song lyrics. Hercules could feel his head starting to ache as it went on and on and on…. Iolaus was probably sound asleep by now… Stuffing the pillow against his ears, he did his best to ignore it, counting Hydra heads in desperation until it slowly sank in on him that the music was fading at last. Gingerly releasing the pillow, he peered around his darkened room, listening carefully and sighing in relief as he realised that the procession was finally moving away. Letting out a slow breath, Hercules turned over onto his back, folded his arms under his head and closed his eyes, preparing to go back to sleep in peace and quiet. After a few minutes he realised he could hear scuffling noises and the ruffle of cloth from the street. "Aw, come on…" the pleading male voice seemed to come from right under his window. "No…" a giggling female voice protested. "Not here…" There were more rustling noises, a few succulently squelchy kissing type noises and quite a bit of gasping and groaning. Hercules' eyes widened in the darkness. "No, we can't…" the girl protested breathlessly. "Yes, we can…" the male voice sounded youthful and eager. "Someone might see…" "Tonight no one will care…." The girl giggled and more cloth ruffled. "Ooh Romeus…!" I don't believe it! Under my window? Why me? Hercules sat up indignantly. Maybe he could chuck a pitcher of cold water over them. He swung his feet to the floor… The boy was starting to gasp and groan, his moans echoed by the sheer bliss in the girl's voice as she obviously shared his pleasure. "Oh Romeus, Romeus…" "Yesssss…." Blushing furiously, Hercules flung himself flat and dragged the pillow back over his head again. Some things not even he dared interrupt… Eventually the couple beneath his window stopped whispering and giggling endearments and went on their way, leaving Hercules staring wide-eyed and tense at the ceiling. Silence crept in nervously, settling softly into the corners of the room among the dust. Slowly, the tension melted from the demi-god's body as he slid gratefully back towards sleep…. That was when the brawl started… "You can't say that about my boyfriend!" a female voice shrieked. "Oh yes I can! Your boyfriend is an idiot!" "You take that back!" "Make me, you peroxide dependant." A feminine shriek of fury tortured Hercules' ears as the sounds of battle broke out. Scrambling out of bed, he rushed over to the window and looked out. There was a catfight going on as two women fought furiously below his window. "Ladies! Ladies, please!" he yelled "Keep out of it!" the blonde woman on top screamed, banging her opponent's head into the ground. The brunette twisted and threw her off, shoving the blonde face first into a puddle. "Yeah! Get her, Sophie!" a male voice called encouragingly from where he and another man were watching. "Hang on, Sophie started this!" his dark haired companion retorted. "No, she didn't. Althea did. She called me an idiot!" "Well, you are. You go out with Sophie, don't you?" "Why you..!" With a roar of rage, the man lunged at him and soon punches and kicks were being rapidly exchanged. With a snarl of fury Hercules dragged his pants and boots back on and slammed out of his room, charging down the stairs and out of the inn to break it up. Half an hour later, Hercules limped back to his room, mopping at his clawed cheek where Sophie had savaged him with her nails for hitting her boyfriend and favouring the ankle Althea had kicked him in for interfering. Compared to the two women, separating the men had been easy. He would rather have fought an entire flock of Harpies than face those two again and he had been glad to turn the whole drunken group over to the Town Watch; when he eventually found them. Kicking off his boots and flopping onto his bed, Hercules dabbed a cool cloth against his cheek and closed his eyes. By now the procession was almost over as even the most determined of revellers ran out of energy for dancing and singing and turned their energy to more personal activities. People would be seeking their beds… Squeak, squeak, squeak… Hercules opened blood shot eyes and stared at the ceiling in horror. The rhythmic squeaking was coming from Iolaus' room. Squeak, squeak, squeak…Gasp…. Squeak, squeak, squeak… No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't have brought the brunette back to his room at the inn now. Iolaus wouldn't be that cruel to him. He knew Hercules wanted to get some sleep… Squeak, squeak, squeak… In fact he probably assumed Hercules was asleep and wouldn't know… Squeak, squeak, SQUEAK… That did it! No more, nice guy. Lunging off the bed, Hercules slammed out of his room and round to Iolaus' door. Squeak, squeak, SQUEAK… "Yesss!" Iolaus yelped aloud as Hercules hammered on the door, making it rattle on its hinges. "Open this damn door, Iolaus! I know you’re in there!" the demi-god bellowed. "Open it before I kick it…" The door flung open and a half-dressed, dishevelled but bright-eyed Iolaus gazed up at him, clutching a pillowslip in one hand. "Yeah?" he asked breathlessly. "All right, where is she?" Hercules snarled pushing past him to peer suspiciously around the small room. He eyed the rumpled bed with a scowl and dropped to one knee to peer under it. There really wasn't anywhere else to hide the woman. There were no cupboards or any furniture for her to hide behind. "Where's who?" Iolaus asked in bewilderment. Hercules growled, stomping over to peer out of the window to see if she was hanging from the window ledge. "What are you doing?" Iolaus wanted to know, coming over to peer into the street below with him. "Looking for that woman you've got in here." "I haven't had a woman in here!" "Then who…?" Hercules blurted then caught himself a fraction too late to stop the words. Iolaus' blue eyes flared in outrage as he smacked the demi-god in the stomach with the back of his fist. "Ow!" Hercules gasped. "You take that back!" "I'm s'sorry," Hercules wheezed obediently, clutching his midriff. Iolaus could hit hard. "But you had someone…." "I did not!" Iolaus yelled. "A bat got in my room. I was chasing it…" "A bat? Oh come on! You don't expect….Oh…" Hercules broke off as Iolaus held up the wriggling pillow slip in front of his face. Glaring at him, Iolaus turned and emptied it out of the window and a small, confused looking bat fluttered off into the darkness. "See?" he hissed. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry… but it did sound…" Iolaus drew himself up to his full height. "Get out!" he ordered, pointing peremptorily at the door. "I said I was sorry," Hercules protested plaintively as Iolaus grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the door. "Go to bed, Hercules!" Iolaus yelled as he shoved him out into the corridor and slammed the door in his face. Hercules slumped. "Look, I said I was sorry!" he called through the door. "I really thought you had someone in there!" "Go away!" Iolaus shouted. Sighing, Hercules turned away from the door and found a blond youth gazing at him curiously. "Jealous, huh?" he observed sympathetically. "Been there, done that. But it doesn't do you any good in the end, you know. If he's lost interest…" "It's a simple misunderstanding…" Hercules blurted. "Oh sure. But if he's busy and you’re looking for company, I'm free…" "Oh no, really, it's nothing. We'll patch things up…" The youth pouted at him, watching as Hercules sidled past him to his own door. "Well, if you’re sure…?" "Oh I am," Hercules assured him hastily and ducked into his own room, closing the door firmly in the youth's disappointed face and leaning his forehead against the wood. "What did I do wrong?" he asked himself pathetically. "All I wanted was some sleep…" Shedding his clothes, Hercules once more crawled back into bed and flopped face down on the pillow. What else could happen? Hercules awoke with a start to the sound of someone carolling under his window. "No, no, no,…" he whispered brokenly into his pillow. "Not again…." "Sweet lady of Greece, I adore thee," the male voice sang in a muffled and somewhat drunken off key voice. With a growl, Hercules rolled off the bed and wrenched the shutters open to glare down at the drink befuddled young man standing below him, clutching a kitara in both hands and a flower in his teeth. "Ah, Juliette…" he began as the window opened, then blinked. "You’re not Juliette…" "No, I'm not Now, sod off, you pervert…!" Hercules retorted and threw the water pitcher at him. His aim was off. It missed the would be bard's head and bounced off the wall. Rebounding, it hit the edge of Hercules' window and showered him with cold water. As the impromptu bard tottered drunkenly off and Hercules considered bursting into tears, the demi-god realised that Iolaus was leaning on his windowsill and watching him with drowsy curiosity. "You having a bad night, Herc?" he wondered. "What makes you think that?" "You told that guy to sod off…" Iolaus observed in amusement. Hercules was steaming by now. "Same to you," he snarled and ducked back inside, furiously slamming the window shut and yelping as the shutter caught his fingers. Sucking his fingertips he flung himself back on the bed and sulked. Right around the time his fingers stopped throbbing and he started to doze off, the caterwauling started as two amorous moggies got to grips in the street below. This time Hercules emptied the pitcher's matching bowl over them and had the dubious satisfaction of seeing the cats scamper off in separate directions as he hurled the bowl after them. At least their night had been ruined too, he reflected as he stomped back to bed and collapsed across it. The next thing Hercules knew was the sound of the scuttling noises in the corridor outside his door. Cracking open eyes that felt like they had been stuffed with sand, Hercules lay and listened, feeling his body twitching with exhaustion. Mice… Maybe he shouldn't have chased off the cats… Mrrowl! Okayyyy, so there was one cat left after all… More scuffling and the pounding of paws then the shrill squeal… Hercules winced and dragged the pillow over his head. First thing in the morning he was going to buy earplugs… Drifting in the fuzzy area between sleep and not sleep as he roused again, Hercules dimly realised that the scuttling noises had changed. Now they were interspersed with hopping noises and the occasional twitter and tweet. Birds…on his windowsill… Little bastards…I'm going to kill 'em… Crawling out of bed, Hercules went and flung the shutter open, startling a small flock of birds off the ledge. They exploded up in a flurry of feathers and alarm calls, retreating to the roof where he couldn’t get at them. Groaning, Hercules retreated to his bed and his somewhat crushed pillow. Tripping over his shirt in the semi darkness, he fumbled for it on the floor, ripped off a couple of pieces of the cotton and stuffed them into his ears before he flung himself wearily back onto his bed. Pulling his pillow over his head, he muffled the sound of the dawn chorus starting to tune up and closed his eyes… As daylight crept through the shutters of the demi-god's room, the inn's cock crowed in jubilation, greeting the dawn with joy and abandon. Hercules sat bolt upright in bed, screamed once, loud and long and fell back, fighting the urge to start sobbing uncontrollably. The cock shut up, stunned by the competition. A minute or so later though, someone knocked at the door. "Herc? Hey, Herc? You okay in there?" Iolaus called anxiously. Hurtling off the bed Hercules flung the door open. Iolaus looked worried enough that Hercules' urge to instantaneous murder was curbed as he grabbed his friend by the throat. "Uh, Herc?" Iolaus croaked uncertainly, touching the fingers wrapped around his throat. He gazed up at his friend's blood shot eyes in consternation, wondering in bewilderment why he had little bits of cloth hanging out of his ears and where the claw marks on his cheek had come from. Considering the feral expression on Hercules' face however, he figured it would be better if he didn't ask yet. Hercules dropped him unceremoniously and Iolaus landed in a heap on his rear end on the floor. "What do you want?" Hercules hissed at him. "You screamed and I uh, I…was worried…" Iolaus said slowly, wondering if Hercules had lost all of his marbles. He looked as if he had. "Why are you dressed?" "You wanted me to get you up early and…" "Go back to bed…" "But Herc, you said…" "I changed my mind! Go back to bed and don't make so much as a sound!" Hercules snarled and slammed the door in his face. Ripping the makeshift earplugs from his ears, he started back towards his bed then drooped, hearing the first sounds of the town stirring beyond his window. Covering his face with both hands, he sighed heavily, realising it was hopeless. He was way past being able to sleep now. Besides, he couldn't get the look on Iolaus' face out of his mind either. He looked round, hoping for some water to splash on his face to wake him up… Of course, the bowl and pitcher were both out in the street…. Taking a very deep breath, Hercules turned back to the door and opened it gently. Iolaus was picking himself up from the floor and gave him a startled look as he flinched. "Don't hit me! I didn't make a sound!" he protested jumpily, raising both hands to block any sudden punch. "It's okay, Iolaus. I'm sorry," Hercules apologised. "I didn't get much sleep." "Oh…" Iolaus eyed him askance. "You want to stay here then?" Hercules flinched as a loud crash from the street announced that the ale delivery had arrived. "No," he said pathetically. With a final wistful look at the bed, he closed his door softly behind him. "Let's go and have breakfast…" * * * Iolaus didn't think Hercules had even noticed that his friend was doing his best to be extra quiet; which was fine by Iolaus. Hercules looked worn to a frazzle and, now that Iolaus had thought about it, he had looked exhausted when they arrived for the festival. The hunter was doing his best to be subtle and he suspected that Hercules was too tired to notice that it was way to early for lunch when Iolaus called a halt beside a nice peaceful stream on the excuse of a stone in his boot. "We might as well have lunch now," he suggested brightly as he pulled his boot back on. Hercules had flopped down on the green grass under the trees and stretched out while he waited. "Um…" he said drowsily. "I'll go find some wood," Iolaus said casually. "Um…" Hercules agreed, his eyes drifting closed as the sun warmed his body and the cool shade lulled his tense nerves. Iolaus stayed where he was, perched on his rock and watching the demi-god slide from relaxed sprawl into honest sleep. Once he was sure Hercules was definitely sound asleep and unlikely to be disturbed by his friend moving, he pushed off his boots and, slipping an apple from his pack, slid off his rock and padded down to the stream to paddle. He had his fishing line in his pack and could quite happily keep himself amused with fishing and foraging without disturbing Hercules for the rest of the day. He would build a fire when it started to get dark and, assuming Hercules was awake, would cook whatever fish he caught for their supper. Peeling off his vest, Iolaus settled down comfortably with his feet dipping into the cool water, cast his fishing line into the stream and, listening to the occasional grunt from Hercules as his friend sank deeper into much needed sleep, relaxed. The hunter was as happy to guard Hercules in his sleep as he was to guard his back in a fight. Sometimes even Hercules needed a friend to watch over him… oooOooo