Title: "The Briefing or Mission Not Impossible" Author: Carole Hume Series: Part 2 of "Garden Gates in Hertfordshire." Email: dragonfly1956@wildmail.com Warnings: other than not to eat or drink whilst reading… none. Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. Ground Force is the property of the British Broadcasting Corporation and Bazal Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author. Jack O'Neill was muttering under his breath, "Houston we have a problem", as he carried his holdall through Customs at Heathrow. He could see the line of people who had been stopped at the other end of the arrivals lounge, and their luggage was being taken aside and searched. O'Neill thanked God for Carter's insistence that no one should carry any obvious weapons into England…… Though what the Customs men would say about the Zats hidden in their luggage was anybody's guess. As O'Neill stood in line with the others from the plane, he distracted himself by thinking back to the briefing that General Hammond had given to them before the team had left on the next stage of what the General had called 'an interesting problem'. ****** A thumb and forefinger gently grasped the crossed strings, pulled them outward and then down and under the design. "That's right. Now do the same with your other hand and you have the first part of the Cat's Cradle." Jack O'Neill sat at the briefing room table watching Daniel Jackson at the other end of the table. Daniel had his hands wrapped in a long piece of looped string and was giving instructions to Teal'c who was engrossed in the complicated string game. Ever since Daniel had saved their butts' with the old game, Teal'c had been fascinated by the concept of magic tricks that had been passed down from generation to generation. So now Daniel was sitting at the other end of the table with his fingers tied up in knots. "Do you know, I think that this proves a point" Jack stated wryly. "How's that, sir?" Carter said, smiling at the sight of Daniel trying to separate his fingers as Teal'c finally managed to 'catch' Daniel in his trap. "Well, wasn't it anthropologists that used to be described as people with their pockets full of string?" Jack O'Neill replied as he studied the antics taking place further along the table then looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Sam Carter had come into close contact with O'Neill's sharp sense of humour before, and appreciated every encounter with those wits of steel. "But, Daniel's an archaeologist, not an anthropologist, sir." she replied logically. Suddenly the image of Jack O'Neill dressed as one of the three Musketeers flashed through her mind and the tones of his voice engendered the feeling that he should actually be saying 'en-garde' as he flourished a sword and prepared for battle. "Semantics, Major, semantics!!" O'Neill riposted with style. The door from the General's' office opened and Hammond walked in with a thoughtful expression on his face. "People, we have a little problem," he stated nonchalantly. O'Neill and Carter sat up straight and fixed their eyes on Hammond. Daniel gave up trying to untie his fingers and Teal'c produced a small knife to cut the archaeologist free. "General, I'm sure I can pull together a black ops team to take care of the Senator if you think that would work?" O'Neill offered helpfully. "No, Colonel, it's not that type of problem - though the offer is appreciated." Hammond smiled at the pleasant image the idea conjured up. "SG1, we face the greatest threat to security since...........Urgo," he announced with a straight face. "Urgo, sir? " Carter looked at him, confused. "Yes, we have a rogue Stargate," Hammond looked at O'Neill, expecting him to provide a smart answer. "As in 'it's grown legs and escaped', sir?" O'Neill provided as expected. "No, Colonel, it was lost by a pair of U.S. Air Force Officers who shall remain nameless and is currently in the hands of the British Customs and Excise people," Hammond responded quickly. O'Neill looked at the rest of the team and mouthed 'Maybourne and Samuels' at them. "The Stargate was confiscated as it was leaving the Britain on it's way back to Area 51." The General looked at O'Neill who was leaning back in his seat and twirling a pen between his fingers. "What explanation did the Brits give?" Jack O'Neill glanced towards Hammond, requesting more information. "That under the Laws of Salvage it became Britain’s property when it fell out of the plane in their sovereign airspace," Hammond stated. "I'm not sure, but as it wasn’t lost at sea do the Laws cover that sort of situation?" Daniel asked Hammond. "We don't know, but the President has asked us to retrieve the Gate using any method we please, provided it's kept quiet and no one else finds out," the General said calmly. "Sir, may we know what exactly happened to the Stargate?" Carter asked. "Yes, Major. According to the President, Colonel Maybourne was transporting the Gate by plane when he accidentally opened the bomb-bay doors and dropped the Gate from twenty thousand feet into a garden in Stevenage, England," Hammond answered. O'Neill started to mutter to himself as the General informed them of the bare facts of the incident. "Colonel, do you have anything to say at this point?" Hammond asked pointedly. "General, sir. I was just commenting on the fact that Maybourne was probably trying to find the on/off switch for the air-conditioning!" O'Neill commented wryly. "How did you know that?" General Hammond looked at O'Neill in disbelief Jack O'Neill looked at the General and replied dryly, "Just a good guess, sir. It's what Maybourne would do if left to his own devices." "He found the emergency hatch release for the bomb-bay doors and he’s now trying to claim for a case of malt whisky that got lost in the explosive decompression!!." Hammond said trying to conceal a smirk - unsuccessfully. "General, what happened to the Gate after that?" Daniel commented, having finally gotten his hands untangled. "The President said that an elderly lady found the Stargate in her back garden and as it made a twenty foot crater in the ground, she filled it with water and converted it into a fish pond." "General, why didn't Colonel Maybourne try and retrieve the Gate?" Teal'c asked. "You remember the lady I just mentioned?" Hammond started to explain. There was a chorus of voices saying 'yes, sir'. "Well, apparently she took an extreme dislike to Maybourne and put him in hospital," Hammond smiled as his imagination started to get the better of him. "General, sir, what did she do to Maybourne and who took over from him?" O'Neill queried as he struggled to hide a broad grin. "Colonel Samuels took over when Maybourne was taken to the hospital. To have his broom handle removed," General Hammond wrestled manfully with the smile that was trying to emerge on his face. "Is there any way we can draft her on to one of the SG teams? 'Cause if she can handle Maybourne, handling the Go'auld should be a cinch." O'Neill grinned at the thought. "Colonel, I did think of that, unfortunately I don't think she'd pass the physical, otherwise I'd ask her myself." George Hammond grinned back at O'Neill "General, is there any way we can give her a medal?" Daniel Jackson struggled to control a smirk as the image raced through his brain. "That's what I asked the President. While that's out of the question, as a gesture of good will the U.S. Government is arranging to landscape her garden." "Ground Force!" The word exploded from Daniel as an idea struck him like a bolt from the blue. Jack O'Neill turned his head and looked at Daniel Jackson. "Pardon?" "Yes, do enlighten us, Dr. Jackson!" Hammond commanded "It's just occurred to me that there is no way we can smuggle an object 20 feet in diameter out of Britain without anyone noticing, right?" Daniel peered around the table at the people who were watching him. "Ya think?!" O'Neill exclaimed sarcastically. "Well, all we can do is hide it somewhere and hope they don't find it, right?" Daniel expounded, grandly ignoring the Colonel. "Continue," Hammond encouraged him. "Getting our hands on the Gate is something I'll leave in Jack's capable hands, but where and how to hide it is the question." Daniel tried to keep his enthusiasm under control. "Well, 'Ground Force' is a popular television programme about landscaping a garden in two days on a budget." Daniel finally provided an explanation for his earlier exclamation. "And we have a ready made hole waiting for it in Stevenage!!" ****** O'Neill peered around those standing in front of him and counted how many were between him and Passport Control. He could see that Teal'c and Carter had just passed the checkpoint and were entering the Arrival Lounge, where they were to wait for the rest of the team. Daniel on the other hand was having problems with some of the forms he had been asked to fill in, and so was at the head of another queue. And as always in any International Airport, the noise from the main concourse could be heard miles away. He could hear someone shouting something about "It was all Christine's fault". Who Christine was and what was her fault would be one of the Universe's little mysteries, right up there with what do women carry in their purses which make them so heavy that being hit with one was classified as being hit with a lethal weapon. He found himself drifting mentally as jetlag continued to hit him with the force of a Zat gun. It had hit Daniel and Sam at about the same time. The only one not affected had been Teal'c, who with Junior's help, had managed to bring the team to some semblance of alertness. "Ah! About time!" Jack muttered to himself as he finally reached Passport Control. "Are you here for business or pleasure, sir?" the official asked as he examined O'Neill's passport. "A bit of both actually. I'm to take part in a gardening programme called 'Ground Force'. Have you ever heard of it?" O'Neill replied. "Have I ever! I used to have a quiet life, now all the wife does is drool over Titchmarsh and plan major works in the garden," the official grumbled disgustedly. "And I'm hoping to see some of your sights as well," O'Neill added pleasantly. "Welcome to Britain and please enjoy your stay despite your bad back." the official said, stamping the Colonel's passport. "But, I don't have a bad back!" Jack said eyeing the man as if he'd gone mad. "Oh, you will have by the time you've finished on Ground Force!" the Passport Officer said with a grin. To be continued in "Stargate Abduction" Remember that feedback does inspire writers.