Song Title:
Delaney's Donkey

Written by:
Hargreaves, Mooney

Now...
Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired
Temporarily lazy and permanently tired
A leg at every corner, balancing his head
And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be fed
Riley slyly said "We've underrated it
Why not train it?" then they took a rag
They rubbed it, scrubbed it, they oiled and embricated it
Got it at the post and when the starter dropped the flag

There was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shooshing it
Hogan, Logan and everyone in town
Lined up attacking it and shoving it and smacking it
They might as well have tried to push the town hall down
The donkey was eyeing them, openly defying them
Winking, blinking and twisting out of place
Riley reversing it, everybody cursing it
The day Delaney's donkey ran the half-mile race

The muscles of the mighty, never known to flinch
They couldn't move the donkey a quarter of an inch
Delaney lay exhausted, hanging round his throat
With a grip just like a Scotsman on the five pound note
Starter Carter, he lined it with the rest of them
When it saw them, it was willing then
It raced off, braced off, ready for the best of them
They started off to cheer it but it changed its mind again

And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shooshing it
Hogan, Logan and Mary-Ann McGrath
She started poking it and grabbing it and choking it
It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed hee-ha
The Whigs and Conservatives, the Radical superlatives
Liberals and Tories, they hurried to the place
Stood there in unity, helping the community
The day Delaney's donkey ran the half-mile race

The crowd began to cheer it and Rafferty the judge
He came up to assist them but still it wouldn't budge
And the jockey who was riding it, little John McGee
Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went and had his tea
Hagen, Fagen were students of psychology
Swore they'd shift him with some dynamite
They bought it, brought it, and without apology
The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the whole lot out of sight

And there was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shooshing it
Hogan, Logan and all the Bally crew
Police and auxiliary, the garrison artillery
The 2nd Enniskillens and the lifeguards too
They seized it and harried it, they picked it up and carried it
Cheered it, steered it, to the winning place...
Then the bookmakers drew aside... and they all committed suicide...
The day Delaney's donkey won the half-mile race

F.D. and H. All rights reserved