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Another Blonde Jokes Page II

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Farmer John was a sheep farmer. He raised sheep all over his property. One day, a beautiful young brunette came up and asked him, "Farmer John, if I can tell exactly how many sheep you have in your fields, can I have a lamb to take home and raise myself?" Farmer John agreed, knowing wholeheartedly that he had way too many to guess accurately. The beautiful, young brunette told him that he had 376 sheep in his field. Farmer John was beside himself. Being a man of his word, he told her to go and pick out the one she wanted and bring it back to him so he could untag the ear. For about an hour the brunette was out in the field. Finally she returned with her choice. Farmer John looked and her and asked, "Now, can I ask you a question?" The brunette complied. Farmer John asked, "If I can tell you what color your hair was before you dyed it, can I please have my dog back?"

There was a blond, a brunette, and a redhead riding in a car, and they ran a stop sign and a cop started chasing them. So they got a little farther ahead and saw three burlap bags lying in the ditch. They stopped the car and each of them got into one of the bags. Now, the cop caught up with them and saw the empty car and the three bags. So he went up to the bag with the brunette in it and kicked it. The brunette said "meow, meow", and the cop said, "oh, there's a kitty in this bag. And he kicked the one with the redhead in it and she said, "arf, arf", and the cop said aw, there's a puppy in this bag. Finally, he went up to the bag with the blond in it and kicked it and she said, "potato"

A Blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her 'What's wrong?? Why are you crying??'. She replies 'I just found out that my mom passed away'. The Boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying histerically. He asks again 'Why are you crying??' she says 'My sister called saying that her mom died too'.

A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open. "You must have made a mistake," says the shocked dentist, "The gynecologist's office is one level higher." To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."

This brunette walked into this shoe store for blondes and she noticed that TGIF was on all the shoes, she walked up to the sales clerk and said Gee, blondes must really like Fridays! The clerk said why do you say that? The brunette said because TGIF is on all the shoes! The clerk said Nope that stands for TOES GO IN FIRST!!!

A painting cotracter was speaking to a woman about a job. She sad she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The woman was curious but didn't say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she wanted a warm rose color. The painter wrote that down and went to the window and opened it, he yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." Finally the woman asked, "why do you keep yelling that out the window?" "I'm sorry," he replied, "but I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

There was a fire at the blond's house and she decided to call 911. So she call's 911 all upset and crying " You have to come over and help me my house is on fire." The fireman says "Ok, lady calm down, How do we get there?" The blond states " DUH?? The BIG RED TRUCK.

Q:what is the difference between a misquito and a blonde?

A:when you slap a misquito it will stop sucking.

There were three people traped on an island: a blond,a brunette,and a redhead.

The redhead looked across the water and estimates the distance to be about 20 miles, so she announces that she is going to try to swim across. She swims 5 miles and gets tired. She swims 5 more before she gets to tired and drowns.

The brunette thinks to herself, "I wonder if I can make it." Out loud she says, "I guess it's better than staying here to starve." So she tries to swim out. She has more endurance than the redhead and she swims 10 miles before she's even tires. She swims 5 more before she drowns.

The blond says, "I wonder if they made it? I guess I better try." So she swims 5,10,19 miles! Just 1 mile from shore she says, "I'm just too tired!" So she turns around and swims back.

Q. HOW DID THE BLONDE ALMOST DIE?
A. SHE WAS RIDING A HORSE AND SHE STARTED TO HIT HER HEAD ON THE GROUND SO THE K-MART MANAGER SHUT OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND.

Q: What does a blonde look like after sex?
A: I don't know I am already gone

Q:why are blondes like pianos?

A:when they're upright,they're grand

A Blond goes to a company party and wins a thermos for the doorprize. she asks her co-worker, "What's a thermos?"

He says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

"Oh!" The next day at work, she brings it with her. Her boss, who is also a blond, says "What's that?"

The Blond says "It's a thermos." Her boss asks her, "What's that?"

She says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss asks her, "What do you have in it?"

The blond says, "Two cups of coffee and a pop-sickle."

Q: What does an airplane and a blonde have in common?
A: They both have a cockpit

Q:What do you call a blonde holding a balloon
A:Siamese twins

How Do You Confuse A Dumd Blond?
Put Her In A Room Shaped Like A Circle And Say Go Sit In The Corner..

Whats The Difference Between A Dumb Blond And A Dead Shunk On The Road That Both Got Hit By A Car?
The Shunk Has Skidd Marks In Front Of It.

A blonde and a brunette were walking through the wood when they found a set of tracks. The blonde said "Look at those deer tracks." The brunette said "those aren't deer tracks. They are moose tracks." They were still arguing about it two hours later when the train hit them.

What is the mating call of the dumb blonde?
"Am I drunk yet?"

What is the mating call of the red-head?
"Are all the blondes gone yet?"

Why didn't the blonde change her babys diaper for a month?
Because the package said good for up to one month.

Q:why is a blondes coffin "y" shaped?
A:because as soon as they hit their back-their legs open.

A blonde was walking on the opposite of the river from a brunette.
The brunette yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?"
The blonde hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!"

Why does a blond wear hoop earings?
To have someplace to hold her ankles.

How is a blonde like a a bottle?
They're both eymty from neck up

Q)Why is the speed limit for blondes 68?
A)Because at 69 they blow a rod!

A blonde is at the library, she opens a book and says "what are these funny markings on the paper?"
The librarian says, "Words."
Blonde: do you have any picture books?
Blonde: I can't tell what the "w u r d s" mean.
Librarian: Oh, well we have the children books.
Blonde: No.
Librarian: We have books with pictures of guys.
Blonde: Why all I have to do to see guys is flip up my mini skirt and wait for a while and they come to my door.

say that you have a blonde,brunnett,and a red head in your hand.Now pick up the brunnett and rub her against your cheek,does that remind you of your first time(respond with a no)now take the red head and pat her on your head,does that remind you of your first time(respond with a no)now take the blonde and shake her in your hand,does that remind you of your first time?(ha,ha,ha)

The blond bimbo was at the blood bank and sold a pint of blood. As she was leaving counting her $25, a man was leaving counting his money. He had $40. She asked if he had some rare blood type that he got more than she did. He said no, that he had donated sperm. The next day the bimbo was back at the blood bank. The receptionist asked if she was there to donate blood. The blond could only shake her head, as her cheeks were bulging.

1 night at a local bar a brunett,a redhead,and a blonde walked in and ordered a drink.The readhead walked in and asked the bartender"Can I have an rw?"The bartender asked "What the hell is an rw?"she replyed"Red Wine,DUH."So she drank and left.Then the brunette walked in and ordered a ww.The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "DUH White Wine."Then the blonde walked in and ordered a 15 .The bartender asked what that was and she replyed "Duh a 7 and 7!

These three guys (a brunnette,a blonde,and a red head) were walking down the street and came across three girls(a brunnette,a blonde,and a red head).The brunnette guys says to the girls "I'm a doctor. Can I take your temperature?"So the brunnette and red head say sure.The blonde goes," I know better than to talk to strangers." The red head guys says to the girls,"I'm a theripist.You can tell me your problems." So the brunnette and red head say ok and tells him their problems. The blonde goes,"I know better than to talk to strangers." So the blonde guy says to the girls,"I'm a breast examiner.Can I see your boobs?" The blonde goes,"OK!" and pulls up her shirt.Then she says ,"Hey i don't have to talk to him."

Q. How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
A. She opens the car door.

A blonde goes in to apply for a job and she fills out an application. She takes it up to the man and he says you forgot three blanks. He asks how old are you, so she counts on her fingers and finaly reaches 22, okay then how tall are you so she tries to messure herself she says 5'2, okay then what is your name, she nodes her head back and forth for a few seconds and says Jenifer. He sayd okay I get how you got your age ans you height, but how you you get your name by noding your head bakc and forth, she says I was singing "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear jenifer.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Set her down at a Macintosh computer, and tell her to right click on something.

Q:What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?

A:When they fall on their backs they're both screwed.

There was a blonde who walked into a hair salon to get her hair done. she said to the man "Please, I would like you to perm my hair, I'm getting sick of it!" "Alright ma'm said the hair dresser, "but I need you to take off your headphones first"

"No I can said the blonde "I have to keep them on" "Fine said the man. So he did the perm then the lady left. About two months later, the lady comes back in asking for her hair to be highlighed. The man said okay but she would have to take off the headphones. But she insisted that she keep them on.

The man did her hair then put her under the dryer. About 10 minutes later, she was fast asleep. The man was curious as to why the headphones were so important. So he took them off her head and she stoped breathing. He put the headphones on and the tape said "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in breathe out...."

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team.

There were 2 blondes in a movie theater. The first blonde says to the second, "The man next to me is masturbating." The second says, " ignore him." The first says, "I can't, he's using my hand!"

Three Blondes sitting at a bar. The were all chanting over and over "51 days...yes....51 days"...They were all so happy with each other. The bartender was starting to become a bit curios when this occured for quite a period of time.

He asked "You have been sitting here for 3 hours and all you say is 51 days...tell me why would three young ladies be sitting at a bar chanting 51 days ?"

"Well" replied on the girls"We today we completed a jigsaw puzzle that took us 51 days"

"So!" replied the bartender.

"Well...on the box it says 3 - 5 years !"

How can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day??

She can't find her pencil and her tampon is behind her ear!

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a Coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.

Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts: "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

Q:One day the Social Studies teacher asked a blonde to name all the capitals in the United States Of America.
A:The blonde said easy U.S.A.

What is it when you hear this:

vroom. screach. vroom. screach. vroom. screach.?
A blonde at a blinking stoplight.

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was trying to make up her mind!!!

A blonde was going to Paris and she had a coach seat. When she got on the plane she sat in first class. A stuwardess came and told her to go into coach she said she didn't have to. Another stuwardess came and said if she didn't go in coach she would get the co-piolit. She said she wouldn't move. The co-piolit came and whispered something in her ear and she got up went to coach. The other two asked how he did it and he said he told her this part of the plane wasn't goin to Paris.

How do you make a group of blonde's commit mass suicide?
Put mirrors at the bottom of a pool.

Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who knows it has never been done!!!!!!!

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."

A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

There were three blonds: Mindy, the smartest, Lindy, semi-smart and Candy, really dumb. They were spys. They were in Russia when they got caught. At Mindy's execution they said: any last words. So she said tornado,tornado! The soldiers left and Mindy went home.

On lindy's execution day they said the same thing and she said hurricane, >hurricane! Lindy joined Mindy back home.

On Candy's execution day they also said the same thing and she answered: fire,fire! so they fired and killed her!

Q:Why did blonde throw a puppy on a bun & in the microwave?
A:She wanted a hotdog.

A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide.

The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide."

The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!"

They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump.

The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"

What do you call a blonde with a dollor bill on her head
All you can eat under a buck!

A blonde is driving home from getting her hair dyed as she notices a sheep crossing sign...

A farmer waved her down and asked her to stop and wait until his sheep are done crossing. She agrees to let his sheep cross. She then asked the farmer if she could have one of his sheep if she could guess how many he had. So, he said o.k., she said 432. He was amazed that she got the correct number and decided to let her have a sheep.

She got out of the car and picked the one she wanted and stuck it in the car. The farmer then asked if he could guess her natural hair color if he could have his sheep back.

The blonde decided to go along with it since her hair was now dyed red. The farmer goes you're a blonde, right? She then asked, How'd you guess?

He said, Can I have my dog back?

Q)What did the blonde do when she broke her tuperware?
A) Called the plastic surgeon.

Every time this blonde touched her shoulder, it hurt. Every time she touch her thigh, it hurt. Everywhere she touched with her finger it hurt!

So she went to the doctor and asked what is the matter.

The docter asked if she was a natural blonde and she said yes. The doctor stated to the blonde that she had a broken finger.

Ok, there's this blonde who wants to buy a TV, so she goes down to the electronics store and tells the salesman, "Sir, I want to buy this TV." And the salesman goes, "We don't sell to blondes."

So she goes home and dies her hair brown. The next day she comes back, and says to the salesman. "Sir, I want to buy this TV." The salesman says, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

So she goes back home and shaves off her hair and puts on a baseball cap. Later that day she goes back to the electronics store. Once more she says, "Sir, I am going to buy this TV." This time the salesman says, "Look ma'm, I told you, we can't sell to blondes!" The blonde says, "Gosh, I dyed my hair then shaved it! How do you know I am a blonde?"

The salesman: "This is a microwave."

Q: What did Santa say to the 3 blondes?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho!

Q) Why don't blonds use vibrators?

A) It chips their teeth.

Q) Whats the difference between a blonde and a 747?

A) Not everyone has been inside a 747

A man is standing in the street saying 19,19,19,19.

Then this blonde comes and asks him what he is doing he doesn't answer he just keeps saying 19,19,19,19.

So the blonde says well I guess I'll join you. So now there both saying 19,19,19,19.

Then this huge semi comes by and just runs over the blonde.

Then the man starts saying 20,20,20,20.

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street. The brunette says, "Look, a dead bird."
The blonde looks up and says, "Where!!"

Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?"

The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr- gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing.

Q: What goes blonde.....brunette....blonde....brunette.....blone.....brunette?
A: A blonde doing a cartwheel.

Q. Why did they invent tilt stering wheels
A. To give the Blondes more head room.

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?"

"...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump..

"It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.

"Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop.

"Registration..... what's that.....?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently.

After some more fumbling, she found the registration.

"I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back;

"Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes...." replied the officer

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher

"Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..."

"WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher.

So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs.....

"Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"

Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks. They started arguing over what kind of tracks they were:
Blonde one: "they're deer tracks!"
Blonde two: "they're dog tracks"
Blonde three: "they're cow tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

There are 3 women who are in the army; A Blonde, Brunette and Redhead and their general asks them if they went into the desert and could only take one thing, what would it be?

Well the Brunetter says I would take an umbrella so I wont get hot. The General says ok that is good.

The Redhead says I would take a watermellon because I could eat it and drink the juices on it too. The General says ok that is good.

Then he asks the Blonde what she would take and she says " I would take a car door" The General says, "Why in the heck would you take a car door??"

The Blonde says, "So if I get hot I can roll down the window."

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes on her shoulder pads!

Q. What did the blonde customer say to the waitress taking her order?
A. (reading her nametag) "Debbie, that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A. Last year's hide and seek winner.

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I wonder if it's mine!

Q. There are three girls, all in grade 3: one a brunette, one a redhead, and one blonde. Which one of them has the best body?
A. The blonde, because she's 19.

Two blondes went to the market. While they were there, the each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would break one of the horses' legs. One of the blondes said, "Which of the horses should we break the leg off of, the brown one or the white one?"

Q. How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
A. With a tire gauge.

Q. What do you call two blondes behind a steering wheel?
A. Dual Airbags.

Q. What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
A. Wow! Donut seeds!

Q. How do you confuse a dumb blonde?
A. You give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them!

Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. She was bobbing for french fries.

A blonde was driving from NY to FLA. She saw a sign that read "clean restrooms." By the time she got to Georgia, she'd already cleaned 120!

Q. How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?
A. There is cheese in front of the mouse!

Q. What do a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?
A. They both have a black box.

Q. What do you call a Volkswagon full of blondes?
A. Farfromthinkin

Q. What strikes a blonde and she doesn't even know it?
A. A thought.

Q. Why did the blonde drive around the block 28 times?
A. Her right turn signal was stuck.

There were three people who escaped from prison: a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. They ran into the forest where there were three trees. The brunette took the first tree, the redhead took the second tree, and the blonde took the third tree. The cops came and looked up into the first tree and said, "I think there is someone up there." Then they heard an owl sound. "No, that's just an owl." They went to the second tree and thought someone was up there too. Then they heard a squirrel sound. The police said, "No, that's just a squirrel." They went to the third tree and said someone was up there. Then the blonde made a cow sound.

Q. Why did the blonde bury her walkman?
A. Because the batteries were dead.

Q. Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A. She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

Q. Why did the blonde jump out the window?
A. To see if her Ultra Panty-Liners with Wings could fly.

Q. Why does it take blondes so long to make frozen orange juice?
A. Because the label says "concentrate."