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Another Dirty Limericks Page

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There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.

There was a man called Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit
I am a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save".

There was a lady who triplets begat
Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun breeding
But trouble feeding
Cause she didn't have a tit for Tat.

There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she'd ask "Do yo wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
called her a "HO"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.

There once was a man named McGill,
Whose acts grew exceedingly ill,
He insisted on habits,
involving white rabbits,
and a bird with a flexible bill.

There was a young student from Boston,
Who drove around in an Austen.
There was room for his ass
and a gallon of gas.
But his balls hung out and he lost 'em.

There once was a Senator from Mass
who was searchin around for a Lass;
He lucked out and found it;
He fucked up and drowned it.
And That was the end of HIS ass!

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies came only from God.
T'wasn't the Almighty
Who lifted her nightie.
T'was Roger the Lodger by god!

There once was a man named Screwy Dick,
A man who was born with a spiral prick.
His life was spent in one long hunt
to find the girl with the spiral cunt.
When he found her he dropped dead,
'cause that damn bitch had left hand thread!!!

There once was a man named Dan
He once ate beans from a can
His colon swelled
his wife said oh well
and what rhymes with dan and can?

There once was a man from Bel Air,
Who was doing his girl on the stair.
When the banister broke,
He doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.

There once was a Bishop of Treet
Who decided to be indiscreet,
But after one round
To his horror he found
You repeat, and repeat, and repeat.

There once was a man from Madrass
Who's balls were constructed of brass
When jangled together
They played stormy weather
And lightening shot out of his ass!

There was a young fellow named perkin
Who was always jerkin his gherkin
His father said perkin
Stop jerkin your gherkin
Your gherkins fer ferkin not jerkin

There once was a pirate (the story relates)
who liked to go dancing on roller skates.
He fell on his cutlass
which rendered him nutless
and virtually useless on dates.

There once was a dog named Fred
Who was black and blue and red
He ate a monkey in his sleep
And when he woke up
he said his wife was cheap.

A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room,
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.

A nudist girl wearing three raisins
A masquerade prize was her goal.
The judges said, "Lookie,
From the front she's a cookie,
From the rear she's a Parker house Roll."

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a c#%+ I would f@#* it!"

There once was a chick named Alice
who used dynamite for a phallus
it blew a hole in her vagina
like South Carolina
and bits of her tits in Dallas

The once was a young girl from Norway
Who hung by her feet from the doorway;
Which worked out quite well,
'Cause when you rang her bell,
It actually turned out to be foreplay!

There once was a technician named Lil.
That took a chance on a Nuclear Pill.
They found her vagina,
in South Carolina,
and her boobs in a tree in Brazil!

there once was a couple named Kelly
who walked around belly to belly
because in their haste they used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly

(This was on a tape that had messages for answering machines)

There once was a man from Nantucket,
who was old, but not yet kicked the bucket,
don't be a creep,
at the sound of the beep,
leave a message or you can just f-- orget about anyone calling you back!