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Another Dirty Limericks Page III

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There was a young lassie named Wainright
Who enjoyed the position that a dog might
over her shoulder she found
when she looked around
A hole new meaning for hindsight

There once was a singer named Elton
who had the girls hearts all a'meltin'.
But soon they discovered
he was a man lover;
twas dicks he'd rather be feltin'.

There was a young singer named M'lisser,
who liked all the girls to kiss her.
She was rakin' the cash in
and givin' tongue lashin's
to Misses rather than Misters.

A young engineer name of Paul
Was equipped with an octagonal ball
The square of his weight
Times his pecker, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call

The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effex.

Sir Reginald Von Hubble of Joice
Did shave his balls-'twas his choice.
He sneezed,oh how sad!
The results were quite bad!
He now has a high pitched voice!!!

There once was a lad called Lancelot
At whom people looked askance a lot
For whenever he passed
A delectable lass
The front of his pant would advance a lot

there once was a guy named scott,
who thought he was SOOO hot,
then Jamie dumped him,
And her new boyfriend thumped him,
Now, a living Scott, there is not.

There was this guy named John
Who's Mom told him to buy some corn.
He heard wrongly
But objected strongly.
When instead he bought some porn.

A psychiatrist and a proctologist from Stutts
Did really show some pure guts.
They put up a sign
At 4th Street and Vine.
That read we treat nuts and butts!

Oh,the air did turn green
When a fart came from the queen!
The court sat aghast
At the royal blast,
But stood and sang "God save the queen!"

There was a young lady from Bath
Who wasn't very good at math
She had sex under a tree
later said "Woe is me"
1 plus 1 isn't 2….it equals 3

Stanley, that anal young fool
made sculptures out of his stool.
His version of "The Thinker"
was really a stinker,
but the portrait of Madonna was cool!

old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
rover took over
and gave a bone of her own!

There was a young man from Cape Horn,
who wished he had never been born,
and he wouldn't have been,
if his father had seen
that the tip of the rubber was Torn !

there once was a man named shult
who was a member of a pagan cult
he fell to his knee
and screamed 'help me !'
as the cult sacrificed him 'cause they where hungry

there was a young lady from crewe
who filled her vagina with glue
said she with a grin
if they pay to get in
they'll pay to get out of it, too!

Two moments in Captain Hook's past
memory of which still leave him aghast.
A visit quite vile
from a big crocodile,
and that time he was wiping his ass!

In the check out at the food store
a nun was advising the poor:
"Hey you up in front!
That's to many items you cunt!
And they won't take food stamps for beer ya dumb whore."

A hillbilly gent name of Cato
wanted sex with his girl on a Date-o.
She said, "Yer dick's real purdy,
But yer balls are too dirty,
they look like a fresh dug potato!"

A wandering Munchkin named Syfe
heard a most terrible strife.
The loud grinding and shearing,
lead him to a clearing,
where the Tin Man was fucking his wife.

A genetic engineer named Pickens
gave his lab assistant the dickens!
He had saturated a turd,
with the DNA of some bird,
and got some shit that tastes kinda' like chicken!

A childless man took to chasin'
a curvy young girl with elation.
She asked him "why me?",
he replied, full of glee,
"you were built for the birth of a nation!"

She wanted to grow up a saint
And her mother, she had no complaint
But men--quite a few--
Were more fun than a pew
So she wanted to be but she ain't!

There was a young girl from Calais
Who thought chancres just melted away.
Now she has Tabes,
and sabre-shinned babies,
and thinks that she's Queen of the May.

There once was a lady from Sydney
Who could take it right up to the kidney
Then a man from Quebec
Took it up to her neck
...He had a big one now didn't he

There once was a girl from Aberystwyth
Who took corn to the mill to make grist with.
The miller's son, Jack
Laid her flat on her back
And united the organs they made piss with!

There once was a man from Devizes
Whose balls were of different sizes.
The left one was small,
Hardly nothing at all,
But the other won numerous prizes.

There once was an abbot of Brittany
Who chanted this desolate litany:
"If Christ is the Source
Of Divine Intercourse,
Then how come I don't ever gitany?"