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Another Mommy MommyJokes Page

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son: Mommy, Mommy! the kids next door are calling me a three headed dragon.

mom:  There, there, now don't you worry - three heads are better than one!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!

mom: Shut up and get away from the dart board!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big.

mom: Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!  

son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a big head?

mom:  Don't worry about them. Now take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store.

son: Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?

mom:  Shut up and flush.  

son: Mommy mommy, I hate you

mom: Shut up or I'll eat you.  

son: Mummy, mummy, please can I have a spoon?

mom: Yes of course dear. Why do you want the spoon?

son: Because Daddy's been sick, and the cat's getting all the big bits  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.

mom: Shut up and keep eating.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we get a garburator?

mom: Shut up and chew!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!

mom: Shut up and get the marshmallows!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!

mom: Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?

mom: Shut up and get back in the barrel!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!

mom: Shut up and eat your hamburger!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers!

mom: Shut up and eat your french fries!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye!

mom: Shut up and eat around it.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy puked!

mom: Shut up and get a fork, before your sister gets all the big chunks!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl?

mom: Shut up and flush it like everyone else.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!

mom: Shut up or I'll grind your other hand.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I HATE tomato juice!

mom: Shut up and drink it before it clots.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! My egg tastes bad.

mom: stop complaining! Just eat it! son: Mommy, Mommy! mom: What is it now! son: Do I have to eat the beak as well?

son: Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?

mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.  

son: Mommy Mommy, is this really the way to make meat pies?

mom: Shut up and get back in the microwave.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.

mom: Shut up and eat around it!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?

mom: Shut up and eat your cornflakes!  

son: Mummy, Mummy! I don't like grandma.

mom: Well leave her on the side of your plate then.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa.

mom: Well, just push him aside and eat your beans.

(or) mom: Well okay , eat the beans instead ...  

son: Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat?

mom: Shut up and eat your meat loaf.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?

mom: Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.

daughter:  Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much.

mom: All right, you can take another slice.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sisters guts.

mom: Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sis!

mom: Shut up, and keep eating!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.

mom: Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like the crunchy stuff in my pea soup!

mom: Keep quiet and eat what is on the table.

(or) mom: Shut up. Do you think I pour Grandpa's vomit through a sieve?  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I wanted to lick the bowl this time.

mom: Shaddup and flush.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like this spaghetti!

mom: Shutup or I'll rip the veins outta yer other arm!!!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I HATE red and green spagetti!

mom: Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm.  

son: Mummy, Mummy! what's for dinner?

mom: Shut up and get back in the oven.  

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't want any more hamburger!

mom: Shut up and stick your arms back into the meat grinder.  

son: Mommy, mommy! Daddy threw up all over the kitchen floor.

mom: Just ignore him, son.

son: But little sis is getting all of the BIG pieces!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! are you sure this is the right way to cook Beijing Duck?

mom: Shuddup and close the microwave oven door behind you!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?

mom: Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! are we really vampires?

mom: Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!  

son: Mommy Mommy! I'm not hungry anymore.

mom: Shut up and finish your paint chips. (a city version).

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running so fast?

mom: Shut up, and shoot!  

son: Mommy, mommy, why is everyone running away?

mom: Shut up and reload.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running away?

mom:  Shut up, and help me reload the shotgun!

son: Mommy, mommy, I don't wanna visit Grandma!

mom: Shut up and keep digging.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Joey is biting grandma's nail.

mom: Joey, stop it, or I am closing the coffin!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I want to play with Sheldon!

mom: Shut up and close the coffin!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course?

mom: Shut up and search the sand traps!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?

mom: Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I play with grandma?

mom: Not today, we already dug her three times this week.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?

mom: Shut up and keep digging.  

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to see daddy again.

mom: Shut up and keep digging.  

son: Mommy, Mommy, I want to play with Grandpa now!

mom: Keep quiet, the coffin stays closed today!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can't we give Daddy a decent burial?

mom: Shut up and keep flushing!  

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't want to go to China.

mom:  Shut up and keep digging

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara falls!

mom: Shut up and get back in the barrel!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim!

mom: Shut up or I'll flush it again!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to Australia.

mom: Shut up son and keep swimming.  

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to go to England.

mom: Shut up and keep swimming.  

son: Mommy, mommy, are you sure this is how to learn to swim?

mom: Shut up and get back in the sack!  

son: Mommy, mommy! how far is America?

mom: Shut up and keep rowing.  

son: Mommy, mommy, can I go swimming?

mom:  Shut up. You know iron lungs don't float!

son: Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.

mom: Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.

mom: Shut up and get the maple syrup.  

son: Mommy, mommy, dad's been run over in the street!!

mom:  Don't make me laugh; you know my lips are chapped.

son: Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?

mom: Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.  

son: Mommy, mommy, what is a deliquant child?

mom: Shut up and pass me the crowbar.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?

mom: Shut up and deal.  

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't know how to play poker.

mom:  Shaddup and deal.

son:  Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?

mom:  Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!  

son: Mummy, Mummy, Sally won't come skipping with me.

mom: Don't be cruel dear, you know it makes her stumps bleed.  

son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't like running in circles!

mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.  

son: Mommy, Mommy, Why am I running around in circles?

mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.  

son: Mommy Mommy! I'm getting dizzy!

mom: Shutup, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why do they call me spastic at school?

mom: Shut up and take your legs out your pockets.

son: Mommy, Mommy, why is my head soaking wet and everything is spinning round and round?

mom: Shut up or I'll flush again!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Am I done with my bath yet?

mom: Shut up or I'll flush you down!  

son: Mommy mommy ! When is the pool going to be ready ?

mom: Shut up and spit ...  

son: Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.

mom: Shut up and stop squirming.  

son: Mommy, Mommy I don't want my hair braided.

mom: Shut up and lift the other arm.  

son: Mommy, mommy, can I have a cookie?

mom: Yes, the cookies are on the top shelf.

son: But mommy, I haven't got any arms!

mom: No arms, no cookie...  

daughter:  Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.

mom: Billy, let go of Susie's ear. mom: Billy! Let go of her ear! mom: All right Billy, give me the ear.  

mom: Come upstairs, son, like a good boy.

son: No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I brush my teeth?

mom: Yes, now shut up and get the jar!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street!

mom: Shut up and step on the gas!  

son: Mommy Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here.

mom: Shut up or I'll flush it again.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?

mom: Shut up and get back in the box!  

son: Mommy, Mommy I don't want to go to China!

mom: Shut up and put your other foot in the CARE package!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!

mom: Shut up and comb your face!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! What's a werewolf?

mom: Shut up and comb your face!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet?

mom: Yes Johnny I'll take you in a minute.

son: Can Granny take me?

mom: Why?

son: Her hand shakes.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!

mom: Well throw some more gasoline on him then.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

mom: Shut up son, you'll wake your father.  

son: Mommy, mommy, can I buy a new dress?

mom: You know it won't fit over your iron lung.  

son: Mommy!Mommy!Who will I stay with while you are gone?

mom: Grandma Dear now get in the coffin.  

son: Mommy, Mommy, I'd like to play marbles now!

mom: Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glasseye today!  

son: Mommy, Mommy, can I wear a bra now? I'm 16..

mom: Shut up Albert....  

son: Mommy, mommy, why is your hair so green?

mom: [Sneezes into hand] Sure don't know, son. [wipes hand on hair]  

son: Mommy, Mommy, why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?

mom: You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! How come sis gets to watch TV and I can't?

mom: Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why are we celebrating Christmas in July?

mom: Shut up, you know you have cancer.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! What am I gonna be when I grow up?

mom: Nothing, dear. I have AIDS!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas?

mom: Nope. You already have your wheelchair.  

son: Mommy, mommy! I don't see what's so hot about watching tv!

mom: Shut up and turn the damn thing on!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Daddy just poisoned my kitten!

mom: Never mind dear. Perhaps he had to do it.

son: No he didn't, he promised me I could!  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Can Sheldon come out and play baseball with us?

mom: Now you know your little brother has no arms and legs!

son: Yeah, we know. We just wanna use him for second base.  

son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimey?

mom: Shut up, you little snot.