Bart's Chalkboard Lines
Bart's
Chalkboard Lines
If you have
one of Barts chalkboard quotes send it to this address-tony@jobmtkk.globalnet.co.uk
As far as I know these are all organised by the date they were first aired.
| I will not waste chalk |
| I will not skateboard in the halls |
| I will not burp in class |
| I will not instigate revolution |
| I will not draw naked ladies in class |
| I did not see Elvis |
| I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" |
| Garlic gum is not funny |
| They are laughing at me, not with me |
| I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom |
| I will not encourage others to fly |
| I will not fake my way through life |
| Tar is not a plaything |
| I will not Xerox my butt |
| It's potato, not potatoe |
| I will not trade pants with others |
| I am not a 32 year old woman |
| I will not do that thing with my tongue |
| I will not drive the principal's car |
| I will not pledge allegiance to Bart |
| I will not sell school property |
| I will not cut corners (The line was only written once, with a quotation mark " under each word in subsequent lines) |
| I will not get very far with this attitude |
| I will not make flatuent noises in class |
| I will not belch the National Anthem |
| I will not sell land in Florida |
| I will not grease the monkey bars |
| I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment |
| I will not do anything bad ever again |
| I will not show off (This was written in an "Olde English"-style font) |
| I will not sleep through my education |
| I am not a dentist |
| Spitwads are not free speech |
| Nobody likes sunburn slappers |
| High explosives and school don't mix |
| I will not bribe Principal Skinner |
| I will not squeak chalk (He squeaks the chalk while writing this) |
| I will finish what I sta.... (This only appears on one line, the rest is blank) |
| "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender |
| I will not fake rabies |
| Underwear should be worn on the inside |
| The Christmas Pageant does not stink |
| I will not torment the emotionally frail |
| I will not carve gods |
| I will not spank others |
| I will not aim for the head |
| I will not barf unless I'm sick |
| I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge |
| I will not conduct my own fire drills |
| Funny noises are not funny |
| I will not spin the turtle |
| I will not snap bras |
| I will not fake seizures |
| This punishment is not boring and pointless |
| My name is not Dr. Death |
| I will not defame New Orleans (New Orleans complained about the opening song in "Oh, Streetcar!") |
| I will not prescribe medication |
| I will not bury the new kid |
| I will not teach others to fly |
| I will not bring sheep to class |
| A burp is not an answer |
| Teacher is not a leper |
| Coffee is not for kids (Each line becomes less and less legible, the last line is a scrawl) |
| I will not eat things for money |
| I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call |
| The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee |
| I will not call the principal "spud head" |
| Goldfish don't bounce |
| Mud is not one of the 4 food groups |
| No one is interested in my underpants |
| I will not sell miracle cures |
| I will return the seeing-eye dog |
| I do not have diplomatic immunity |
| I will not charge admission to the bathroom |
| I will never win an Emmy (This was the first episode after 1992-93 Emmy nominations were announced, the first time the show was eligible for "Best Comedy Series", but it wasn't nominated, the show had won "Best Animated Show" Emmys in the past) |
| The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy |
| All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy |
| I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause |
| I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers |
| My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man |
| I will not go near the kindergarten turtle |
| I am not delightfully saucy |
| Organ transplants are best left to the professionals |
| The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan |
| I will not celebrate meaningless
milestones (This was first used for the 100th new episode) |
| There are plenty of businesses like show business |
| I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball |
| Five days is not too long to wait for a gun |
| Beans are neither fruit nor musical |
| I will not use abbrev. |
| I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr. |
| I will not send lard through the mail |
| I will not dissect things unless instructed |
| I will not whittle hall passes out of soap |
| Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough |
| Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal |
| "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice |
| Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does |
| Next time it could be me on the scaffolding |
| I will not hang donuts on my person |
| I will remember to take my medication |
| I will not strut around like I own the place |
| The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far |
| I do not have power of attorney over first graders |
| Nerve gas is not a toy |
| I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface |
| The First Amendment does not cover burping |
| This is not a clue...or is it? (In this episode, there are clues that are supposed to reveal who shoots Mr. Burns) |
| I will not complain about the solution when I hear it |
| "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism |
| No one wants to hear from my armpits |
| I am not a lean mean spitting machine |
| The boys room is not a water park |
| Indian burns are not our cultural heritage |
| Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things |
| I will only do this once a year |
| I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist |
| I am not certified to remove asbestos |
| I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten |
| I am not my long-lost twin |
| The truth is not out there |
| I am not licensed to do anything |
| I will not hide the teacher's Prozac |
| A fire drill does not demand a fire |
| I no longer want my MTV |
| Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story |
| I did not invent Irish dancing |
| I will not tease Fatty |
| There was no Roman god named "Farticus" |
| Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related |
| Shooting paintballs is not an art form |
| Pain is not the cleanser |
| Silly String is not a nasal spray |
| I was not told to do this |
| My butt does not deserve a website |
| I will not demand what I'm worth |
| I will not mess with the opening credits |
| I am not the new Dalai Lama |
| I was not the inspiration for "Kramer" |
| I will not file frivolous lawsuits |
| The Simpsons Halloween Special IX (This was painted on the board in blood with a large brush) |
| No one cares what my definition of "is" is |
| I will not scream for ice cream |
| I am not a licensed hairstylist |
| "The President did it" is not an excuse |
| My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld |
| Sherri does not "got back" |
| I will not do the Dirty Bird (The "dirty bird" is the "celebration dance" of the Atlanta Falcons, one of the teams in the 1999 Super Bowl) |
| No one wants to hear about my sciatica |
| Hillbillies are people too |
| Grammar is not a time of waste |
Thanks to The Simpsons Archive
for letting me use some of their stuff for this page.
Thanks to Jay Majeethia and Steven for submiting a line.
This page is designed and upheld by Tony Job Click here to visit his home page