How Dogs and Women are Alike:

• Both look stupid in hats
• Both can eat 8lbs of chocolate in one sitting
• Neither understand football
• Both look good in a fur coat
• Both pretend to listen to every word you say
• Neither believe that silence is golden
• Neither can balance a cheque book
• You can never tell what either of them are thinking

Why Women are Better than Dogs:

• It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with women
• Women look good in sweaters
• Although they only have two, women's breasts are far more interesting

Why Dogs are Better than Women:

• Dogs don't shop
• Dogs think you sing great
• A dog's time in the bathrrom is confined to a quick drink
• Dog's don't expect you to call them when you're running late
• The later you are, the more excited the dog is to see you
• Dogs understand that farts are funny
• Dogs love red meat
• Anyone can get a good looking dog
• Dogs don't mind when you leave things on the floor
• If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it
• A dogs disposition remains the same all month long
• Dogs never need to examine the relationship
• A dogs parents nver visit
• Dogs love long car trips
• Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions
• Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs are made to be hunted
• Dogs like beer
• When a dog gets old and snaps at you, you can shoot it
• No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & The Blowfish CD
• Dogs never criticise
• Dogs agree you must raise you voice to get your point across
• Dogs never expect gifts
• It's legal to keep a dog chained up in the yard
• Dogs don't worry about germs
• Dogs don't let magazine articles rule their life
• Dogs do their snooping outside, not in your wallet
• You never have to wait for dog when you want to go out
• Dogs have no use for flowers, greeting cards or jewellery
• Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public
• Dogs can't talk
• Dogs aren't catty
• Dogs find it amusing when you're drunk
• Dogs never want foot rubs
• Dogs love old, smelly, socks
• Dogs would rather you bought then a hamburger than a lobster dinner
• Dogs don't cry
• Dogs don't care if you play with other dogs
• Dogs seldom out-live you

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