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LOST FOR WORDS? ITcan be really daunting to speak at a wedding, funeral, dinner or business function. You only get one chance, after which the moment is lost for ever. You do have a choice. You can play your part confidently, holding everyone's attention and doing the occasion justice. Or you can embarrass yourself and everyone else. I can help you make sure you do the occasion justice, because I have learned the hard way. When I was in my early 20s, I was surprised to be announced as a speaker in front of a room full of distinguished hacks and legal eagles at a dinner. My host thought he was paying me a huge compliment, but I was an inarticulate disaster. The passage of time - broadcasting, public speaking tuition and practice at weddings, funerals and business meetings - has enabled me to get to my feet and do the business. As my wife says: "You're a confident speaker because you're a good listener, you can write and you can deliver." Far too many weddings fall way short of their potential because the best man has not done his homework. I cannot count the number of such weddings I have attended. There before the expectant throng lurches the best man - gauche, spotty, pie-eyed and useless. His ineptitude is embarrassing and boring. He had no real clue as to his function and responsibility for making the proceedings swing, ensuring that everyone - especially the bride, groom and their parents - enjoy a really great occasion. He has scant grasp of the well-tried etiquette that makes weddings work, no idea of what to say, and no experience of how to deliver it. Ditto the groom. And ditto the bride's papa, when he insists on getting to his feet and grinding on incoherently about his darlin' daughter. Most of them get only the one chance - to make complete prats of themselves, or to be remembered as hugely amusing and articulate contributors to an unforgettable occasion, where their guests were rockin' in the aisles. Think about it. You might as well get it right first time. After all, the whole shebang has cost a packet. A few years ago, I attended the funeral of a venerable lady. She was a Hampstead intellectual, Fabian, friend of famous socialists and a humanist. She wanted no religiosity at her departure, so there was no parson. Instead, her son ambled up to the front of the crematorium chapel in a leather jacket. He murmured something about well, you all saw her last summer at her 90th birthday party, and I hope you'll remember her as she was then. Then he gave the button a prod and, amid a clunk of dropping jaws, the coffin began its exit stage left. Next he said there'd be a cuppa across the way in the café and walked out, leaving various relatives on their knees in fervent prayer. The funerals of my own parents could not have been more different. For we gave them a rather more evocative send-off. Not every example is as extreme. But the point is a funeral should be a rousing commemoration, with some lusty hymns and confident, witty words of remembrance - all far better palliatives for grief than a miserable, so-what full-stop. Yes, it does take an effort to pay proper tribute to a life in a mere 10 or 15 minutes. Deliver your tribute well, and you will always be glad you did. So devoting a bit of time and taking experienced advice will always be worthwhile. For details of sympathetic writing and coaching, e-mail: info@wordspix.co.uk |