Letter 13

LARD GREETINGS, lurvers of all things that Droop-Super ... (don't mention MJ and/ or lard substitutes)

BUGGERED OFF

Everyone's BUGGERED OFF to Switzerland for a wee camping trip to hell; that's all our comrades from hell. May we thank someone they've gone, and no doubt have them to thank and patronize for all the stains and lard-gripping stories they'll bring back that'll have the rest of us sprinting for the nearest pub, which brings me to THE NEXT GUSHING TRIP...

NEXT TRIP: AUGUST BANK HOL

Bank Hol w/e, Fri 23 - Mon 26 Aug: at the infamously discreet and hidden COPPER MINE HUT, CONISTON, LAKE DISTRICT. Steve 'll send the Grid Ref to us all when he returns from his Swiss Cheese Affair toute suite. Steve was last seen hideously drunk in a sleezy bar in Coventry with some of the dodgiest people alive (I am personally making this reasonable allegation as I saw him through double vision three times), so anything he agreed to while he was lashed can (and I hope will be) used against him in the Super Drooper Trials and Tribulations Yak Court. In fact, if anyone else has any good stories about him, I'm compiling this red-covered book....

HOMEBREW BONANZA! AT CONISTON

So pack yer smelliest undies (Ed's will do), stash all that fermenting HOMEBREW you've been hoarding for the past twelve months into yer mate's car and do it with everyone, do it in style. Yep, throw off those old tardy woolies now 'cos we've got STYLE STYLE STYLE to leave all your mates at home gasping for fresh air:

GET IT QUICK

STYLE - the strictly limited edition (50 million give or take) SDMCC T-shirts have finally hit the palpitating streets after much begging, haggling and brainstorming. The shirts are all slippy in anticipation of finding new homes. As High Street fashion trends are mega mega white years behind us, we're setting up Vogue's next cover pin-up with the manky-but-gleaming WHITE T-shirts in a naive choice of print colours. Place your orders, place your bets now 'cos they're a bargain snip with a price tag of a mere £5. They'd be a bigger snip at half the price, but we're just not doing that for fashion victims...

REMINDER

Jot it into the Ship's Log: homebrew, Coniston, Steve's Life History, Yuk T-shirts, Cheesy Swiss Watchers, mountains, sailing, MJ's snoring (all the way from Norge lands...) plus whatever goes, goes - and tell your mates - NOW!

BRAIN TEASER

Rack your loafs, it's 'Name that Film' time. From which 10 year old or so movie did this line gush from remorselessly -

"I DEMAND to have some booze!"

Answers on a postcard to HM the Queen, Buck Palace, London.

Yours,

Roystar

And for your enhanced pleasure, here is the location of the Coniston hut:

It’s just to the NW of Coniston, GR293985. The exact address is 3 Irish Row, and the hut belongs to the Yorkshire Mountaineering Club. There’s only room for about 30 people in the hut so it might be an idea to bring a tent if you have one - we’re not allowed to camp outside the hut, but we’ll find somewhere nearby if we need to! I’m not sure whether you can get cars up to the hut - it might be a good idea to park in the car park at the bottom.

Useful Addresses (should you still feel lonely and need someone to talk to)

Mike Simpson, Flat 2, Minster Yard South, Beverly, Humberside, HU17 QUA (01482) 872201 simpson_mc@huvx04.dnet.bp.com

Steve Baxter, 74 Berkeley Rd Sth, Earlsdon, COVENTRY, CV5 6EE (01203) 714905 baxter@sys.uea.ac.uk

MJ Haber, c/o 2 Bramley Way, Whittington, Nr. Lichfield, STAFFS (01543) 433287

Bob S. Patterson, 1 Gescent Ct, Park Hill, CLAPHAM, SW9 8HR (0181) 671 5526 106066.2456@compuserve.com